The Night the Lights Went Out

by Karen White

  Merilee cleared her throat and Sugar got an odd satisfaction at the thought of the younger woman needing to find the courage to speak to her. “Wade told me that you might have some old maps of your family’s property, from before all the subdivisions and the golf course. I love old maps—I’m kind of a collector, actually. I’d love to see them if—”

  “I don’t have them anymore,” Sugar said, cutting her off. “Or they’re buried so deep in my attic that it would take weeks to dig them out. I’m sorry.” Although she wasn’t.

  A movement outside caught her attention, and she turned her head to see Colin in the tree swing, holding what she was sure was another one of Jimmy’s bird books, then looking up into the tangled leaves above him.

  “Thanks for letting us borrow your brother’s books,” Merilee said, her voice not completely hiding the hurt she must have felt at Sugar cutting her off so abruptly. “I can’t tell you how much Colin’s been enjoying spotting the various birds. He saw a redheaded woodpecker yesterday. Can’t stop talking about it. Which is a relief because I’m getting tired of hearing about how he needs a dog and if he finds a stray he’s keeping it.”

  Something stirred in the place inside Sugar’s chest where her heart was supposed to be. “I’ll call animal control to come find that dog if you think it’s real.”

  “I’m not sure if it is or not—only Colin’s seen it. But I’m torn about letting him keep it—assuming it’s real and he finds it.”

  “Don’t.” She hadn’t meant to say anything. Hadn’t meant to get involved. But there were some things that were hard to forget, despite the cushion of years.

  “Why do you say that? Most of my friends say children—especially boys—should grow up with a dog. Teaches them about responsibility and how to care for someone besides yourself or your family.”

  Sugar allowed a soft smile to touch her lips, looking out at Colin but seeing another boy. Another time. “Jimmy had a dog, Dixie. She was just a small white mutt, and she was supposed to be mine, but every dog we had always chose Jimmy as its favorite. She slept at the foot of my bed as a sign of respect, I guess, and because I fed her, and loved her with all my heart, but she was always at Jimmy’s side. Even at the end.” Her voice slowed for a moment. “But that was my choice, not wanting to be there. My mama taught me that if you wanted to pretend that something never happened, then turn your head and don’t look.”

  She didn’t ask Merilee if she wanted to hear the story, because by then it was too late. She was already lost in the memories, a reminder that, in the end, that’s all a person had left.

  • • •

  SUGAR

  1935

  I watched Jimmy and Lamar stomping on the maypops that had fallen from the pretty purple flowering vine that Daddy had once planted outside Mama’s bedroom window in the years back before he’d given up on trying to make her happy. I sat on the back porch steps, just watching them and listening to the popping sounds as they splattered each round ball. I wanted to tell them that we could be eating them instead of squishing them, but I didn’t. I was stuck somewhere between being a grown-up and being a little girl, and I was still trying to figure out which side I was on.

  Since Rufus had died, more than a year before, I’d grown up. Not just taller, but inside my head, too. And in my heart. I used to love squishing the maypops, the soft liquid burst under my feet—just the sound making me happy. Jimmy and Lamar were practically the same age as me, but I was too grown up now to go over to the tree and start stomping.

  I was so busy listening to the maypops that I didn’t realize Dixie wasn’t with us until I heard whimpering coming from under the porch, soft and breathy, like the sound of clean sheets sliding against each other when you’re making a bed. I crouched down and that’s when I saw her. Her white fur on her back paw was dark red, crusted with dry blood, but most of it fresh. She was trying to lick her bloody paw, but that must have hurt, too, because every time her little tongue would touch it, she’d whimper again.

  “Jimmy! Lamar! Come here quick! Dixie’s hurt.”

  Jimmy was the one who went under the porch to get her. I don’t know anybody else she would have come to, hurt as she was. She was a small thing, and fit in his arms, but when he lifted her up I saw the animal trap still stuck on her, her small leg bent the wrong way.

  Lamar put his hand under her muzzle and she rested her head on him, her eyes really dark, as if they were holding in all of her pain.

