by Nicole Dykes
Our parents were apparently contacted when they found the vehicle and Liam and Aria, but Cooper’s dad hasn’t responded. My parents apparently just got back home after claiming Aria’s body, but my mother is on her way here now.
I don’t want to see her. I don’t want to see anyone. I just want to cower in the fetal position under covers and maybe never come out.
“Are you okay?”
I look over at Cooper, who’s sitting on the examination table in an actual medical sling. They said his shoulder should be totally healed in a week or two. “I’m fine.”
He doesn’t push me to talk more, and I’m grateful. I want to go to him. To kiss him and feel his strong arms wrap around me, but I know I can’t. It was all just an illusion.
“Everly.”
My eyes snap toward the door as my mom walks in, her designer purse slung over her shoulder and looking around like everything else is beneath her. “You’re alive.”
I stand. “Yes.”
“My God, Everly. We all thought you were dead. They had a search team looking for you and everything.”
Leave it to my mother to make an accident and my survival an inconvenience to her. “We found an abandoned house and were staying there.”
“Well, isn’t that nice? While everyone was looking for you . . .” She looks over at Cooper with a sneer. “You were off playing house.”
“Not exactly,” I grumble as she tugs on my hair that’s dry and brittle.
“My God, Everly.” She shakes her head in disappointment, clutching her hand to her chest. “Did they check you out?” I swear her nose can’t go higher in the air. “I mean, as well as they can here.”
I nod. “I’m fine. A little malnourished, but I’ll be fine.”
She studies the cut on my head that’s now a scar. “I suppose we can get that revised when we get home. God knows, I wouldn’t let anyone here touch it.”
“It’s fine.” I brush her away when she reaches out to it.
She looks over at Cooper and then back at me. “Do you need any other sort of treatment?”
I cock my head to the side, unsure what she means. She gives me a look, raising an eyebrow. “What?”
“Any tests?”
Oh. She means diseases. “No.” Although, maybe. But not because of him. Because my asshole boyfriend cheated on me at least once if not more.
“Fine. Let’s go.”
She tugs my arm, but I can’t help looking over at Cooper. “Has your dad answered?”
Our phones have service here, and he sent his dad a message. He shrugs his large shoulder. “Nah. But I’ll be fine.”
I’m about to argue with him when there’s a knock at the door, and Liam’s mom enters the room. “Cooper!” She rushes over to him, and he stands just in time for her to wrap him in a hug. Then, she looks over at me. “Everly,” she sighs. “Thank God, you’re both okay.”
See, this is how a mother should react. I glare at my own cold and robotic mother and then at Liam’s. “Yes.”
I walk to her, and she pulls me into a hug. “Oh, I’m so glad. I was so worried.”
I close my eyes and let her warmth envelope me if only for a moment. She releases me and then turns back to Cooper. “Where’s your father?”
He shrugs again, trying to play it cool, but it has to suck that he can’t even be bothered to come and get his son who could have died. “I’m sure he’ll be here.”
“I’m so glad you two are okay.”
“I’m sorry about Liam,” Cooper says in a strained voice.
She sobs quietly, “Me too.” She turns toward my mother and me. “I’m so sorry about Aria also.”
My chest aches, but my mother remains stoic. “Thank you. We need to go.” My mother turns to me. “Now.”
Liam’s mom turns to Cooper. “I can take you home, kiddo. We can just let your dad know you’re with me.”
He gives her a small smile and a nod. “Thank you.”
My mom’s already out the door. “Everly. Now.”
I turn to Cooper as Liam’s mom heads toward the door. “I’ll give you two a moment.”
She exits, giving my mom a look to say she should do the same, but of course, my mother doesn’t want to give up control. She looks at me. “One. Minute.”
I nod as she finally leaves. I turn to Cooper, who’s only a couple of feet away. “It’s really over, huh?” I’m not sure what he means until he reaches behind his neck, gripping it and adds, “This whole nightmare.”
Oh. I nod. “Except Liam and Aria are still dead.”
He grimaces. “Yeah.”
“Thank you.”
His eyes snap to mine in confusion. “For what?”
“For taking care of me when I was in total shock. For finding the house and firewood. Water. Everything, Coop. Thank you.”
He smiles and drops his hand to his side. “I didn’t do it alone. You carried just as much if not more firewood than I did.”
“I wouldn’t have made it through the first hour without you.”
His eyes search mine, and I know he wants to say more, but he just tugs my body to him and into a hug. My body stiffens, but then I quickly give in and hug him back.
“Bye, Cooper.”
He shakes his head, his mouth going to my ear. “Even if you’re pissed at me, please promise me if you need me, you’ll call me.”
“Cooper.” I don’t look up at him. I just let him hold me.
“Everly.”
My eyes close, and I breathe him in. “Okay.”
“Promise.”
I nod and a tear spills onto his t-shirt, but I don’t move. “I promise. You too, okay? If you need anything, call me.”
He hugs me a little tighter, and I feel his head nod. “Okay.” My mother bursts inside again to bitch at me for taking so long, and we separate slowly. “I’ll see you around, Ev.”
I force a smile and wave as my mother drags me away from him and out of the hospital.
