Captain Awesome and the Easter Egg Bandit

by Stan Kirby

  The Thumper stared silently at Eugene. And stared. And stared. And stared. He didn’t blink. He never blinked.

  “Giving me the silent treatment, huh?” Eugene asked. “Well, you may have won this round, but I will get those eggs back!”

  “Now, isn’t that the sweetest thing ever?” said a voice from behind him.

  UH-OH.

  Eugene spun around. His mom and Queen Stinkypants stood in the doorway. Eugene threw a quick look back to the Thumper. “So that’s your game, huh? Distract me long enough for your boss, Queen Stinkypants, to launch a surprise diaper attack!”

  “Eugene, you are so cute playing tea with Molly’s dolls,” Eugene’s mom said.

  “Dolls? You mean the Agents of STINK!” Eugene replied. “And I’m not playing tea with anyone!”

  “This will make the cutest picture. Go on, Molly, sit next to your brother.” Eugene’s mom nudged Molly forward.

  “Gaaaa gooo bwaaaaa maaaa paaaaap!” Molly waddled over to Eugene. She plopped down at the table and began to drool on her plastic fairy. Eugene could smell the terrible stink of her stinky stink powers.

  “Moooom!” Eugene said, groaning.

  “Smile!” said Eugene’s mom. She ignored her son’s protests and took a photo with her phone.

  CLICK!

  “This really stinks!” Eugene complained.

  Eugene’s mom sniffed the air. “I think that’s Molly’s diaper. I’ll change your sister. You go comb your hair.”

  SHOCK!

  HORROR!

  “Comb my hair?!” Eugene gasped. “But I didn’t do anything wrong!”

  “I’m not punishing you, silly. We’re going to the mall to take Easter pictures.”

  It was then that he realized the horrible truth. His mom’s brain had been removed and replaced with one of Queen Stinkypants’s diapers! His mom was now a diaper-brained mind monkey!

  Mom, we’ve been standing in this line for infinity plus one. How much longer do we have to wait?” Eugene tugged at the itchy collar of his nice shirt.

  “It’s almost our turn,” Eugene’s mom replied. “Why can’t you be patient like your little sister?”

  “Gooo!” Molly blurted. She stuck Princess PU’s head in her mouth.

  Eugene stood on his tiptoes and tried to see what was at the front of the line. Then he saw it. It was the most evil of holiday-themed supervillains! It was worse than Santa Claws! Worse than New Year’s Evilboy!

  It was the egg-stremely awful PETER ROTTEN TAIL.

  Peter Rotten Tail had clearly kidnapped the Easter Bunny and now sat on the rabbit throne. He was surrounded by giant baskets of stuffed bunny guards that looked exactly like the Thumper.

  “He’s cloning bad guys!” Eugene gasped.

  Peter Rotten Tail had long whiskers and even longer bunny ears. He was covered in fuzzy fur, and wore a pink bow tie. You could tell Peter Rotten Tail everything you wanted for Easter, and all you’d get was a smelly sock full of belly-button lint.

  Where was the real Easter Bunny?

  Eugene looked at the line of people waiting for Peter Rotten Tail. All of them were dressed up in lame clothes with buttons. Their hair was combed, and they were ready to have their pictures taken with this fake!

  Could Peter Rotten Tail’s plan be any more evil?!

  The answer was “NO!”

  Everything finally made sense! The Thumper wasn’t working for Queen Stinkypants. He was a secret double agent working for Peter Rotten Tail! Queen Stinkypants didn’t steal his mom’s brain and replace it with a diaper. Peter Rotten Tail stole his mom’s brain and replaced it with moldy carrots!

  And who knew what he’d done to the real Easter Bunny?

  “I’m on to you, you mean furball!” Eugene shouted. “I’ll never let you get away with those stolen Easter eggs!”

  “Oh no!” Eugene’s mom gasped.

  “MI-TEEE!” Captain Awesome shouted as he dove into the huge pile of stuffed rabbits. The other kids standing in line thought that this looked like fun. Soon they were jumping out of line and into the baskets of stuffed bunnies too. Their laughter and shrieks filled the mall.

  Every parent in line turned and glared at Eugene’s mom.

  Moldy carrots, Eugene? Really?” his mom asked for the fourth time as they drove home. Or maybe the fifth. Eugene had lost count.

  “All I wanted was one nice picture of you and your sister to send to Grandma and Grandpa. Is that too much to ask?” Eugene’s mom continued.

  “No.” Eugene sighed. Unless it’s a photo with someone who is pure evil and likes to steal Easter eggs, he thought to himself.

