by H. J. Bellus
The traditional things on a wedding day that every bride insists on, like something blue, borrowed, new and old, or whatever the bullshit is, isn’t even in the forefront of my brain. The one item I truly insisted on wearing today is Grizz’s boxers under my wedding dress. It will be my little secret. The one thing I want on my wedding day.
“Ten minutes,” the chipper wedding planner squeals from the other side of the door.
“I’ll be ready,” I mumble back.
“Do you need help with your dress? Most brides have their moms or a friend.”
“Nope. I can mange pulling a dress over my head. Thanks.”
If I don’t stab her eyeballs out today it will be a bloody fucking miracle. I know she means well and Thomas is paying her a hefty amount to do her job, but she really needs to back off. She’s been extremely thrilled to have planned the whole wedding and I do mean the whole fucking wedding, from the flowers right down to the meal and the song of our first dance.
The dress she helped select is beautiful. Everything has to be proper with Thomas and his family, so let’s be honest, his mom had the majority vote on my dress. Again, I don’t give a fuck. It’s a very form fitting dress, with an A-line skirt and lace top. Elegant, understated, and simply gorgeous. The wedding planner, the annoying one, yeah, I think her name is Kimmi, she had a stylist do my hair earlier. It’s all piled up in one very large beautiful mess on the top of my head with pearls peeking out everywhere. I’m definitely portrait ready for a designer magazine today.
The only problem is I don’t want to be, but it’s the only option I have left. I want to be clothed only in Grizz’s boxers with my long auburn hair hanging down, cooking pancakes for him on his island while Chrome watches over me and Grizz takes a taste every once in a while. That’s what I truly want on my wedding day, and it’s the one thing I can’t have.
I find it ironic how dirty and mutilated my thoughts are, and here I sit in a church on my wedding day. Yes, a fucking church…you know, the only proper way to get married when you’re high society. The classes with the priest were well-rehearsed, phony as hell, and a waste of time. In the words of Father Carlos, “You two hold such a deep love that is promised to live on for years.”
It took everything inside me not to laugh out loud. Thomas sensed my sarcasm building up and instantly elbowed me in the ribs. After our last session, I laid it all out for Thomas. No kids, separate bedrooms, and only public appearances for business’ sake. He agreed.
“It’s time.”
I open the door, see the annoying planner, huff out my frustration, and make my way to the aisle. First, I spot Thomas standing proudly at the end of the aisle in his designer tux. The sea of people who line the narrow walk instantly make me dizzy and nauseous at the same time.
One foot in front of another is the only thing I can allow myself to think right now. Walk, Piper, take the steps down this aisle to the next part of your life. Listening to the mantra repeating over and over in my head, I go. I go to Thomas. Take his hands, listen to the Father, and finally say, “I do.”
“I’d like to introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. Nicholson.”
Thomas wraps his arm around mine and we step forward into our new lives as the happy married couple. The smile on Thomas’ face shines brighter than anything I’ve seen before. He’s more than happy about notching this mark in his belt than the actual person he’s marrying. It’s all about what society wants.
“Can I have five minutes to myself before we head to the hall for the reception?” I ask, looking up at Thomas.
“Yes, Piper, but remember, you promised me sex on our wedding night.”
“I know,” I whisper, pulling away.
And within seconds of saying, “I do,” I already feel as if I’m in a prison, serving my time. I notice Thomas’ mom’s shake of disapproval and his father reassuring her. Fuck all of them, I need a few minutes to myself to digest everything I just committed to.
“Oh sweetie, you need to go to the limo with Thomas. It will take you to the reception hall. You two have about forty minutes of alone time before we’ll publically introduce you.”
I look up and see Kimmi standing there. The poor girl truly is trying to do her job. In all reality, she’s nailed the job and worked her ass off. Instead of ripping her ass once more, I decide to take it easy this time. “Thanks, Kimmi. I mean for everything. I just need a couple minutes of alone time.”
