Princess Rescue Inc

by Chris Hechtl

  “Um... “

  “Virgin princesses? Boy, the boys will be disappointed in that,” Wanda joked.

  “Um...”

  “Okay, old joke, never mind. So um, you have um... experience?" Sue asked weakly.

  Zara nodded, eyes twinkling. “Oh yes.”

  “Um...”

  “So, how I mean, not just the well you know. The incident," Wanda asked, tripping over the subject. Sue winced expecting a blow up.

  Zara froze and then shrugged. "Oh no, we've... it's hard to explain I suppose. We have watched your videos and talked to the soldier woman Lisa Patterson. She has explained a few things. Now I supposed it is our turn. In our society the men normally lead. That's how it's done. So what happened...?”

  "Wasn't your fault," Wanda said, eyes flashing.

  Zara shook her head. "No of course not. Nor could it be avoided."

  "So the grief and..."

  "Was for the death of our brother Balthazar, our servants, and its implications on us and our family and our future," Zara replied, shoulders hunched. "Though yes, the rapes were a part of our misery. A small part of a greater whole."

  "Oh."

  "From our perspective we must insure the royal line. To do otherwise would invite misery and an end to our family and our people."

  "Oh, so..."

  "Chase the guy to continue on?"

  "Well, women are known for chasing the men to control the gene pool," Sue replied dryly. "And Ryans is attractive. I've seen him with his shirt off."

  “So have I,” Sue said. She looked at Deidra who nodded.

  “He is attractive,” Deidra admitted. She had really liked listening to his heart beat and breathing when they had lain together. His effort not to press her had been... sweet.

  The party ran a gamut of subjects, from bathing and subtle perfumes, running water, hot and cold... they discussed the Queen and courtiers. Concepts like lights with no flames, ovens, etc, they bounced around to various subjects for a while before getting back to the inevitable.

  They watched some of the Britney movies before Deidra tired of it. Oh, she did like some of the footage but some of it only confused her. They watched Carly Jepsen's “Call Me Maybe” music video for wardrobe ideas and giggled over her antics to get the guy's attention. “He's dreamy though,” Zara sighed.

  “Zara!” Deidra said, mock shocked by her sister's admission.

  Zara glared at her as Wanda stopped the video. “Wasn't it you who showed me the hiding spot overlooking the pool where the boys bathe in the summer?” Zara asked with a knowing grin. Deidra flushed and hit her sister with a pillow. Wanda caught Sue's eyes and rolled hers. Sue snorted.

  “Let's just say it get's interesting at the end,” Charlie said, reaching around Wanda to hit the play button as the two princesses settled down. At the end the gaijin women snickered at the whole gay turn of events while the princesses blinked in confusion. They had to explain it to the natives.

  “Could that be his problem?” Deidra asked aghast, suddenly concerned about Ryans but Wanda snickered and told her not to worry,

  “Ryans isn't the type, and besides, I know for a fact he dated the ladies before we left. Nothing serious of course or he wouldn't be here,” she frowned and then decided to plunge on. “Ryans is more interested in getting us home,” she said. “That's your biggest thing, well, one of them. The whole living here in these conditions for the rest of his life and giving up his family and everything he had on Earth?” she waved a dismissive hand. “Not to mention being worried about someone sticking a knife in his back or poisoning him like Marcus? Yeah, you've got your work cut out for you girl,” Wanda said.

  “Then of course there's him the man. Do you want this because your mother ordered it? For the good of the Imperium and the royal line or because you genuinely like the guy? He's a big lug, charming, with a thick honor streak and stubborn as the day is long. If you're chasing him because of orders or out of some misplaced guilt over him saving you then forget it. You'll never get past an occasional kiss princess. He'll pull up stakes quick,” Charlie said. Sue remained quiet. She squirmed and nodded when Deidra looked at her for confirmation.

  “So you have to ask yourself, are you doing this for Queen and country or for the man? What's best for you and for him? If you really care about him, about what he thinks and feels then you have to ask yourself, is it right to take this any further?” Charlie echoed. Deidra sat back as Zara turned to stare at her. She squirmed, thoroughly uncomfortable and dismayed by the blunt question. Charlie and the others looked at her intently for a long moment. She ducked away and bit her lip.