  “Squirrel traps,” Jimmy said, halfway between being angry and being about to cry.

  “But Daddy told Harry not to set them out, that we have too many cats and Dixie and they could get hurt.” I was crying now, too angry and sad to care. And too full of hate for my older brother to think about anything else.

  Daddy opened the back door, his napkin still tucked into the top of his shirt from supper. “What’s all this noise? Can’t a man read his paper in peace?”

  I ran up the steps, throwing my arms around his soft middle. “Dixie’s hurt—she got her paw in one of Harry’s traps, and her leg is broke. We need to take her to the doctor.”

  He seemed to get shorter then, his shoulders getting rounder, his chin closer to his chest. “I’m sorry, Sugar. We don’t got the money.”

  “What about Dr. Mackenzie? He’d do it for free!” I didn’t know that for sure, but he was Willa Faye’s daddy and surely that would count for something.

  He shook his head, looking over me toward Dixie, who’d stopped whimpering, like she was trying to be brave. “I won’t be asking him for more favors. Besides, there’s nothing that can be done.” He patted my head like I was still a little girl, then looked behind me at Lamar and Jimmy, and it was like he said something that I couldn’t hear.

  “I can set it. I watched Mama set Harry’s broken arm when I was little. I remember what she did. Most of it.” I was already turning toward the porch steps, in search of a short piece of wood I could use as a splint.

  Daddy put his hand on my shoulder, holding me back. “The dog’s in pain, Sugar. It’d be cruel to let her suffer. Looks like more than just a broken leg, too. Seems she’s been gnawing on it long and hard, which means a festering that’ll just kill her slowly. You need to do the right thing by her.”

  He squeezed my shoulder, as much a sign of affection as he was capable of giving, then went back inside the house. Dixie was looking at me with her beautiful brown eyes, but I couldn’t touch her. I couldn’t. It would be like that Bible story about Judas. Even though that’s what I felt like.

  “I’ll do it,” Jimmy said, his words thick, like they’d been mixed with molasses. “I’ll make sure she don’t feel nothin’. I’ll talk to her and pet her and let her know she’s loved.”

  Lamar was frowning. I think he was, but it was too hard to see with all those stupid tears blocking my eyes. “I’ll go, too. That way, you cain’t blame one of us.”

  I nodded, then turned away, still unable to look at the sweet dog who slept at the foot of my bed every night and hated to play fetch but was good at telling when you were sad and would lick your face to make you feel better.

  I listened as someone went inside the house to get Daddy’s pistol he kept in his desk drawer in the study and then come back out. “You sure you don’t want to say good-bye?”

  It was Jimmy, and he was standing behind me, and I could smell Dixie, smell her blood and her breath, and hear her whimper. I closed my eyes and turned my head, then felt the soft, cool touch of her tongue as she licked my cheek one last time.

  And then they were gone and I ran to my room to put my head under my pillow for the longest time just so I couldn’t hear the single shot from a pistol from deep in the woods. When I came back downstairs to start fixing dinner, I wasn’t the same person I’d been. If Rufus’s death had made me grow up halfway, Dixie’s had made me finish up right quick.

  A person learns a
lot about life living on a farm, and what I didn’t pick up natural-like, Willa Faye’s mother filled in for me as best she could. But I learned two things that day all on my own. The first was that my brother Harry would always be my enemy. The second was that I would never love anything again that I couldn’t bear to lose.

  Nine

  MERILEE

  Sugar turned her head from the window and looked at Merilee as if suddenly realizing where she was and to whom she was speaking. And it was clear that both of them wished they could be anywhere else.

  Sugar stood abruptly, holding on to the back of her chair. “I’ve got to go. You can bring back the plates when you’re done. Just leave them on the front porch—no need to knock on my door and make me quit whatever I’m doing to answer it.”

  “Sure.” Merilee stood and followed Sugar out of the kitchen.

