More Precious than a Crown

by Carol Marinelli

  ‘The last one was true,’ Trinity said, as he bucked inside her.

  ‘I know.’

  ‘How?’ she begged as he as he thrust deeper. ‘How do you know I love you?’

  ‘Because...’ His words halted as the sob from Trinity and the throb of her around him told him she might not hear his words, but he said them anyway. ‘Because of this.’ His answer released into her and it really was a simple as that, for with no one, ever, could it be so lovely. Only Zahid could right a million wrongs.

  ‘Never leave me,’ Trinity said, as he collapsed onto her.

  ‘I never will.’

  ‘I’ll get things wrong.’

  ‘Oh, I am sure you will.’

  ‘Your father...’

  ‘I have dealt with him,’ Zahid said. ‘You did not have to run away. Whatever our problems, we can work them out.’

  Her eyes filled with tears because the reason that she had run was coming back to Trinity now; the reason for her terror was a secret she could no longer keep.

  ‘Is there anything you are keeping from me?’ Zahid said, only very gently this time.

  ‘Yes.’

  Finally, Zahid thought, the truth.

  ‘I know you said it must never happen, I know I promised it wouldn’t...’ She could barely get the words out. ‘I’m pregnant.’

  She waited for anger, a slap even, just as her mother had, but instead Zahid pulled her tighter in his arms.

  ‘That is why you left?’

  Trinity nodded.

  ‘You felt you could not tell me?’ Zahid looked at her and how he rued that stupid slit-throat gesture he had made that day, given all that she had been through, and he answered for her. ‘Of course you thought you couldn’t.’

  ‘You’re not cross.’

  ‘I’m thrilled.’

  Trinity wasn’t particularly used to anyone she loved being thrilled by her mistakes.

  ‘I am sad that you could not come and tell me but I understand why.’

  ‘Your father asked if I was trying to trap you,’ Trinity explained. ‘He saw us leaving the second palace.’

  ‘You got one of his pep talks!’ Zahid rolled his eyes. ‘Do I look trapped?’

  Trinity shook her head. ‘I asked Layla about unplanned pregnancies and she said it could never happen...’

  ‘Layla has never been out of Ishla. Layla believes everything that is told to her simply because she does not know any different. My father wraps her in cotton wool and terrifies her with tales in the hope she will be too scared to ever make a mistake.’ Zahid looked at her. ‘How many times do I have to tell you that you can come to me?’

  ‘I know,’ Trinity said. ‘I was just too scared to in this.’

  ‘Never be scared to come to me.’

  She looked at Zahid and knew she would never be scared again.

  ‘I want you as my wife,’ Zahid said. ‘The decision is actually a very easy one, yet I have forced myself to question it many times. I never wanted love, I thought it had destroyed my father, but I was wrong.’ He tried to explain better. ‘I love my country, I wanted a clear head to rule it, yet my head has never been clearer than it is now. You distract me in a way that is good. It makes me want change, to tackle issues that are difficult, to rule not just with my head but with my heart.’

  ‘What will the people say about the baby?’

  ‘Most will be thrilled, some will say we bring disgrace, others will know we are not so different from their own families...’ He smiled at Trinity. ‘Controversy is good,’ Zahid said. ‘It allows for discussion and I think you are going to be a very controversial queen but a very good one.’

  ‘What will your father say?’

  ‘I have been spending too much time with you because suddenly I have the strange compulsion to lie.’ He looked at her. ‘Shall we tell him after the wedding? Would that make things easier for you?’

  ‘It would.’

  ‘What else are you scared of? What else do you think you can’t discuss with me?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘You’re sure?’

  Honesty had never been on Trinity’s agenda. The way she had been brought up had been about smoothing over the bumps with lies, ignoring problems in the hope they would disappear, not sharing the scary, shameful parts.

  It was time to change.

  ‘I love my family.’ She didn’t know how best to describe it. ‘They’ve lost their son, I don’t want them to feel that they’ve lost their daughter too. I can’t turn my back on them and I will go to family events.’

