by H. J. Bellus
***
Grizz
“Mayley called me. Shit’s not right,” Titan says.
“What did she say?” Digger asks.
I try to concentrate on the plan ahead, but in the back of my head I know that Mayley isn’t the whiny, needy type. Her calling when she knows the plan down to the T doesn’t sit right with me, either. I try not to alert Titan of my panic. Hell, Mayley was brought up by Big Al, one of the biggest, baddest bikers known. The girl knows MC protocol and she definitely knows better than to fuck up a big deal like this. Titan told her everything. She knows our whereabouts, plans, and exactly who we’ll be killing. She also knows I’ll be turning myself in when all this shit goes down. Mayor will never forgive me for killing Animal and Iceman, but I’ll serve the time to take the heat off the club for kidnapping Piper.
“We gotta go back,” I finally say to the other men.
“You’re fucking up, Grizz, you’re not thinking right,” Digger warns.
Titan gets on his bike and roars off back into the direction of their apartment. He too knows something has gone very wrong. This will be the longest three hour drive. We had finally made it right outside of the Devils’ compound, waiting on Animal and Iceman. All three of us wanted to see them with our own eyes and then cut each of their nut sacks from their body, watch them die, and then take their cuts for crossing the Sinners. Once the job was complete, we’d call Mayley and then it was her job to take Piper to a safe place where Thomas would pick her up. He was more than thrilled to hear from us. I couldn’t stomach talking to him myself, I made Digger to do it.
We couldn’t send Piper back to civilization with no explanation. She’d have cops and agents all over her ass asking questions. I know she’d never turn me in. Fuck, she wanted to ride off with me earlier, but the simple fact is, Piper hates the club. To take the heat off the club and Piper, the final step in my plan is to turn myself in for crimes the DEA has been trying to pin on the club for the last several months. Piper and my club are everything to me and without one of them in my life, well, it just isn’t worth living.
When we pull into the apartment parking lot, I immediately notice Mayley’s front door is wide open. All three of us jump off our bikes and race up the stairs with our guns drawn. Digger takes the lead into the apartment and before Titan and I make our way in, Digger hollers, “Keep Titan out.”
I stand in the doorway and observe the carnage. Two bodies, blood splattered everywhere, and Mayor’s brains. Someone rained hell on this apartment and left no survivors.
“What the fuck?” Titan roars behind me.
I do everything I can in my power to keep him from seeing the scene. Nothing can help the situation now. Titan pushes his way through the door. He speaks no more words, instead he falls down on his knees next to Mayley, speechless and broken. I can do nothing to help my brother. I can only watch as his whole world is shattered beyond repair. Titan picks up Mayley, cradling her like a newborn baby to his chest. Titan buries his face in the top of Mayley’s head and I watch as his whole body trembles.
Digger kneels down next to Titan. “Dude, let her go. C’mon, man.”
Titan doesn’t lift his head, nor speak. I quickly search the rest of the rooms. Piper is missing from this scene. It doesn’t take me long to realize they have her. Devil’s Idols came to this apartment for one thing and they got it. They have her. Sitting down on her bed, I can feel and smell her. Why the fuck did I leave her? And why in the fuck is Mayor’s dead body out there?
“Grizz,” Digger roars from the living room. “She’s breathing.”
Rounding the corner, I barely catch sight of Titan holding Mayley and leaving the apartment. He races her down to her car. Digger climbs in and they race off. My phone goes off and it’s Titan.
“She’s fucking fighting. Call Big Al. Get him here now.”
The phone goes silent. I do as Titan requests. Then make plan B. I fucking dial Animal’s number. I’ll get Piper back and to safety then continue with plan A.
***
Piper
“It’s too fucking late, Grizz. Shit’s done. Lines have been drawn, sides taken, and looks like you’re on the losing one. The boys are about to each sink their cocks into your girl, then we’ll collect our money from Thomas and rule as Devil’s Idols.”
