Without Scars

by Jones, Ayla

  Too horny to work a door; that’s where we were in life right now.

  It was a damn good place.

  One of us figured it out eventually, and we fell against the wall inside. Hit a light switch, too. Charlie covered my neck and shoulders in soft kisses. Yeah, I didn’t want to be kissed anymore. The blood in my veins was too hot and too fast. The need was too great. I wanted to fuck and be fucked. Impatient, I pulled away and dropped to my knees. I unzipped him, pulled his dick out.

  Charlie froze. Then his fingers folded around the hair on the top of my head. He sucked in a hiss of air. If we were in the middle of a fire right now, I could sell him matches. “I want you. Now. So, fuck me like I won’t break, Charlie. Because I won’t.”

  Something intense flooded his eyes. He yanked me to my feet. He stripped, slowly, and watching him made me woozy. There was hair everywhere: chest, stomach, and that happiest of happy trails. He clutched his cock and stroked himself, looking me over like he was plotting. Like I was prey. I was great at pep talks. Lifting my dress up past my thighs, he held the sides of my underwear. They barely made it down my legs intact, but my dress survived being pulled over my head. My bra, he took that off slowly, biting his lip as the material slid down my nipples. Mmm. I loved when a man undressed me.

  I embraced the vulnerability of being naked with him. Charlie had already seen me, anyway. He got down on his knees for a moment, stroking my stomach with his fingertips, and then kissing up my chest. He backed me to the bed but eased down onto it himself, legs dangling off. “Are you nervous?” I asked, standing over him.

  “Nope.” Charlie shook his head but quickly followed up with a grin. “Fuckin’ terrified. What if I only last a minute?”

  “Best sixty seconds of my life!” I said, laughing. “What if I make ugly sex faces?”

  Charlie frowned. “Nothing about you could ever be ugly, baby girl. Come here.” As I crawled up his body there was a change in the moment, a charge in the air. This wasn’t my best friend anymore. I only saw a man who wanted to fuck me lying there. Fuck me as much as I wanted to fuck him. I was on all fours over his hips when Charlie pulled me farther up, to his chest. The sheets scalded my palms and knees. I was suddenly overwhelmed. I wanted to scramble away, but I was also aching to take whatever he was about to do to me.

  His hands closed around my breasts, squeezing them while he licked my nipples. They tingled from the pinch of his lips before he moved down my body, pressing my torso to his face. My nerve endings were firing—from his mouth, his stubble, and his hands—sending me into sensory overload. I bit my lip hard, expecting blood, needing the pain to balance out the pleasure. I sat up when my knees were bookending his head. Charlie smiled up at me. “Hi,” he said.

  I smiled back. “Hey.” I thought of Deacon’s prophetic shirt.

  “Sit,” he whispered, but he positioned me over his lips on his own. My entire body jerked. A teasing finger broke through my wetness. Then he drove more fingers into me, all the way. I slumped forward onto the mattress. Landed face first. “Oh…you like that?” The words were muffled against my pussy. Affirmative. Brain said it. Mouth couldn’t. I rubbed the top of his head.

  He finger-fucked me deep, and his tongue lashed my clit in slow strokes. I was twitching on his face. Too turned on to not want it. But unsure I could handle the almost unbearable sensation of pleasure. He gripped my butt, fingers biting into my skin, as he whipped his tongue harder over my damp skin. It was brutal, punishing. The sweetest kind of violence.

  I needed it.

  I arched my back into muscle strain. Clutched the edge of the bed. Heat surged across every cell in my body. Face mashed to the mattress, I came. Twice. I was still trembling when he slid his mouth away.

  I wanted more.

  The mattress shifted as Charlie moved out from under me. I eased down the rest of the way. Some part of him brushed across my slippery opening, jolting me. Then he rubbed it against my thigh. He whispered, “You’re so fucking hot, Nik. I love how wet you are for me right now…” My legs splayed wider without any of my own doing. I swear. He was hovering over me, straddling me. His shadow darkened the sheet. I squirmed in fear. Not of him, but of my own earlier request that I wanted him to ravage me.

  I was in trouble.

  Good.

