Jake

by Cynthia Woolf

He moved next to her on the log, set his cup on the ground and took her free hand in his. “I won’t. I promise. Tell me what you want. What your greatest dream is.”

  She set her cup down, took her hand from his and clasped them both in front of her before he could start making those little circles with his thumbs and derail her train of thought. Between the heat from the fire and the heat of his hand, she burned.

  She had to be practical, like her Grandma Bess had been when she had something important to say, she got right to the point. Becky closed her eyes and pictured her dream. She’d lived that dream until she was seven. Until Grandmas Bess died. Until Billy took her away from all she knew.

  “I want a home. A real two-story house with a picket fence out front and a little yard where kids can play. Out back will be a well house, coal shed, smoke house and ice house, too. There’ll be a clothes line off the kitchen, a real kitchen with a stove and pantry.”

  Jake smiled at her. “It sounds like a good dream to me and better yet, one you can achieve. What about a husband? You planning on one of those?”

  She started to shake her head, no, but instead, she said, “Why? Are you volunteering for the position?” When it took him more than an instant to answer, she had her answer. “Don’t worry. I didn’t mean nothin’.”

  “No. You have a right to an answer since I asked you the question.” He looked her in the eyes and said, softer than she expected. “I’ve got a bounty on my head that, if I can’t prove the charge is invalid, I’ll hang for. I can’t ask anyone to go through that with me and maybe be left alone after it’s over.”

  She looked into his face and saw the truth. He truly believed what he’d just said. “Don’t you think that should be up to the woman? It’s her life, too.”

  “I could never ask that of her. I’ve already lost someone because she chose me.”

  She took his hands in hers. Her turn to console him. “Oh, Jake. You didn’t lose Elizabeth because she chose you. That man, the army colonel, murdered her. He wasn’t her former fiancé. He was just a stranger who shot her to cover his tracks. You couldn’t have known that would happen. It’s not your fault.”

  Jake snatched his hands from her grasp. “You don’t know. You weren’t there. You didn’t hold her, hear her gasp for air before she died. I didn’t save her. I some ways I feel like I killed her myself because I wasn’t there to stop it.”

  “Jake—,”

  He stood and shoved his hat on his head. “You don’t understand. I need to be alone now. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He turned and without so much as a backward glance, left the camp.

  Becky let the hot tears fall silently down her cheeks. She’d never be able to convince Jake he wasn’t responsible for Elizabeth. She’d made her choice and had chosen Jake. Did Elizabeth’s choice of Jake over her ex-fiancé get her killed? Maybe. But Becky didn’t believe Jake was responsible for someone else’s jealousy.

  Becky could easily understand Elizabeth. She’d made the same choice herself. Lord help her.

  ~*~

  Jake left Becky sitting on a stool by the fire. Tears in her beautiful green eyes. What kind of heel was he? He couldn’t explain to her his failings as a man, he wanted her too much. But he didn’t want her falling in love with him. He had nothing to offer. He couldn’t give her her dream. The white house with picket fence and kids playing in a yard. It sounded like a wonderful dream to him. Almost the same as his own, but until he got these murder charges and the bounty taken care of, he couldn’t think about having a life. A real life.

  And then there was Zach. Damn him! His brother had screwed up his life to save Jake. Maybe it would be best if Jake just turned himself in. He didn’t know if he could face hanging. But he couldn’t let them string up Zach, too. The AWOL charge would still condemn Zach. Jake needed to remedy that situation but he had no idea how to get it done.

  He arrived back at his brother’s camp before he even knew where he was headed.

  “Whoa,” said Liam with one look at Jake’s frowning visage. “What’s the matter? Did you and Becky have a fight?”

  “No. Yes. Maybe.” He couldn’t seem to make up his mind as to what exactly had happened with Becky. After pushing him away or keeping him at a distance, she seemed to have decided that Jake was husband material. Little did she know. “I don’t understand her.”

  “She’s a woman. There is no understanding involved. There just is,” said Liam.