The only word I truly grasp from the whole statement is the word Grizz. Is he here? Opening my eyes, I notice I’m in a dimly lit room, filled with men and a foul smell. Sitting up, I realize that I just made my first mistake, as several eyes turn on me. I’m sitting on a brown striped couch while at least ten men watch me as if I’m their prey.
“About time you woke up. We wanted you conscious while we fuck you,” a strange man says.
“I get her first,” declares Iceman. “I’ve waited a long time for this one. Don’t stick your dick in her mouth, boys, she’ll bite it off. Trust me.”
The room erupts in laughter. My eye notices all the cuts the men are wearing, Devil’s Idols, even Animal and Iceman.
“When is the prick coming with the reward money?” a bearded man asks.
“We’ve got a couple hours.”
Iceman walks over to me and spits down into my hair. I wince and pull back at the action.
“Get used to it, bitch, we’re gonna coat you. Then slit your throat. We might even send Grizz a little gift to remember you by.”
He grabs me by the arms and throws me onto the pool table. He pulls his knife from his pocket and cuts open the front of my shirt, then slices my bra from my body.
“Anyone like a little blood?” Iceman asks the men.
They all hoot and holler. I watch as he brandishes the knife, dragging it from my sternum all the way down to my belly button. The knife’s sharp blade pierces my skin, causing a severe pain to build. In the back of my head, I know this is only the beginning of my torture.
A Devil’s Idol steps up and licks from my belly button up to my sternum. Facing me, with his lips covered in my blood, he then bends down and tries to kiss me. I shake my head, refusing. His overbearing hands grab both sides of my face, holding me still while he tries again. I refuse to open my mouth to him and this is when he gets more blood of mine by biting my lower lip taking a chunk of skin with him.
I feel two hands grab my arms and pin them up above my head as two other men grab each one of my ankles and spread me wide open. Iceman slowly unbuttons his pants as he watches a fellow club member cut my pants off and then Grizz’s boxers. They were the last layer of protection I had to offer. Now I lay spread wide open.
“Please, stop. Just kill me. Don’t do this,” I beg, staring Iceman straight in the eye.
He just laughs at me, and with this my mind is done, I can’t even panic or begin to comprehend the awful things that are about to happen to me. Instead, I lie here and let my silent tears fall as Iceman makes each thrust into me.
I notice several other men with their cocks out, stroking them, and before I know it, I feel wet liquid on my face and other parts of my body. Iceman flips me over and enters me from the back.
A new course of pain shoots through me. I allow my tears to fall harder and faster, and keep begging God for a bullet or that knife to slit my throat. Man after man take their turn as I silently beg for my life to end. My tears are now streaming so fast down my face, I feel the bile rise up my throat and instantly coat the pool table in vomit.
The men surrounding me are not fazed by the puke and continue tearing me down bit by bit. I finally puke one more time, this time pools of blood flow out onto the table.
“This bitch is done for,” one man finally comments.
“Ten minutes and Thomas will be here,” Animal says.
Spinning, I’m completely spiraling out of control, just begging the universe to let me go black. I’ve gone black so many times before and lost all sense of control. I’m unable to find that spot.
“What the fuck?” yells a biker.
A crashing noise fills the room, and then c
haos ensues all around me. The sound of crashing and crunching, then gunfire surround me. Mentally unable to grasp what is happening, I beg for just one stray bullet to strike me. Just one, that’s all. I try sitting up to help myself find that bullet.
A strong arm wraps around my middle, I feel another man’s hot breath and go ballistic. Kicking and screaming above the ruckus, begging for the man to let me go, finally my hand grabs his gun and I turn it on myself.
“Piper, no,” a voice breaks through.
I look up and see Grizz before me. I shake my head at him, place my finger on the trigger, and pull it.
***
Grizz
“Are you still turning yourself in?” Digger asks.
