Princess Rescue Inc

by Chris Hechtl

“Slow down,” Perry urged over the radio net. “I don't want to cause a riot or get someone trampled,” he said to the lead LAV. The vehicles slowed so the people could get out of the way.

  “Nice greeting,” the Sergeant snorted as they entered first row of dilapidated buildings. “Real warm greeting,” he said sarcastically. Still he had a hand on his MP-9 just in case.

  “Least it's not a paparazzi blitz Sarge,” Corporal Lewis snorted, eyes on the gate arch. “I like the archway. Nice use of bricks to get that zig zag effect.”

  “Eyes in the game Lewis,” the Sarge snarled.

  “Aye Aye Master Sergeant.”

  At the edge of the moat they pulled up. The light buggies forming a perimeter around the main group. Peasant refugees got off the vehicles and looked around uncertainly. “Well, princess,” Ryans bowed his head to Deidra, “looks like you’re on.” She adjusted her tiara, ignoring him. She huffed and got out of the vehicle, chin high. She marched forward to the moat and called out something in her native language.

  “Interesting,” Perry said hand to his ear wig. “Looks like she's giving them a tongue lashing. Too bad the computer can't handle her speed yet. Ah, a reaction,” he observed. He watched as a man, most likely an officer ordered a page to run off. “Going to buck the decision up the chain of command I see,” he snorted. He really couldn't blame the guy; he for one wouldn't want to open the gate to some strangers from a strange land.

  From a hundred yards away they could see the princess was angry, furious again at not getting instant obedience. Ryans sighed watching Deidra look angrily up at the battlements and fume. “I don't envy those guards,” he said as he shook his head. “Keeping her waiting is pissing her off even more.”

  Perry shook his head. “Simple prudence. Would you trust a woman dressed as we are on her word alone?” Perry snorted. Zara gave him a look and then got out and joined her sister.

  “Oh great, now they're both going to be a pain in the ass. Kids these days, no patience whatsoever,” Perry sighed watching Zara march up to her sister's side. She called up to the men on the battlements. One of them appeared to recognize her. She shouted up to them, answering questions.

  Eventually a Dominus arrived and looked down upon them. He talked to Deidra briefly and then ordered the drawbridge down. He met them alone in the gateway after it was lowered but the portcullis was still lowered between them.

  “If he's smart he won’t let her in with her temper,” Ryans joked.

  Perry snorted. “And risk it getting even more dangerous?” Perry asked.

  “True.”

  She talked with him for a moment and then he ordered the doors and portcullis opened.

  “Let's just keep the buggies here, go forward with the hummers shall we?” Ryans suggested. Perry gave him a look. He grimaced. “Your call lieutenant, sorry for stepping on your toes.”

  The lieutenant nodded. “You're right on both counts, I wanted to keep together, but they look a tad nervous.”

  They entered the central town with a small force warily guarding them. Deidra led the way, nose high.

  “Whitewashed. Nice,” Ryans murmured, taking in the imposing castle. “It's limestone at a guess, a bit of granite mixed in here and there,” he pointed out. “Calcium washed every couple of years to keep it clean and make it more impressive.”

  Most of the buildings had stone or brick ground floors. Some had that extended to the second story. A few had timbers here and there, but most had what looked like plaster covered walls for upper stories. He wasn't sure how they were structurally supported. Perhaps arches inside? But of what material, stone? Several buildings had stone arches on the ground floor.

  Surprisingly a few of the buildings on independent lots were made of reeds and bamboo. They must be temporary affairs, from what they learned of this climate the long snowy winter would make them hellish to be in.

  “Are those reed houses?” someone said over the net. “Damn, just like the marshes of Iraq. That shit is super strong,” the soldier said before the master sergeant's growl cut the chatter off. Ryans snorted.

  Some of the permanent buildings had shops on the lower floors. He could see a couple hastily boarding up their shop as they approached. From the looks of it the top panel formed an awning while the bottom had legs to form a counter. The woman closed the panel and used a leather thong to tie the two panels together. The dirty man looked up nervously as the vehicles crunched down the graveled brick road. The couple flattened themselves against their doors. He waved a hello to them. They just stared.