  “She knows what happened with Elizabeth. Knows I can’t give her the life she deserves, but she seemed upset when I said it.” He grabbed a cup and poured himself a cup of coffee from the pot that was always filled and ready setting on the side of the campfire. It was strong, probably left over from that morning, but he needed strong. “You got any whiskey?”

  “No. You know we don’t keep whiskey here,” Liam chastised him.

  “You might have changed your mind since I was here last.”

  “That was yesterday,” laughed Zach. In the laughter, Jake heard the carefree young man Zach had been when he’s left home as an Army private. Not the war weary Captain that had returned. “She’s really got you twisted in knots.”

  “I want to be able to give Becky what she wants. I care for her. But until I get the bounty off my head and the charges dropped, what have I got to give her? An outlaw’s life? Constantly looking over our shoulders? And what if the U.S. Government annexes Deadwood? Then the law will be here and we’ll have to run again. That’s no life.”

  “What makes you think they’ll annex Deadwood?” asked Zach.

  “There’s gold here. Lots of it. Do you really think the government isn’t going to try to come in and get their share?” said Liam. “Jake’s right. If we don’t figure out how to get those charges dropped. It’ll be a life on the run. Not a prospect I’m happy with.”

  “You wouldn’t have to run. You and the kids are safe here,” said Zach.

  “I’m not happy with my brothers on the run from the law either. I believe in justice and you shouldn’t have to flee from the law because of false charges.”

  Jake listened to his brothers discuss the prospect of law and order in Deadwood but all he could concentrate on was Becky. He’d left her alone and in tears. What kind of man did that make him? He swallowed the last of his coffee and got up. “I’m going back to camp. I don’t want to leave Becky completely alone. At least I’m closer to her if something happens when I’m in my own camp.”

  “Jake, think about what you want and what Becky needs. I’m not saying that you should get married or anything like that, but know that there are trials and heartaches no matter what choice you make. Just make sure you make your decisions based on the right reasons,” said Liam.

  Zach nodded and clapped Jake on the back. “Don’t make any decisions tonight. Take your time and reason it out.”

  He left and headed back to his place. Somehow he forgot to stop and wound up at Becky’s. She was sitting on the log, staring into the fire with her hands hanging between her knees. Jake had never seen her look so forlorn.

  He walked up to her.

  “What are you doing back here?”

  He didn’t say anything, but pulled her to her feet, took her sweet face between his palms and lowered his mouth to hers.

  She looked at him wide eyed and then closed her eyes and kissed him back.

  “Jake,” she said, holding on to the lapels of his jacket to steady herself.

  “Becky, I want you. You know what I can’t offer you, but I want you with all my being.” He ran his thumbs over her cheeks in gentle up and down motions, easing her. Calming her.

  She leaned into his palm. “I want you, too, Jake. I really do. You’ve made me feel things I never thought I could feel.”

  “But…,” he encouraged her.

  “But…I want more than just a night here or there. I want to be more to you than one of those women down at The Gem.”

  He felt like he’d been slapped and took a step back. She was right. He
was treating her no differently. “I…I’m sorry. You’re right, but that doesn’t change how much I want you or how I feel about you. I care for you, Becky.”

  “But you don’t love me. It’s not enough, Jake.”

  He took a deep breath and nodded. “I know.”

  “Just go away.”

  “I’m not leaving you alone. Our plans don’t change. You still need to get away from Billy and I’m going to see that you can do it. I’m talking to my brothers about starting on the cliff. That’s where the gold is. That’s where the gold we get from the river is coming from.”

  Becky collapsed into the camp stool and stared at the fire. She didn’t speak for the longest time and he thought she wasn’t going to say anything when she spoke quietly. “Working those ropes is dangerous work. Are you sure you and Zach are up to the task?”

  “We are. We’ll start tomorrow.”

  CHAPTER 6

  They weren’t going to get a start on the cliffs today after all. He went and talked to his brothers, but Zach and Liam weren’t ready to work the cliff that morning. Hannah had caught a chill overnight and Liam was sitting with her making sure she took lots of hot liquids. Lily at the mercantile had recommended willow bark tea for the kids for when they got sick and told him to put honey in the drink, it would soothe her throat.

