Anything for Her Family

by Sharon De Vita

  “I’m glad,” Jared said. Her words helped relieve some of the tension he’d felt, but there was something else in the depths of her eyes, something he couldn’t identify. For some reason it sent off a different kind of warning bell in his head. She looked disturbingly wary and uncomfortable, and he didn’t understand why. “Then you’re happy here?”

  Natalie had to swallow the lump in her throat. How could she ever explain that during the past few months here—being with her children, with him, providing a stable, secure home for her boys—she’d been happier than she’d ever been in her life?

  “Very,” she said softly.

  Relieved, Jared grinned. “Good. I want you to be happy, Nat.”

  The way he said it made her realize he was talking about more than just her position here. He was inferring something far more personal, and it made her tense. “Jared?”

  Blinking, he glanced back down at her.

  “What about you, Jared?” she asked quietly, fighting off the sudden need she felt to lay her head on his broad chest and just rest for a moment. It had been such a long, harrowing three years.

  So long.

  Now the strain of being around her boys and not being able to claim them yet was wearing on her. She wanted them to get to know her well enough so they wouldn’t be afraid, so she wouldn’t hurt them any further. But trying to keep up a facade in front of Jared, while worrying every moment that Raymond would find them, was taking its toll.

  She was just so weary. It felt as if she hadn’t had a moment of peace, or a moment to rest, since the boys had been snatched. So the thought of laying her weary head on Jared’s chest and just holding him and being held of allowing herself to just let go and relax, to forget all the problems and issues she was facing, was unbearably tempting.

  Jared had strong, broad shoulders a woman could lean on. But it was a temptation she couldn’t give in to. She couldn’t need him and she couldn’t lean on him. She knew it, but somehow her heart didn’t seem to be getting the message.

  Natalie couldn’t stop looking at him, wishing she could read what was in the depths of his eyes. “What do you expect, Jared?” she asked softly, nestling closer to him.

  He was quiet for a moment, simply studying her, losing himself in those gorgeous, suddenly sad eyes, that beautiful face.

  “Never mind,” she finally said with a weary sigh, pushing her hair off her face, not giving him a chance to answer. Perhaps she didn’t really want to know, couldn’t afford to know. “I can read it in your face. You expect the same thing from women, don’t you?” The sadness in his eyes almost broke her heart. “You expect us all to cut and run, right?”

  “I guess, Nat, our expectations are based on our personal history.” He shrugged. “And my past tells me not to expect much from a woman.”

  “I can understand that,” she said slowly, realizing he had every right to expect her to be like his ex-wife. Still, she didn’t like being compared to a woman she clearly had nothing in common with. “But I think you should understand that I’m not your ex-wife, nor am I like any other woman you’ve ever met, or nanny you’ve ever hired. So please don’t lump me in with any of them. I’m me. And I don’t cut and run if the going gets tough. Not my style.” Her chin lifted in determination. “I have no intention of ever leaving the boys, Jared.” Her eyes flashed. “Not ever.”

  Her dander was up, her eyes flashing, her mouth slightly pursed. And it was, he thought, an absolutely beautiful mouth. Full. Lush. The kind of mouth made for the pleasure of kissing. Jared couldn’t stop staring, wondering, wanting.

  Needs rose to mock him, reminding him again that he was still a normal, healthy man, a man who’d deliberately cut himself off from women simply to protect himself. At the moment, looking at Natalie, he simply couldn’t remember why he thought he needed protection.

  “Natalie.”

  He said her name in a soft, sensual whisper, making every thought in her head scatter and her pulse leap.

  Those eyes…Natalie thought hazily, mesmerized in spite of herself. She allowed him to draw her closer until their bodies were touching, brushing up against one another, her softness resting against his masculine hardness. The knowledge sent a sizzling wave of awareness over her entire body.

  “W-what?” Swallowing became difficult when he slipped his free hand around her waist, the pressure of his fingers warming her, reminding her he was touching her.

  Breathing had become difficult as well. As long as she looked at him, as long as he continued to look at her like that, she knew she was going to have difficulty. It was as if some unknown force field was surrounding them, tugging them closer and closer while blocking out everything else but the two of them.

  “I don’t want you to leave,” he whispered, knowing she was too close, and his desire too out of control at the moment for him to think clearly. All he could do was feel—feel all the emotions, the desires he’d kept buried for so long.

  Natalie had somehow stirred and awakened them, until now they were clamoring to be set free.

  “Good,” she whispered, unable to draw her gaze from his. She was usually a strong person, in control, but his touch, the way he was looking at her, had made her knees wobbly. He was still holding her hand, and she clutched it now, fearing that if she didn’t, her knees might buckle.

  She wasn’t used to having a man look at her like Jared did. Hungry eyes, she thought absently, watching him as if in a fog. The man had hungry, haunting eyes.

  She knew he’d been hurt, and she hated it—hated it more because she was going to hurt him as well.

  She didn’t want to, she realized with a growing sense of sadness. She didn’t want to be the cause of any more pain for him. He didn’t deserve it.