  He nodded politely to those they passed, noting but turning a blind eye to the animals in and around the place. They were everywhere, either milling about in rudimentary pens, tethered to posts, or nesting in alcoves. Straw, suspicious yellow stains and droppings were everywhere. He wrinkled his nose as the wind shifted.

  Ginger coughed, covering her nose and waving a hand in front of her face. He grimaced, feeling his begin to eyes water. “Yeah, it's a little rank,” he said softly.

  “A little?” Ginger murmured giving him a look as she turned away and waved a hand in front of her face again. Her eyes were watering too. He shrugged.

  “It's a medieval castle. Get used to it. A stronghold. They weren't big on indoor plumbing back on Earth at their peak, I guess not here either.”

  Perry eyes him and then snorted. “Yeah, a fortress. Bitch to get in to or out of. You sure about this?”

  Ryans shrugged. “You've got a better idea?” he asked as they paused to let a group of people on a convergent street pass. The soldiers were nervous but all were locked and cocked and ready to rock.

  Perry sighed. “No, not really,” he grimaced. “Just not real happy about sticking my head in the lion's mouth. I'm not sure I'll get it back.”

  Sue smiled. “Just go with the flow. I think Deidra will surprise you. Besides, I've never met royalty besides her and her sister. This may be a once in a life time opportunity!”

  Ryans chuckled. “Be careful what you wish for Doc.”

  <==={}------------>

  They rumbled up the road leading to the inner keep. Perry looked a little nervous as they drove over the wood and iron drawbridge and through the gatehouse and into the inner courtyard. Kids playing what looked like grass hockey with curved sticks and a hard ball paused and then hurried over as the vehicles stopped.

  “This had better be on the up and up. We're on fumes as it is, I'd really not like to shoot my way out of here with so many kids around you know,” Perry said softly to Ryans as they pulled into the courtyard behind the lead vehicle. He dodged a goat and then parked next to a corral filled with alien beasts. Animals were everywhere. Perry got out of the car and heard and felt the crunch of something under his boot. He checked and wrinkled his nose at the crushed egg. “Perfect.”

  Ryans grimaced. “Yeah I know. We haven't had to the time or materials to set up the still to make fuel.”

  “See? Maybe diesel would have been better?” Perry teased then shook his head. When Ryans opened his mouth he went on. “Yeah I know, but it couldn't be made here in the field. Yeah yeah,” he waved the storm Ryans was forming away.

  “And we would have been out by now if we were just using diesel.”

  In truth the ethylene was both a blessing and a curse. Each of the vehicles were hybrids, able to run off of electricity, methane, hydrogen, diesel, biodiesel, vegetable oil, or ethylene. Ethylene was the best of the home brewed fuels, it was easier and safer to store. Right now the vehicles were running on their last legs, solar panels and regenerative brakes could only do so much to recharge the batteries.

  Nate was ecstatically checking each of the animals. He poked his head into a clay bee hive and reared back as buzzing insects the size of cockroaches came out. They formed a cloud around the hive then settled when a child misted them with a smoker.

  “That was close,” Nate said wiping his brow and thanking the kid.

  “Be a bit more careful doctor, we can't affo
rd to lose you to a stupid mistake,” Perry called. Nate waved, looking a little sheepish.

  “Honey?” Nate asked then touched his mouth. The child looked confused. Nate pawed at his pockets and pulled out a piece of candy. He handed it over. The child took it and then unwrapped it. He popped it into his mouth and then nodded. “Sweet?” Nate asked pointing to the hive. The child nodded. Nate smiled.

  <==={}------------>

  “Doc, why don't you and Nate stay...?” Ryans said then turned away from her annoyed look. “Or not,” he sighed and then raised his voice. “All right, Nate, you can stay and get some film footage of the animals, just watch yourself. Ginger and the sergeant will keep you company.” He nodded to the pilot. She nodded back. She knew to watch the vehicles as well as the overzealous scientist.

  “The rest of you... let’s go.” He nodded to the princesses. “Follow the ladies,” he said and waved to them. Deidra didn't turn to him but Zara did. He smiled and bowed politely. Zara smiled tentatively back, but Deidra turned with a huff and walked off. Shrugging it off they followed.

