Redemption Song

by Melodie Murray

  Alaina gave up on finishing her sandwich and rose from the table. Cam might have just been trying to get her out of his hair so that he could go hang out with the boys when he’d told her to check out the campus, but she had to admit that he was right about one thing. She had to start living her life and there was no better time to start than now. So with that thought, Alaina exited the Student Center and took a walk across campus—this time vowing to look at it with fresh eyes of optimism and possibility. Her life was moving on without her, and it was time she caught up to it.

  By mid-afternoon, Alaina had revisited all the main buildings on campus, vowing to keep her mind open to the possibilities of one day pursuing a college education of her own. Her main concern, of course, would be the financial aspect of the endeavor, but after a short visit to the financial aid office, and a brief discussion with one of the financial advisors there, Alaina learned that with her present situation she qualified for more grants than she needed to fully cover all of her tuition, fees, and books. The college option was officially on the table for her. All she had to do was decide whether or not to go after it.

  It wasn’t until the sun began to set behind the towering buildings, and a cool shadow stretched out over the college grounds, that Alaina remembered to check the time. She pulled out her cell phone. The time was 4:30. Their plane would depart in half an hour! There was no way to get from UCNY to LaGuardia in that amount of time. Not even going the pace the cab had brought them in the previous day. Not to mention, their luggage was still in the holding room at their hotel. What were they going to do? Alaina flipped open her phone and went straight to Cam’s number on speed dial. He answered in a tone that was much more relaxed than her own.

  “What’s up, Alaina? Having fun?”

  “Cam, we're about to miss our flight! I just looked at the time. The plane leaves in thirty minutes!”

  His reply was just as calm as his greeting. “I know. Don’t worry about it. I already called and canceled it anyway.”

  “You did what?”

  He continued as if she’d said nothing. “And I called the hotel. They’re going to hold onto our luggage for a while longer. I’m over at the frat house. Josh invited us to stay for a grill-out. Come on over and meet me. Do you know how to get here?”

  Alaina gave a frustrated sigh. The last thing she cared about right now was grilling hotdogs at a fraternity house. “Cam, how could you have called and canceled our flight without telling me?”

  “Alaina, chill out, okay.” She could tell Cam was moving away from the group of chattering voices in the background. “Like I said before, you worry too much. Planes fly out all the time. We’ll just catch another one. It’s not like you have anything severely pressing to get home to, anyway. Now come on over here and have some fun with us. These guys are great! You’ll love them!”

  Somehow, Alaina highly doubted that, but seeing as she had no other option, and technically, this was partially her own fault for forgetting to check the time, she sighed and gave up. Flicking her phone shut, she stomped off in the direction of fraternity row. Now if she could only remember the Greek letters on Josh’s shirt, she might be able to figure out which house to go to.

  Once Alina reached fraternity row, she was surprised to find that all of the houses looked exactly the same. In the end, unable to identify Josh’s house, she had to call Cam and have him walk her there over the phone. At first sight of fraternity row, Alaina wondered if it was always customary practice for five hundred twenty-somethings to be congregated in the middle of the street on a Tuesday afternoon. Coincidentally, Josh’s fraternity, Sigma something Beta, was not the only one who’d had the idea to grill. It seemed that every fraternity on the block was outside serving up everything from hotdogs to T-bones. Ten minutes into the chaotic crowd, Alaina finally found Cam leaned back lazily in a lawn chair surrounded by fifteen or so other boys who were doing the exact same thing. Girls roamed all over the place. Alaina guessed they belonged to the corresponding sororities on campus. Upon viewing their attire, she instantly felt underdressed. These girls wore skirts or dressy shorts that rode mere centimeters from the very top of their thighs. In fact, Alaina was fairly certain that she owned underwear longer than some of those shorts. Their makeup appeared to have been painted on with a spray gun. And their hair—whether it be bleach blonde, brunette, jet black, or streaked multi-colored—stood in perfect formation on top of each of their heads. Alaina glanced down quickly at her own customary jeans, tank top, and Converse attire. Her hair hung low below her shoulders and flowed there freely, absent of any product whatsoever. And she was pretty certain that the dab of eye shadow and mascara she’d applied earlier that morning had completely worn off at that point.

  But to the boys around Cam, her appearance didn’t seem to matter a whole lot. They all looked at her, running their eyes up and down her body the same way Josh had earlier, and frankly, it gave her the creeps. And to top matters off, Cam grabbed hold of her hand as she approached and swung her onto his lap so that she’d have a place to sit.

  “Guys, this is my . . . friend . . . Alaina,” Cam said with a grin.

  “Your friend, huh, man?” A guy a few chairs down snickered and took a drink of something from a red solo cup. “I wish I had friends like that.”

  Alaina had no idea what the guy was talking about but she rose from Cam’s leg as abruptly as she’d fallen to it. “Have you called the airport back yet? When’s the next available flight?”

  Cam seemed a bit annoyed, but smiled to cover it up. “Alaina, when are you going to stop worrying?”

  “Cam, get up for a second. We need to talk.”

  “Whoa-ho-ho!” The boy with the cup called out. “You better go man, she looks serious!”