  ‘Of course,’ Zahid said, ‘so what is worrying you?’

  ‘You,’ Trinity admitted. ‘That you’ll cause a scene, say something...’

  ‘It is beyond unfair of your parents to expect you to see this man.’

  Trinity looked at him and, yes, at times she was grateful for his excellent self-control and knew he was exerting it now.

  ‘I’d already decided that,’ Trinity admitted. ‘I was going to ring them and tell them that if they wanted me there today then he wasn’t to be.’

  ‘Was?’

  ‘I think we should just get through today and then I’ll...’ she screwed her eyes closed. ‘I don’t know what I want.’

  ‘Maybe you need to tell him face to face that you don’t want him around,’ Zahid said, for clearly she could not rely on her parents to defend her as parents should.

  He looked at her as she spoke.

  ‘I don’t ever want to speak to him.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ Zahid said, ‘because I will deal with it if that is what you want.’

  ‘That’s not what I want.’ She looked back at a very pensive Zahid and, no, she could not put him through this for the rest of their lives, could not ask him to attend functions and stand idly by.

  ‘You don’t have to be drunk to take to the microphone,’ Zahid said.

  ‘I wasn’t drunk that night.’

  He smiled in dispute.

  ‘A bit maybe,’ Trinity admitted.

  ‘Well, you don’t have to be to say what is on your mind.’

  ‘If I do say something...’

  ‘I’ll be there.’

  ‘I’d prefer you wait here at the hotel.’

  Zahid shook his head.

  ‘In the car, then.’

  ‘No,’ Zahid said. ‘You are not facing this without me.’

  ‘So, on top of everything else, I have to worry about you losing your head...’

  ‘I won’t lose my head,’ Zahid said. ‘You have my word.’

  If ever she was grateful for Zahid’s self-control it was today. It made Trinity strong when she questioned her own, it kept her calm enough to face what she had been unable to before.

  Zahid dressed in an immaculate suit and Trinity had on her funeral clothes, but they were facing a difficult day together this time.

  Zahid waved away his driver, for he could see she felt awkward enough, and he drove them himself. As he did, Trinity mind flitted to anything other than what lay ahead.

  ‘Poor Sameena...’ She turned in sudden anguish. ‘What will happen to the two countries?’

  ‘A war perhaps,’ Zahid said, then he stopped teasing her. ‘Had you not decided to escape you would have found out that Sameena and I had a very polite conversation.’

  ‘In the garden?’

  Zahid nodded. ‘Soon Sameena will be Queen and she looks forward to happy relations between our countries, whatever my choice. It was a very discreet conversation but reading between the lines she was asking me not to choose her.’

  ‘She rejected you!’ Trinity beamed.

  ‘You’re going to get so much mileage out of that,’ Zahid sighed.

  ‘I am,’ Trinity said, and then stopped smiling, for Zahid was pulling up at the river that had been chosen for the occasion. It was a place the family had gone for drives to at times and where Donald had proposed to Yvette.

  ‘Ready?’ Zahid checked, and Trinity nodded.

 
‘You can do this.’

  ‘I don’t think Yvette knows...’

  ‘Well, let her find out,’ Zahid said. ‘Maybe some honesty will allow her to speak more openly about what she has been through. Her baby and ours are going to be cousins. Don’t you want them to be close?’

  ‘I do.’

  ‘Lies haven’t worked for a long time,’ Zahid said. ‘Maybe you could try the truth.’

  ‘You promise that you won’t—’

  ‘I will not lose my head.’

  He took her hand and they walked over to the small gathering, but as he went to give her hand a squeeze to offer support her fingers slipped away from his grasp, just not in the way they had on that awful night all those years ago. Instead of reaching out in fear to Zahid, it was an assertive Trinity who walked towards the small crowd.

  ‘What’s he doing here?’ Trinity asked, pointing her finger at Clive. ‘Why on earth would you ask the man who attacked your seventeen-year-old daughter to be here on this day?’

  ‘Trinity!’ Dianne said. ‘Not now.’