  “How is Hannah?” Jake asked when Liam told him she was sick.

  “She’ll be fine but I always hate it when she gets sick. It brings back memories of the flu and almost losing her along with Mary.”

  “I’m glad she’ll be feeling better soon. Selfishly, I want to start working the ropes on the cliff. I need you to work them from the top and not let me fall.”

  “I can do that. Probably starting tomorrow. The tea is working on Hannah and she’ll be bored and ready to get out of the tent by morning. Hell, she’s already bored. I’ve been reading to her for the last hour, just to keep her in bed.”

  “What’s keeping her there now?” asked Jake. He sat on the end of a large log.

  “She’s sleeping. Finally conked out. Gives me a chance to get something to eat and some coffee in me before I go down to the river. David is going to watch her for me today, so be extra careful. There won’t be any warning if we get company.” Liam grabbed a biscuit from the tin plate sitting on the rocks surrounding the campfire. He took the coffee pot, filled his cup and then sat down next to Jake on the fallen tree they’d sawed the branches off of so they could sit.

  “I’ll be careful. You should see about getting some rest. You look like hell. As long as Hannah’s napping why don’t you as well. We aren’t going up the cliff wall today anyway.”

  Liam shook his head. “I’ll work the river with Zach, like I planned. Just you be careful and don’t worry about me.”

  “How can I not worry about you? You have Hannah sick and stayed up with her all night, now you’re planning on working the day in the cold river, when you should be resting with Hannah. You’re going to make yourself sick and then who is it that’s going to have to take care of the kids? Me and Zach.” He tried to keep the sarcasm out of his voice but the look of disgust on Liam’s face told him he failed.

  “You’re not going to bully me or shame me into doing what you think I should,” said Liam with a laugh. “I taught you how to do that, don’t expect me to fall for it.”

  “Can’t blame me for trying. Seriously, I do worry about you. You’ve got a lot on your mind and a lot going on. Don’t let exhaustion bring you down.”

  “I won’t. Now you just take care of yourself and watch out for those bounty hunters.”

  “I will. Guess I better get back and help Becky for today. I’ll be over bright and early tomorrow. I’m going to bring Becky with me, so she can see how the block and tackle works. She should be able to help you at the top of the cliff while Zach and I work the cliff face.”

  “Did I hear someone say my name or were my ears burning for another reason?” said Zach, as he approached the fire. He held his hands out in front of him to warm them up.

  “Jake wants to start on the cliff face tomorrow. You got any problems with that?” said Liam.

  “Hallelujah! I was beginning to think we were going to be working in the river forever. We need to get into that rock. The real gold is there, I know it is. We just have to go get it.”

  “Well, Becky and I will be back here tomorrow after breakfast. I’d like to look in on Hannah and say ‘hi’ to David while I’m here. They weren’t awake when I was here last night.”

  “I’m sure he’d love to see you.”

  Jake went to the tent Liam shared with his children and lifted one of the flaps covering the opening. Hannah lay in a small cot at the back of the tent sound asleep. Her coal black hair lay lank against her forehead, evidence of a fever now broken.

  David sat on his cot, reading a dime novel about Wild Bill Hickok. He’d been lucky enough to get to meet the great man the day before he was shot in the back, only a few days after they’d arrived in Deadwood. David had Bill’s signature on the cover. It was one of his treasured possessions.

  “Hi, David.” Jake ruffled his hair.

  He looked up from his reading. “Hi, Uncle Jake. What you doing here? Dad said you were here last night.”

  “I was. I came back to talk to your dad and thought I’d check in on you and Hannah. How are you?”

  “I’m fine. I get to stay in today with Hannah. It’s not so bad. It’s been getting cold out and I’m just as glad to stay in the tent out of the wind.”

  “You’ve been a great help to me, standing watch like you do. I wanted you to know how much I appreciate it.”