  Alaina flashed the guy a dirty look and then directed it toward Cam. He arose slowly, and it was then that she noticed he also had a red cup in the holder of his chair. She really hoped that it contained soda or they were going to have bigger problems than merely missing their flight.

  “What’s going on with you?” she asked, once they were the most alone as was possible in the crowd of people. “We’ve done the tour thing, Cam. You’ve hung out. Why can’t we go?”

  Cam sighed and put on his best puppy dog face. “Look. If I do decide to go to school here, these are the people I’ll be living with. I want to stay a while and get to know them. Hang out a little so that I won’t feel so isolated when I start the school year. Can you just please support me on this? I’ve been there for you for months now. I just want one night, okay?”

  Alaina opened her mouth to object, but realized he was right. And even though she didn’t feel completely comfortable in the fraternity scene, Cam had been there for her, and he deserved for her to return the sentiment. “Fine,” she sighed, “we’ll stay for a while. But please don’t go doing anything stupid like drinking with these guys. You’re better than that, Cam.”

  An expression of guilt mixed with anger washed across Cam’s face for a split second, but was abruptly gone. “I knew you’d understand!” He returned his arm to her shoulder and guided her back to the group of lawn chairs. When they arrived, a tall blonde, Barbie doll looking girl that was standing beside Josh bounced toward them with a blindingly white smile.

  “Hi, Alaina! I’m Josh’s girlfriend, Kim. Josh told me you were visiting and that I should show you around fraternity row and introduce you to some people.”

  The girl’s smile was like a bright ray of sunshine and she bounced when she talked like every word was of the utmost importance. Obviously, Alaina was not the perky cheerleader type, but she’d deal with it if she had to. But first, she flashed Cam a look that said, “Oh I’m defiantly returning the favor now,” and allowed Kim to pull her off into the crowd.

  Kim walked Alaina up and down the entirety of fraternity row, which ended up burning more time than Alaina would have ever thought possible. As Kim led her deeper and deeper into the extravaganza that was the world of frat, seconds turn
ed into minutes, and minutes turned into hours. By nightfall, things were really starting to heat up on the street front.

  Huge speakers had been loaded onto trailers and boomed music into the air that Alaina was sure could be heard for at least a mile. Huge jugs of liquid were cased in large metal trash cans and had a pump spout on the top that people continually walked up to fill their glasses from—their glasses being red solo cups. Alaina’s stomach churned and she realized that it was time to find Cam. The “keg” as she heard it referred to by a redheaded girl in a dress that resembled a shirt, definitely did not contain soda. And Alaina knew Cam’s history with alcohol. She’d thought he’d changed, hence the reason she’d hung out with him for so long.

  Alaina thought about the cup in Cam’s chair earlier. Had he already been drinking even then? Why hadn’t he told her? Been honest with her? But then again, he hadn’t told her about rescheduling their flight or calling the hotel about their luggage. Alaina turned in circles, having lost Kim at least an hour ago, and suddenly, rage burned behind her eyes. How could Cam possibly think that she would be enjoying this? This was not an innocent social gathering where he could meet new people and hang out with the guys he would be living with. This was a party! An all out music blaring, keg drinking, dirty dancing party. Alaina looked around and as she took in the scene, she realized that she’d never felt more incredibly alone in her entire life.

  There was not a single person within sight that didn’t have a solo cup in their hand. Every girl wore clothes that advertised way more than the designer labels printed on them. Each guy that she passed seemed to study her every move as if they were waiting to see if she’d be willing to offer what every other girl was offering. Couples danced in the street with their legs intertwined so to rub each other in places that made Alaina nauseous. She peered farther down the street. At the frat house to her left, a swimming pool had been constructed in the front yard and, one by one, girls were stripping down to nothing but their underwear, and diving in to meet the boys in the water. On the other side, couples laid out in the lawn, sprawled on top of each other in the grass as if no one else was around to see them.

  She’d seen enough. Alaina bolted back toward Josh’s frat house. She tried to dial Cam’s number, but it went straight to his voicemail. She looked at nothing but the road and tried to keep her focus away from everything going on around her. She felt alone . . . isolated . . . dirty. Just being in the midst of the chaos of that street made her spirit feel tainted. She wanted to cry out to God to save her from this mess, but she’d held so much anger and so much bitterness for her brother’s death in the past couple of months that she rarely felt God’s presence with her anymore. Even in her morning studies, she could tell her heart wasn’t in it as it’d once been.

  But that’s when the words floated into her mind. Not like a blasting intercom, but a faint whisper.

  I urge you as aliens and strangers in this world to abstain from sinful desires which war against your soul.

  The words came from I Peter. She’d read them only a few days ago, but, at the time, didn’t fully understand their meaning. Now, the words rang out with perfect clarity. Alaina was an alien in the world of fraternity row. She didn’t belong there. God didn’t want her there and she didn’t want to be there. She couldn’t believe it, but God had found her, even there in the midst of evil. She sent up a silent prayer of thanks and trudged forward even faster, looking everywhere for a sign of Cam. The longer she had to look, and the more she witnessed in that street, the angrier she became at him. How could he possibly think she would want to be there? Did he not know her any better than that by now? After all of the time they’d spent together and all of the talks they’d had? And why did he want to be there? She knew he’d been the partier back home for a while, but he’d changed, hadn’t he? She wondered now how true that was.

