Redemption Song

by Melodie Murray

  Ben jumped up and walked with Katrina down the colorful hall, entering his usual room at the third door on the right. Alaina and Ethan followed quickly behind.

  “That lady was a little . . . intimidating,” Ethan said once they were past earshot of the nurse’s station.

  “Who, Rache`?” Alaina pretended to be clueless. “Nah, she’s just protective that’s all. They kind of like me here.”

  Truth be known, these women had become a bit of a second family for Alaina. They had seen her through about everything in the past year. They’d made her laugh on days she never thought she’d be able to again. They’d cried with her on days she knew she couldn’t laugh no matter what. They’d bought her and Ben birthday presents and Christmas presents. They’d even taken up a private collection a few months back when the transmission broke down on the car and Alaina was afraid she wouldn’t be able to get Ben to his treatments. Their donation, along with the one from her church family, had been just enough to fix the car like brand new. Albeit their job or not, these women were her family, and like she’d told Ethan earlier, they were very special.”

  They’d reached the doorway to Ben’s treatment room and Alaina paused before turning the steel handle.

  “Ethan, I think there’s something I should tell you before you go in there.” She wasn’t sure how to tell him this, and she wished she’d been more honest about it from the beginning. “Ben’s hat . . . that he wears all the time . . . isn’t just a hat. It’s actually a wig. The chemo that Ben is on has made all of his hair fall out. He insists on wearing the hat at home, but he doesn’t wear it here. None of the kids do. I just wanted you to be prepared before you see him like that.”

  Ethan opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but shut it again quickly. Alaina didn’t quite know what to make of it, but before she could ask, he spoke. “I’m not worried about whether or not Ben has hair, Ali. I just want him to get better.”

  Alaina let out a breath she hadn’t even realized she’d been holding. She still couldn’t believe she’d found a guy that was as understanding of her situation as Ethan was. She didn’t say anything in reply. She did the only thing she knew to do to thank him for his consideration, the only thing she wanted to do. She reached up on her tip toes and laid the lightest of kisses on his lips, and then turned the doorknob to the treatment room and walked in. Ethan gave her hand a slight squeeze and followed in behind her.

  “Sissy, can I have another one please?”

  Alaina sighed with an amused grin. “Ben, you’ve already had three!”

  “Yeah, I know, but I think that four might make me feel a lot better!” Ben flashed his cutest grin, showing as many teeth as possible.

  Alaina and Ethan were seated in straight-back chairs next to Ben’s race car bed in the treatment room. The walls were covered in murals of a crowd filled stadium with the brightest blue, cloud covered sky. Around the base of the walls, a race track curved in a large circle around the room. There wasn’t a dull color anywhere. Even Alaina and Ethan’s chairs were multicolored. The same few kids that received treatments the same time as Ben every week occupied the other beds that lined the wall. Their parents, or whoever accompanied them to the appointment that day, sat beside them. They colored and listened to music and put puzzles together on a little sliding tray. Anything to keep the kids minds off of what was really happening to them.

  “Aww, c’mon, sis!” Kat said as she stopped by to check Ben’s IV line. “What possible harm can a fourth Popsicle do to anyone?”

  “Oh, why not,” Alaina caved, knowing she hadn’t cared in the slightest to begin with. She just liked to play with Ben when he was getting his treatment. Anything to make him smile. “If fact, Kat, I think we could all use another one.” She gave Ethan a slight wink and he nodded in agreement.

  “Comin right up,” Kat smiled, disappearing into a side room. A moment later, she immerged with an entire tub of Popsicles. She started at the bed at the end of the room, distributing one to the little girl who occupied it—she was three years younger than Ben—and one to each of her family members. Kat continued this process, allowing everyone to pick their favorite color until she’d covered everyone in the room. Ben, not fully understanding the concept of savoring his food, managed to scarf his down quicker than anyone—except Ethan. Those two boys had way more in common that Alaina would have ever guessed. And she couldn’t believe the difference in Ben’s attitude with Ethan present. Ben was always fairly good natured during his treatment, and he tended to have a pretty good outlook on the chemo despite the consequences he knew would soon follow when he got home. But today had been even better than most. Ethan made jokes about Ben’s treatments, referencing the IV tubing to tentacles extending from Ben’s alien body, which cracked Ben up and led him to holding his arms up and trying his best to act like a scary alien. He insisted on rubbing Ben’s bald head for good luck, which in turn, led to Ben making each and every nurse stop and listen to his new business venture in which he charged ten cents per person to rub his head for good luck. Surprisingly, a couple of the nurses even took him up on it.