  “Ah, that’s okay. I didn’t have to work the creek that way neither and that’s always a good thing. That’s really cold.”

  Jake went to Hannah, placed his hand on her forehead. She was cool to the touch and seemed to be sleeping peacefully.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said to David, who he’d decided was a remarkable young man. Always willing to help without question or complaint. He was a little miniature of Liam with the same brown hair and gray eyes. Eyes that seemed older than they should.

  Jake pulled his hat lower and wrapped his coat a little tighter. The weather was getting colder. It was only late September, maybe even October. He hadn’t kept track of the date. There didn’t seem to be much point since Elizabeth was gone. There was no wedding, no Christmas, no birthdays. All those were gone with her. Until now.

  Now there was Becky. Jake found himself wanting to share Christmas with her. He doubted she’d ever celebrated the holiday since before she was with Billy.

  Becky brought that out in him. Made him forget for a little while about his vengeance and Elizabeth’s murder. Made him hope. Made him feel human again.

  ~*~

  Becky watched for Jake to come back from his brothers. She’d turned him away last night, even though her heart ached for him. How had she managed to fall for the man in such a short time? She told herself it was just she was lonely. That was definitely part of it, but it was more than that, too. Jake treated her like a woman not some little girl. He made her feel things she hadn’t felt before. Like having someone care for her. No one really had since Grandma Bess. Billy certainly didn’t give a damn. She was just a workhorse, a way to get money. Nothing more.

  But Jake. He was different. He cared and he didn’t have to. Protected her from Billy and didn’t have to. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d gone without at least being slapped for more than a week. She could usually count on a day between, sometimes two, but if Billy was in a bad way, he didn’t care about anything and Becky couldn’t move fast enough to please him on those days.

  Jake had changed that. Billy didn’t dare hit her with Jake around. Heck, he didn’t dare hit her when Jake wasn’t around. He was smart enough to know that Jake would beat him into the ground if he touched Becky. It made her smile. She felt safe, even with the bounty hunters sniffing around, she felt safe. An unusual f
eeling to be sure but one she could easily get used to.

  She watched Jake come over the top of the hill, striding toward her carrying his wading boots. His step echoed his strength. He was sure and strong…willing to take care of her and protect her. And he wanted to make love to her. As far as she knew, no one had ever wanted that before. Most men didn’t even realize she was a girl.

  But Jake did. He’d kissed her. Tenderly. He made her feel important. Precious. She’d never felt precious in her life. Even Grandma Bess, as good as she’d been to Becky, had never made her feel treasured, like Jake did with just one gentle kiss.

  She touched her lips, still feeling the tingle where his lips had met hers. It would be so easy to give in, to let him make love to her, but she wanted so much more. She wanted it all. Everything he had to give. And she would give all she had in return. But was it enough for a man like Jake? He’d loved before and lost her, he might not be willing to try it again. Might not be able to love again. Some folks were like that. She hoped he wasn’t one of them because, even with his overbearing attitude toward her and her safety, she’d fallen in love with him. What was she to do now?

  “Hi,” he said as he walked up to her. “We’ll be working on the cliff tomorrow. You gonna to be ready to help out?”

  “Sure.” She grinned at him. “It’ll be nice to stay dry for a day or two.”

  He reached out a hand to help her up from the log where she sat pulling on her waders. “Dry tomorrow. Wet today. Let’s go get started. We need to make enough for Billy so he’ll leave you alone. Although I wouldn’t mind if he wanted to make trouble. The way I’m feeling it would be nice to be able to beat him, or for that matter anyone, into the ground.” He punched his fist into his palm with such gusto she thought he might have hurt himself.

  “You need to cool off. Put your rubber waders on and let’s go make some money.” She said, sliding her feet into her own boots.

  Jake pulled his boots on, and they walked down to the river together. He worked about fifty yards downstream from Becky, at the very end of his brother’s claim. He didn’t want Billy claiming any of the gold he panned for Becky, as his own. He focused, paying attention to every flicker, every flake and nugget that appeared in the bottom of his pan. This was what mattered. The sooner this was over the better.