Dancing Over the Hill

by Cathy Hopkins

  ‘Sure, but there’s some in the bathroom cabinet.’

  Jed appeared behind him. ‘And could you get me some shampoo?’

  ‘Sure.’

  4 p.m. Home.

  ‘Caitlin love, where are you?’ called Dad.

  ‘Loo again.’ Where I am going to stay for a very long time. I liked having Dad with us, I really did and I knew he was happier but I felt I had less personal space than ever.

  ‘Where are the biscuits kept?’

  ‘Tin in the cupboard above the sink. Ask Matt.’

  ‘He’s busy.’

  ‘Doing what?’

  ‘Labelling jars in the kitchen.’

  ‘Right. So he’s in the kitchen?’

  ‘He doesn’t know where the biscuits are. Have you hidden them? Your mother used to do that.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘So when will you be down?’

  ‘Soon.’

  *

  4.15 p.m. Matt was sitting in the kitchen reading a recipe book. In front of him were jars of herbs and spices.

  ‘What are you doing?’ I asked.

  ‘I’m going to learn how to cook. About time, don’t you think?’

  ‘Great.’

  ‘And I’ve signed up for a cookery class on Saturday mornings at the deli.’

  ‘Wow.’

  ‘In the meantime, I’ve bought some ingredients. The cupboard’s a right mess. I don’t know how you find anything in there, so I’ve pulled everything out and am labelling it all.’

  ‘Matt, are you on drugs?’

  ‘I thought you’d be pleased.’

  ‘I am. At least I think I am. And I see you’ve shaved.’

  Matt stroked his chin. ‘I have. I was starting to look like an old tramp.’

  ‘No comment.’

  *

  8.10 p.m. ‘So how did your last supper go, Debs?’ I asked as we settled at our table in a Greek restaurant in town. I knew that she’d had another date since Colin the Courgette man.

  Debs pulled a face. ‘This one didn’t grow his own vegetables, he looked like one. He had a face like a potato, large and lumpy.’

  Lorna laughed. ‘Not your type then.’

  Debs shook her head. ‘He was a nice man. Nice. Divorced. Not an ounce of chemistry between us and he spent the whole time talking about not seeing his kids enough. I felt sorry for him. But, Cait, you said you wanted a remedy? What’s going on?’

  ‘Million-dollar question. What do the remedies cover?’

  ‘All sorts of emotions. Dr Bach believed that all illnesses start with dis-ease in the mind or spirit, so it’s always best to treat whatever you’re not at ease with.’

  ‘Got it. So what do you think?’

  ‘I could advise but …’ She pulled a sheet of paper out of her bag. ‘I’ll read the list and you tell me when one resonates with how you’re feeling. You too, Lorna.’

  ‘OK. Shoot,’ I said. Lorna stared at her drink. She didn’t hold much faith in the remedies.

  ‘Agrimony – mental torture behind a cheerful face.’

  ‘Yes, put me down for that one.’

  ‘Aspen – fear of unknown things.’

  ‘Yes, especially since Mum and Eve died, like my safe bubble was pierced and it felt anything could happen.’

  Debs reached across and squeezed my hand. ‘That can happen after the death of a loved one.’ She gave Lorna a meaningful look.

  ‘Next,’ said Lorna.

  ‘Beech for intolerance,’ continued Debs.

  ‘And don’t either of you dare give me one of your looks again,’ said Lorna. ‘Different strokes for different folks. A G and T is my remedy and I’m going to stick with it.’

  ‘No to beech. I reckon I’m pretty easy-going,’ I said, then I remembered my reaction when I’d found Duncan in the kitchen getting Matt stoned, Matt in his dressing gown mid-morning. ‘Actually, thinking about it, yes to that one too.’

  ‘Centaury – the inability to say no.’

  ‘Clearly another yes,’ said Lorna, ‘if your replies to this list are anything to go by.’

  ‘Cerato – lack of trust in one’s own decisions.’

  ‘Yeeeees for her,’ said Lorna.

  ‘Cherry plum – fear of the mind giving way.’

  ‘Definitely.’

  ‘Chestnut bud – failure to learn from mistakes.’

  ‘Yes. How many are there?’

  ‘Thirty-eight.’