  ‘When, then?’

  ‘Trinity,’ Dianne said in low tones as Gus tried to hush her, but finally Trinity refused to be hushed.

  ‘Why are we whispering?’ Trinity said. ‘I mean it, I want to remember my brother today. I want to think about Donald instead of remembering what this sleaze did to me that night.’ She looked at Clive and she saw not a strong, angry man but the pathetic, weak creep that he was. ‘I don’t ever want to see you again and if I do, I’ll be going to the police. And I don’t give a damn what it will do to my family, or to your reputation, because I know what you did to me and I’m more than prepared to say it in court.’

  ‘Come on, Clive.’ Elaine started to walk off. ‘She was always trouble,’ she shouted over her shoulder, ‘always making stuff up.’

  ‘For God’s sake, Trinity,’ Gus boomed, ‘it’s your brother’s...’

  ‘I just want to say one thing.’ Zahid’s deep voice was out of place with the shouting but even Trinity shivered at the sinister calm of his voice. ‘I promised Trinity that I would not lose my head today and I shall keep my word.’ He might be in Western clothes but he was a dangerous desert warrior and had she been on the end of his look that was aimed at Clive, Trinity would have run for her life. ‘If my gaze ever falls on you again then know I shall keep my word to Trinity and not lose my head, because I won’t need to. I will kill you in cold blood.’

  ‘He doesn’t mean it...’ Dianne’s smile was frantic but Zahid’s cool disdain met her now.

  ‘You can test the theory if you choose but, I tell you once, my people would expect nothing less from their future king.’

  He watched every step that Clive took as he walked off and it was at the right moment that Trinity took his hand because the master of self-control was waning as Clive took one final look around. Trinity felt the zip of tension in Zahid, knew that at any second he’d change his mind and bolt after him, and perhaps Clive sensed it too for he ran the last of the distance to the car and Zahid turned and looked at Dianne.

  ‘I do mean it.’ He put his arm around Trinity and they walked down to the river.

  It was nice to be able to focus on her brother today, nice to recall the good times with Zahid by her side, and it was actually, for the first time, nice to step into her home.

  ‘Why has Zahid asked to speak alone with your father?’ Dianne asked.

  ‘You’ll find out soon.’

  ‘Should I check if there’s champagne in the fridge?’

  ‘Zahid doesn’t drink,’ Trinity said, and then smiled at her mum. ‘And there’s always champagne in the fridge.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Trinity.’

  From out of the blue they came—the words she’d never thought she’d hear.

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Can we start again?’ Dianne asked.

  ‘I think we have to.’

  They did start again, right from square one, because after a quiet celebration where they shared the news that they would be married soon, it was not long before Trinity yawned and said she wanted to go to bed.

  ‘Perhaps set up...’ Dianne’s voice broke off.

  ‘Zahid will sleep with me,’ Trinity said, ‘or we can go back to the hotel.’

  Zahid did not correct Trinity, for to hell with politeness, he would never set foot in the guest room.

  He wished them goodnight and they headed to her single bed.

  ‘What did she say?’ Zahid smiled as they huddled in the darkness. ‘When you started laughing in the kitchen?’

  ‘It was wrong,’ Trinity blushed. ‘I can’t tell you.’

  ‘You can.’

  ‘Okay.’ Trinity took a big breath. ‘Mum said that when your father dies, will she have a title?’

  ‘She wants a title?’

  ‘She’s wants to be the Queen Mother.’

  He laughed.

  It was rare, it was deep and it thrilled her right down to her bones, and there would be so much more of it, Trinity would make sure of that.

  ‘How could I have ever thought you boring?’ Trinity sighed.

  ‘Another thing you haven’t told me,’ Zahid said. ‘When did you think I was boring?’

  ‘For years,’ Trinity said. ‘Till you took me in your arms.’

  EPILOGUE

  ‘WHERE’S TRINITY?’

  Zahid heard the whisper from Dianne as he stood in the palace gardens, waiting for his bride to arrive, and, yes, she was more than fashionably late.