  “How did it go?” Eugene’s dad asked as soon as they came through the door.

  Eugene simply sighed loudly. He went straight up to his bedroom. As Captain Awesome, he had almost captured the evil Peter Rotten Tail.

  “Now I know how Super Dude felt when the Human Rain Cloud rained on the Super Dude Parade,” Eugene said.

  Eugene had failed. Whatever the opposite of Mi-Tee was, that was exactly how he felt right then.

  “EeT-iM,” Eugene thought out loud. “That’s about as opposite of Mi-Tee as you can get.”

  Eugene looked around his room. What now? he thought. How do I catch a bad guy who can’t be caught?

  Eugene fell back onto his Super Dude pillow, and stared at his Super Dude poster. He closed his eyes. Just for a minute, he thought. Really.

  Eugene heard a whooshing noise from down the hall. Turbo turned the corner and flew into his bedroom. His cape flapped behind him.

  “Turbo!” Eugene called out. “You aren’t supposed to be here till this weekend!”

  “I came a little early, Eugene,” the superhamster squeaked. “I heard you’re having a squeak of trouble.”

  “I sure am,” Eugene said. He explained to his hamster sidekick about the missing eggs, the evil bunnies, the mall, and everything else. He described how he had almost caught Peter Rotten Tail. “I was so close!” he said. “But that guy must have a lucky rabbit’s foot . . . or maybe four.” Eugene sighed.

  It was then that Turbo said the Words of Justice that only a flying hamster could say. “The power of many is stronger than the power of one.”

  For a hamster, Turbo sure knew a lot.

  Eugene repeated Turbo’s words. “ ‘The power of many is stronger than the power of one.’ ”

  “EUGENE! IT’S DINNERTIME!” Eugene’s mom yelled from downstairs.

  Dinner already? Eugene rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked around. Turbo was gone. It had all been a dream.

  But what a dream! Eugene thought. Turbo had given him the answer.

  He jumped from his bed. Energy raced through his body! He had “the many.” He knew “the many.” The Sunnyview Superhero Squad was bigger and better than Peter Rotten Tail! Together they were going to find those missing eggs!

  “We WILL beat the bad guys!” Eugene cheered. Rumble-gurgle his stomach growled in agreement.

  I know who really stole the Easter eggs!” Eugene told Charlie and Sally before class started. “But it will take all of us to stop him!”

  “Was it the Egg-bominable Eggman?” Charlie asked.

  “Or the Hen of Doom?” Sally guessed.

  “No. Worse than all of them put together times fifty jillion. It was Peter Rotten Tail!” Eugene replied.

  “I knew it!” Charlie gasped. Then he added, “Wait, who’s Peter Rotten Tail?”

  “Only the most horrible villain of all the holidays!” Eugene replied. “He’s the one who sets up his bad guy headquarters at the mall and makes kids comb their hair and dress in scratchy clothes!”

  Charlie nodded. “And he smells like old peas. . . .”

  “So, what’s the plan?” Sally asked. “A supersecret Sunnyview Superhero Squad strike on the mall?! If it is, I’ll need to ask my mom’s permission first.”

  “We can’t do that,” Eugene replied.

  “Because Peter Rotten Tail’s headquarters are too guar
ded?” Sally asked.

  “No. Because mall security banned me for a month. Again,” Eugene explained.

  “Could I please have everyone’s attention?” Ms. Beasley said, cutting off Eugene. “I have some very exciting news for you.”

  “I love very exciting news!” Charlie gasped and spun around in his chair to face Ms. Beasley.

  “Some of you may have noticed that your Easter eggs went missing yesterday . . . ,” Ms. Beasley began.

  “And I know who did it!” Eugene cried, jumping from his chair. “It was Peter Rotten Tail! He wants to make a mountain of scrambled eggs to feed his evil rabbit army! I had the villain in my grasp”—Eugene clenched his fists—“but a security guard made me leave the mall empty-handed.”

  Ms. Beasley stood silent and blinked several times.

  “No, Eugene. Peter, um, Rotten Tail, was it? He didn’t take the Easter eggs,” Ms. Beasley explained.

  “But— But— But—” Eugene stammered. “He had to be the one who stole the Easter eggs. He has a secret undercover spy working for him. The Thumper! You should see his dark eyes . . . staring . . . always staring. . . .”

  Meredith rolled her eyes. “Sit down, Eugerm. No one cares about your underwear agent,” she said.

  “Undercover agent,” Eugene corrected her.