  The sudden warmth of his mouth on my lower back was startling. I curled my fingers into the pillow as Charlie’s tongue went up my spine. I felt it in every part of me. The way you felt the cold or a shock. Exhales ran along my shoulder blades and neck. Then nothing. I jerked when light fingertips traced the length of my back, the same way his tongue had. Then nothing. The anticipation was agonizing. I stuffed the sheet into my mouth, clenching everything when his teeth sank into my butt.

  Oh…

  Oh!

  Would Charlie eat me out again…like this? I was too wired, and too sensitive down there. Panic ensued. The panic of wanting and not wanting. When his fingers entered my pussy, my ass bounced on his knuckles, my hips rising. The friction from the pillow under my hips against my clit—already so exposed and throbbing between pain and pleasure—tied a fevered knot in my belly. The tighter it got the more I felt a consuming urge for release. I writhed in desperation but his other hand was pressing squarely on my upper back, almost on my neck. He wouldn’t let me move too much. I could only ram backward slightly against his hand, wanting it so badly to be his dick. When his hand finally stilled, I’d torn the fitted sheet off the corner of the mattress. It was squeezed tight in my fist.

  “Nik…” Charlie’s amused, low tone came out of nowhere. Right at my ear, as his hands slipped under my breasts. Gray spots flickered in my vision. I moaned when he licked the curve where my neck met my shoulder. He laughed against my skin every time the brush of his tongue made me flinch. I was buzzing, electrified. His cock glided between my butt cheeks a few times. I reached back and tried to form a fist around it. Fully prepared to shove it inside me on my own. “Keep that up and I’m gonna tie your wrists together with a pillowcase.”

  “That better be a promise,” I said breathlessly. I was shaking and trying to stay inside my skin.

  Charlie kissed my neck. “You want me to fuck you now?” he asked.

  “Fuck…Charlie, fuck me. Fuck me. Fucking fuck me… Fuck me.” I didn’t even sound like myself. I didn’t care. “Fuck…” His hands settled on my rib cage, on either side. “Fuck me, Charlie. Fuck me.”

  He pushed into me. Goodbye, gravity.

  Pleasure tore through my core as he moved. Charlie’s hand ran across my neck. Then it brushed over my cheek and my mouth. I sucked on his fingers, tasting our sweat and me on his skin. Gradually his weight crushed me to the mattress. “You feel so fucking good,” he whispered, before his tongue slipped into my mouth and silenced my panting. The ache was building again, seizing my body. My hair had fallen over my face, and he raked his fingers up through it as he shifted off me, twisting the strands in his grip. I didn’t care that the people in the next room could hear me. I moaned, and came, and rolled the sheets in my hands until my muscles burned.

  He slowed.

  I wanted to die.

  Charlie pulled out and changed our position to missionary, his forehead on mine. Pressing inside me again with one swift stroke, he froze in place. He fucking froze. I gasped repeatedly and held it each time, waiting for whatever he was waiting for.

  Then he kissed me.

  He only kissed me—holding the sides of my head, fingers in my hair, and thumbs on my cheeks. Our faces were crushed together; it was almost hard to breathe. Something burst wide open inside me right then. It left a hole big enough for the world to fit.

  Or maybe just him.

  When he pulled away, we locked eyes. “I’m gonna kiss my girl when I want to kiss my girl. Okay?” I could only nod. “And I’m going to kiss you everywhere…”

  Then Charlie’s head was between my thighs again, and I was trembling from the stroke of his tongue. “Don’t…stop…don…” I ca
me so hard I had to push him away after the third time.

  He wasted no time sliding back into me, resting his hand on my collarbone. I gripped his wrist as we fucked. I liked that it was there—dominant without being domineering. His eyes bored into mine for a moment. Then his eyelids lowered slightly, pupils shifting: it was the exact moment he melted into nothing but sensation. “Fuck, Nik, I gonna come.”

  “On me,” I gasped out. He was still fucking me, and my words seemed to confound him. “Come on me,” I said louder.

  It clicked finally. Squeezing my inner thigh, Charlie pulled out and jerked his cock over me. He twitched as every drop landed on my sweaty stomach, our out-of-sync breaths filling the room.