  Zahid stared ahead. He was dressed in military ceremonials with a red and white kafiya tied with gold braid, which indicated he was the groom. His concern was not that Trinity might have changed her mind, his concern was for all she faced not just today but in the two days preceding the wedding.

  He stood with his back rigid, feeling all the eyes of the guests on him. It was forbidden that they see each other in the lead-up to the wedding. Tradition did not take into account that the news of the future princess’s pregnancy might have broken forty-eight hours before the wedding service.

  Tonight they would be in the desert, Zahid thought.

  Tonight, whatever the people’s reaction to Trinity, he could put her mind at ease and then, in a week’s time, they were heading overseas.

  As the guests coughed anxiously Zahid actually managed a smile. He had asked Trinity where she would like to go for her honeymoon and, even though they were getting on much better, her answer had been as far away from her parents as possible, so they were heading for Australia. He simply couldn’t wait to get away with his bride. The only teeny fly in the ointment was that he had promised that Layla could join them for a week.

  Love had been the furthest thing from his mind when he had agreed to that.

  It was the closest thing now.

  He had watched his father’s skin pale when the scandalous news had first hit and, no, when the king had called for him, Zahid had not denied it.

  As strong as he was, guilt had washed over him as he’d seen his father, so old and so thin, struggle to take in the latest change.

  ‘I am sorry if you feel I have let down you and my mother’s memory.’

  ‘Your mother was as vague as your sister now is,’ the king sighed. ‘I went through the mandoos last night and I thought how she would be with the news. I held her favourite amulet and I just knew that she would have been delighted.’

  Fahid called in Abdul, who immediately said he would issue the strongest denial.

  ‘You shall neither confirm or deny,’ the king said, and Zahid watched as Abdul’s face paled when he realised the rumour was true, and then the king said the strangest thing to Zahid.

  Words he could not wait to share with Trinity.

  Yet he had not been able to get to her yet.

  * * *

  ‘I am so excited.’ Layla’s endless chatter did nothing to ease Trinity’s nerves. ‘You don’t mind me coming to Australia with you?’

  ‘Of course
not.’

  ‘I’m only there for a week...’

  ‘It will be wonderful,’ Trinity said, but she could not focus on Layla’s conversation or the maids who were doing her hair. Outside the crowd was building and they stood silent, awaiting the news of the formal union.

  Layla’s chatter was not selfish. She was trying to take Trinity’s mind off her pregnancy being referred to as a scandal in some of the papers and that Ishla was alight not just with wedding preparations but with the news that Zahid’s bride might already be with child.

  At the time she needed to speak with Zahid most, to finally lean on someone she trusted, it was denied. ‘Have you seen your father today?’

  ‘No,’ Layla said. ‘The men’s and women’s celebrations are kept separate.’

  ‘You must have heard something.’

  Layla went a little bit pink. She still felt guilty and a little embarrassed by her naïve reaction when Trinity had clearly needed her advice. Obviously this birth control thing Trinity had spoke of did not work!

  ‘Only what I told you. Zahid asked one of the maids to pass on that you were not to be concerned, to just enjoy the celebrations and that you would be together soon.’

  Trinity knew that Zahid would be there for her and no doubt he would already have discussed the revelation with the king. Zahid’s rapid departure from Ishla had been noted and there had been an image of them coming out a famous obstetrician’s office. As well as that, despite a hastily arranged wedding, despite the gold gown she was wearing, given that it was her second pregnancy, Trinity was already starting to show.

  Only it wasn’t the king’s reaction that worried her, or the damage to Zahid. It was the how the people would respond that gnawed at Trinity. Their reaction mattered, not because it changed the outcome but because it might change how Trinity felt towards them. She had already had one pregnancy steeped in shame, she refused to let this be another.

  ‘You look beautiful,’ Layla said, as Trinity stood to have her headwear arranged.

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘We need to go,’ Layla said. ‘You are already late.’

  ‘I’ll just be a moment.’

  Trinity had been raised to care only what others thought, and what others thought mattered terribly now.