  Ethan seemed more than comfortable with Ben in this environment and provided him with more comfort than Alaina could have ever offered. Alaina had trouble finding it in her heart to make light of what was happening to Ben, but after watching how Ethan approached Ben’s disease, she realized that the humor actually seemed to relax Ben a little. He didn’t have to concentrate on how sick he felt, or how different he looked, or how much better or worse he was getting. He got to hang out and have a good time. Alaina didn’t know how she would ever thank Ethan for moments like these; when she got to see her little brother laughing and playing and . . . happy. She knew it was only a matter of minutes before he became too tired to play anymore, but if it was up to Ethan, Ben was going to make the most of every one of those minutes.

  When everyone had finished their Popsicles and the kids were waiting for their IV’s to finish, Ben looked up at Ethan, a bit of nervousness in his eyes.

  “Is it time now?” Ben asked.

  It took Alaina a minute to realize what he meant, but when Ethan reached behind his chair and pulled his guitar case around, she remembered their plans.

  Ethan gave Ben an encouraging grin. “Ready when you are, big guy.”

  Ethan pulled the guitar from its case and placed it gently on his knees. Since Ethan had arrived, Alaina was yet to see him with his guitar, but as he sat in the straight-back chair next to her, looking intently to the head of the guitar and making delicate adjustments to the turning keys, she decided that Ethan and the guitar complemented one another. They were a perfect fit, as if God had created Ethan with that specific talent in mind. Alaina couldn’t help but feel as though Ethan was wasting his gift. Sure, he was successful and had a career people only dreamed of, but in the end, what was the point? He wasn’t promoting anything for God in thanks for the gift he’d been given. If only Ethan would believe, Alaina knew that he would understand why she felt that way. But now wasn’t the time for that. Right now, as Ethan carefully passed the guitar to Ben and helped him maneuver the strap around his IV tubing, Ethan was using his gift for God whether he realized it or not. Ben was a child of God and what Ethan was doing for him right now, was something that Alaina would eternally be grateful for. She said a silent prayer, thanking God that he’d sent Ethan to Ben. She only hoped He would give Ethan a blessing in return—possibly something that would lead him closer to believing.

  “Whatcha got there, Benny Boy?” Kat asked as she shifted from the bed to his right. She had been making another round between the patients.

  “Eth . . .” Ben paused and giggled. “I mean, Brandon has been teaching me how to play guitar, Miss Kat. Can I play something for my friends, please?”

  “Why of course you can, sweetie! Just let me go get the girls because they will want to hear you, too!”

  Kat turned and ran through the door. Seconds later, she reentered, joined by Rache` a
nd the rest of the nurses.

  “Okay everybody!” Kat called, signaling for everyone to direct their attention toward Ben. “Ben has been learning to play guitar and he wants to show you guys his new skills. Do ya’ll want Ben to play you a song?”

  The rest of the kids in the room called out, “Yea!” Ben beamed. Alaina couldn’t believe the kid’s nerve. If she was ever given that much attention, she’d freeze like an ice sculpture. She knew Ben couldn’t have practiced very much, but that was the difference in her and Ben. Ben was fearless and he lived every moment as if it was his last. All of the kids in that room were like Ben. With everything they’d been through, and the long road they knew was ahead, fear had a completely different meaning to them.

  As Ben carefully placed his hands in their proper positions on the guitar, he looked to Ethan for his approval. Ethan gave a slight nod to let Ben know that he was doing fine. Ben held the pick up to the guitar, and Alaina thought he was about to play, but then he held it back down and, to her surprise, addressed the entire room.