“Yes, don’t even think about talking me out of it,” I reply, not looking up from lacing my boots.
“Just think it through, man.”
“Think what through? Have you not seen all the fucking hell this shit has caused? Enough. I’m done. I’m finally going to step up and do the right thing.”
Digger just nods his head. I know he doesn’t approve of my decisions, but that’s the thing—it’s all fucking mine. I thought I had a plan to save the club and put the bad guys to rest, but it all backfired on me. I lost it all that day.
“Let’s go, Digger.”
“I’ll have a prospect bring your bike home.”
Mounting my bike for a final ride is something I never thought I’d have to do. It’s surreal in one way and almost a relief in another. I’ll have many years to face all my sins in prison. There’s no doubt the DEA will have a hey day with me when I turn myself in. With Mayor’s body and now the other victims’ bodies, they will have several charges to try me on. I took care of every single one of the Devil’s Idols boys the last night I saw Piper. I didn’t even flinch once as I laid bullets in each of their skulls and then several more rounds in their cocks.
Big Al showed up and was more than ready to help retaliate after seeing his daughter’s blood sprayed everywhere in the small apartment. When we arrived at the club and witnessed Piper naked and being raped in front of a crowd, it only fueled our fire. Then I watched as Piper turned the gun on herself. The hurt and pain in her eyes and marking her body will always be my worst nightmare. The image of my girl so severely beaten, ready to take her own life, will always be worn on my sleeve and a grave reminder of what I bring upon others in my life.
Pulling up to the red brick building, I take off my helmet and face the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do. Walk away forever. I thought this would be easy, but it’s not.
“Let’s go in the back,” Digger suggests.
We walk through the maintenance entrance, winding our way through different floors and corridors. It’s kind of hard to blend in when you and your traveling partner are almost six feet tall, wearing cuts, and are filthy as fuck. Today, I’m not worried about blending, rather I’m saying my final good-byes.
“She’s in room 122,” Digger whispers.
We find the room labeled 122, and I instantly want to turn and run. Digger pushes me from the back, nudging me to go on with it. I open the door and see my death sentence lying before me.
Piper, hooked up to all sorts of machines, with her face bandaged. I can barely see her long lashes peeking over some white gauze. The only comfort is the steady beat of the machines filling the room.
“Go, man,” Digger urges.
I sit in the chair next to Piper’s bed, building up the courage to talk to her, touch her, and let her go for real this time. Easing closer to the bed, I grab her hand. The warm feel of her skin sends chills through me. Everything in me wants to grab her and carry her out of this place and run for real this time.
“Piper, I’m so fucking sorry. I thought you were protected. I never would’ve left you. Never,” I whisper.
The memory of her begging and pleading me to take her that day haunts me on a daily basis. If only…if only I would have taken her and ran. She never would have faced the Devil’s Idols’ abuse. I still have ties to Doc, and he filled me in on everything Piper experienced from her attack. The details aren’t pretty and I’m not sure how I’m going to walk away from her in this state, but I have to give myself up, so she doesn’t live through years of investigations. The DEA is so desperate they’ll take any deal at this point. I turn myself in. They leave Piper be. End of story.
Piper opens her eyes, tilting her head towards me, everything inside me dies. Everything—all my pain is gone, all my feelings and hopes die. The dark, barren look in her eyes scare the fuck out of me. I bring her hand to my mouth.
“Piper girl, I love you. Please remember I love you. I killed every single one of those motherfuckers. I’m so sorry.”
She silently shakes her head from side to side. Her entire face is wrapped in gauze, making it impossible for her to speak. Her tiny hand clings tighter to my hand.
“I have to go this time for good, Piper. I’m leaving you with Thomas and all the good people in your life. You’ll be taken care of. Go chase your dreams. Kick ass, baby. Get your success. Please.”
Tears start to run from her eyes with my words. The pain is clear between both of us, neither of us want to let go, but we know we have to. A strange sound comes from her and I realize she’s trying to talk to me.
