Adam's Daughter

by Jennifer Taylor

She inwardly shrank when she heard the lack of emotion in his voice because it was such a contrast to the warmth and tenderness that she had heard in it the night before. It was an effort to hide how hurt she felt but she couldn’t bear to make a difficult situation even worse.

  ‘No, I hadn’t forgotten and, yes, I still want to come.’

  His eyes flickered with something that looked almost like pain before he abruptly looked away. ‘I’ve got some paperwork to finish which may take a bit of time. Ben says that he’s willing to start next week if I can get all the formalities sorted out so I suggest that you go on ahead. I’ll meet you outside Guest’s office just before two-thirty.’

  ‘Fine,’ she agreed quietly. She sighed as he left the room without saying anything else. They had got through that if not unscathed then unharmed. All she had to do was focus on Hannah this afternoon and she would be able to cope.

  Oh, yes? a voice jeered. She would forget that her heart was broken?

  She reached for her bag, refusing to let herself sink into a pit of despair. She had known what she’d been doing last night even if the outcome hadn’t been what she’d hoped for. She would learn to deal with this situation for the simple fact that she had no choice. Neither had Adam. He must be finding it every bit as difficult as she was. That thought made her feel even worse.

  Beth was a bundle of nerves by the time Adam arrived at the hospital shortly before the allotted time for their appointment. So much hinged on what the consultant told them that day that she was finding it increasingly hard to keep control. The fact that her emotions were already raw from what had happened the night before hadn’t helped either.

  He took one look at her ashen face as he sat down, and sighed. ‘You look dreadful. Are you all right?’

  ‘Of course,’ she began, then realised that there was no point in lying. ‘Not really. I keep wondering what’s going to happen if it’s bad news.’

  ‘We shall cross that bridge if and when we get to it,’ he said, taking hold of her hand and squeezing it. ‘What did you think of Cole, by the way?’

  ‘He seemed very nice,’ she replied flatly, unable to summon up much enthusiasm. She withdrew her hand abruptly, knowing that she was within a hairsbreadth of breaking down. Maybe his concern was genuine but she couldn’t bear to think that he would feel the same for anyone in similar circumstances.

  She stiffened as the office door opened and a couple came out. The woman was sobbing into her handkerchief and the man’s face was grey as he led her to the exit. It was obvious that they had just received bad news and her nervousness increased tenfold.

  ‘He seemed very impressed with your qualifications,’ Adam said, his voice grating ever so slightly. She shot him an uncertain look and realised at once that he was as keyed up as she was but that he was doing his best to calm her down.

  She felt her heart overflow with love and smiled at him. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘What for?’

  ‘For trying to make this easier than it is,’ she said simply.

  There was the oddest light in his eyes as he looked at her. ‘I wish you didn’t have to go through all this, Beth. I just want you to know how much I appreciate all the sacrifices you’ve made for Hannah.’

  ‘Sacrifices?’ she repeated, feeling her heart suddenly start thundering inside her. It was the way that Adam was looking at her, she realised giddily. As though he really cared about her being upset. Maybe it was silly to let her mind greedily snatch that thought and start weaving fantasies with it, but she couldn’t help it.

  ‘Giving up your job and everything else. I…I just want you to know how much it means to me that you were prepared to do all that for her.’

  There was a raw note of pain in his voice that made her ache because she didn’t fully understand its cause. She was on the point of asking him to explain only Charles Guest’s secretary appeared just then and called them into the office.

  Beth got up, grateful for the support of Adam’s hand beneath her elbow as they entered the office. Between the stress of the coming meeting and everything else that had been happening of late, her nerves were in shreds.

  ‘Thank you both for coming today.’ Charles Guest was a very busy man and he wasted no time getting down to business after they had shaken hands. ‘I’m delighted to tell you that the test results show that Dr Knight is a suitable donor for Hannah. Congratulations.’

  Beth let out a gasp of relief, scarcely able to believe what she was hearing. She looked at Adam and saw him swallow. It was obvious from his expression how relieved he was, and her heart went out to him for all the worry he’d had.