  Lily, who still had the laptop open—something Merilee really needed to say something about—turned to look at her mother. “Mom—Bailey just e-mailed me and told me that they’re sending back all the cookies we made with the tray. I guess we were supposed to put a little sign on them or something saying they were gluten free, nut free, and dairy free.”

  “But they weren’t,” Merilee said.

  “Exactly.” Lily turned back and began typing furiously.

  Merilee avoided looking at Sugar and was saved from commenting on the tray or anything else by the sound of a vehicle outside. She recognized Wade’s pickup truck as it parked in front of the house and Wade climbed out. For the first time, Merilee noticed how well his jeans fit and how nice a Braves T-shirt could look on a well-built man.

  She closed her eyes briefly and gave herself a mental shake. She was barely divorced, and the mother of two. Not to mention the fact that she was definitely more a suit-and-tie type of girl. Always had been.

  Merilee pulled open the door just as he reached the front porch, and just as Lily called out from the other room, “Mom—Bailey’s dad says he thinks you’re pretty.”

  Merilee cringed inside, wondering what else had been overheard in a conversation that probably wasn’t meant for Bailey’s hearing. And wondering why on earth he would say such a thing. It was . . . unnerving.

  “Why wouldn’t he?” Wade said, stepping inside. “Speaking of pretty, good to see you again, Sugar.” He leaned over and embraced the old woman while kissing her on the cheek. “It’s a good thing you’ve sworn yourself to remain single or I might be asking you to step out with me.”

  Sugar made a good show of pretending to frown. “Your mama needs to give you a refresher course on manners, Wade.”

  “Nothing wrong with my manners. I just go a little crazy in the presence of so much beauty.”

  Sugar shook her head, but her cheeks flushed, which was better than the stark paleness of her face ever since she’d told her story in the kitchen. “That’s enough, Wade. Why are you here?”

  “I had an idea for another set of shelves that would fit in the hallway between the bedrooms and wanted to get Merilee’s permission and do some measuring. She’s got stacks of books along the wall that don’t have a home, so I figured why not. I also noticed last time I was here that the cellar doors outside are rotting and need replacing. I wanted to get a better look and get you an estimate. We’re in the middle of hurricane season, which always throws a tornado or two at us, and I want to make sure the cellar is functional.”

  “You do that. I’m going home to lie down a bit before Southern Fried Homicide. You can put your quote under my front mat. And please make sure you put more than zeros on it, because you know I’m going to send you a check anyway.”

  “Will do.” He looked closely at her. “You feeling all right? You look a little pale. Why don’t you sit down for a minute, catch your breath?”

  She surprised all of them by actually sitting down in the stuffed armchair by the sofa. Merilee went over to Lily and, seeing she was on Facebook and not doing homework, closed the laptop. “We’ll talk about this later,” Merilee said quietly, watching as Lily’s eyes refocused on the room around her and the fact that she was no longer alone. “Would you like some more sweet tea?” she asked Sugar.

  “Not unless you’re trying to kill me. But I would like a little tap water, please. Not too cold, not too warm.”

  Merilee made the mistake of catching Wade’s gaze, his wide smile causing laughter to bubble in the back of her throat. She quickly left the room to get a fresh glass of tepid water for Sugar, then quickly returned.

  Wade pulled out a measuring tape and stepped behind the sofa. “Just wanted to double-check a couple of measurements first,” he said, the metal tape rattling as he placed it on the floor. “I’ve got a whole bag of sugar and ketchup packets for you to add to your collection, Sugar. I’ve been on the road a lot seeing to my new properties up in Forsyth County, so I’ve been eating at a bunch of those fast-food places. I’ll leave the bag on your front porch when I drop off the invoice.”

  Sugar’s chin went stiff. “I’m not embarrassed. Those things just get tossed out anyway. Might as well use them.” She took a sip of her water, her eyes focused on Merilee as if expecting a challenge.

  “So,” Wade said as he moved the measuring tape to a new position on the wood floor, “I called my old work buddy I told you about, the one whose grandparents lived in Sandersville. William and Sharon West. They’re in a retirement village in Hilton Head now, but still really active. He asked if they remembered you, but they didn’t recall your name, either. It’s funny, though, how you’re from there and it’s such a small town.” He stood and hit the button on the tape so that it rattled as it was wound tightly into its casing, like a snake caught in a reverse hiss.

