Redemption Song

by Melodie Murray

  Ben was sitting on the couch curled up under Ethan’s arm, a huge bowl of spaghetti in his lap and red sauce outlining the entire circle of his mouth. They were laughing together about the latest way Wile Coyote was using an anvil to cause himself bodily harm.

  “Hey Al!” Ben jumped off the couch and came over to his sister, wrapping her in a big bear hug. “How was work?”

  Alaina instantly noticed the redness and strain in his eyes. He’d been throwing up today. She’d expected it—it was always this way the day after chemo—but it never got any easier to see. He looked pale and didn’t show signs of having much energy, but he was still smiling, so she let out a little laugh and bent down to return his hug. “Not too bad. Mr. Carn came in to eat with his wife today.”

  Ben scrunched up his nose in a cute little grimace. “Is he the stinky one?”

  Alaina grinned. “Yep, that’s him.”

  “Eeeww! What’d you do?”

  “I saw him coming through the window and took my break,” Alaina replied with a sly grin. “Gabby ended up waiting on him.”

  Ben laughed. “Good one!”

  Alaina reached behind her waist and untied her apron by pulling one string at a time. She pulled it off and flopped it down on the arm of the couch. Her eyes veered to Ethan, who was pretending to be engrossed in Looney Tunes. She appreciated that he was trying to respect her time with Ben. “So what have you two boys been doing today?”

  Ethan glanced up. “Oh, a little of this . . . a little of that. We men don’t share our secrets, do we Ben?”

  Ben’s shoulders straightened a bit and he crossed his arms, the cutest scrunch forming in his nose. “That’s right! We’re men. We keep our secrets.”

  Alaina couldn’t help but laugh. “Is that right? Okay, I guess I can accept that.”

  When Ben and Ethan both looked up with cheesy, not to mention guilty, grins, Alaina new that something was up. “Okay, I retract my previous statement. What’s going on?”

  Granny Mae entered the sitting room from the kitchen, pulling off her own tomato splattered apron and hanging it on a hook in the interior door frame. “We’re going out,” she said with a smile of excitement.

  “Out?”

  “Yes, out. This family needs a break from this house and we are about to get one.” She grinned even bigger.

  “Family?” Alaina had always thought of Granny Mae as family, but never put together the idea of her being Ethan’s grandmother, too. What did that make the two of them? Weird. She noticed Ethan was thinking the same thing because an amused grin was playing across his features. He glanced up at her from the couch and flashed a quick wink. She tried to hide the blush in her cheeks and focused back on Granny Mae.

  “So we’re going out?” Alaina said a bit hesitantly. “Ben, are you sure you’re up for that tonight? I can tell you’ve had a rough day. Are you sure you wouldn’t rather us stay here and catch up on Looney Tune’s reruns? And let me tell you that there is basically no chance that you will survive this cancer and you probably won’t live long enough to become a teenager and experience all that life has to offer; like love and friendship and family and . . . Maybe this going out thing wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

  “Sis, I’m fine. Now let’s go! We’ve been waiting all afternoon for you to get home and we’re burning some serious sunlight time. C’mon!” With that, Ben was out the door and headed for Ethan’s rental. He could be heard inside the house from the front lawn. “No offence, Granny Mae, but we’re taking the cool car tonight! Give the clunker a night off!”

  No one could hide their laughter. Granny Mae exited past her calling out to Ben, “That clunker is still in great shape I’ll have you know!”

  Ethan rose from the couch and reached down to a bag on the other side of the couch arm. When he stood up, he caught her eye and the accusatory expression on her face. “What?” he asked innocently.

  “What’s in the bag?”

  He shrugged.

  “You planned this didn’t you?”

  His guilty grin gave him away. “Maybe.”

  “Sometimes I don’t know about you rock stars,” Alaina said, “always sneaking around and planning stuff behind people’s backs . . .”

  “Trying to do something nice for people we care about. . .” he added, closing the distance between them and causing a slight chill to roll up her spine. “Your right, we’re a despicable breed.”

  His breath was hot against her face, his lips only inches from hers. She wanted to retort with some equally playful comment, but all she managed to squeak out was, “You care about me?” He’d told her before, but each time it just got harder and harder to believe.

  His grin immediately erased and his expression became serious. He didn’t reply. Instead, he let the bag fall to the floor and reached his hand to the nape of her neck, entangling his fingers in her recently ponytail-released mess of hair, and pulled her lips to his. He was gentle and his lips matched perfectly with hers. Alaina let out a low involuntary sigh and fell into his kiss even deeper. Sensing her approval, his arms moved to the small of her back and he pulled in her body so that it fit perfectly against his. Alaina’s heart was racing . . . no it was about to reach light speed. In fact, it was a little much. Fighting every fleshly desire in her all too human body, she tried to force her muscles to pull away . . . but then she didn’t have to. Ethan released her with the gentlest of nudges, kissing the tip of her nose before completely letting go of everything but her hand. He gave her a guilty grin. “Sorry I got a little carried away.” With that, he reached back down to pick up the mysterious bag and led her out to the car to meet the others; all the while Alaina tried to catch her breath.