  ‘That’s the best piece of news I’ve ever received,’ he said sincerely, getting up to shake the consultant’s hand again.

  Charles Guest smiled understandingly. He was a distinguished-looking man in his mid-fifties with iron grey hair and kind eyes. ‘I know how you must feel. I was delighted when I saw the results. As soon as Hannah is in remission we shall go ahead with the transplant. I am optimistic that the setback she’s suffered won’t have had any long-term effects. However, I want you both to understand that we aren’t completely out of the woods yet. There still might be problems to face in the future.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Beth asked quickly, her heart turning over.

  ‘I’m not sure how much you know about bone-marrow transplants,’ the consultant said quietly, looking at them. ‘Obviously you two have a better idea of what is involved than most of the people I see, but it’s still a highly specialised area. Although huge advances have been made in recent years, occasionally things can go wrong. I would be failing in my duty if I didn’t make you aware of that.’

  ‘You’re talking about the possibility of rejection?’ Adam said bluntly.

  ‘That’s right. It’s something that can occur even with a perfectly matched transplant, which we don’t have in this case,’ the consultant agreed.

  ‘I don’t understand,’ she put in quickly. ‘You just told us that Adam is a suitable match for Hannah. Are you now saying that he isn’t?’

  ‘Not at all. I’m confident that we can successfully transplant bone marrow from Dr Knight to his daughter,’ Charles Guest assured her. ‘At one time it was believed that donor and recipient had to share an identical tissue type before engraftment could be undertaken but we now know that isn’t the case.’

  ‘The best match is between siblings, I believe,’ Adam observed quietly.

  ‘That’s right. There’s a twenty-five per cent chance of any brother or sister being a compatible donor.’ The consultant sighed. ‘Obviously we had to rule out that possibility in Hannah’s case because she’s an only child. However, recent advances mean that we can transplant marrow from a donor who only matches one HLA haplotype, and we have a much better match than that in this case.’

  Beth frowned. ‘So what you’re saying is that Adam and Hannah aren’t a perfect match but they’re good enough?’

  ‘That’s right. Forgive me if it sounds as though I’m talking down to you but it’s a very complex subject. Briefly, it all comes down to antigens—a group of proteins that are present within tissues and affect the body’s immune system,’ the consultant explained. ‘The main group is known as the human leukocyte antigen system or HLA system for short. People inherit part of this system from their mother and part from their father. The main role of HLAs is to defend against infection and tumours, and they have a huge bearing on the outcome of any transplant. The closer the match, the less risk there is of the recipient’s body rejecting it.’

  ‘But surely you can do something to prevent Hannah’s body rejecting the transplant?’ she said quickly. ‘It’s something that’s done for organ transplant patients.’

  ‘Of course. Hannah will be given immunosuppressant drugs to help prevent rejection,’ he assured her. ‘And the success rate is excellent nowadays. But, as I explain to everyone, things can sometimes go wrong.’

  ‘We understand that,’ Adam assured him. ‘So lon
g as Hannah has a chance that’s all we ask.’

  Beth took a deep breath as the consultant wound up the interview. Maybe it had been silly to hope that he would promise that Hannah would make a full recovery but she realised that was what she had been praying for. Her head was whirling with everything she had learned when they left the office so that she was no longer sure if the news had been good, bad or simply indifferent!

  Adam obviously sensed how confused she was feeling because he took hold of her arm and led her along the corridor to the coffee-shop. There were few people in there at that time of the day so he steered her to a table by the window and sat her down.

  ‘Sit there and I’ll get us both a coffee. I think we need one.’

  Beth sat numbly, staring out of the window, while she thought about everything the consultant had told them, but she still hadn’t decided how she felt about it when Adam came back with the coffee. He placed a cup on the table in front of her.

  ‘Drink that up. It will do you good,’ he ordered, pulling out a chair and sitting down opposite her.

  She picked up the cup but her hand was shaking so much that she had to put it back down when coffee slopped onto the table. She heard Adam sigh and looked at him with swimming eyes, unable to contain her fear any longer.