  Wade tilted his head to the side. “What was your maiden name?”

  “I really don’t see how—”

  “It was Talbot, right, Mom?” Lily interjected from the couch.

  “Talbot,” Wade said, slowly shaking his head. “Doesn’t ring a bell, either. It just drives me crazy when I can’t place a face or a name. Because I’m usually really good at both.”

  “Or I look like somebody you used to know. I promise you—we’ve never met.” She wiped her hands on her shorts, feeling the sweat on her palms. “Why don’t you come show me what you want to do with the hallway?” She led the way, glad for the dim lighting so he couldn’t see her face.

  While he was taking measurements, she heard another vehicle pull up in front of the house. Excusing herself, she walked quickly to the front door, knowing it could be only one of two people.

  “Mom—Dad’s here!” Colin called from outside, his voice seemingly amplified through the screen door.

  She found herself tucking her hair behind her ears and smoothing her shirt, licking her lips so they wouldn’t look so dry. She hated that she did this still, that she wanted to look nice for him. That she still believed she loved him. That she still wanted him back despite everything. She hated herself for this, but she couldn’t seem to stop.

  “Daddy!” Lily shouted from the sofa, forgetting that she was supposed to stay off her hurt foot and limping to the door.

  And then Michael was there, all sandy blond hair and tanned skin, his hazel eyes looking green because of the emerald shade of his golf shirt. It was an expensive brand, a shirt she hadn’t seen before. A brand he’d never worn. She tasted bile on her tongue, wondering if Tammy had bought it for him. Imagining the other woman helping him take it off.

  “Hello, Merilee.”

  And that was all it took for her heart to squeeze, her knees to soften. Despite everything that was between them, he still had that effect on her. He was a bad habit she couldn’t seem to break, reminding her of nicotine addicts who couldn’t give up cigarettes even after they’d been reduced to breathing through an oxygen mask.

  “Hello, Michael.” Her voice sounded funny, but she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of
swallowing first. “Did I mix up our schedule? I didn’t think you had the kids this weekend.”

  “No, you didn’t mix it up. Lily e-mailed me and told me she’d hurt her ankle. She told me she was fine, but I wanted to come see her myself. I tried to call your cell to give you a heads-up, but it went straight to voice mail.”

  She frowned, trying to remember when she’d last seen her phone. It had been so crazy yesterday, with the party and then being driven home by Daniel Blackford. And today she’d been so worried about Lily and getting her situated that she hadn’t thought to look for it.

  “It must still be in my purse,” she said, heading toward the hall table, where she’d left it when they’d come in the day before. Holding her breath, she searched the little pocket she always kept it in, and then the rest of the purse, before giving in to the inevitable. “I must have left it at the Blackfords’.”

  “I hope you locked it with a security code. It’s situations like these when you wish you had.”

  She hadn’t. It was so much easier not to have to enter a code every time she wanted to turn on her phone. When she was at work it was always turned off and locked in her office, so it wasn’t something she ever worried about.

  “Oh, Meri,” he said, rubbing his hands over his face. “At least tell me that you deleted the contact name ‘passwords’ on your contact list with all of your passwords. Because if anybody can get into your phone, that won’t be hard to find.”

  This time she did swallow, not caring that he saw it, because she was too focused on not crying. She wasn’t sure why, but she thought it had something to do with feeling humiliated when all she wanted to do was appear strong and self-confident. To prove that he hadn’t diminished her by his dismissal. And she had failed.

  Wade appeared from the back hallway, walking slowly, as if he was familiar with his surroundings and supposed to be there. “I don’t think her phone is in any danger at the Blackfords’. That neighborhood and those people are more likely to upgrade your phone before returning it than take it or mess with your passwords. Just saying.” He offered his hand to Michael. “Wade Kimball. Nice to meet you.”