Back to reality.
Back to a home that doesn’t have anyone.
Not Liam. Not Aria. And not Cooper.
“Anything from your dad?”
I look at Liam’s mom and give a small shake of my head, trying not to look affected.
“Nah, but you know how busy he is.”
Her nose crinkles in annoyance. “I’m sorry. He should be here.”
I look around her home. Liam’s home. It looks the same as the last time I was here, but everything is different now.
She puts her hand on my shoulder. “You can stay here as long as you like.”
I should decline. I should ask her for a ride to my father’s house, but who the hell knows if he would even want me there. Or if he’ll be home. And right now, I don’t want to be alone. “Thank you.”
Her smile is warm and comforting . . . Effortless. “Why don’t you go upstairs, and I’ll bring you a sandwich.”
“You really don’t have to take care of me.”
Her watery eyes lock on mine, and I know she’s holding back from full-on sobbing. “I really want to.”
I nod, my shoulders dropping with no fight left in me. “Thank you.”
She smiles again before shooing me away, and I go upstairs to Liam’s old bedroom. When I push through the door, I’m transported right back in time—when he was alive and I was giving him shit because his mommy still brought snacks up to us when we were hanging out.
Since we had our house, it’d been a while. But many years were spent hanging out in this room. Hours of playing video games, talking about girls and school, and just messing around. But now, that’s completely over.
It didn’t sink in until now. That I’d never talk to my best friend again.
I drop my bag on the floor and lay down on his bed, tucking an arm under my head as I stare at a random poster on his wall, one of those you have to stare at it for a long time to see what it is. I still don’t see it.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I grab it, seeing im
mediately it’s Everly’s name on the screen. “Ev?”
“Cooper.” Her voice is quiet, like she’s dazed or lost in thought.
“You okay?”
She doesn’t answer for a really long time, and I hold my breath until I finally hear her voice. “Yeah.” She sighs, “No.”
“Where are you?”
“Home.” Her voice is strained. Sad. “Aria’s room.”
My throat feels tight as I swallow and then take a deep breath. “I’m in Liam’s.”
“Really?” she says in disbelief.
“Yeah. I’m staying here for a couple of days before going back to school.”
There’s a pause. “That’s good. Are you going back right away?”
The spring semester resumes in three days. For everyone else, it will be life going back to normal. But for us? I have no idea if that’s even remotely possible. “Yeah. I can’t just sit around.”
“I can’t either.”
I sit up, pushing my hair through my fingers, wishing so badly she was here. I know she’s pissed at me. I know I fucked up by not telling her about Liam. But I also can’t shake the feeling that I fucked up by telling her.
I look around Liam’s old room, flooded with so many goddamned memories of my best friend. Someone who always had my back and would never betray me. And I betrayed him. “So, you’re going back then?”
“Yeah.” She pauses again. Then, her voice sounds weird and unlike her when she says, “I can’t take being here too long.”
Her mom is definitely a piece of work. “Can’t blame you.”
“They already have the memorial planned for Aria.”
“Fuck.” I lay back on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. “When?”
“Two days. My mom hired someone to plan it. Very tasteful.” She says the last part in a mocking way, and I’m assuming that’s the way her mother described it.
“Damn.”
“Yeah. Will you be there?”
I nod, even though she can’t see me. “Yeah. I will. Let me know when it is.”
“I will.” She sighs, “Coop?”
“Yeah?”
“Is it strange I miss that house?”
A small smile takes over my mouth because we’re both seriously fucked up. “I do too.”
I can hear her smile. “Will you let me know if Liam’s mom plans a memorial and when it is?”
She didn’t say anything about it on the drive, but I imagine she’s started to plan. Fuck, I can’t believe I’ll be going to my best friend’s funeral. My throat is dry, and the words seem stuck, but I finally force them out. “Yes.”
“Thank you.” We stay on the phone, neither of us saying a word until she finally clears her throat quietly. “I should go.”
“I’m here if you need me.”
I don’t want to hang up, but thankfully, she does. She ends the call, and I hold the phone to my chest, looking around the room and hating how empty it is.
How fucking empty my life is now.
My hair is in a long French braid, and I’m wearing a plain black dress. I stare straight ahead as they lower my sister’s body into the ground.
I’m numb.
So numb.
I don’t want to be here.
I look around at faceless, nameless people who didn’t even know my sister all dressed in black, formal attire, and I hate my mother.
This isn’t what Aria would have wanted.
She hated black and drab. Everything this memorial service is. The flowers are somehow even dull. Boring and a muted color. Her casket is black satin. It’s closed, and I don’t want to know why.
My mother is playing the grieving mother. But she isn’t openly weeping, just dabbing her eyes every couple of minutes. It feels cold and planned, like she knows the way she’s supposed to react and is mimicking it.
When it’s over, I find Cooper, who stayed in the back the entire time. He’s in a black suit and tie, his eyes meeting mine with caution. “Everly.”
“You came.”
He nods his head slowly. “I’m sorry about Aria.”
I know he is. I can see how haunted he is by that night. He saw her body. He knows exactly what happened to her. “Did you drive?”
