50 Ways to Play

by Debra

  Penis Pumps & Male Masturbators Male masturbators or “pocket pussies” replicate a woman’s vagina, mouth or anus. They are made of various construction materials and often boast multi-textured “insides” alongside a vibration or suction function. Penis pumps are most often suction cylinders into which a man slides his shaft. They are used for self-pleasure, to temporarily increase the size of an erection, or for personal discipline. These should be used according to directions—never use too much pressure or leave on for too long. Personal lubricant is required for use with these items.

  A female dominant can use these kinds of erotic aids to watch a man masturbate (see #26), for orgasm control (see #28) or to add variety to a hand job (see #30). Using such a device on a bound or restrained male submissive can exacerbate his sense of helplessness and can therefore complement force fantasies (see #27). For that reason, male masturbators are valuable and versatile BDSM toys for female dominants.

  A female dominant can reproduce the effect of a penis sleeve by applying a generous heaping of personal lubricant to a smoothly textured facecloth, folding the facecloth into a cylinder, and then sliding it up and down her male submissive’s shaft.

  Penis Rings Penis or cock rings fit around the penis and are made of leather, metal, rubber, latex, jelly or silicone. They wrap around the base of the penis, under the scrotum, to trap blood in the shaft. The result is a longer, harder, thicker and ultrasensitive erection. Many penis rings have ticklers or small vibrators to stimulate a woman’s clitoris during intercourse. Choose a waterproof model that offers quiet use and multiple levels of sensation.

  A tasty alternative is to visit a candy store and buy some gummy rings: these can be stretched to fit around the base of the penis and can be nibbled off during fellatio. From peach to blue raspberry, these can make fellatio a delicious experience for both partners. The weight-watching dominatrix can buy sugar-free gummy rings if she prefers.

  Beginners should only leave penis rings on for a short while, and should only purchase one that has a quick-release safety feature. Penis rings can be used during intercourse, fellatio and manual manipulation (see #30). They can also be used to assist with delayed gratification (see #3).

  30. The Power Pull

  A female dominant who wants to inflame her male submissive’s passion—and his penis—should first secure his restraint to either the bed in a supine spread-eagle position (see #5), in a seated position by tying him to a chair with rope (see #6) or with his hands over his head (see #8). Once he is in place, she should slip a penis ring over his semi-erect shaft, and then fellate him until he hardens. When he is fully erect, she can begin to stroke his erection with either a warming lubricant or a penis-stimulating gel (see #29) to send shivers of tingles up and down the ultrasensitive skin of his shaft.

  As her submissive’s penis becomes more engorged, the female dominant should use alternating upward-only “milking” hand strokes with up-and-down hand pumps. She can add occasional twists to his glans, and squeezes to his scrotum, to deliver unexpected spikes of body-shaking sensation. This power-pull is suitable for delayed gratification (see #3), orgasm control (see #28) and general feel-good fun.

  To up the ante, a female dominant can first restrain her male submissive and—instead of a penis ring and stimulating gel—use a well-lubricated male masturbation toy to stimulate him either to orgasm or to the point of arousal that she wants him to reach. Penis pumps are particularly useful for domination purposes and power plays (see #30). They perfectly complement force fantasies (see #27) and erotic torture (see #33), as the female dominant can control the amount of suction her male submissive feels on his shaft. Especially when combined with bondage, a penis pump puts a female dominant in complete control.

  31. Erotic Electrostimulation

  Erotic electrostimulation or “electrosex” is a BDSM practice wherein ultra-mild electrical currents stimulate the genitals. Because this edgy form of sexplay has inherent dangers, couples must only use high-quality e-stim products—including power boxes, accessories and electrosex gel—from reputable sources, such as established sex shops. So no, you can’t put the dog’s anti-bark collar on your husband and make him bark on all fours. This is one area where improvisation is not a good idea. It is generally recommended that electrosex products be applied only from the waist down to limit any risk to those with heart conditions. Scared yet? Relax. With research, proper equipment and safe use, electrosex can add a real charge to the BDSM experience.