  ‘Sounds like I need them all. Tell you what, let me glance down them and have a think.’

  Debs handed over her list. ‘It’s not usual to take all of them. A blend of seven at most.’

  I glanced down the paper. ‘I think I need them all, Debs.’

  ‘Tell you what, we’ll dowse.’

  ‘Dowse?’ asked Lorna.

  Debs pulled out a crystal on a chain from her bag. ‘This little beauty will tell you what you need. Where were you up to?’

  ‘Heather,’ I said, ‘and what will a crystal do?’

  ‘I hold it over the list and it will swing round to indicate “yes” and back and forth to indicate “no”.’

  ‘“When shall we three meet again, in winter, summer, or in snow?”’ said Lorna in an old woman’s voice.

  ‘Shut up, Lorna,’ said Debs. ‘It doesn’t do to be cynical, and the second line is “In thunder, lightning, or in rain”, not what you said.’ She held her crystal over the list and the crystal began to swing around.

  ‘You moved your hand,’ said Lorna. ‘You’re moving it.’

  ‘Did not.’

  ‘Did.’

  ‘Not.’

  ‘I tell you what, Debs,’ I said, ‘how about we do this another time?’

  ‘Good idea,’ she said as she looked directly at Lorna. ‘The vibe’s not right here.’

  Lorna held up two fingers in the love and peace sign. ‘You know I love you, Debs.’

  Debs stuck her tongue out.

  ‘How old are you two?’ I asked.

  ‘Old as you feel,’ said Lorna.

  ‘So that would make me about nineteen,’ said Debs. ‘Why do you feel the need to take thirty-eight remedies, Cait? How are things at home?’

  ‘Fine.’

  ‘Liar,’ said Debs. ‘I can always tell when you’re lying because you don’t make eye contact.’

  ‘What is this? The Spanish Inquisition?’

  ‘You said you needed remedies,’ said Debs, ‘so clearly something isn’t right. Has something happened? Something you’re not telling me about?’ She glanced at Lorna then at me. ‘Whatever it is, let us help.’

  I took a deep breath. It was now or never. ‘OK, I’ll tell you, but you can’t repeat what I am about to say to anyone and I mean, anyone.’

  ‘Sounds serious,’ said Debs.

  ‘I’ve seen Tom.’

  Lorna looked surprised that I’d come out with it in front of Debs, but I’d decided, Debs was one of my oldest friends and I wanted her input as well.

  ‘The silver fox?’ Debs asked. ‘So he’s in the UK?’

  I nodded.

  Debs looked shocked. ‘Wow. And?’

  ‘I’ve never been so confused in my life which is why I need your support.’

  Debs shook her head, as if finding it hard to take in what I’d said. ‘But you have Matt. Why would you jeopardize that?’

  ‘I know, but things haven’t been right with us for a very long time. We don’t communicate. Our sex life is non-existent. We co-exist in the same house.’

  ‘So what happened when you saw Tom? What does he want?’ asked Debs.

  ‘An affair.’

  Debs let out a low whistle. ‘Did you know, Lorna?’

  Lorna looked over at me for confirmation. I nodded. ‘I told her when I first met up with him and I know what you’re thinking, why did I tell her and not you, and I’m sorry, it was just … after Fabio having gone, I wasn’t sure you’d understand, I hardly did myself, and how could I even consider such a thing anyway but … life
is short. I’m in my sixties. Eve has already gone. I don’t know how long I have left. Why not have one last adventure? Tom was the love of my life and we still have an amazing connection. I feel different when I’m with him, more alive, like the world has suddenly opened up and is full of possibility.’

  ‘But what about your father? And the boys?’ Debs asked.

  ‘I know. I’ve thought about them, but Jed will leave again at some point. Dad, I’m not so sure, but Tom said we could work these things out.’

  ‘Wow, you really are serious,’ said Debs. ‘Matt has no idea?’

  ‘None. As I said, we barely talk about anything these days apart from household issues.’

  ‘What do you think, Lorna?’ asked Debs.

  ‘I’ve already told her – don’t do anything in a hurry and do everything to make things with Matt work first. It’s a really big decision, but all my alarm bells are ringing.’