“Piper, just relax. Don’t talk, baby.”
She pulls my hand down towards her and my body follows her gesture. With my ear next to her covered mouth, I’m able to make out her words.
“They raped me. Cut me. Hurt me.”
“Piper, I know. Stop, baby. You don’t have to relive it. I’m letting you go. Go back to your world.”
She squeezes harder on my hand, then continues to mumble through her pain and gauze.
“I’d do it all over again if it meant I get to love you the rest of my life. Please don’t leave me, Grizz.”
“I have to. I’m turning myself in. You’ll be able to live the rest of your life with no questions.”
Shaking her head from side to side, she begs, “Please take me. Take me. I want you, Grizz. My scars will heal.”
“Baby, I want you so bad, but for once in my life I have to step up. Your scars have nothing to do with it. You, Piper Jones, will be the only one in my heart for the rest of my years, but I can’t have you. Go. Live the life you fought so hard to get.”
Piper doesn’t try to talk me into anything else. She knows this is the end and is done begging me. She rolls over in her bed with her back facing me and doesn’t speak another word.
Bending over, I place my lips on the top of her head and my hand gently rests over her mouth and the gauze.
“I’ll never regret taking you that night in the alley or falling in love with you and giving you my whole heart, but I do regret all the pain I’ve brought you. Please forgive me one day.”
With one final kiss, I once again walk away from Piper Jones, the girl who owns every ounce of me.
Chapter 11
Piper
Today is my wedding day. The day every little girl dreams of for years, plans for months, and remembers for a lifetime. In typical, Piper fashion, none of it matters to me. I’m marrying Thomas for one reason and one reason only, greed. It has taken me over three years to build our relationship up to this point.
Grizz kept his promise and walked away from me forever. After healing and gaining back all my health, I wrote to him in prison. Letter one was returned, so I wrote letter two and it was returned. I tried letter three and it was returned, also. Grizz didn’t want to hear from me. He made it very clear he was done with me.
The day he walked out of my hospital room, he turned himself into guards at the front door of the hospital. He took the fall for several crimes connected to the club. The judge handed him seven years in prison, and the same amount to Digger.
I’d be lying if I said I never think about Grizz, because he’s on my mind every day, every second of my life. The sad truth is he’ll be the only man I ever love, but he’s gone forever
. It took me over a year to move on, and when I say move on, I mean get dressed and go to work without shedding tears.
I shared very little with Thomas about what happened while I was gone. His lack of interest helped me avoid the topic. I can assure you he took full advantage of all the advertising opportunities with my kidnapping. To this day, he still doesn’t know about the rape. He truly believes the long scar on my torso is from a surgery and the scar on my face is from a fall. The truth is Thomas knows better, but simply doesn’t have the time to care. He wants me for two reasons, one, the image of having a beautiful wife, and, two, my ruthless work ethic.
So, today on my wedding day, I see it as a nightmare coming true. Everything I believed I wanted before Grizz is pointless now. I could live forever without the business world and being on top for just one more day with Grizz. I often wonder how sick of a person I am when the only one I want is the one thing that has brought nothing but pain in my life. Mayley was right…you never get over the love of a biker.
Mayley and Titan live in Mexico. Her dad moved them there when the shitstorm went down with the trial and everything. She writes me all the time, and truly hasn’t been happier. I believed she was dead for a very long time from my last vision of her lying on her floor. It wasn’t until she wrote me that I realized her dad, Big Al, took her and Titan to safety. Her letters are always bittersweet. They make me miss her and my time with her. They truly make me want to be with Grizz and I really miss the person I was when I was with him, but they sting with a reminder of what I will never have. I haven’t written her back in over six months and she has no clue that I’m marrying today. She’s my best friend and I don’t have the guts to tell her that I’m getting married. It’s small things like this that make me realize how truly worthless I am.