  “The reason I know that Peter Rotten Tail didn’t take away the Easter eggs,” Ms. Beasley continued, “is because . . . I did!” Suddenly the teacher whipped out a pair of fake bunny ears and put them on her head.

  “SAY WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!” Charlie gasped.

  Everything fell into place for Eugene. The shadow on the wall was Ms. Beasley wearing bunny ears. She was the one he had seen in the classroom yesterday. But why did she take the Easter eggs? Why? WHY?! The question remained.

  “In case you’re wondering why I took the Easter eggs, it was to set up a surprise Easter egg hunt for everyone!” Ms. Beasley explained.

  Ooooooh. That’s why, Eugene thought. The classroom erupted into cheers of joy.

  Ms. Beasley handed out Easter baskets. The kids raced outside to the schoolyard for the Easter egg hunt.

  “I hope you’re not too disappointed it’s just a plain old Easter egg hunt instead of a supervillain’s evil plan,” Ms. Beasley said to Eugene. She handed him a basket.

  “Actually . . . fighting bad guys and saving Easter would have been awesome, but I think an Easter egg hunt is even more awesome!” Eugene replied.

  “And way less evil,” Charlie added.

  “And I’m going to find more than either of you!” Sally said.

  Eugene, Charlie, and Sally raced out the door, ready to have the greatest Easter egg hunt in the history of Easter egg hunts. There was only one word that could possibly describe how awesome their day was going to be . . .

  MI-TEE!

  It’s all quiet in the neighborhood, Mom,” Eugene said. “Too quiet! Ever since school got out, not a single bad guy has tried to take over Sunnyview.”

  “Something fun must’ve happened today,” said Mrs. McGillicudy.

  “I did see Meredith,” Eugene replied. “But it wasn’t fun, it was evil. But even she’s leaving town for summer camp. Gross princess camp!”

  “Camp sounds like fun,” Mrs. McGillicudy said.

  “Summer camp should be great, not pink!” he said. “There should be crime-fighting tips, gadget labs, and lessons on how to be invisible.”

  “That would be great,” agreed his mom.

  “Great? It would be awesome!” Eugene declared. “Heroes from all over would gather. It would be like the ultimate team-up of the Hero League Society and the Society League of Heroes!”

  “I wonder if there is a summer camp like that,” his mom thought aloud.

  Eugene slowly shook his head.

  “Probably not,” he said. “But I can dream.”

  When STAN KIRBY was six years old, he tied a beach towel around his neck and became Super Commander Beach Boy. He tried his best to protect sand castles from the waves, keep seagulls away from his french fries, and keep the beach clean. When Stan’s not creating the awesome adventures of Captain Awesome, he loves reading comic books, eating okra, and hang gliding (but not at the same time).

  GEORGE O’CONNOR’S cover—as a mild-mannered clerk in one of Gotham’s most beloved children’s bookstores—was completely blown when his first picture book, KAPOW!, exploded onto the scene. Forced to leave the bookselling world behind, he now spends even more time in his secret Brooklyn, New York, hideout—where he uses his amazing artistic powers to strike fear in the hearts of bad guys everywhere!

  Little Simon

  Simon & Schuster • New York

  CaptainAwesomeBooks.com

  KIDS.simonandschuster.com

  authors.simonandschuster.com/Stan-Kirby

  authors.simonandschuster.com/George-OConnor

  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Little Simon

  An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing Division • 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, New York 10020 • First Little Simon paperback edition January 2015 • Copyright © 2015 by Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. LITTLE SIMON is a registered trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc., and associated colophon is a trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc. The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com. Designed by Jay Colvin. Jacket design by Jay Colvin. Jacket illustrations by George O’Connor. Jacket illustrations copyright © 2015 by Simon & Schuster, Inc.

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  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data • Kirby, Stan. Captain Awesome and the Easter egg bandit / by Stan Kirby ; illustrated by George O’Connor. — First edition. pages cm. — (Captain Awesome ; 13) Summary: When their classmates’ decorated Easter eggs go missing, Eugene and his friends turn into Captain Awesome and the Sunnyview Superhero Squad and pursue a supervillain. [1. Superheroes—Fiction. 2. Easter eggs—Fiction. 3. Schools—Fiction.] I. O’Connor, George, illustrator. II. Title. PZ7.K633529Cab 2015 [Fic]—dc23 2014006272

  ISBN 978-1-4814-2559-9 (hc)

  ISBN 978-1-4814-2558-2 (pbk)

  ISBN 978-1-4814-2560-5 (eBook)