  “Natalie.” He said her name again, a soft, gentle whisper, tightening his hand around her waist to draw her even closer.

  Her eyes widened a fraction as she watched his head lower, his mouth come closer. Instinctively, she raised a hand to his chest to push him away, knowing she couldn’t allow this to continue any further. She was getting in too deep, allowing her emotions to overrule her intellect.

  She had to stop him.

  Instead, she found her fingers clutching the soft cloth of his shirt as she clung to him, lips parted, eyes wary, waiting.

  His mouth brushed over hers slowly, gently, as if testing the waters. Her fingers tightened on his shirt and she tilted her head back, knowing she was weakening, remembering the whirlwind he caused every time he touched her, kissed her. Her breath was unsteady, her knees shaking, her stomach rolling.

  She couldn’t allow this, couldn’t let herself become any more emotionally involved with him.

  She couldn’t afford to care about him.

  “Jared.” His name was a whisper, part fearful, part pleading, and he answered by covering her mouth fully with his.

  The touch of his lips on hers, the feel of him so close brought out a shuddering breath of surprise, delight and desire, silencing all the warnings.

  There was an intensity about his kiss, a heightened intent that both frightened and excited her beyond reason.

  She’d never been kissed like this, never felt as if the floor had suddenly slid out from beneath her, leaving her dangling in midair, breathless, holding on to him simply because there didn’t seem to be anything else to hold on to.

  She knew she should push him away, knew she couldn’t—shouldn’t—do this, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. The touch of his mouth on hers, so gently so delicious, turned her world upside down.

  A whimper came from deep in her throat as his lips, soft, pliant and so very, very gentle, caressed hers. Drawn in, seduced by a multitude of sensations that slammed into her with stunning clarity, she knew instinctively she’d never felt any of this before. Never experienced this kind of mind-blowing, lung-stealing desire.

  A tremor of awareness, of need, rippled through her, and she shivered, kissing him back with the same intensity, knowing she could d
o no less. She clung to him, winding her arms around his neck, drawing him closer, lifting up on tiptoe to better accept the fullness of his mouth.

  Her breasts ached, tingled as his arms tightened around her, pulling her against him until she could feel his heart beating along with hers, as if they’d simply become one.

  Staggered, Jared found his mind splintering, found himself becoming little more than a mass of feelings. Logic, reason deserted him as need and desire swept everything else away.

  He’d felt a sense of urgency when the fear of her leaving had surfaced, and he realized now just how much she’d come to mean to him. How much he needed her, when he thought he’d never allow himself to need anyone again, especially a woman.

  All his feelings and emotions came pouring out the moment she lifted her lips to his. Never had one woman undermined him so. He was a man of control, lived his life by it and didn’t really know any other way to be. But from the first time he’d touched Natalie, kissed her, her nearness had shattered his control, leaving him stunned.

  His lungs hurt as his breath labored in and out; his loins ached with the need to make her his, to brand her with his body, his touch.

  He couldn’t remember ever wanting a woman this much, couldn’t remember being so totally consumed with feelings that everything else faded into oblivion.

  This felt so right, he thought hazily, unwilling to allow any of his nagging thoughts to gain hold. It felt absolutely, totally right.

  The thought slammed into him, frightening him when he realized what he was doing, and what he had at stake.

  He shouldn’t have done this, shouldn’t have allowed it to happen. Getting involved with Natalie could only complicate the situation, and could be just the impetus to make her leave.

  He couldn’t risk it.

  It had just been too long, he told himself. He’d denied himself the simple pleasures of a woman’s company for so long it was only natural that he would respond so strongly to her. That’s all it was, he told himself, reluctantly drawing back from her. But he didn’t believe it for a moment.

  Shaken, he lifted his head, looked at her. Her lips were still slightly parted and looked far too enticing for his peace of mind. Her eyes were hazy with passion, her lids slightly lowered, giving her an incredibly sexy look that he knew would haunt his dreams.

  She swayed a bit on her feet, and he lifted his hands to her slender shoulders to steady her, wanting nothing more than to pull her back into his arms again and kiss her until they were both breathless, senseless and sated.

  The yearning that had sprung to life the moment he’d laid eyes on her hadn’t diminished, it had grown in the ensuing months. Being around her every day, seeing her, enjoying her company, the way she treated the boys, had only made him want her more.

  “Natalie…” He let his voice trailed off, not certain what to say. Not trusting the thoughts in his mind.

  “What, Jared?” Her voice was whisper soft, seductive, and her hands still clung to him.

  He swallowed, wishing he’d had more time to plan, to think this through. “I want you to think about something.”

  Confused, she nodded, wondering how he could expect her to think about anything when he’d just kissed her silly. “Okay.”

  He had to swallow again, since his throat had gone bone dry. “Natalie, up until now, we’ve had a very professional relationship.” He hesitated, not certain how to put into words what he was feeling. “I want you to think about making our arrangement more personal.”

  “Personal?” Panic skittered up her spine as his meaning sunk in. She could feel her body begin to tremble, partially in fear, partially in remorse.