  ‘Mine too,’ I said. ‘At first I dismissed the idea as crazy and I’m well aware of how it sounds but—’

  ‘You’re in love with this guy,’ said Debs. ‘No wonder you wanted the remedies. How many times have you seen him?’

  ‘Three.’

  ‘You told me he lived abroad when I asked about him,’ said Debs.

  ‘He does. He’s in London at the moment, sorting out probate on his mother’s estate.’

  ‘So you lied when I asked you?’

  Oh god, I thought. This was a big mistake. I wish I’d kept my mouth shut. ‘Yes and no. Please don’t judge me. I couldn’t bear it. I knew you’d disapprove, and you do.’

  ‘I … it’s a lot to take in, Cait. I feel an idiot for having pressed you to hook me up with him. I had no idea he meant so much to you. And Matt? I guess no one ever really knows what goes on behind closed doors in a marriage, but I had no idea that things were so bad.’

  ‘Not bad as much as flat.’

  ‘Whatever we think, we’re your friends, and here to help and support you in making the right choice. Right, Debs?’ said Lorna.

  Debs nodded, but I sensed a hesitation before she said, ‘Course.’

  Opening up to Debs was a really bad idea, I thought as I took a gulp of wine. ‘Look, let’s change the subject. I’m sorry. Let’s talk about your love life, Debs. It’s always much more entertaining.’

  ‘Not at the moment,’ she said as she studied my face in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. ‘I might look at more dating sites and need your help because so far, I seem to have picked the wrong men, and wonder if I’m sending out the wrong message. Plus I’m looking for a completely different type of man now – no more bad boys like Fabio, I want someone dependable, fatherly even. I don’t mind if he’s older than me. I want a man who likes the simple things in life, doesn’t stray, and likes being at home.’

  ‘Sounds like Matt,’ I said.

  Debs nodded and stared over at me. ‘Exactly. I’d love to find a man like Matt.’

  ‘I’m not sure you would,’ I said. ‘His type might not be exciting enough for you. You might get bored.’

  ‘I’m done with excitement, I really am. I want reliable. Someone who won’t let me down.’

  ‘Forget about the websites for a while,’ said Lorna. ‘I believe if love is meant to be, you’ll find each other. It could be somewhere really mundane – in the street, at the library.’

  Debs shook her head. ‘Maybe once upon a time, but I think you have to make your life happen, or at least take steps to show the universe that you mean business and are actively looking.’

  ‘But how can you tell online?’ asked Lorna. ‘What about the connection, the magic, the chemistry? Surely you can’t get that from a photo.’

  ‘No, but you can see pretty quickly if it’s there or not on the first date,’ said Debs.

  I was grateful for the change of topic away from Matt and Tom. ‘You can probably tell in the first minute,’ I said.

  ‘Five seconds with most men,’ said Debs. ‘That’s why I want your help, so I don’t waste time. It’s awful when you know straight away that it’s not going to work but still have to sit there and be polite.’

  ‘What about joining one of those exclusive sites,’ I suggested, ‘where you pay a fee? They sift through for you and try to match you with someone like-minded.’

  ‘They probably do but to tell the truth, I’m losing heart. It’s hard to find a decent man.’ She turned to look at me. ‘That’s why I can’t understand why you’d give up on a man like Matt.’

  ‘I think it would be a good idea to look at the more elite sites,’ I said in an attempt to keep the conversation away from Matt. ‘What is it you want exactly, Debs? Do you want a companion or do you want a husband?’

  ‘I don’t want to get married. No. I like being independent.’

  ‘And what about you, Lorna? What’s happening with you and builders?’

  She grinned. ‘It was talking to you about Airbnb that gave me the idea. I don’t want to move. I don’t want to be alone. Solution – convert my house into two. I’ve been busy. I’ve checked with the council and they reckon I could get planning permission, so all I have to do is submit drawings, get the necessary go-ahead and I’ll be off. I’ve already met with an architect and it’s all doable, not a lot more than building some partition walls and putting a kitchen into the second sitting room that Alistair used to use as a den. I can stay at home, my girls will still have their home to come back to.’

  ‘So you’ll be doing Airbnb as well?’ Debs asked.

  Lorna shook her head. ‘No, I want lodgers or a lodger on a more permanent basis so that there’ll be someone in the other part of the house all the time. I might advertise at the university for a young professional or someone like that.’