  ~~**~~

  Ethan

  The night was going better than Ethan could have ever hoped for. Ted had left early to map out the spot and couldn’t have done a better job. According to Granny Mae’s directions, there was a privately owned piece of land on the tip of a bluff at the outskirts of town. There was a single log cabin with a porch that extended out over the side of the cliff. It offered an idealistic, no competition view of the Bay and the most spectacular sunset she’d ever seen.

  Problem was, it was extremely pricey to rent. But to Ethan, it sounded perfect. He hadn’t even made a dent in the allowance money his mother banned him there with. He wanted this night to be all about Alaina and Ben. Ben went on and on during their alone time together about how much he loved the ocean and the stars and how he never got to see them anymore because he was always sick. Alaina had once explained to him the beauty she saw behind God’s creation. In Ethan’s eyes, this was money well spent.

  Ethan still wasn’t sure about his personal feelings toward the whole God thing, but he was sure about his feelings for Alaina. And if being in the midst of His creation caused the same twinkle that formed in her eyes the night she’d first talked to him about her beliefs, well, he could stand to hear a little more about it. Anything to see her look that alive.

  Now, they were all seated on the porch, warning Ben over and over again to not lean too far out over the railing, and taking in the spectacular view of the setting sun out on the twinkling ocean horizon. Alaina was next to Ethan and reached her hand forward, taking his fingers in hers.

  “This is amazing,” she whispered, her gaze never veering from the view ahead. “This must have cost a fortune. I can’t believe you did this.”

  Before Ethan could reply, Granny Mae jumped in. “Oh that’s not all he did, darlin.” She cast a questionable glance at her grandson and Ethan nodded, approving that she continue. “I told lil’ E all about how you and Ben hate missing Wednesday night church on the days you go to the hospital, so he suggested that while we’re here, we have our own little service.”

  The utter look of shock that flashed across Alaina’s expression was impossible to not distinguish. She shifted her gaze and eyed him curiously. “You suggested that?”

  “He even handpicked the passage to be covered,” Granny Ma
e added proudly.

  Alaina’s confused gaze never faltered. “But, you . . .”

  “Wanted to do something nice for you,” Ethan finished for her. “But trust me, it wasn’t without a whole lot of help from Ben and Granny Mae,” he added quickly before Alaina presumed he’d been lying all along about knowing absolutely nothing about the Bible. The truth was that he still knew absolutely nothing about the Bible. Granted, as he and Granny Mae and Ben navigated their way through the overwhelmingly huge book that afternoon, he’d managed to learn a little. Granny showed him the difference between the Old and New Testaments. She showed him how to use the index and the concordance. She even told him a little about the men that wrote some of the books. The more Ethan listened to his grandmother, the more he saw that same sparkle fill her eye that he always noticed in Alaina. It was the same with Ben. He was beginning to wonder if maybe they had more things figured out than he’d previously given them credit for.

  Deciding to ignore the vulnerable feeling rising in him as Alaina continued to gaze into his eyes with a combination of confusion and astonishment; he turned away and reached for the bag he’d brought along from the house. In it were several Bibles that Granny Mae had managed to scrounge up from around the house. Her own enormous wide print, black leather Bible. A thin, colorful paperback for Ben. Alaina’s was a combination of soft, pink and brown leather with what must have been a hundred multicolored shards of paper bookmarking various places. Finally, for Ethan, a dusty gray hardback, bound in a smooth leather carrying case that had once belonged to his grandfather. That was all Granny Mae had found. Ted would have to share.

  But, to Ethan’s own amazement, when Granny Mae spoke up and asked, “Who would like to start us off with prayer?”, Ted pulled his own travel sized Bible out of his back jean pocket and said, “I’ll do it.”

  What? Silent Ted reads the Bible? Silent Ted prays?

  Everyone bowed their head and closed their eyes. Ethan, quickly catching on, mimicked their actions and did the same.

  “Father,” Ted began, his voice suddenly strong and confident. “We come to you today with thankful hearts. We wish to thank you for friends and family and the opportunity to sit in the midst of your creation and offer words up to you.”

  Wow, Ted’s pretty good at this praying stuff.

  “Lord, there are many seasons in our lives and we pray that you will be the central focus of each of them. Whether we’re taking on new members of our family (was that meant for Granny?), or taking on new responsibilities we fear we can’t handle (Alaina?), or dealing with changes that are scary and not always explainable (poor Ben), or trying to figure out what kind of people we will choose to become (uh-oh, that one was for me); God we pray that you will guide our decisions and that we will step back and be still enough to hear your guidance and allow you to lead as only you know how. Please bless these people, Father, and bless this study. It is in Jesus' name that we pray. Amen.”

  A light chorus of "amen’s" echoed around Ethan.

  “That was absolutely beautiful, Ted,” Granny Mae said. “Thank you.”

  Ted nodded and gave Ethan a slight wink. How had he not known before that Ted was a Christian? Because silent Ted hardly ever talked, that’s why. But now Ethan understood why. There’s no way Ted would ever approve of the types of decisions Bruce asked of Ethan every day. Ted never offered input because he didn’t want to be a bad influence.