  <==={}------------>

  They met the King in the royal court room. Doc recognized the signs of advanced heart disease right away in the King. Deidra told him the story, sparing no punches. When she got to the coach the King's knuckles turned pale and his lips blue. His right hand went to his chest. The King heard the news that his son had died and collapsed immediately. Sue got past Perry and rushed forward with Ryans. Together they eased the King to the ground and then they performed CPR.

  The captain of the guard tried to intervene but the Sarge and Perry held the guards off. Deidra waved them off. Doc looked up and called a page. She told him and the youngest princess to get her med kit. When they hesitated she looked up and snarled. “Go or he'll die!” Zara looked stricken but quickly turned. They left at a full run.

  Ryans did the CPR reps, while the Doc handled breathing. When the pack arrived there they injected the King with meds and then had to defibrillate him. The crowd was aghast at their actions. The doctor had the guards push them back. When the King began to breathe on his own the people began to cheer. The captain of the guard was amazed, sneaking a glance over his shoulder to them.

  The Queen arrived and rushed in. Others rushed to the King's side and they had to push them back. Sue told the Queen she needed to get her husband to a quiet room for monitoring and rest. The Queen stood and ordered everyone out. Immediately the guards banged the butts of their pole arms onto the flagstones to get everyone's attention and then hustled them out.

  <==={}------------>

  Doc used the backboard built into the medical backpack as a stretcher. Together they got the King to a room and treated him further. While he was asleep the princesses updated their newly arrived mother with their news. She collapsed against the dresser; hand over her mouth as she cried for her slain son. She heard the brief outline of their travels and then shot a surprised glance to Ryans. He hadn't been able to catch all of what they had said; the translation system couldn't keep up with the speed. Some of the words were in Mandarin as well, tripping the system up.

  In the courtyard the Sergeant had an altercation with a guard. The guard tried to force him to move the vehicles but he refused belligerently. The guard got violent and was put down hard, but not permanently. The sergeant let him up and the guard limped off. A few minutes later he brought more people, all soldiers, all heavily armed. Corporal Lewis called it in. Perry grimaced when he got the news over the radio. He waved the captain over.

  The captain of the guard arrived with Perry and they settled things down.

  “Damn meter maid here wanted me to move the bus,” Waters said standing at attention. The bruised guard stood before the guard captain, looking defiant but then fearful when his boss gave him a dark look. Perry talked with the guard, and then the guard captain. They began trading notes. Perry pulled out a tablet from the hummer and showed them the video of the invading army.

  <==={}------------>

  When the King woke he found his wife and daughters there waiting for him. Sue told the Queen the King needed to rest, reduce his stress, diet properly, exercise when and if he was better, and be checked regularly. He groaned and tried to flirt with the Queen but she smiled and waved it off. She patted his bloated, swollen hand. The royal healer arrived and was at first dismissive of the Terran doctor until Ryans pointed out her training. “Well, I was trained by Master Bron. He was the greatest healer of the Kingdom,” the healer said with an authoritative sniff and disdainful air.

  “Okay, well, the Doc here was trained by over a dozen masters. She spent eight vigorous years studying every form of medicine. She's a master of masters in her and your field,” Ryans explained patiently.

  The healer was dumbstruck. He rallied when he said that she must have been a poor student to have so many masters. She looked confused, but Ryans explained that on Earth they have schools where men and women teach things. “There are dozens of teachers each teaching a special measure of a field of study like medicine,” he explained. He turned and shook his head. “The doctor also attended as an intern at a hospital, a place as large as the castle with thousands of patients, many with different problems. Plus she's got the equipment to go along with it,” he said pointing to the equipment monitoring the health of the monarch.

  The healer was amazed. The Queen and princesses caught some of this. The Queen murmured to a female courtier with a pointed hat and lace dress to go get the ladies in waiting.

  When the ladies arrived they cried and cooed over the girls and then rushed them off to get them properly cleaned and dressed. Deidra reluctantly allowed herself to be drawn off. She shot a look over her shoulder to Ryans and finally her mother. Her mother made shooing motions and then turned to the gaijin. The Queen talked with the others, murmuring quietly in the corner.