He nods. “Do you want me to drive you to the dinner?”
I shake my head, not bothering to look behind me at my mother as she receives all her colleagues. “No. I want to get the hell out of here. Can you take me?” His eyes search my face slowly, but then he nods, and I follow him to his car. “Liam’s parents didn’t come?”
“No. They wanted to . . .” He stops as we reach a shiny black car, and he pulls keys out of his pocket. “My dad showed up yesterday. Handed me keys. Told me not to wreck this one and left,” he explains.
I stare at him, my jaw dropped slightly. Why, I’m not sure. Our parents are godawful. “Wow.”
“Yeah. Nice, right?”
“I’m sorry he’s a dick.”
He smiles and unlocks the car. “Anyway, Liam’s parents wanted to come, but I think it was too much.”
I nod in acknowledgement. I can’t even imagine what they’re going through right now. They were genuinely good parents who loved Liam more than themselves. They must be in hell. “I hate that.”
He opens his door, and I open mine, both of us climbing in. It should feel weird being this close to him again, but it’s oddly comforting.
Yes, he lied to me, or omitted the truth, but I meant what I said. He didn’t have any actual obligation to tell me. It hurt way more than I should have allowed it to.
“Where to?”
“Can you take me to my house?”
He starts the car and starts driving as his answer. I turn, studying his face. He’s, of course, as handsome as ever, but he looks tired. Sad.
When we get to my house, he parks in the drive and then turns to me. “If you need anything else, just let me know.”
I see the guilt written all over his face, and I wish I could erase it. But what the hell can I do? We probably need space, but I open my stupid mouth anyway. “Will you come inside for a minute. I want to pack a bag.”
“Where are you going?”
I’m assuming he’s going back to Liam’s parents’. “Back to school. If you don’t mind letting me ride with you?”
“You sure you’re ready for that?” I watch him swallow. “Your family may not be great, but you aren’t alone here.”
The other day when I arrived at my parents’ house and slept in Aria’s bed, in her brightly decorated old bedroom, I realized how alone I am with her gone. “There’s nothing for me here.”
He nods like he understands, and maybe he does. “Yeah, I can do that.”
I smile, and we walk into my parents’ sterile house. Nothing is out of place, and the clean white of the home is nearly blinding. We go up to my old room, and I grab my bag from the trip and then turn to Cooper, hating how broken down he looks.
“Are you okay?”
He takes the bag from my shoulder and puts it on his uninjured one. “I’m fine.”
There are so many things I want to say. So many things I want to tell him. But I hold back. The feeling of betrayal twists in my stomach and makes me feel sick. “Okay. Let’s get out of here before my mom finds out I’m missing.”
His hand raises, and I suck in a deep breath as his fingers slide over the scar across my forehead. “Does it hurt?”
I look up and into his beautiful eyes, nodding. “Everything hurts.”
He looks pained by my answer, knowing all too well what I mean. He tucks a loose strand of my hair that fell out of my braid behind my ear and clears his throat. “Let’s go then.”
I want to lean into the touch. I want to stand up on my toes and kiss him, but I don’t. Everything is off. Everything feels wrong.
I don’t know what’s real and who to trust.
We drive back to campus in silence. Both of us are seemingly numb to the pain as we arrive at my apartment.
&n
bsp; He parks the car and turns to me. “Do you want me to come up?”
Yes. I do. So badly. “No. I’m okay.”
“I’m sorry, Everly. So fucking sorry.”
I hear it in his voice. I know he is. “Don’t be. Please.” I know I should be angry with Liam. I shouldn’t be upset with Cooper. I don’t think I even have the right to be. “I’m not even that mad at Liam.”
He looks surprised by that, his expression darkening. “He cheated on you.”
“I know.” I look down at my lap, suddenly ashamed. “But I’m not that angry. Maybe because he’s dead. I don’t know.” A sob catches in my throat and a tear slides down my cheek as I look back at Cooper. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel.”
“I don’t think you get to choose.”
I nod, my throat physically aching from holding in my sobs. “I’ll see you tomorrow at his funeral.”
“Yeah.” He grips the steering wheel tightly and looks straight ahead. “I’ll see you then.”
I climb out of the car, grabbing my bag and walking up to my apartment without looking back.
Because it hurts too damn much to look at him.
They lower the casket into the earth, and all I can do is stand here staring at it, knowing it contains my best friend’s body. Knowing I will never talk to him again. I’ll never hear his laugh. He’ll never give me shit for my taste in music again.
He’s gone.
I watched him die right before my eyes, but nothing feels as final as this moment right now.
“Cooper.” I turn to Liam’s mother and father, who are standing next to me. His mom’s voice is quiet and broken, “We should go.”
I don’t want to. Everything feels so damn permanent.
I take a deep breath and turn away from Liam’s final resting place and follow his parents to the waiting town car. After they climb inside, I grab a seat up front and loosen my tie, staring out the window at the cemetery.
I know Everly was there. She sat quietly in the back and then stood at the gravesite, also in the back and away from everyone else. I can’t imagine what’s going through her head today. She just buried her sister and now she had to attend Liam’s funeral.
