Diaries of a Heartbroken Duchess: A Historical Regency Romance Collection

by Hamilton, Hanna

  “I’m happy to hear that he will recover.”

  “I’m sure he would be happy to see you, once he’s stronger. I told him you were working here with Elizabeth.”

  “Was he surprised?”

  “A little. But his head has not been too clear, so I don’t know how much he really understood.”

  They were silent as the sun began to set. John cast a look at Susan. Her face was lit golden by the setting sun. It warmed his heart to see her again. He realized he’d really missed seeing her while he was in London.

  “Wasn’t today the day the twins were coming to play with Elizabeth?” he asked.

  “Yes, and it went fine. They had a great time and look forward to next week. I feel it’s a modest beginning to what will eventually become the school.”

  “Have you worked on our equipment list yet?”

  “Yes, I have and I’m ready to meet with you whenever you wish.”

  “Good. Soon.” He looked up at the sky. “It will be dark before long, we best head back.”

  John helped Susan onto the horse and, as he took hold of Susan’s waist to help her up, he felt a surge of, what he could only call passion, as she turned her head toward him and he could feel her breath on his cheek.

  John quickly mounted his horse and spurred it on, as they set off across the field, scattering the deer as they approached.

  * * *

  The next morning John paced the library. He was still in turmoil over Simon’s illness. And now Simon was home. John had not given a lot of thought to what might come next for his brother, but he wanted to give it some serious thought now.

  His first impulse was to offer Simon a part of the estate, but if he did that, the totality of the estate would diminish. The whole point of primogeniture was to pass the estate on to a single heir in order to keep it intact so that the land could support the Dukedom. John knew he needed to honor that tradition for the sake of stability and his future heirs.

  Standish came into the library.

  “Your Grace, you wanted me to let you know when Mr. Simon awoke.”

  “Yes, thank you.”

  “He has asked for food and to see you.”

  “Standish, do you think he might be up to seeing Miss Susan and my daughter? He has not met her, you know.”

  “If you think Miss Elizabeth would be ready to meet her uncle, then I believe he would be happy to meet her. He does seem greatly improved from when he arrived yesterday.”

  “Very well, Standish. Please serve Simon his meal and tell him I shall attend on him presently.”

  “Very good, Your Grace.”

  * * *

  It was well after breakfast and he estimated that Susan and Elizabeth would be in the school room. Should he also invite Aunt Clarissa to attend with them he wondered? He decided against it. Seeing Miss Susan, his one-time fiancé, and the niece he’d never met, seemed quite enough stimulation for one day.

  John went to the schoolroom and went inside, standing at the door as Elizabeth was looking at a book and picking out words at the moment. He didn’t want to disturb her.

  However, Susan looked up and smiled.

  “Your Grace, welcome. Have you come to see our lesson?”

  “Not explicitly. It seems Simon has awakened and is both hungry and asking for me. A very good sign after his horrible fever.”

  “Oh, that is good news.”

  John stepped further into the room.

  “And, as he has never met his niece, I was thinking that you and Elizabeth might accompany me to see him. Do you think she might want to do that?”

  “Now?”

  “If you like.”

  Susan seemed to hesitate. Perhaps she was concerned for herself about seeing Simon again after their poor meeting in London, John contemplated.

  Susan turned to Elizabeth. “Honey, would you like to go and meet your Uncle Simon now?”

  “Is he better?”

  “Yes, sweetheart, he is,” John answered.

  “I’d like that. Shall I take him a book to read?” Elizabeth asked.

  “Perhaps later. He’s still recovering and sleeping a lot. I think we might suggest that to him in a few days,” Susan said.

  “Yes. I’d like to meet him,” she said, standing down from her chair.

  “Then let’s go.” John offered his hand to Elizabeth and they headed out the door, followed by Susan.

  Chapter 22

  John knocked on the door and Simon’s attendant opened it.

  “Your Grace, he’s been asking for you.”

  “Thank you, Gracen.”

  John led the way into the room.

  The room was dimly lit, with the draperies mostly drawn shut. Simon was sitting up in the large four-poster bed, a breakfast tray across his lap. He looked up as John approached.

  “John, as you can see, I’m still in the land of the living.”

  “Yes, Simon. And you look a great deal better. You have more color.”

  “My sight is a little sensitive to light, so I have the curtains mostly closed.”

  “But can you see who I’ve brought with me?” John asked.

  Susan stepped forward with Elizabeth standing in front of her.

  “Hello, Simon. I’m very glad to see you are improving,” Susan said softly.