  “Yeah, that's what I thought,” Charlie said quietly. She got up and brushed her pants off. “I've got a long day tomorrow, we've got more yeast and penicillin to get off to you Sue so I better hit the hay. Night all,” she said with a wave. Sue and Wanda followed murmuring excuses as well.

  Zara looked at Deidra but she was far away, thinking. Finally she hugged her sister and then went to bed herself.

  <==={}------------>

  Later the next morning Sue pulled Charlie and Wanda aside in the camper before they got too busy with their day. “We need to talk,” she said quietly but firmly. They could tell from her no nonsense attitude that she meant something serious.

  “Thought we did that already,” Wanda said. She finished washing her hands and then flushed the toilet and came out of the tiny camper bathroom drying her hands with a towel. “Tell me again when they're going to get a decent toilet in this dump?” she asked plaintively. “I'm sorry but having to run down three flights of stairs and across the courtyard every time I gotta go isn't working,” she growled.

  “Getting plenty of exercise,” Charlie teased passing her to go in and do her business.

  “Funny.”

  “Well, maybe you should plan better,” Charlie said with the door closed. There was the usual echo to her voice. “Or go more often,” she said.

  “Cute,” Wanda sighed. “So what's this about?” she asked turning to Sue. Sue frowned. She looked over to Patterson. By coincidence she had the morning off. “Or should we wait?” she asked.

  They heard the toilet flush and then Charlie turned the faucet on. In a moment she came out. She took the towel from Wanda. Sue sighed. “I think Ryans is right.”

  “About what?” Charlie asked, genuinely curious.

  “About the soap opera,” Sue said, using air quotes to frame soap opera. “I hate to admit it but we are giving the enemy information. intel,” she said cutting her eyes to Patterson. Patterson frowned and got up to come over. She crossed her arms.

  “You're talking about my conversations with Princess Zara?” Patterson asked.

  Sue frowned and then nodded. She brushed her hair out of her face. “You, me, Wanda, Charlie, all of us. They're pumping us for information, trying to get to him.”

  “It's not working is it?”

  “Did you ever think about what else they could use this information for? We're talking about the Queen here. The woman who could rip that piece of paper up and have us all tossed in the dungeon,” Sue said. “Or worse. She may smile to your face but she's a viper.”

  “Surer than shit she is,” Patterson agreed with a nod. “I heard some stories from the guards. They were wondering why she didn't have Ryans tour the dungeons and the torture chamber after their little spat,” she said.

  “You see?” Sue demanded as Charlie paled. “There's an old saying. Put not your trust in princes. I'm not sure where it's from,” the doctor said.

  “Psalms 146:3,” Patterson supplied. She smiled at the doctor's look of surprise. “Sorry. I get your point though. We're giving information to a potential enemy,” she said.

  “But if he only saw the potential!” Wanda said stubbornly.

  “You think a master strategist like him hasn't?” Sue asked patiently. “He's a bright guy Wanda. He can see that. But he's also weighing the pros and cons. Probably not very objectively but you aren't eithe
r are you? You're dismissing his concerns because you're so enamored with the idea of a storybook romance.”

  “I...”

  “I think we all were,” Charlie said quietly. Wanda turned to look at her in surprise. Charlie nodded to Doc. “I thought it was fun to help in seducing him. No harm right? Better to ask for forgiveness than permission right? But he's dug in his heels and said no and we need to respect that.”

  “Damn right we do,” Sue said. She looked at Wanda. “Right?” she demanded.

  “Sure, fine, whatever,” Wanda said. “Can we go now?” she indicated the door.

  “By all means,” Sue said with a sigh, knowing she was talking to a wall. “Let’s get back to work.”

  <==={}------------>

  Ryans was introduced to more of the cabinet, the lord of the privy, chancellor of the exchequer, lord of the privy purse, minister of mining, minister of entertainment, the list went on and on. He shook his head in disgust. “Way to many chiefs, not enough indians,” he growled. Perry snorted agreement. Fortunately many of the ministers like the royal tax collector were out and about most of the year. Some also had their own estates and families to attend to and only came to the capital for the summer.