  “Since this is my first gig and all,” Ben started. Alaina, along with several of the adults in the room suppressed amused chuckles. “I will be playing a simple song I’m sure you all know called 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'.”

  Alaina leaned over to Ethan and whispered, “Did you teach him that announcement, too?”

  Ethan grinned. “Nah, that was all him.”

  Ben once again held the pick to the strings and concentrated hard on the finger board, making sure his fingers were in the just right spots. Alaina wasn’t sure what to expect considering the kid had never held a guitar in his life as far as she knew. She assumed the song would be choppy and consumed with sour notes. But it wasn’t.

  Ben’s hands moved smoothly between chords and the pick never once slipped. The tune was not the sound of one chord unevenly played after another, but a continuous melody of individual notes in which he progressed through smoothly and without interruption. Alaina would never think of "Twinkle Twinkle" the same way again. What Ben played was absolutely beautiful and more like a lullaby than a children’s nursery rhyme.

  He went through the entire melody of the song three times before finally ending with a combination of chords at the end. When Ben finished, a grin spread across his face that Alaina expected could have lit up the gates of heaven. The room broke into applause.

  “Benny Boy, that was awesome!” Kat ran up and wrapped Ben in a big bear hug.

  Rache` approached next and looked Ethan straight in the eye, her stern expression returning immediately. “You taught him to play?”

  Ethan flashed a quick glance at Alaina. “Uh . . . yes ma’am . . . I did.”

  “Hmm . . . very good, Brady.”

  “It’s Brandon.”

  “Uh-huh.” With that, Rache` gave herself leave to move on. Alaina giggled.

  “I don’t think that lady likes me very much,” Ethan murmured.

  “She’s still feeling you out,” Alaina replied. “Trust me, she’s coming around.”

  “Well, I think that’s a beautiful thing you did for Ben, teaching him how to play so well!” Kat said, finally releasing Ben. “You must be a wonderful teacher.”

  Ethan shrugged. “Nah, the kid’s a natural.”

  “Now it’s your turn!” Ben exclaimed, thrusting the guitar back to Ethan.

  Alaina jumped in. “No, no, Ben. He doesn’t have to do that. Not today.” She cast an uneasy eye to Ethan. She knew the second he began to play a hit that everyone in the room heard ten times a day on the radio they would be able to tell exactly who he was. Then the questions would start. Then the pictures. Then the . . . who knows what else.

  “Aww, c’mon please!” Ben pressed.

  “Yes, Brandon, you have to play for us!” Kat insisted. “If you can teach Ben to play like that, you must be very good!”

  “He’s awesome!” Ben started. “Don’t you recognize him? He’s Eth . . .”

  Alaina gasped. “Okay Ben! How about another Popsicle? I bet five would be even better than four!”

  “Nah, I don’t want another one. I want to hear E . . .”

  Alaina put her hand over Ben’s mouth, not knowing what else to do. “Uh . . .” She turned to the confused nurse and gave a guilty smile. Kids. Sometimes, they just don’t know how to take a hint.

  Alaina shifted her focus as she noticed Ethan wrapping the guitar strap around his shoulder and readjusting it to fit his body instead of Ben’s. “It’s cool, Ali. I’ll play.”

  Alaina gave him a questioning look. Inside she was screaming what are you thinking? He just shrugged, smiled, and said, “It’s okay. I want to.”

  Alaina gave up and took a seat next to Ben on the bed.

  Kat turned and got the room’s attention again. “Okay kids, Alaina’s guest has agreed to play for ya’ll, too!” She looked back to Ethan. “They’re all yours, man.”

  Ethan situated the guitar comfortably across his knees and looked up to the kids. “So you guys want to hear some music?”

  “Yeah!” the kids rang out.

  “How about some singing, too?”

  “Yeah!”