  E-stimulation products for men include penis bands that fit around the shaft. The electrical pulses run between the bands to create an intensely pleasurable and unique sensation. The current’s settings are adjustable. Penis sheaths and rings are also available and function similarly. There are also scrotal toys or “parachutes” that wrap around the scrotum, pull it down and away from the body, and then tingle it with currents. They’re useless for skydiving, though.

  E-stimulation products for women include bullets and probes for vaginal insertion, and clamps for external vaginal stimulation. E-stimulation wands and butt plugs are also available.

  Newcomers to erotic electrostimulation may wish to purchase an electrosex beginner’s kit. These usually include a power box, adhesive pads and a few accessories. Most importantly, they contain comprehensive instructions for use.

  Electrosex can add a sexy spark to many aspects of BDSM play, especially delayed gratification (see #3) and erotic torture (see #33). When combined with bondage and sensory deprivation—even a blindfold will do—it results in an electrifying sexual experience for dominant and submissive alike.

  32. Tickling

  While not as flashy or high-tech as electrosex, old-fashioned erotic tickling is a fantastic BDSM practice that many dominants use to make their submissives squirm with pleasure. Some whips (see #13) come with long, silky tassels that a dominant can lightly drag over the submissive’s body. Thin rubber tassels feel especially good. A utilitarian feather duster can also do this job. And remember those bunches of dried grass that served as makeshift flogging instruments (see #13)? Some of them, such as dried Bunny Tails, have plushy, soft tips that are perfect for tickling.

  And then, of course, there is the classic feather tickler. Often a single large plume on the end of a stick, these can be strikingly beautiful and those made of ostrich or peacock feathers have great aesthetic appeal. Dried pampas grass plumes, also available at most craft stores, cost a fraction of the price and are almost as good. They come in a gorgeous array of colors from pink to turquoise.

  Once a submissive is restrained in the spread-eagle or standing position (see #5 and #8), the dominant can take his or her sweet time to tantalize the captive’s erogenous zones with a barely-there feathery sensation that floods the body and stimulates genital response. Sensory deprivation may or may not be used (see #10) in conjunction with restraint.

  The dominant can use the tip of the feather to trace around the submissive’s areolae and nipples, moving down the navel to the genitals. Use of the feather’s tip should be interspersed with broad strokes of the feather’s edge. This results in a variety of sensations that will have a submissive writhing in all-encompassing, whole-body pleasure.

  33. Erotic Torture

  Erotic torture involves the bondage of a submissive (see #5 to #8, #29 and #34) so that the dominant can slowly, usually over a fairly lengthy period of time, subject the submissive’s restrained body to a series of erotic pleasures. It is often combined with delayed gratification (see #3) and orgasm control (see #28). The use of sex toys (see #29) and tickling (see #32) are also common activities during erotic torture, often alternated with harder activities such as spanking (see #12) or flogging (see #13). Brief periods of oral sex (see #38 to #41) or sexual intercourse (see #36) may also take place to ensure the submissive’s body receives a variety of sensations, each more exquisite than the last.

  Couples who engage i
n this type of sexplay must have a safe word and maintain good communication (see #2). Erotic torture bears no resemblance whatsoever to actual torture. It is designed for the sexual pleasure of the submissive, as well as the erotic gratification of his or her dominant. Feigned helplessness is an arousing and fundamental aspect of BDSM; however, erotic torture should deliver more pleasure than pain.

  34. Bondage Positions

  Lying spread-eagle, bound supine to an ottoman, rope-tied to a chair and tied or suspended with the arms over the head are some basic bondage positions that have been covered so far; however, as BDSM sexplay progresses, couples may want to experiment with more physical and dramatic positions. They can then incorporate various elements of BDSM—from spanking and erotic torture to force fantasies and sex toys—into these novel positions to make their BDSM experience new all over again. The following is a handful of bondage positions that strike a sexy balance between naughty and nice.