  They met with the minister of cloth; there they found an anorexic woman who was dressed in the latest fashion. It was silk, a light green, and cut similarly to the green summer dress Sue occasionally wore. This had definitely had some Asian influences, with the split up one leg and the cut of the hem and peg buttons. This woman was by far a better, more forward thinking person than the unlamented Druzilla. At least she didn't have a gallon of paint on her face at any rate.

  “Domina Ciara correct?” Ryans asked, holding out his hand. She looked at it and then carefully took it. He shook it and then kissed the back of it. “My name is Eugene Ryans and this is my military counterpart Lieutenant Marcus Perry. We're pleased to meet you,” he said releasing her hand.

  Perry shook her hand and then they settled down on stools. He avoided looking at the thin woman's face after the first glance. She was one of the few women that could probably benefit from the gallon of the face paint the natives wore. For some reason she wasn't wearing much though. She had short black hair, square cut, with slightly slanted eyes and thin almost skeletal hands that she constantly moved around.

  “I was wondering, where do you get the silk?” Ryans asked pointing to her outfit. Perry gave him a look.

  Ryans frowned, rubbing his chin in thought. “We've confirmed Chinese immigrants, but how could the silk worm have survived? I remember they need the leaves of a mulberry bush to eat.”

  Perry gave him a curious look and then snorted. “The things people remember. Discovery channel right?” He chuckled.

  “No actually, Animal Planet,” Ryans replied absently.

  “Ah, that explains it,” Perry snorted. He turned to the minister. “Okay, give?” he asked. “Otherwise he's going to be like that all damn day and we've got more important things to be working on,” he said. She brushed her hands.

  “It's quite disgusting really and not really fit for civilized speaking,” she said haughtily, nose in the air.

  “I don't buy it. Give,” Perry said eying her. She looked nervous then shrugged.

  “The cavern worms,” she finally said, wrinkling her nose. He nodded.

  “Silk worms?” he asked. “Like he said?” He indicated Ryans.

  “In truth quite large creatures, large as a man, they can be dangerous full grown. They spin silk in the caverns to make nests and catch prey. Some slant eyed people learned to tame the disgusting beasts and use them for our needs,” she said. She indicated the cloth.

  “Ah. Okay, it's strong,” Ryans said touching it. “How strong is it? Can it lift a man? If woven properly could it stop say, a crossbow bolt?”

  The minister looked at them in surprise. “You know, I never explored that. I know some shipbuilders weave it into their ropes... I'll... hmmm,” She looked thoughtful. “I'll see if we can set something up,” she finally said and then nodded.

  “Good. Good to know,” Perry nodded to Ryans who nodded back. He started to unbutton his shirt.

  “What?!” The woman shrieked making him look up. “A gentleman does not undress in front of a lady!” she said looking pale. She shrank back from them. He snorted.

  “Just taking the shirt off miss,” he said undoing the last button then pulling the shirt off.

  “Is that armor?” she asked looking down her nose at him.

  He nodded. He'd started to wear his body armor more often now. Perry and some of the others were wearing theirs now as well. “Why yes, the very reason I took my shirt off. To show you that is,” he explained. “You see, this is Dragon skin two armor. It's like your chain mail, but much more advanced.” He removed the Velcro with ripping sounds. She looked fascinated.

  “Velcro. We'll get to that some other time,” he said as he took the armor off. “See the plates like scales under the skin fabric?” he said flexing the armor. She moved forward and peered at the armor and then looked up. He nodded as she reached for the armor.

  Her hands were wrinkled but firm as she touched it. “The outermost layer is a synthetic silk,” he explained. She looked up to him in surprise. “The silk is super strong. It acts as a catcher mitt, spreading some of the force when something strikes.”

  She flexed the armor. “Under that are ceramic and Kevlar composite disks that form a sort of chain mail. That intercepts even more force,” Perry added. She flipped the armor over and ran her hands on the other side. “And the other side is a layer of synthetic silk with a thin Kevlar layer.”