  “Hello, Susan. Thank you. And that must be the little Elizabeth. My, how much she looks like her mother,” Simon said.

  “Yes, she does,” John said, but without his usual wince at the reference to Annabel.

  “Hello, Uncle Simon. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Elizabeth said as she stepped forward and held out her hand.

  Simon chuckled as he took her hand. “What a polite young lady you are, Miss Elizabeth.”

  Elizabeth curtsied. “Thank you, Uncle. Do you like to read?”

  “I do, occasionally, but not right now. My eyesight is still impaired a little.”

  “Later then. I would be happy to find you any type of book you’d like,” Elizabeth insisted. “I’m learning to read right now, and I can’t wait until I can read all the books in Father’s library.”

  “Most ambitious.”

  “And if anyone could do it, it would be her,” Susan said.

  Simon laid his head against the bed. “Susan, it’s really good to see you. I fear we did not part well when we last met in London. And for that, I am truly sorry. It was my fault entirely.”

  “Not entirely,” Susan added. “I was taken by surprise at seeing you and I was less than gracious.”

  “Ah…” he said and briefly closed his eyes.

  “Are you tiring?” John asked.

  “A little. But it is so good to see you all. I won’t want you to leave just yet.”

  “And how is the charming Miss Cresswell?” Susan asked.

  Simon smiled a little sadly. “I’m afraid we parted company a few months ago. She found—how shall I say this politely—a more prosperous and generous companion that better suited her lavish tastes.”

  Susan nodded but did not wish to comment.

  John stepped forward. “Simon, I know you’re still recovering, but I’d like you to think about what you wish to do when you recover. I know we’ve been estranged, but I’d greatly like us to reconcile if at all possible. Think about how I might help you and we can discuss it further later.”

  Simon reached out his hand. “John, you’ve done so much for me already. I owe you my life. I don’t know how I can ever thank you enough. And I am so ashamed of the way I treated you…” He turned to Susan. “And to you, Susan, I am, also, so very sorry.”

  Susan needed to keep back the tears and didn’t speak but just nodded.

  “I think we’d better go,” John said. “You still have a long recovery. I’ll check in with you later.”

  “Thank you all for coming,” Simon said, and lay back against the pillows.

  * * *

  The surveyors were still staking out the railway right of way. It would be some time before John wo
uld be able to ship the wool using the train. So his immediate responsibility was to ship the wool to market using the shipping service his family had used for many years. The shipping had been delayed by his trip to London, but now he urgently needed to make the necessary arrangements.

  He was at his desk writing out the details for the shipment when Standish came into the library.

  “The post, Your Grace,” he said offering a number letters on a silver salver.

  “Thank you, Standish.”

  John took the letters and placed them on the desk to look at later, as he wanted to finish the inventory for the shippers.

  However, one letter caught his eye and he picked it up and opened it.

  7th November, 1830

  Your Grace, the Duke of Lennox,

  It seems like months since we met, but I know it has only been a few weeks. But fondness knows no time, and I long to see you once again.

  And as you so kindly offered to host me, should I be in the region, I should like to take you up on your kind offer and ask if I might visit for a short week or two, starting this Thursday?

  I am staying with Lady Briddlesworth of Houghton House at present, and I could not leave the area without taking advantage of your generous hospitality.

  I so long for us to take up where we left off—your enlightened instruction on your family—our burgeoning friendship—and exploring the wonders of Haverford Estate.

  I know you are a busy man and I promise to be as discrete and unobtrusive as possible on your valuable time. However, I believe we might have many satisfying evenings of pleasant conversation to look forward to.

  You may send your answer to Lady Briddlesworth, Houghton House, Travistock, Kent.

  Your Ardent and Devoted,

  Fiona Fitzwilliam

  John sat back in his chair and sighed. Yes, he had offered to have Miss Fitzwilliam visit again, but it could not be at a more inconvenient moment. Simon was still recovering, the wool was being shipped and he really wanted to focus on founding the new school for the villagers. Still, it might be lively to have an entertaining guest. And it might cheer Simon up as well. He needed to start reentering active life again, and Fitz might be just the one to help do that.

  He took out a piece of stationary and quickly responded to her letter in the affirmative.

  * * *

  Susan thought it would be a nice gesture to offer to accompany Simon on a little walk outside if he was up to it. It had been a week since his arrival and she knew he was out of bed and beginning to attend the family meals.

  After supper one evening she went over to him as he was leaving the dining room.