  ‘I think it’s a great idea, Lorna,’ I said.

  ‘Maybe you could move in there, Cait,’ said Debs.

  Lorna shook her head. ‘I doubt it will be big enough for you, Cait. It will only have one bedroom – a large one, yes, but I guess you’d want rooms for the family when they come back, and a study.’

  ‘That’s right. We need space.’

  ‘That’s if you stay with Matt,’ said Debs.

  ‘I’ve already booked my builders,’ said Lorna quickly, and I was grateful that she was trying to steer the conversation away from Matt as well. ‘I wanted to get them on board before anything else. For the first time in months, I feel optimistic. I have a project that could work.’

  ‘Good … but back to you, Cait,’ said Debs, and I felt my heart sink. ‘What are you going to do about this Tom bloke?’

  ‘Nothing,’ I said. ‘I’m doing everything I can to make things work with Matt.’

  ‘Hmm,’ said Debs as she looked at me thoughtfully.

  I went home later feeling troubled.

  30

  Cait

  From: Lornaalp@org.com

  To: Cait@grmail.com

  Hi Cait

  I’ve been researching marriage-guidance tips. One advised kindness so I’m passing that on to you. Give it a try, not that I think you’re not kind, you are but maybe a bit extra? Also, suggest you don’t discuss Tom or Matt any further with Debs. Lorna X

  *

  From: Cait@grmail.com

  To: Lornaalp@org.com

  Point taken. Be extra kind. I will buy him a Toblerone when at the shops. See, I am kindness personified. Yes, wish hadn’t mentioned Tom to Debs, feel it was a mistake. Anyway, upwards and onwards. CX

  Matt

  Our meeting with the second counsellor on our list was scheduled in Chippenham late morning. A man this time. Richard Lees. I’d checked his age online before we set off. He was fifty-five, looked a friendly chap, and had been practising as a therapist for over twenty years. That’s more like it, I thought as we set out.

  We parked the car by the station and made our way along a street of terraced houses to number 24.

  Cait knocked on the door, which was opened by a tall, pale, thin man dressed in beige. He lo
oked like a weary banana with the weight of the world on his shoulders. The photo I’d seen online must have been taken on a day he was feeling more cheerful.

  ‘Puddleglum the Marshwiggle,’ Cait whispered as we followed him inside.

  ‘Pardon? Did you say something?’ asked Richard.

  He might look weary, I thought, but his ears work OK.

  He ushered us into a cosy-looking room at the back of his house, where there was a comfortable-looking cream sofa and leather chair. We went in and sat on the sofa while Richard got himself a notepad and sat opposite.

  ‘So,’ he said. ‘How can I help?’

  ‘We were wondering if you could tell us how you could help us,’ said Cait. ‘What do you do? I mean, what are your methods?’

  ‘That depends on why you’ve come,’ said Richard.

  Cait glanced over at me. ‘We’ve come for marriage counselling, or at least to find out about it.’

  ‘I do that,’ said Richard. ‘I work with many married and unmarried couples. Can you tell me a bit about why you think you might like to do couples therapy?’

  Cait looked over at me again. Cue me to say something. ‘Well, er … Cait thinks our marriage has gone stale, that we don’t talk any more.’

  ‘OK. Good. Cait, is that right?’

  Cait shrugged. ‘Sort of.’

  ‘Would you like to clarify?’ Richard asked.

  ‘I feel we live like lodgers in the same house and don’t really share anything anymore or talk. So much is unspoken.’

  ‘OK. Good. So you’re here today to air your unspoken feelings. Matt would you like to start?’

  ‘Not really. It wasn’t my idea to come.’

  Richard turned to me. ‘So, Cait, I take it that it was yours. Would you like to start?’

  ‘No. That’s just it. I feel I take the initiative with everything. I found the therapists.’

  ‘Therapists?’ Richard asked. ‘You’re seeing more than me?’ He didn’t appear to like this.

  ‘No. Yes. Sort of. Not at the same time,’ said Cait. ‘We’ve never done anything like this before and wanted to make sure we got the right person.’

  ‘OK. Good,’ said Richard, though he looked pretty pissed off. ‘And I am number?’

  ‘Number two,’ I said, then had to suppress a juvenile urge to laugh.