  The Hogtie Position Despite its unfortunate name, the hogtie position is a classic bondage position where the submissive’s arms and legs are bound together, behind the back, usually with rope or wrist and ankle cuffs. This position should be reserved for flexible people only. Ropes should be tied lightly, ensuring quick and easy release if the submissive indicates he or she wants to be released. The hogtie position offers an ideal way to set the scene for a force fantasy (see #27).

  The Leapfrog Position This is a raunchy position where the submissive is restrained in a more or less doggy-style position, with his or her buttocks in the air and face on the bed. The submissive’s legs may be held open with a leg-spreader bar (see #29), while the wrists may be bound with rope or cuffs and the arms slipped under the upper body.

  The leapfrog position is the perfect complement to spanking (see #12) as it allows direct access to the entire buttock area. It also facilitates anal play, with and without sex toys (see #42 and #29) and anal sex (#43).

  In the case of a male dominant and female submissive, this position accommodates rear-entry sexual intercourse: it provides an enticing visual for a man while positioning a woman’s backside in such a way that penetration and thrusting feel wonderful (see #36). Even better, it provides a risqué position for cunnilingus (see #38).

  The Over-Arm Tie In this bondage position, the submissive’s arms are extended up over their shoulders, and then the hands are tied behind the head with ropes or cuffs. The dominant may wish to spice up this position by attaching a rope to the wrists, running it down the submissive’s back, and securing it at the waist. If the submissive is sitting on her or his legs, the dominant can also extend a rope from the wrists to each of the submissive’s ankles, so that the legs are also restrained.

  The openness of the over-arm tie exposes the sensitive stretches of skin along the body, from the underarm area to the hips, thus accommodating tickling (see #32). It also provides a striking visual that looks—and feels—completely vulnerable.

  Elbow Bondage To achieve this versatile position, the dominant pulls both of the submissive’s arms behind his or her back and binds them at the elbows. While flexible submissives will be able to join their arms tightly at the elbows, many people are unable to achieve elbow contact: the dominant should ensure the rope is as strict or as slack as the submissive prefers. The dominant may also want to secure the submissive’s wrists with rope or cuffs to help maintain this position.

  Elbow bondage has the effect of pushing the breasts forward and out. If the submissive is female, her male dominant can thus exploit the full canvas of the breasts by tickling (see #32) them, or by licking or sucking the areolae and nipples with his mouth. He can also use nipple toys, whether clamps or stimulating gels, to maximize erotic stimulation of this highly sensitive area (see #15).

  The Frogtie Position In this revealing position, each of the submissive’s legs is bent and bound—at the ankle and thigh—so that his or her legs vaguely resemble the bent legs of a sitting frog. An easy alternative is to sit the submissive on the bed, bend each leg up, and then wrap a length of rope around it to keep it in place. When both legs are tied like this and then spread apart, the submissive’s genitals are completely exposed, thus making it the perfect restraint position for a number of BDSM activities, including the use of glass toys and temperature play. The wrists can be bound behind the back with rope or cuffs.

  In the case of a male dominant and a female submissive, the dominant may wish to use a rabbit vibrator or other sex toy (see #29) on his submissive’s genitals, providing her with both clitoral and vaginal stimulation while restrained in the frogtie position. He can replicate this double-the-pleasure sensation by gently “brushing” her clitoris with the tip of an electric, vibrating or pulsating toothbrush while simultaneously sliding a finger in and out of her vagina. Go lightly to gauge her response and see how much pressure to use. And do not insert the toothbrush or bristles inside her vagina, as they could damage the sensitive tissue in that region.

  A female dominant can also dish out intense BDSM pleasures to her male submissive while she has him in the frogtie position. She can perform fellatio (see #41) or lower her body onto his erection, thus using him for her own pleasure when he cannot resist her. She can also use sex toys (see #29), including a male masturbator like a penis sleeve or penis pump (see #30), to exploit his sense of being used, abused and aroused against his will.