  <==={}------------>

  The group at the gate was sent back to the hill with the others as night fell. Perry set up a guard rotation for those in the castle, he wasn't at all happy about his forces being divided into three camps. Lewis and the sergeant would cover the vehicles in the courtyard. Charlie and Wanda insisted on joining them so they were ferried up with a nervous looking pair of relief guards in a LAV to the castle just before dark. Wanda was a nurse and chemist so she'd be an asset helping Sue in watching over the fallen King.

  Charlie also had medical training but her primary skills were in biochemistry and basic chemistry. Apparently Sue had asked her to come up to help figure out some simple kitchen sink medications for the King in case they left.

  <==={}------------>

  Ryans sighed as he escaped the medical tower and the knot of hangers on. He needed a break from that mess. The King was being visited by his retainers and faithful to reassure them that he was alive. Sue was grinding her teeth over it all. At this rate she'd need dentures soon, Ryans thought. “Careful, the stairs are slippery,” Ryans said wrinkling his nose.

  “Ah, yeah I see that,” Charlie said looking at the filthy mess. The grooves in the blocks were swarming with mold and mildew. “What the hell?” she asked startled.

  “People go to the bathroom in the oddest places,” Perry said shaking his head.

  “So I... smelled,” Ryans coughed. “Versailles.”

  “Huh?” Charlie asked.

  “It's the palace in France. Where one of the wars ended in a treaty,” Perry answered. Charlie gave him a curious look. “I went to France once.”

  “Ah,” she nodded. “So what does that have to do with this filth?” she coughed waving a hand in front of her face. “Disgusting,” she choked out. “Can we get a move on?” She waved to Zara who nodded, lifting her skirts to keep the hemline from being tripped on or dragged through the filth. Zara had returned to show the gaijin their quarters for the night.

  “The palace of Versailles, hell all the feudal buildings back in that time were without plumbing. In fact Versailles was built without a single place to go to the bathro
om. Guests went in the stairs or in open pits,” Ryans explained. “Number two is handled a bit differently, they had places where people would sit over an open hole and the crap would either dribble into a pit someone had to clean out later or down the outside of the castle walls into the moat.”

  “Oh god, that is so gross!” Charlie snarled, stepping in something squishy. She shuddered. “Doesn't anyone realize this isn't healthy?” she demanded. Perry looked at her.

  “Hey!” Perry snarled dodging a stream of yellow liquid as it tinkled down the stairs. “Now that's just wrong! It's like living in a sewer!” he snarled. Charlie dodged the stream.

  “It's much easier for you men,” Zara said from the front. She didn't look back.

  “Yeah, I can imagine, just whip it out any old place,” Charlie snarled.

  “Well, one end anyway,” Ryans snorted.

  “Seriously, this is bad. Not just the ammonia, I mean the fungus and mildew. The ammonia kills some stuff, but other types of fungus and bacteria thrive in it!” She pointed to a yellow stain near a door as they reached the next level. “That crap gets into the air and it causes disease!” She waved then coughed.

  Zara looked back startled.

  “No, that's crap Charlie, but I see your point,” Perry nodded. He glanced at Zara. “She's right Princess, it's a serious problem.” The princess's eyes were wide. She frowned then nodded. “Puts a new spin on the proper hygiene lectures they dished out in boot and in the academy,” Perry said shaking his head.

  “Yeah, I'd say so,” Ryans snorted. He inhaled then coughed. “Are we there yet?” he asked weakly, eyes burning. Waving his hand in front of his face just made the smell worse.

  “We're definitely getting this fixed. I mean right away. The spores can get into open wounds...” Charlie glanced at Ryans who had stiffened. “Yeah, it's that dangerous,” she said darkly.

  Ryans sighed, one hand protectively covering his wounds. The shallow ones were now uncovered but the deeper ones were not. He was half healed. “Now you tell me. Put it on the To-do list.”

  “I will. Right at the top,” she replied firmly. “You get to teach the natives how to make modern plumbing and use it.”