Slow Dreaming

by Anne Barwell

  Ruth turned her back on them, but not before Jason noticed the grin on her face. Her sudden coughing fit sounded more like laughter to him. “Are you okay, Ruth? I hope you’re not getting whatever it is that William has,” he said, deadpan.

  “Sit down and drink your coffee,” she said, shaking her head when Sean went to make it. “That means both of you. If we’ve had the crowds we usually do, you guys have been on your feet for the best part of two hours. Sit, talk, and recharge first, okay?”

  “Okay.” Jason didn’t recall saying yes to the coffee, but he wasn’t about to turn down the offer. “Is she always like this?” he asked Sean after they’d made themselves comfortable at the table they’d shared the day before.

  “No, sometimes she’s way worse.” Sean grinned. He put down his cup and leaned over, placing his hand over Jason’s. “Hey, thanks for helping. Not many guys I know would have done that. It says a lot about you.”

  “I’m thinking that you haven’t met the right kind of guys, then.” Jason shrugged, not ready to accept the compliment, yet inordinately pleased with Sean’s reaction. “And before you go down that road, I didn’t do it just to make an impression. I was brought up to do this kind of stuff. If someone needs help, you give it.” That was one of the few things he remembered about his father, that and walking along what was left of the beach together. God, he missed him.

  Sean smiled, a genuine one that reflected in his eyes. He squeezed Jason’s hand. “Do you still want to listen to that song I’m working on?”

  “Yeah, I’d love to,” Jason started to say, but he was interrupted by the flash of a camera. He looked up to see Lisa pocketing her mobile.

  “Sean, you left your jacket in the kitchen.” Lisa helped herself to the chair next to Jason’s. “You can grab Jason’s jumper while you’re at it. I noticed it there too.”

  “We’ll get them when we’re ready.” Sean glared at her, obviously not impressed with the interruption or the way in which she was organizing him.

  Lisa sighed. “I’d like a word with Jason, Sean. That was supposed to be a less than subtle hint.” She smiled. “Don’t worry, I’ll be nice, and I won’t steal the rest of your coffee. You can finish it when you get back.”

  “Jason?” Sean looked dubious, glancing from one to the other, but he was already pushing his chair back, ready to move. Did Lisa do this to all the men in which Sean showed an interest? It was a weird setup here; both Ruth and Lisa acted more like family, and a protective one at that. They reminded him of Alisha. She’d wanted to rip Rex’s balls out and shove them up his arse after that relationship had gone sour.

  “It’s fine. I’ll still be here when you get back. I want to hear that song of yours.” He waited until Sean was out of earshot before continuing. “If you’re trying to warn me off him, you’re wasting your time. I don’t mean him any harm, and all we are is friends. We haven’t known each other that long.” That was all they could be; they didn’t have the luxury of time needed to build a relationship.

  “Uh-huh.” Lisa pulled out her phone, pushed a couple of buttons, and shoved it at Jason. “You might be just friends, but look at this, Jason, at the way Sean’s looking at you.” Her expression softened. “I wouldn’t be showing you this, but I’ve seen the way you look at him too. Friends still hurt friends, even if they haven’t known each other that long.”

  Jason shrugged. He put the phone down on the table without looking at it. “I know that, Lisa, and I appreciate the fact you’re looking out for him, but I really wouldn’t worry about it. Sean’s safe with me.” Who was he trying to kid? He couldn’t stop what was going to happen, no one could. This particular future was already written. The currents of time could not be interfered with or changed. No one joined the Institute without taking an oath to that effect.

  “He better be.” Lisa stood and held her hand out for her phone. “His flatmate, Leilani, is a nurse and knows exactly how and what to do the most damage to you, if you catch my drift. Sean’s a good guy, and he’s been hurt by too many arseholes in the past. The next one better not be you.”

  “It won’t be,” Jason promised, wondering what he’d done to deserve this kind of third degree from some girl he’d only just met. Whatever those particular arseholes had done to Sean, they deserved everything coming to them and more. He picked up the phone, intending to glance at whatever was on it before handing it back.

  Oh God.