  ‘I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to her now,’ she whispered brokenly. ‘Not after we’ve got this far—’

  ‘Stop it!’ He took hold of her hands and gave them a little shake. ‘You heard what Guest said—that the transplant can go ahead.’

  ‘Yes, I heard, but—’

  ‘No buts, Beth. It’s good news. I know there are no guarantees but the odds are definitely better than they were this time last month.’

  She managed a watery smile. ‘I suppose so. I’d almost given up all hope of ever finding you by then.’

  ‘But here I am. And, according to what we’ve just heard, I am going to be able to help Hannah.’

  She heard the catch in his voice and sighed. ‘It means a lot to you, doesn’t it? I don’t just mean the fact that this transplant could save her life but that you are going to be the donor.’

  ‘I can’t tell you how much,’ he admitted. He ran his thumb over the back of her hand and she shivered, but he didn’t appear to notice. ‘Maybe it sounds crazy to you, but I feel as though I’ve been given a second chance to make up for not having been here for Hannah when she needed me.’

  ‘Claire was wrong not to tell you about her,’ Beth admitted, unable to hold back the truth any longer. ‘I tried to persuade her many times to try and get in touch with you again, but she was adamant that you must never be told. She…well, she cared too much about ruining your life, I suppose.’

  ‘I know that now.’ His voice grated and her heart ached when she heard the regret it held. ‘I admit that I was furious with her when I first found out, but I realise now that she did what she thought was best—for all of us.’

  She abruptly withdrew her hands and stood up, unable to sit there and watch while he tortured himself with the thought of what might have been. Nobody could bring Claire back and she couldn’t bear the idea that Adam would never be able to love anyone else as he had loved her sister.

  ‘I think I’ll go up and see Hannah now,’ she told him when he looked at her with hollow eyes. ‘I was too worked up before and I didn’t want her worrying what was wrong.’ She avoided his eyes because she simply couldn’t bear to see the anguish they held. It felt as though her heart were being systematically torn to shreds but somehow she managed to hold onto her composure. ‘Are you coming?’

  ‘I want to visit my uncle first.’ He took a deep breath, as though struggling to contain the painful memories. ‘I haven’t told him about Hannah yet but I think it’s time I did so. It’s also time that I told him that I intend to stay on in Winton.’

  He looked at her and she felt a ripple run through her when she saw the searching light in his eyes. She had no idea what had caused it but it made her feel uncomfortable all of a sudden. She had the strangest feeling that he wanted her to say something but she had no idea what it was.

  ‘I’ll see you later, then,’ she said, quickly turning away. She hurried to the lift and stepped inside when it arrived. She caught a glimpse of Adam as the doors shut, saw the lost expression on his face and felt the pain run deep inside her because there was nothing she could do to make him feel better. She loved him so much but it wouldn’t mean anything to him even if she told him that. She wasn’t Claire. She was the wrong sister!

  Rose Johnson was just coming out of the office when Beth arrived at the ward and she frowned when she saw her. ‘You look as though you’ve lost a pound and found the proverbial penny. What’s up?’

  Beth summoned a smile but it wasn’t easy to get a grip on her emotions. ‘I was miles away, that’s all,’ she hedged.

  ‘Oh, heck! You’ve been to see Mr Guest, haven’t you?’ Rose grimaced. ‘Sister Clarke told me that you had an appointment with him this afternoon, but I’d forgotten for a moment. How did it go?’

  ‘Adam is going to donate bone marrow to Hannah,’ she replied rather flatly.

  ‘Why, that’s brilliant news!’ Rose exclaimed in obvious delight then frowned again. ‘So why the long face? You should be jumping for joy because it’s what you’ve been praying for, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes,’ she whispered, turning away when she felt her eyes fill with tears.

  ‘Come on. I’ve no idea what’s wrong but you obviously need to get it all off your chest.’ Rose propelled her into the office before she had time to protest and sat her down on a chair. ‘Now, tell your Aunty Rose what’s the matter.’

  ‘Oh, it’s just me being silly, I expect,’ Beth replied evasively. ‘Mr Guest warned us that there might be complications if the transplant doesn’t take.’