  “Well, let’s see, have any of you ever heard the one that goes like . . .” Ethan’s hands slid across the strings and the the instrument erupted into a lively version of the first verse of "Old McDonald Had a Farm". The kids laughed and sang along. When he finished that, he said, “Okay, okay that was pretty good! How about this one?” This time he played "B-I-N-G-O" and even some of the adults joined in. Alaina and Ben sang at the top of their lungs along with Ethan and she noticed that Ethan seemed to be having just as much fun as the kids. After a couple of rounds of "Farmer in the Dell" and "Three Blind Mice", Ethan was the hit of the entire room.

  “That was awesome!” Ethan said. “You guys are really good singers!” The kids laughed and there wasn’t a mouth in the room that wasn’t smiling. “Well, I think that’s about all the kids songs I know.”

  The kids erupted in protest. Ethan laughed. “Can I play you one of my own songs instead?” The kids seemed to be okay with this so Ethan continued. “Nursery Rhymes are a great place to start when you’re first learning to play like my buddy, Ben, here, but eventually you can start writing your own stuff. I’m going to play you guys a song that I wrote all by myself and you guys are so special because I’ve never played it for anyone else before.”

  The kids cheered like that was the coolest thing anybody had ever told them. They acted as though Ethan was the most famous singer on the planet, which was fairly close to the truth, but none of them realized it. He had them held captivated all on his own. No label or band or backup dancers. Just Ethan and his guitar and Alaina could tell he was exactly where he wanted to be.

  Ethan cast a quick glance at Alaina and with a sly grin he strummed the first note. “Here goes.”

  Alaina watched in awe as Ethan performed. It was a slow song with a pop flare. This was the first time she’d ever watched him play, and somehow he was different. When Ethan played, he and the guitar were no longer two separate objects, but one mechanism working together in beautiful harmony. His expression changed. He was passionate and it appeared that nothing else in his world existed except him and his instrument. His voice was smooth and he never missed a note. He was truly a professional and Alaina was impressed. But once Alaina moved past how talented Ethan was, she started listening to actual lyrics of his song.

  He was singing about love. And not a mushy, fairytale, utterly impossible kind of love, but a messy, complicated, completely infuriating kind of love filled with passion and sorrow and heart wrenching honesty. It was the exact same type of love that Alaina believed in. The only kind she thought was truly real, and Ethan had written a song summing up her very thoughts.

  As Ethan continued to play, Alaina felt her heart softening even more for the famous pop star that sat before her. She dreaded coming to the hospital every week and racking her brain to find some way to help Ben get through his
treatment with a positive outlook, but Ethan had taken care of all of that. He had come right in and brightened the entire room with his energy and his smile.

  Alaina knew that she and Ethan had a lot of things in their relationship that needed to be worked out before they would be able to progress any further—for instance, the fact that Ethan held no belief in the God that pulled Alaina through each day of the hell she’d been consumed in for the past year—but after listening to Ethan’s belief on love that rang out in the song he sang for those sick kids, Alaina realized that they had finally found one belief that they held in common. And in her eyes, that was a good place to start.

  Chapter 19

  Alaina

  The last falling quarter clinked into position in the chamber of the buzzing, bright red soda machine that stood solidly in the corner of the hospital break room. Ben had finished his treatment almost an hour earlier and was lying down to rest for a while. Alaina and Ethan, neither one being needed at the moment, had opted to go grab a soda and a bag of chips to tide them over for the afternoon. Ben normally needed a couple of hours to sleep and rest from his treatment before they were released to make the long trip back home.

  “That was beautiful, what you did in there for those kids,” Alaina said as they turned to retrace their steps through the maze of hallways leading back to the cancer ward.

  Ethan grinned and grasped Alaina’s hand in his. “It wasn’t that big of a deal. It was fun.”

  Maybe to Ethan, what he’d done hadn’t been a big deal, but to those kids, Alaina knew he had made their entire day.

  “So I’ve been wondering about something,” Ethan said slowly, a moment later.

  “Oh, yeah?”

  Ethan paused as if carefully considering what he wanted to say. “Granny Mae told me about what happened to your parents and why you guys are staying with her . . .”

  Alaina wondered where he was going with this.