  He froze, staring at it. It was a photo of Sean, not just any photo but the exact likeness of the one Jason carried in his wallet.

  No secrets. I want you to know me.

  He wanted that too, he wanted it so much. For the person Sean was looking at, the recipient of that smile, was Jason himself.

  JASON was quiet, distracted after they left the cafe. Sean moved closer, slipping his hand into Jason’s. The action was instinctive; he didn’t think about it until he realized what he’d done. Jason smiled, using his thumb to caress Sean’s hand. His skin was smooth and warm, his touch very tender, as though he was using it to say the words he didn’t want to speak.

  There was music in his touch. The phrase came unbidden into his mind. Sean smiled. There was more than one way in which to communicate; it was one of the reasons why he was drawn to his music. With it he could bare his soul and share his emotions but still be safe in doing so.

  When they reached the restaurant, Jason had perked up a little, but he kept glancing at Sean as though he was seeing something or someone else. It was unnerving. “Can we get this as a takeaway?” he asked. “I’d really like to hear your music, and it’s later than we planned.”

  “Sure.” If he wanted to spend more time together, that was fine with Sean. This place was crowded today, anyway, more so than he expected. If he could get Jason to relax a little, he might be more open to talking about whatever was on his mind. “What do you want? My treat, as you helped out at work today.”

  “I have money,” Jason protested. “More than what I need for the week, and you’re on a budget.” Sean narrowed his eyes at the offer. Jason sighed. “Okay, but only if you let me take you out for dinner tomorrow night. Order whatever you want, you know this place. I trust you to get something good.”

  Sean blinked. Dinner? That sounded suspiciously like a date, which this wasn’t. Was it? “Okay,” he said slowly. “You have a deal.” He thought quickly and ordered a mix of meat and vegetarian dishes with some naan bread to go with it. What they didn’t finish would keep in the fridge and make Leilani happy. She loved Indian food.

  When he turned around, Jason was leaning against the wall, his eyes half closed. For a moment he looked very young, blond hair half falling across his forehead, his legs crossed at the ankles, his hands shoved in his pockets. He was humming a snatch of tune, but there wasn’t enough of it for Sean to make out what it was.

  “Did Lisa say something to you?” Sean asked softly. That was when Jason’s demeanor had changed. “I know she can be a bit overprotective at times, but don’t let that put you off. She only does it because she cares.” He reached out tentatively when Jason opened his eyes, brushing that lock of hair back from his face.

  Jason started at the touch before relaxing again. He swallowed. “I don’t mean you any harm, Sean. I told her that. I just want the chance to spend some time with you while I can.”

  “If I thought your intentions towards me were less than pure….” Fuck. Sean froze, the words out of his mouth before he had the chance to stop them. “I’m thinking I need to rephrase that.” After the way he’d just touched Jason, his own intentions were definitely moving off that path.

  “I think you should.” Jason suddenly grinned, his eyes lighting up. Hope flashed through them, followed by sadness. “Would you mind?” he whispered, lowering his voice so they wouldn’t be overheard. “If my intentions were less than pure, I mean? I… you’re….” His voice trailed off. He licked his lips and blushed.

  The man at the counter called out that their order was ready,
and Sean went to collect it and his thoughts. His mind made up, he slipped his hand back into Jason’s, and as they left the restaurant, he paused just outside the door and brushed his lips against Jason’s. It took one hell of a lot of will power not to deepen it, not to kiss him properly, but Sean forced himself to have just the barest taste. Even that was enough to arouse him, more so than he’d reacted to another man in a very long time. “I’m not sure how pure mine are towards you, either.”

  “I can’t give you more than a few days, Sean, and that’s not who I am,” Jason said softly, hoarsely.

  “I know that, and I’m not asking for more than that.” With the way his love life had been, he’d prefer the memories of a couple of good days than the ones he had of the disasters of his past. He didn’t know this guy, he reminded himself. Hell, he wasn’t sure he wanted anything more, but there was something about Jason that he couldn’t let go.