Kimmi simply nods her head, looks defeated, and walks away. In a strange sense, I don’t want to go to my own reception, it feels like it will only be the final touches on losing myself forever. Five hours max, Thomas promised, then we’ll be jet setting to our tropical honeymoon, where I know I’ll finally have to give myself to him. Then my one wish hits me. For years now, I’ve prayed to God for Grizz to come back and wash away the pain of the rape with his love, but tonight that man will be Thomas. Not my biker.
Walking back into my dressing room, it’s a very different picture this time. No bustling hairdressers, annoying assistant, Thomas’ doting parents…just silence and the remnants of the perfect fairy tale. Only problem…it’s not my fairy tale or story to tell.
I sneak into one of my bags and find some sweets to snack on. Misery loves sugar.
“Piper, we need to grab a picture of you with Thomas’ grandparents. His grandfather isn’t feeling well and will be missing the reception, and Julia would like a picture of all you together.”
Of course, fucking Julia would. Hell, you would think the bitch is marrying her own son. Putting on my game face, that I’ll probably be wearing the rest of my life, I open the door and go.
Thomas and his family are patiently awaiting my arrival at the altar. His poor grandfather does look horrible.
“Thanks for waiting,” I manage to squeak, hoping to please them.
The photographer snaps several pictures of Thomas and I with his grandfather. Then with both grandparents, then with his parents and grandparents. Then about twenty more random shots of all of us.
Finally I whisper into Thomas’ ear, “I need to go check my blood and then I’ll meet you in the limo.”
He instantly grabs me, pulling me to his body. “Piper, I love you the only way I know how. I can’t wait to have you tonight.”
Thomas then kisses me in front of the growing crowd of family members, photographers, and planners. Typically at home or in the office, I can manage to get by with a quick peck and then offer up a wonderful suggestion of another female companion. This time I’m trapped. Trapped into this marriage and this kiss. He deepens the kiss, tilting me backwards and lowering his hands to my bottom. His tongue is in my mouth, working over every single bit of me. I remember the days when this kiss would send all sorts of thrills and excitement through me. Today it just hurts.
“Thomas, that’s enough. We have the reception,” his mother finally hisses.
I find myself mentally thanking Julia for stopping the torture. The walk back down the long hallway is lonely and clearly a picture of what the rest of my life will be. Jesus Christ! I remind myself again this is my wedding day not a pity party.
Opening the door to the quiet, deserted dressing room, I freeze. A sight lies before me that nearly destroys every single last piece of me. I instantly grab my head, wondering just how high my blood sugar is, that’s causing me to see things. My eyes run over the scene again, first noticing the black boots, then the dark jeans, hoodie sweatshirt, no cut, arms folded over his chest, shaved head, and bigger body. Huge, in fact. His muscles, his size, cause my jaw to drop and I instantly lose the bouquet in my hands that I have been so carefully instructed all day on how to hold properly. The delicate flowers fall to the ground without a second thought. Both of our eyes follow the flowers. I manage to take two more steps in the room, shut the door behind me, and then instantly back up, pushing against the door. The man before me looks like Grizz, even smells like him, but my heart suddenly remembers he’s also the man who has shut me out the last five years
.
Not a word is spoken from either of us. Grizz is relaxed back on the counter with his legs kicked out in front of him and his arms folded over his chest. The asshole is wearing a pair of sunglasses, not allowing me to see his eyes. I want to see his pain and desire for me, but nothing but black tinted shades shimmer back towards me.
A knock from the other side of the door startles me, causing me to jump into the air and scream.
“Piper, are you okay? It’s just me, Thomas. Just seeing if you need any help.”
Grizz raises an eyebrow, silently begging to cause trouble.
“No, no, I’m fine,” I manage to stutter. “I’ll be out in a few.”
The sounds of his fancy church shoes echoing down the hall fills the now seemingly very tiny dressing room. I’ve envisioned this moment for days, months, and even years. There have been several scenarios of Grizz riding into the city kidnapping me again and us living happily ever after that have danced around in my imagination. Each daydream held just a little different twist to it, but each one ended the same way, with me on the back of his bike, holding on to him forever. Not in one of those daydreams did I imagine meeting him again on my wedding day to a different man. Nope, never in my wildest dreams.