  His head hung for a beat. Then a satisfied grin spread across his expression. I was smiling, too. If things were going to get messy between Charlie and me, I was completely fine with it happening just like this.

  ****

  I’d read the same line in Savoy’s Florida guidebook maybe fifty times. Really, I was just grinning at the page. I couldn’t concentrate beyond knowing it was morning and I was naked in a disheveled bed with Charlie. I was restless and relaxed. Scattered and put together. A good burn flowed through my muscles. I knew how Charlie Dara fucked now. And I had no idea what to do with myself.

  “Hi, is this Rebecca?” Charlie’s voice vibrated from the back of his head and into my stomach. He pressed my thigh against his free ear. “Hey…this is Charlie Dara, from…yeah.” He laughed and flipped over, his breath skating over my navel. When I put the book down, the look in his eye—yearning…insatiable—made me shiver. “I’m just calling to let you know that you got the part in Traitor. Congratulations. Yeah…I’m glad you got it, too.” He screwed two fingers into me. When he curled them upward, I cursed in a whisper and bit my hand. “Great. I think we’re going to have a cast welcome party…” His chin brushed my lips, the ones closest to him. Then I remembered last night.

  With a questioning stare, he stood up and watched me as I moved to the headboard. I put my back against it. The loss of his train of thought was immediate and obvious when I opened my legs. I pushed my fingers into my body. His jaw dropped. “What?” he said to Rebecca. “Oh, in a few weeks. Yeah. Our assistant will email you...what?” he asked again. Don’t come, he mouthed to me, maniacal urgency flashing on his face.

  The thought of him having to restrain himself only heightened my arousal. I shoved my fingers quick and hard, as deep as the knuckles, and rubbed my clit with my thumb. Stop me, I mouthed back, showing him how wet my fingers were. Payback for. Teasing me. For making me beg. I moaned softly. Knowing I had to be quiet also fueled how great this felt. My breaths got faster. The pressure in my stomach grew.

  Charlie’s eyes narrowed. Wait. Come for me. Please, he mouthed. “Awesome. Yeah. So, any questions? Concerns?” He threw his head back and mouthed Fuck at the ceiling. He paced. He swore quietly. Rebecca was a talker. Finally he said goodbye and scrambled onto the bed, rounding me, and pressed his chest to my back. He grabbed my boobs from behind, and I bucked against my own hand. Cupping under my chin, he tilted me back until the crown of my head hit his chest. “Come, baby girl. Come for me.” His mouth gazed mine. I unraveled, nails burrowed into his thigh, and crying out. More than once.

  “I want you…” he said.

  “Fuck me then. Don’t hold back.” I lay on the bed. With our hands clasped near my ears and our gazes fastened to each other, he did as I demanded. Still fucking me after I came and he came. Until our bodies had no option or strength but to be still.

  After he pulled out he flipped us, putting my body on top of his. His fingertips slid up my back, from waist to shoulders. “All the times I slept on your couch, you were always prepped for the day by the time I woke up.” Charlie put his lips on my neck. “I really like naked and orgasm glow, though.” He was drawing imaginary lines on my body and lightly scraping his nails across my neck. I’d let him mark me last night, but in the most carnal way possible. It seemed like he’d found a more subtle way to do it again this morning. “You know what else I really like? That now I have to wake up and be better than everything else that makes you happy.”

  I didn’t bother to search his eyes for anything that might make me hesitant; I believed him. Plus, there was a pretty convincing floaty feeling in my chest. God, I could see this getting addictive. He was going to get addictive. It was the worst word to use, but I really didn’t know if not having Charlie like this was something I could handle now that I had him. “A lot of my good days have been with you lately,” I said, kissing him.

  “I’ll be here for the bad ones, too.”

  “I know.”

  “Does that scare you?”

  “Only if I didn’t have that,” I admitted.

  Charlie smiled. “You know what scares me? All the shitty restaurants I’m gonna have to pretend to like now, so you’ll keep sleeping with me.”

  I laughed. “You’re an asshole.”