  “Okay, honey,” Granny Mae continued, shifting her gaze back to Ethan. His stomach suddenly tightened, knowing exactly what was next to come. “Would you like to read the passage you picked out?”

  He took a hesitant breath. “Uh, yeah sure.” It amazed Ethan at his unexpected feeling of awkwardness. He could perform in front of thousands at a time, but when it came to reading a few lines from a book, he froze. It was just a book wasn’t it? Ethan was beginning to wonder.

  He placed his fingers on the bookmarked spot he’d made earlier that day and spoke; trying to locate at least a portion of the confidence he’d heard in Ted’s tone as he prayed. “Well, I did have a lot of help, so this wasn’t all my decision, but we picked Psalms 23.”

  Truth be known, Granny Mae had recommended that scripture. Said it would be very fitting for everyone’s current situations. Maybe part of Ethan’s nervousness was due to the fact that he hadn’t actually sat down and read the passage the way he needed to. He’d skimmed over it, finally settling on it because he’d read so many random passages that day and hadn’t had a clue what any of them meant. This one seemed the most direct, but he hadn’t paid a whole lot of attention to the detail. He only hoped he would read it the way it was supposed to be read. Ethan took one last deep breath and a slight glance across the horizon. Oh well, here goes nothing. As he read, he concentrated on the meaning of each verse, determined to figure out why these people loved this book so much.

  “Psalms 23,” Ethan began. “The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.” Ethan paused, realizing he hadn’t taken a breath yet. He took one deep inhalation and continued, never allowing his eyes to lift from the page. “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil. My cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

  When Ethan finished reading, he skimmed back over the passage again to make sure he hadn’t messed anything up. It wasn’t until a few seconds later that he realized everyone was silent. He raised his gaze and found all eyes on him. His stomach immediately tightened again.

  Granny Mae flashed a loving smile. “Beautifully done, lil’ E.”

  Ethan managed a self-conscious grin. “Thanks.”

  Now that Ethan actually paid attention to the words of the psalm, he understood why Granny Mae would want him to choose it. Alaina and Ben had faced that . . . what was it called . . . valley of death? They had faced that after their parent’s accident. Now, Ben wasn’t just facing the valley, he was walking right through the middle of it. Was it possible that there actually was a God that could provide enough comfort to Ben and Alaina that they didn’t have to fear? Was He really with them? Would He really comfort them and make it feel as though they were lying in the middle of beautiful pastures without a care in the world? That was a beautiful thought, and just as Ethan was about to dismiss it, the strangest feeling seemed to flow through his veins as if he’d just injected some kind of happy drug. What was that feeling?

  For the rest of the night, Ethan listened to everyone talk about the guy, David, who had written the psalm. Turns out, David was a song writer, just like Ethan. They each compared their favorite scriptures and read them out loud. He listened until the sun finally set entirely and the twinkling pink ocean surface was replaced with a jet black sheet of sparkling stars.

  Yes, Ethan listened as he had never listened before, and with each word spoken—without him even realizing it was happening—Ethan’s heart slowly softened and he finally began to believe.

  Chapter 22

  Ethan

  The following week with Alaina was nothing short of magical. They’d spent each possible moment together. She’d even convinced him to attend church with the family on Sunday under his Brandon alias. That had been interesting, but not entirely bad either.

  Alone time with Alaina was brief and usually only happened after Ben was tucked comfortably into bed. Since Ben’s last appointment, the one in which Ethan accompanied, he had been put on an entirely new medication regimen. And it was extensive to say the least. Ben stayed so drugged up on pain meds that he was beginning to be asleep more often than he was awake. Alaina continued to work the majority of her days away, doing her seventeen-year-old best to provide eno
ugh money to at least make minimum payments on Ben’s hospital bills. It made Ethan practically nauseous to wonder what the total was up to by now. He’d love to contribute—he had money to spare—but he knew Alaina would never accept it.

  Ethan continued to hide away in the house most of the time, but even to his own surprise, he wasn’t bored in the least. In fact, he had taken to writing again. The psalm of David had inspired him a little. He’d even peeked at a few of the other psalms when he knew no one was watching. Ethan was always amazed at the feeling behind the words he read. Some were consumed with power, some with courage, and some with love. But in each was the same message over and over. They called upon a God who could offer them exactly what they needed in their present situation. They didn’t fear. They didn’t anger. They didn’t back down. And in Ethan’s eyes, that made for some pretty good lyrics.

  When Ethan wasn’t writing, he was thinking. His mother’s plan, much to the sake of his pride, had been a complete success. Ethan had never felt like a bigger jerk in his entire life. What was he thinking getting into that stupid Camero? Why was he even drinking in the first place? He was successful, with a lifestyle that ninety-nine percent of the world only dreamed of, and there he was, wasting it away on alcohol and a self-centered girlfriend. Mistreating his mom, who he knew was one of the few people that actually had his best interest at heart. And being too wrapped up in his own circumstances to even realize the types of tragedies that were happening all around him. There were people out there, kids in fact, that were suffering, and he was spending his time singing pointless little pop songs about love stories that weren’t even realistic, much less possible. He hadn’t understood it when Alaina first said it, but now he did. He was wasting his God-given talent.