  Jason averted his gaze, started to say something, and then stopped. “Okay,” he mumbled, squeezing Sean’s hand so tightly it almost hurt. He let go quickly once he realized what he’d done and seemed to pull himself together. What had happened to him in the past to make him react like this?

  “Are you sure?” Sean stepped in front of Jason so they were looking directly at each other. “Look, from what I can see, it seems to me that you’ve been hurt by someone before doing just this. I’m not going to add to that. I’d like us to be friends, and as much as my body seems convinced it wants more, I won’t do that if you don’t want me to.” He blinked, wondering where the words had come from. He usually wasn’t this upfront with someone he’d just met, but this felt different. Bloody hell, he definitely needed to finish this song. It was screwing with his sanity, among other things.

  “Yeah, I’m sure.” Jason cleared his throat. “We should get back to your place and eat before we attract attention out here.” He smiled; the hopeful expression was back. “Your place still okay? If it’s not, I’m staying at the Kowhai Motel. I’d still like to hear that song you’re working on.”

  “Sure.” Leilani was working the night shift, so she wouldn’t be home until later. They’d have the flat to themselves, free to pursue whatever happened. “Food and then music. There should still be a couple of beers in the fridge, too, if my flatmate hasn’t helped herself to them.”

  “The nurse?” Jason glanced down at his groin and shuddered. Lisa had definitely had that chat with him.

  “Don’t worry. She’s at work, so you’re safe.” Sean chuckled at the expression on Jason’s face. “You might need to convince her later, though, if you’re still there when she gets home.”

  “I can be very convincing,” Jason said indignantly, “especially when my honor is involved.”

  “Your honor should be the least of your concerns.” Sean pointed to a building on the next corner. “We’re just up here. Top floor, so I hope you don’t mind stairs. There isn’t a lift.”

  “I don’t mind stairs.” Jason grinned. “It looks like a box, with the shape of it. Reminds me of home.”

  “You live in a box?” Sean gave Jason the plastic bag to carry while he fished around in his pocket for his front-door key.

  “Smartarse.” Jason rolled his eyes, following Sean the rest of the way just a little behind him. Sean could feel Jason’s eyes on him, hear the sharp intake of breath when he bent to retrieve the mail out of the letterbox once they reached the gate. It wasn’t just his body that wanted more. He bit his lip, focusing on the task at hand. Get inside, eat, share the music….

  Leilani had better bloody be working late tonight.

  “Welcome to the madhouse.” Sean swung the door open, surprised when the usual pile of washing that occupied the sofa was missing. Actually, the flat looked unusually neat. He sighed. For all her talk of threats, Lisa wasn’t about to stand in his way if there was a chance he might get laid tonight. This had all the marks of a conspiracy. Leilani only cleaned like this if she was expecting visitors, or Sean was.

  “It feels like a home,” Jason said softly, looking around. He put the food down on the table and ran his hands over it. “It’s beautiful. Pine, yes? Actual wood.” There was awe in his voice.

  “It’s old, Jason. Nothing special.” They’d picked it up in a garage sale along with most of the furniture. Sean opened the fridge and pulled out a couple of bottles of beer. “Tui okay? I thought we had some DB, but someone’s beaten me to it.”

  “It’s fine.” Jason took a sip of beer and leaned back in his chair while Sean opened the plastic containers of food. “This smells great. It’s been a while since I’ve had Indian food, and I’ve worked up an appetite.”

  “Dig in, there’s plenty of it. Their portions are always very generous.” Sean handed Jason a fork and plate. “I bought a mix of stuff as I wasn’t sure what you liked. There’s butter chicken, lamb korma, and aloo gobhi in case you’re not into meat.”

  “I’ll eat anything, especially if I don’t have to cook it.” Jason helped himself to a portion of everything then ripped off a piece of naan bread. His stomach rumbled, and he grinned. “Alisha tells me that the way to my heart is through my stomach, but what would she know?”

  “Alisha?” Sean served himself and began to eat slowly, amused at the way in which Jason mumbled words through mouthfuls of food.

  “We work together.” Jason took a swig of beer. “I’ve known her for years, even before we both started working for the….” He stopped, bottle in mid-air.