  She knew what he was asking, and realized she wanted nothing more than to throw her arms around him and agree. But she knew she couldn’t—wouldn’t. She simply couldn’t allow Jared to harbor the illusion that there could be anything personal between them. And it left her infinitely sad at the cruel twist of fate that had brought this wonderful man into her life. If circumstances were different… Her thoughts trailed off. Circumstances weren’t different, she reminded herself firmly, and wishing they were wouldn’t accomplish anything except to give them both false hope, something she simply couldn’t do.

  “Jared—”

  Seeing the look in her eyes, Jared lifted a finger to her mouth. “No, don’t answer me now. I said I wanted you to think about it. I know this is sudden and a bit unexpected, and because you work for me it can also be a bit complicated, but I think it’s worth the risk, Nat. I want more than an employee-employer relationship. And I think you do, too. We both know that we have something very special and very precious between us.” He took a breath. “I just want you to think about making this—what’s between us—more personal. I want to see you—not just professionally. But I want us to get to know each other personally.”

  Words wouldn’t come, but tears did. Tears of regret and remorse, because if the circumstances had been different, she would have been overjoyed at Jared’s request.

  Now it merely broke her heart.

  Looking at Jared, seeing the hope in his eyes, she knew she had run out of time.

  She was going to have to tell him the truth.

  She had no choice.

  Natalie squeezed her eyes shut and said a prayer for courage. She’d have to tell him, but not now, not tonight. It was late, he was tired and she still had things to do tonight to ready the boys’ costumes for the parade tomorrow.

  She’d tell him after Thanksgiving.

  By then, hopefully, all the hubbub of the holiday would be over and things would go back to normal. She’d have some quiet time to try to explain the truth to him.

  She simply couldn’t do it now. She couldn’t. She wanted just a few more days to enjoy him and the boys, and the wonderful life they had.

  Two days, she thought, exhaling deeply, feeling as if she’d been given a slight reprieve. She would give herself two more days, and she intended to enjoy them. She wouldn’t have Jared in her life in the future, but perhaps she’d have the memories of the next two days to keep her company. It would have to be enough.

  “Nat?”

  He was waiting for an answer. Licking her lips, Natalie stroked the back of his head, deliberately getting her emotions under control. “Yes, Jared, I’ll think about it.” She managed a smile. “I promise.”

  Relieved, he smiled back, then brushed his lips against her forehead. “Thanks.” Their gazes held for another long moment. The evening breeze ruffled the kitchen curtains, tossed her hair a bit, surrounded them.

  Jared’s blood was still simmering, his heart slamming recklessly. He knew he had to return some semblance of normalcy to the situation.

  “Natalie, about the boys…” His voice trailed off as she nodded.

  “Do you want me to talk to them, Jared? To reassure them I’m not leaving?”

  He shook his head. “Why don’t we just wait until after Thanksgiving, after we’ve had a chance to talk?” His smile was slow and hopeful and almost broke her heart. “Maybe then we can talk to them together, and maybe we’ll have something to tell them that will erase their fears.”

  Biting her lip in worry, she nodded. “That’s fine. After Thanksgiving will be fine.”

  He looked at her for another long moment, knowing that if he stayed here he’d just drag her into his arms and finish what he’d started, what his body was clamoring for him to do. “Well, it’s late. I think I’ll turn in.”

  She glanced around. “And I’d better finish cleaning up. Morning will be here before I know it and I’ve still got a couple things to do on the boys’ costumes.” She smiled up at him, not really wanting him to go. She lifted a hand to his cheek. “Thanks, Jared, for confiding in me about the boys. It meant a lot to me.”

  “Well, making sure that they’re comfortable and secure is of the utmost importance to me, and to you, I’m sure. I thought it was important that you know of their concerns.” He drew her closer, then brushed his mou
th tenderly, lightly against hers, not wanting to linger for fear of losing himself again. It took supreme effort to draw away from her rather than draw her to him. “Well, I think I’ll call it a night.” He was having a hard time leaving, not wanting to break this unbelievable connection between them.

  She nodded, releasing his hands, knowing if she didn’t, he might not go. She might not let him. “Good night, Jared,” she said with a smile, turning back to the counter and picking up the rag she’d carelessly dropped just a few minutes ago.

  He stood there awkwardly for a moment, shifting from foot to foot. “Good night, Nat.” Wanting to touch her once more, he gently ran a hand down the silky curtain of her hair.

  “Sleep well, Jared.”

  Deliberately, she kept her back to him until she was certain he was out of the room. She could hear his boots echoing down the long hallway, and let out a weary sigh.

  Sagging against the counter, Natalie closed her eyes and concentrated on taking several long, deep breaths, wondering how on earth she was going to tell him the truth.

  She hadn’t counted on this complication with Jared, hadn’t counted on falling in love with him.

  But she had, and now there was simply no denying it. Not to herself, not to him.

  And she had no idea how to tell him the truth.

  Two days, she thought again, straightening and pushing her hair off her face.

  She had two days to figure out a way to break Jared’s heart.