  35. Crotch Ropes

  Like so many sex toys and BDSM gear, the crotch rope has an ugly name, but a beautiful effect. Crotch ropes are used to stimulate a female submissive’s genitals. The rope is tied around her waist and then extended between the legs to rest between the labia to stimulate the clitoris. It can be fastened with as much or as little pressure as the submissive prefers.

  Crotch ropes can be worn over or under clothing. Many male dominants will instruct their female submissive to wear a crotch rope between her panties and her clothes for the entire day, as a ritual to build both mental and physical anticipation for evening BDSM sexplay (see #22). Crotch ropes also facilitate force fantasies (see #27), delayed gratification (see #3) and erotic torture and teasing (see #33).

  To add even more BDSM flair to the crotch rope, the male dominant can apply it when his submissive is in the suspended or standing position (see #8). He can also combine it with the over-arm bondage tie (see #34).

  36. Sexual Positions & Thrusting Techniques

  Despite the arsenal of bondage gear, rubber clothing, whips and chains, sex toys, erotic mind games and rope burns that constitutes BDSM sexplay, there is still room for good old-fashioned sexual intercourse; however, like everything else in BDSM, the focus of penetrative sex is on delivering as much sensory stimulation as possible. To that end, it is essential that dominants and submissives of both sexes be conscious of how different sexual positions can affect pleasure—specifically, how the angle, depth, speed and force of thrusting can change the way sex feels for both partners.

  The ancient sex manual Kama Sutra is widely speculated to be a source of BDSM practices. Written in the third century AD, the Kama Sutra was written by an Indian sage by the name of Vatsyayana. In it, Vatsyayana describes the “various ways of laying down and the different kinds of congress.” Translation: different sexual positions and thrusting techniques. A number of these BDSM-worthy positions and thrusts are described below.

  Positions

  Yawning In this position, the woman lies on her back, raises her thighs, and holds them apart as her man penetrates her. She can hook her arms around the back of her knees to hold her legs open, or she can rest her legs on her man’s shoulders for support. This position makes a woman’s clitoris accessible to her man, allowing him to stimulate it as he simultaneously thrusts into her. It also gives him a beautiful bird’s-eye view of her bare breasts and body below him.

  Rising The woman raises her legs straight up in the air as her man penetrates her.

  Clasping This is the bas
ic missionary position where both partners stretch their legs straight against each other, lying face-to-face, typically with the man on top. BDSM players can add a little sin to this sweet position by having the woman wrap her legs around the man’s body and either press her nails into his back or give it a long scratch (see #14). A woman can also aggressively lift her pelvis to push up against her partner’s groin, thus establishing her dominant position even when she is on the bottom.

  Lotus In this classic lovemaking position, the man sits cross-legged while his woman sits on his lap and lowers her body onto his erection. She wraps her legs around his body, and her arms around his neck, using his shoulders as leverage to pump his shaft. The man can also grip his woman’s buttocks to lift her off and on his erection, thereby using her body to stroke it. This position helps in the BDSM practice of delayed gratification (see #3) as it does not create as much friction or fury as some other positions.

  Pressed The woman lies on her back and brings her knees to her chest. The man kneels and penetrates her as she presses her feet against his chest. This position facilitates more physical sex: the harder the woman presses her feet against her man’s chest, the harder he has to work to thrust. For this reason, this is a good position to use during rough sex and force fantasies (see #27).

  Congress of the Cow Don’t think about agriculture. And don’t think that anyone is calling you a cow. Just enjoy what this arrangement has to offer. In this rear-entry position, the woman stands in the bent-over position while her man enters her from behind. She can also get onto her hands and knees. Her man can caress, massage, kiss—or scratch and slap—her back to increase sensation. This position makes a woman’s vagina feel tighter, which is pleasurable for both partners. It also offers the man an exciting view of his woman’s genitals and backside. Most importantly, it exploits the power imbalance between partners and helps a man reinforce his role as the dominant (see #2).