  “And you’re pretty. Okay, say something else about me now,” Charlie teased. He kissed my shoulder. “I want to take you on a date today. No dinner and a movie shit, though. We do that every day on our couches. Want to go to the Museum of Contemporary Art, and then hang out in Sunny Isles? Maybe go to the beach over there?”

  “I love MoCA! It’s fine.”

  “Fine?” Charlie grunted. “I want more than fine. I want this to be better than our friendship, Nik. I want to make the effort and all that.”

  “Me too. We will. It’s barely been a day. Stop worrying…” Swinging around, I set my feet on the floor and walked around the room. The Savoy was stunning in daylight. I hadn’t noticed last night at all, for obvious reasons. The King room was draped in ocean blue hues and warm lighting. There were French doors at the balcony, quirky furniture pieces that could double as art, and wood flooring. We’d devastated Charlie’s credit card. It had been worth it, though, because Lea was crashing at my place, and we would’ve had a bigger audience at Charlie’s.

  I took the pen from the desk and carved a small heart into one of the French doors. Sex had turned me into a vandal. I just wanted someone to see it and know something good happened in this room.

  Charlie and I started here.

  As I picked up our strewn clothes and put them on the chair, I spotted Charlie’s pills at my feet. Worry pushed through my bliss. I grabbed the baggie. I was tempted to just throw it away, but it wouldn’t be that simple. He’d think he lost it, and then go get more pills from wherever he’d gotten them.

  “I could literally stare at your butt all day,” he said. I looked over my shoulder. He’d rolled onto his stomach, a smile between adorable and mischievous stretching across his face. “I’ve thought about your ass a lot.”

  “That was the plan,” I joked.

  “So…is that like the forbidden temple or…?”

  My face blew up with heat. “Charlie Dara, refer back to two minutes ago: it’s barely been a day!”

  “Hey…if you can’t be adventurous with your best friend…” He winked.

  I held the baggie of pills tight in my fist. “So…can I still talk to you like a best friend?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Of course. What’s up?”

  “These…” I walked back to the bed and sat with my back to him. I slid the baggie across the mattress and felt his hand land on mine. “I can’t encourage this, but I don’t want secrets between us. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk to me about things.”

  “Okay.” He sighed and I decided not to find out if it was out of embarrassment or irritation. “I want Hillington to keep working with us, and it’s a lot of work making sure How to Fuck up a Friendship is done well. It’s a lot of long nights and stress. And I’m adjusting to what this new professional partnership means. But I’m being careful…”

  “About the illegal purchasing part or the taking a drug that’s not yours? Whose pills are these, anyway?”

  “A girl my sisters go to school with; her na
me’s Fallon.”

  “And what does careful mean? You said you are being careful…”

  “It means I’m not stupid.”

  “Oh…like me.” Post sex euphoria was rapidly approaching nil.

  “No, come on, Nik. That’s not what I meant. I’m telling you what I would say to my friend.”

  “How many do you take?” I turned around.

  Hesitation hardened his features. “Depends. Try not to do more than two or three at a time.” He grunted. “I know what I’m doing...”

  “You’re making it sound simple. Like it’s an on-and-off switch.”

  “I know about tolerance, dependence, and withdrawal and all that, Nik. This isn’t a forever thing…”

  “Look, honestly, I just don’t like it. Maybe it’s selfish or hypocritical. But I just don’t like it.” Kissing. Fucking. Disagreeing. All in the span of a few hours. Charlie and I were moving at warp speed. Like some real version of the Game of LIFE. Tomorrow we’d be married, and by Thursday I’d land on the square for twin girls.

  “I’ll be fine, okay?” He sat up and pressed his lips to mine. To shut me up, clearly.

  “You do this with all your friends?” I asked, pulling away. “Kiss them when you don’t want to argue?”

  “We’re not arguing! I promise it’s all good.”

  I’d made promises once, too. But I smiled, determined to have faith in him. Charlie wasn’t me. Just like my brother wasn’t me. As I strolled to the bathroom, I saw him put pills in his mouth. I got in the shower and turned the water to the warmest temperature I could stand.

  Chapter Ten

  Charlie

  I didn’t care what anyone thought; I liked being this guy.