  ‘He was just erring on the side of caution, I expect,’ Rose said soothingly. Her face suddenly clouded and she sighed. ‘And I imagine he was thinking about one of the kids we had in here a few months ago. We’ve had to readmit him because he’s suffered a relapse despite having had a transplant. I know Andy’s parents were going to see Mr Guest this afternoon.’

  Beth sighed as she thought about the couple she’d seen leaving the consultant’s office. ‘That’s probably it. I suppose he wanted to make sure that we understood all the facts.’

  ‘I’m sure that was it. Anyway, just because one child has suffered a relapse doesn’t mean that Hannah will be so unlucky.’ Rose paused then hurried on. ‘Look, tell me to mind my own business if you want to, but this isn’t just about Hannah, is it? Has this anything to do with Adam, by any chance?’

  ‘Why should you think that?’ she countered immediately, but Rose just laughed.

  ‘Because I know you too well, Beth. I can tell that it isn’t just the thought of the transplant going wrong that’s worrying you. So what’s the problem? Have you fallen for Adam—is that it?’

  ‘Is it that obvious?’ She gave her friend a wobbly smile but the tears were welling into her eyes now. ‘I love him, Rose. I never meant it to happen—I’m still not sure how it did—but I love him!’

  ‘And is that such a dreadful thing? From what I’ve seen of the guy, he’s extremely loveable.’ Rose ticked off her fingers. ‘One, he’s handsome. Two, he’s sexy. Three, he’s kind. Four, he’s brave—I saw that photo in the paper, by the way. Five, he’s—’

  ‘Still in love with Claire.’ She saw the shock on Rose’s face and smiled wanly. ‘He is.’

  ‘Are you sure? I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Beth, and he doesn’t give the impression of a man who’s carrying a torch for another woman.’

  Rose’s voice was tinged with so much scepticism that Beth’s heart lifted like a bird taking flight before she forced it back down to earth. ‘I’m sure. I look a lot like my sister. He’s probably reminded of her every time he…he looks at me.’

  And maybe pretended that he was making love to her last night, a small voice whis
pered insidiously.

  The thought made the tears spill over and run down her cheeks. Rose sighed in dismay. ‘But I thought Claire told you that they’d just had a fling and that it hadn’t meant anything,’ she protested.

  ‘She did. But maybe it didn’t mean anything to her but it meant a lot to Adam.’ Beth found a tissue and quickly blew her nose. ‘It would help explain why he decided to stay overseas all this time, plus he told me that he’d given up all hope of having a family after he’d been let down. He…he didn’t mention Claire’s name but it just seemed to fit.’

  ‘Oh, poor you! I don’t know what to say, really I don’t.’ Rose gave her a quick hug then sighed ruefully. ‘Why does life have to be so bloody complicated?’

  ‘Complicated is the word. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going at the moment.’ She managed a smile as she dried her eyes. ‘And to think that six months ago my life was all mapped out. I might have been Mrs Ian Patterson if none of this had happened…’

  She’d been about to make a joke about the lucky escape she’d had but she stopped when someone tapped on the open door. She looked round and blushed when she saw Adam standing outside. She was only grateful that he hadn’t arrived a few moments earlier and heard what she’d told Rose!

  ‘James was doing a ward round so I didn’t stay long,’ he told her as she bid Rose a hasty goodbye. His voice was so flat that she looked at him in surprise, but it was impossible to guess what he was thinking as he led the way along the corridor.

  ‘Did you get a chance to tell your uncle about Hannah?’ she asked, struggling to match her tone to his.

  ‘No. I’ll do it later.’

  He opened the door to Hannah’s room and there was no time to say anything else. Hannah was delighted to see them and chatted away nineteen to the dozen. However, Beth couldn’t help noticing how quiet Adam was. Maybe he was thinking about what the consultant had told them but she couldn’t shake off the feeling that he was upset about something.

  She frowned as she tried to recall what she had been saying when he had knocked on the office door, something about Ian if she remembered correctly. A little spear of pain lanced through her heart. It couldn’t possibly have been that.