  “Simon, I see you are regaining your strength,” she said. “Might you be interested in accompanying me on my walk some morning? I usually take various routes around the estate. However, we could make the walk as short or as long as you wish.”

  “Hmm. That sounds interesting. I’ve not been outside yet and I believe it would be good for me. However, I think we should start with a modest walk and see how well I do.”

  “Of course. We will tailor the length to your needs.”

  “What time do you usually go?” Simon asked.

  “About seven o’clock.”

  Simon laughed. “Oh, Miss Susan, you greatly overestimate my abilities to be up and ready at such an hour. These days I don’t even awake until after nine.”

  Susan laughed. “How very thoughtless of me. Then an afternoon walk perhaps? —while Elizabeth is taking her nap.”

  “That sounds a great deal more practical.”

  “Then tomorrow afternoon I shall come and find you—weather permitting, of course.”

  “I look forward to it,” Simon said smiling.

  * * *

  Susan found Simon sitting by the fire in the smaller sitting room.

  “Here you are. I went to your rooms.”

  “No. I’m trying to live a more normal life now. I seem to get by most of the day with only a brief nap before supper.”

  “Then shall we walk?”

  Simon stood. Susan saw that he had regained much of his strength and vigor. His color had greatly improved and he no longer hesitated when he walked.

  “It’s quite chilly out, even though the sun is bright.”

  “I’m prepared,” he said, wrapping a large wool scarf around his neck.

  They left the house and started on the path around the lake. There was a moderately biting breeze and Susan needed to pull up her coat collar.

  “Are you cold?” Simon asked as he took her arm.

  “Just a little, but I’ll be fine.”

  “Thank you for asking me to walk with you. It means a lot to me that you even speak to me after the terrible way I treated you on our wedding day.”

  “You might have at least written me a note explaining.”

  Simon lowered his head. “I was out of my mind. I was angry, confused, and terribly resentful of John. I didn’t understand that he had planned to grant me a living. I stole from him, bolted, and behaved unforgivably to you. And there is no excuse.”

  “It hurt me deeply.”

  “Of course, it did. And I can only beg your forgiveness.” Susan nodded but did not openly forgive him. “I understand you cannot forgive me now, but I will do everything in my power to win your trust again.”

  They walked back to the house mostly in silence. Susan was still struggling with some deep anger that she thought she’d released. But it appeared to have only been repressed.

  Before going inside, Simon turned to Susan and, taking hold of her arm, asked, “Do you think you can forgive me one day?”

  “I thought I had, Simon. But seeing you, and being close to you again, has brought up feelings of anger I thought were long gone. It seems it is I who must also ask forgiveness of you.”

  Simon hung his head. “Then, I believe, we both have work to do.”

  * * *

  John found Simon in his room, gazing out of the windows, seemingly lost in thought.

  “Brother, might I have a word with you?” John asked.

  Simon turned to him. “Yes, of course.”

  “You seem greatly improved. I barely recognize the poor tortured soul I found in those horrible rooms in London.”

  Simon smiled. “Fortunately, I was so totally dazed I remember barely anything of the ordeal.”

  “That’s a blessing.” John came over and stood at the window with Simon. “It’s quite the view—our estate—is in not?”

  Simon turned to him. “Our estate? No. I think it is your estate. You made that perfectly clear to me all those years ago when Father died.”

  John hung his head. “Yes. I did stress that, didn’t I?”

  “Yes, you did.”

  “Simon, you know the family’s stance on the inheritance. The estate must always pass along in its entirety. But that doesn’t mean there can’t be a consideration for your needs.” Simon turned to John and studied him, but didn’t answer. “We must discuss what you want to do with your life, now that you’ve recovered.”

  “Nearly recovered,” Simon corrected.

  “Yes. But that need not stop us from discussing what you want, and how I might help you achieve that.”

  “Do you mean that, John?” Simon asked cautiously.

  “I do. Tell me your thoughts.”

  Simon took a deep breath and collapsed into a chair by the window. John sat opposite him.

  “Please, share with me.”

  Simon considered for a long moment, and then said, “I’ve wasted a great deal of my life so far. I fully acknowledge my mistakes and, knowing that I can’t go back and undo them, I must reassess my life and find a meaningful purpose from here on out.”

  “And do you know what that might be?” John asked.

  “I’ve had a great deal of time to reflect since the illness and there are two major thoughts.”

  “Yes?”

  “First, I want to reconcile with you. I cannot pay back what I stole fr
om you and squandered, nor can I undo the break in your trust, but I can start to rebuild that trust and beg that you forgive me for my theft.”