“Hi, Piper.”
I flip my head in astonishment, staring straight at him, trying really hard to comprehend his last two words. “Hi, Piper.” Did he really just speak those two words to me after years of the silent treatment?
Unable to control my emotions, I shout back at him, “What the fuck did you just say?”
“Well, I said ‘hi, Piper,’” he replies, standing straight up.
“You really just fucking walked into my life and said ‘hi, Piper’? Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
“Don’t,” he growls.
I march right over to him, face to face, not even scared…not backing down an inch from the fucking giant.
“Don’t what, Grizz? Don’t fucking be confused as hell about you reappearing in my life after you LEFT me. Left me in the hospital. Wouldn’t talk to me. So, don’t what?”
“Don’t be mad, Piper,” he whispers, hanging his head.
I grab his face and wrench it up to look at me. My fingers immediately recognize the tingle of the stubble on his face and that feeling has the power to destroy me completely, the me that is left, that is.
“I’m more than fucking mad, Grizz. You left me. They tortured me. Raped me. Cut me, and you left,” I scream, ripping my dress open to show him the scar.
He instantly drops to his knees and presses his lips to my skin, then mumbles against it, “I killed every single one of those fuckers, Piper girl.”
“I know. Why did you send my letters back?”
Grizz rises to his feet, grabs my face, and begins to speak. “I did one thing in your life. I gave you scars and ruined everything. I had to walk away to save you from me.”
“But I love you,” I whisper through the tears.
“Piper, I’m no good for you. You almost shot yourself in the head because of me.”
“It wasn’t you. I just wanted it all to stop. Everything.”
“I know, baby.”
Grizz pulls my dress up over my shoulder, trying to mend the torn fabric to put everything back together. I grab his hands, stopping him from trying to fix the broken dress.
“Look,” I whisper, as I pull my dress down the rest of the way.
“My boxers.”
“Your boxers. I’ll always be yours.”
Grizz steps back, throwing his hands up to his head. “You just fucking married Thomas. You have his last name now.”
His words fucking strike me hard as each one flies out of his mouth. He’s pissed I married Thomas, he’s clearly disgusted seeing me in my wedding dress and his boxers. As his words truly hit home, I realize the fucker has no right to be pissed off at me. He put me in the situation, actually drove me to it.
“You listen, Grizz. You, motherfucker, you made me do this. I waited. I wrote to you. I even fucking prayed. And nothing. Nothing but returned love letters from the state pen. I just wanted one piece of you to hold on to and you couldn’t even give me that.”
Like a dream, I watch as my hand flies to Grizz’s face and slaps it hard, causing a stinging sensation to thrill through me. Then I begin to pound on his chest, continuing to scream and cry, not giving in and letting every ounce of pain pour out of me.
Grizz finally secures my hands, wraps me up, and says the words I’ve longed to hear, but almost feel they’re a moment too late.
“I came for you on my own time in my own way. I’m here for you, Piper. Take it or leave it.”
He then instantly picks me up like I weigh nothing and settles into the small loveseat in the corner. I feel his fingers as he unsnaps my bra. I watch as the white lace bra specifically tailor made for my wedding day flies across the room courtesy of Grizz.
“If you won’t talk to me, Piper, then I’ll talk. I’m an asshole. A selfish prick, but I love you. The day I finally walked away from you in the hospital I promised to never come back to you. I’m selfish. I fucking need you. I spent the last five years of my life thinking about you every day. Every night when I fucking laid my head on my pillow, I willed myself to stay away from you. I’m selfish, but I need you. I fucking need you, Piper Jones.”
Tears roll down my cheeks as I listen to Grizz’s words. I realize two things: one, his love for me is just as strong as mine is for him, two, he’s selfish.
“You’re selfish,” I barely whisper.
“Look at me when you talk,” he demands.