  “The…?” Sean prompted, although he was more focused on the way Jason’s tongue curled around the mouth of the bottle, licking stray drops off it after he went silent. The brief taste he’d had of Jason was still on his mind, a hint of coffee, something sweet and yet in a way very primal.

  “The stuff I’m going to explain over dinner tomorrow night,” Jason said finally.

  “Why not now?”

  “Because if I leave it until then, it’s closer to….” Jason put down the bottle. “It’s better to wait,” he said firmly. “Less chance of….” He shook his head and glanced at his watch.

  “You sound like you’re about to do something you shouldn’t,” Sean said dryly. “Unless I need to start calling you James instead?”

  Jason choked. “Excuse me?”

  “Bond, James Bond.” Sean sighed at Jason’s puzzled expression. What was it with people not getting pop references these days? “Undercover secret agent, 007, that kind of stuff?”

  “Oh. Sorry, I haven’t heard of it.” Jason bit his lip. “I should have, shouldn’t I?” For a moment he looked like a kid caught out not having done his homework, which didn’t make sense at all, considering the situation.

  “No worries.” This was something that needed to be rectified. “Luckily, you happen to be with a guy who owns most of the Bond movies.” Sean took a deep breath. If Jason could invite him out to dinner, the date idea could be reciprocated with the offer of a movie, right? “If you’re not doing anything tonight, we could watch one. I can even offer popcorn so we can pretend we’re at a movie theater.”

  “I’d like that.” Jason mopped his gravy, bits of it drizzling down his piece of naan bread. He ate slowly, obviously enjoying the taste, his tongue coming out once more to finish off what he’d missed.

  Sean’s breath hitched. He cleared his throat, shifting in his seat, thankful the jeans he’d worn today were not the very tight pair he owned. “I’m thinking I should play you that song now.” While he still had the focus to do so.

  “Thanks, I’d like that.” Jason began to clear up from their meal, seemingly unaware of the effect his actions had on Sean. He looked down at Sean’s plate. “Oh, I’m sorry. You hadn’t finished.”

  “I’ve had enough for now, thanks.” Sean stood, willing the bulge in his jeans to behave. Needing a few minutes to calm down, he busied himself finding space in the fridge for the leftovers. What the hell was he thinking, offering to show Jason this song? He never shared half-finished projects, especially when it meant h
aving to sing the damn things. While Sean could sing, he felt more comfortable hiding behind a keyboard and letting the instrument perform for him.

  He took another swig of beer. “The piano’s in the other room.”

  “You have an actual piano?” Jason seemed surprised. “How did you manage to get one of those up the stairs?”

  “Yeah. Keyboards are okay, and I have one of those, too, but I prefer the sound and feel of the real thing.” Sean chuckled. “You should have seen the look on the faces of the guys who helped move it in. They swore at me.”

  Jason followed him, his eyes widening when he realized what Sean had meant by “other room.” “This is your bedroom.”

  “Yeah.” He had the bigger room, and this way the noise didn’t interrupt Leilani when she wanted to watch TV. “Is that a problem?” The double bed was in the corner, out of the way, the rest of the room set up as a study with the piano on the far wall with a desk next to it, covered in papers. “I didn’t bring you in here to seduce you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “No, I wasn’t worried….” Jason glanced at the bed and shoved his hands in his pockets. He made a beeline for the only chair in the room and pulled it up to the side of the piano, leaving the stool free for Sean. His fingers traced the ornate carvings on either side of the instrument. “This is old too, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah.” Sean sat down, watching the tenderness with which Jason touched the wood. Maybe it had been a mistake bringing him in here? He shuffled through his pile of papers, looking for his notes. “You can still see where the candlesticks used to be.” This was his study; he’d brought people in here before. The bed was made; it wasn’t that much of an invitation for anything else. And if it did….

  At this point, he didn’t care. In fact, he rather hoped it would.

  The first chord was a minor one. It suited the melancholy feel of the song. He started slow, letting hints of the tune come out in the first arpeggio run, then began to sing softly. “I’m slow dreaming, thinking about moments in time. Reaching out for possibilities, hoping to make them mine.”