  “The stitching is so precise! And the weave! The silk must breathe nicely, wicking the odious concoctions a body can produce away,” she murmured. She kept flexing the armor and ripping and playing with the velcro.

  “Yes, it's also light and so it's easy to wear. A lot easier than the earlier armor. This...” He tapped the armor. “Is bullet proof. Or at least as close as the current generation can achieve. It's also proof against shrapnel, fire, arrows, crossbow bolts, daggers, and even swords.”

  Her eyes were wide at that last statement. “To produce such a wonder,” she murmured, clearly awed.

  “Exactly. If you could produce something like this, dyed to...oh let’s say the royal or Kingdom colors, then it would be quite helpful in the future...”

  She nodded, suddenly smiling. Ryans tried to ignore the wart on her chin as she grinned. “I dare say it would!” she breathed eyes excited at the idea.

  “We thought you might.” Perry said dryly. “That's why we wanted to give you the plans to better looms and other machinery. To help make better uniforms for the soldiers,” he said. She nodded, suddenly sobered.

  “I am paying attention now,” she replied.

  “Good,” Ryans replied as he put his armor back on and then his shirt. “I thought this would get your attention,” he said with a small smile to Perry.

  <==={}------------>

  “How are we to pay for all this?” the Queen asked.

  Duke Pyror nodded. “Some can come from levies and the royal treasury, but not all,” he stated sitting back. Then both eyes turn on Ryans. The gaijin shrugged.

  “You’re asking me? I don't know anything about your country, your balance of trade, or the current economic situation. The tax code alone is probably beyond me even in layman's terms,” he said shaking his head. He had enough on his plate as it was.

  The Queen nodded. “But still...” she said encouragingly. He sighed, reading her expression and ignoring Duke Pyror and Duke Rojer. Pyror he could deal with, the guy seemed honest and had a feel about him, a charisma. Rojer just felt smarmy, he oozed avarice.

  “All right, I have a couple of suggestions. You can use them in whole, in part, or in combination. It is up to you. The first is a tax rebate. Cut the taxes to offset any who contribute to the war effort for a period of time. Their contribution is commensurate with their taxes. In other
words the more they help, the more they don't have to pay taxes for a period of time, or they pay at a much lower rate. Consider it a form of war bonds which we can get to in a minute. They take these rebates in lieu of full or partial payment. Keeping track and keeping corruption to a minimum will be interesting to say the least.”

  The Duke nodded. “Wise. It's called shield money. A levy paid by lords who lack men and material to aide in a cause.” Duke Rojer frowned. He didn't like how well this gaijin handled the situation. He had expected the man to beg off to consider it over time.

  “Ah. Okay, well, I was thinking you could open that up to merchants as well,” Ryans said nodding. Duke Pyror nodded his chin. The Queen however was noncommittal, resting her hands in her lap and not moving a muscle.

  “The second thing is to borrow from neighbors or others. If no neighboring Kingdoms are available you can borrow from the people by selling war bonds. These bonds are tax chits that the buyer can redeem later to recoup their investment and even profit a little. The longer they wait, the more profit they get,” Ryans explained. “That was one of the methods used to finance wars on Earth.

  The Dukes looked both amused and intrigued by that outlandish idea and then Duke Pyror wiggled his fingers to indicate he should continue.

  “Third, donations, people who donate their time, materials, or services. Find a way to encourage it, and in the end reward such behavior.”

  Fourth you could raise taxes and levies of course. Either across the board or on various items or other services. Such as a travel levy or a tax on goods that travel to faraway lands.”

  “A tariff,” Perry interjected. Ryans nodded. “It works both ways, a tax on imports and exports. But you don't want to tax goods that help in the war effort of course,” he finished.

  “Of course,” Rojer replied.

  “Fifth, working with us,” Ryans glanced at Perry. “You could license our technology and sell the rights to use it to various merchants and industrial people. Things like oh, better looms that we mentioned to the minister of cloth an hour ago. Or better forges, or leaf springs for wagons, carts, and carriages. There are thousands of items we have that we can transfer over.”