Peering up at Grizz, I reply, “You’re selfish, but I’m even worse because I don’t care how much pain it causes you to be with me or how much we hurt each other because I can’t go one more day without you, Grizz. I need you.”
“Thank fucking God,” Grizz puffs out, throwing his head on the back of the couch.
My exhausted body collapses down onto his chest and for the first time in years, I feel alive again. Shattered, but alive.
“What are we going to do, Grizz?” I mumble into his chest.
“Ride off into the fucking sunset, baby.”
I giggle at his simple answer. Am I going to really leave it all behind for him? Crush Thomas. Leave hundreds of guests in the reception hall waiting on the glowing bride?
“Piper, this is your chance to choose. Choose your career or me. I’ll respect either, but you have to choose, baby,” Grizz says as he runs his hands over my ass cheeks.
“I’ve always chosen you, but you’ve never accepted me, Grizz.”
“That’s not true,” Grizz replies, kissing his way up the long scar on my jaw.
“Yes, it’s true. I gave all of myself to you and you never accepted me, claiming you were afraid to hurt me.”
Grizz buries his head down into me. “Yes, you’re right. I never accepted you. I’m here now and ready to accept you, and more importantly, us.”
“Do you mean it?” I ask hesitantly.
“Do you see a cut on my back? Piper, I could have gone back, sought out a club, or hit the open road, but I chose you. I need you, and then I’ll figure out the club stuff.”
“I need you, too.”
I finally find enough courage to kiss Grizz on the lips. This moment is simply amazing. The power that fills his kiss has escaped me for years. He always possessed such a rough and demanding kiss that owns every piece of you. I allow myself to melt into him and let him control me. Devour me.
His hands are covering each of my breasts before I know it and then he pulls away, sinking his teeth into each breast. The pleasurable pain instantly drags me back to that day years ago. Willing away the memory, I focus everything on the smell of Grizz, the taste of him, and the sight. He is here for me.
I feel myself being flipped over on the couch. Grizz gently lays me back on the cushions and I watch as he slowly undoes his pants, then sinks between my legs. I instantly wrap him up in my arms, then my le
gs follow suit. Everything in me wants Grizz. I need his smell covering me again, claiming all of me. I need it. Actually, it’s more than a need, it’s a desire so overwhelming I lose all sense of control around the man. The more I want him, the harder I find it to let go. Before I know it, I feel my whole body convulsing.
“Piper, you’re shaking, baby. What’s wrong?”
“I can’t,” I whimper out.
“Do you not want this? It’s Thomas, uh? You love him?”
I’m unable to answer any of Grizz’s questions. My body and brain are only focused on his cock, hard and ready to enter, his skin touching mine, and the immediate threat of him entering me. Everything inside me knows that Grizz isn’t a threat, but the idea of having another man in me is just that—a threat. The Devil’s Idols did more than just rape that day in the clubhouse, they stripped down every sense of pride, courage, and willpower I ever possessed. They took it all. It was easy loving Grizz in my daydreams and letting him touch me, fuck me—but now in real time, I can’t handle an ounce of the man I love with my whole heart. They stripped away my ability to ever love and trust again.
“Fucking answer me, Piper. What do you want?”
“I want you,” I whimper.
“Then why are you fucking shaking and crying? You’re not real fucking convincing.”
“I haven’t…”
My words are cut off with a loud knock at the door, followed by Thomas’s voice.
“Piper, let’s fucking roll. I don’t know what the hell you’re doing in there and I’ll just pretend we didn’t hear any of your screams. Two fucking minutes,” Thomas’ voice rings in the room.
Grizz looks straight down into my eyes and I can’t help but cry harder and shake even greater with fear. The courage to explain my tears keeps escaping me every time Grizz jabs at me about Thomas. In one swift moment, Grizz stands up, pulling his body away from mine.
“Go. Clearly you want him. So much for this happy ending and fairy tale shit. Not me. I guess it’s you not accepting me this time.”
Then Thomas’ voice invades once again. “Who the fuck is in there, Piper?”