  Alaina was dripping with sweat and approaching blind fury when she finally caught sight of Cam’s bright orange Hollister t-shirt he’d thrown on that morning—except the shirt was upside down, as was Cam’s entire body. Not only was Cam drinking, but he was being hoisted up by a couple of beefy frat boys, with the keg tube shoved deep inside his mouth. His eyes were closed as if every bit of his concentration was focused toward how much of the beer he could consume in the matter of a few seconds.

  Alaina’s heart dropped to her feet. Not only was she madder at Cam than she’d ever been at anybody in her entire life, but at the same time, her heart shattered in a million pieces for the loss of the friend she’d made over the past couple of months. The Cam that had left her stranded two years ago was the Cam that was back now. Full fledged idiocy prevalent all over his features.

  Alaina caught her breath and felt the words escape her mouth. “CAM! I need to talk to you!”

  Cam’s focus was yanked from the keg tube and he looked up, his eyes meeting hers instantly. At first, his eyes portrayed guilt, but it was swiftly replaced with rage.

  “Aww, close dude,” said the boy who’d been holding Cam’s right foot, “but I’m afraid I still hold the record for the night.”

  Cam gave the boy a playful punch in the arm and wobbled forward. “Alaina!” he said with a huge grin, all rage washed from him eyes. When he reached her, he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her off her feet into his arms and spun her around. “I’ve missed you, baby! Where have you been all night?”

  “Baby?” Alaina grabbed Cams arm and drug him to a more private spot beside the side of the house, under a big tree. “Cam what the heck are you doing! You said you weren’t going to drink and I find you mid keg stand? I’m ready to go. I want you to take me home. Now.”

  Cam put his fingers under her chin and pulled his face close to hers. “Aww, you’re so cute when you’re mad.”

  The smell of beer on his breath was sickening and Alaina knew instantly that he was completely wasted. Chances were Cam probably wouldn’t even remember their conversation the next day.

  “I’m not playing around, Cam. I want to leave now!”

  The goofy grin on Cam’s face fell. “Well, that is just . . . just too bad.” His words slurred and he struggled to speak right. “I am having . . . a fun time with my new friends. I . . . am . . . not ready to leave.”

  Alaina slapped her hand to her forehead and turned around. “I can’t believe I got myself in this situation,” she thought aloud. “I am so stupid! What was I thinking?”

  “You . . . you were thinking . . . that you really like to spend time with me,” Cam slurred. He moved closer toward her but she backed away. “And you were thinking that you owed me for putting up with you and your problems for so long.” Cam’s voice was a bit high pitched and didn’t convey even near the accusation that came from his words. “You were . . . were thinking that I deserve a night to have fun because I’ve had to . . . babysit you for so long just to get here.”

  Alaina felt her heart quicken with his words. She knew he was totally drunk and felt that there was no better time to get the truth from the real Cam Crawford before she fell for anymore of his lies. “What do you mean just to get here?”

  Cam laughed and swayed from his right foot, shooting his hand toward the brick wall of the frat house to steady his balance. “C’mon Ala . . . Alaina. Do you really think my mom . . . my mommy . . . would have ever let me come to visit the lovely . . . beautimous campus of UC . . N . . . something . . . if I hadn’t built a little . . . you know . . . trust with her first?”

  Light bulbs started flashing like strobe lights in Alaina’s mind. She tried to remain calm and speak to Cam as though they were having a normal conversation so that he’d keep talking. As long as she played the game, he was too inebriated to notice something was off.

  “Oh, I get it,” she said, playing her part perfectly. “You mean that you hung out with me and helped me so that your mom would think you had changed and let you come to New York.”

  Cam’s face lit up. “You are so . . . smart, Alaina! See this is why . . . why you sh
ould go to college with me. See . . . I . . . I helped you get through your . . . you know . . . stuff . . .” When he said ‘stuff’ he cupped his hand around his mouth and whispered as if it was some secret. “. . . and you helped me get my campus tour. We . . . we make the perfect team!”

  Cam reached his hand out to high five her, but Alaina couldn’t bring herself to play the game that well. Anger boiled in her veins. All she wanted to do was scream, “YOU USED ME YOU JERK!” But she held it in. There was no point in making a scene. But she couldn’t stand to look at Cam any longer. His face had morphed back into the one that she remembered from the first time he’d betrayed her. Nothing had changed except for the improvement in his acting skills. She couldn’t believe she’d been naïve enough to fall for his tricks this time.

  “I . . . I’m going to go . . . go have some more fun, okay?” With that, Cam turned and stumbled back into the party.

  Alaina felt her breath escape in a swift whoosh and all strength left her knees as she slid down the brick wall to the grass under the leafy tree. Can this night really get any worse?, she wondered.

  Her answer came in that instant as a hand reached out under her gaze. She looked up. It was Josh.

  “Hey, it’s okay. Every couple gets in fights.” His voice was smooth. Too smooth.

  Alaina didn’t take his hand. She rose on her own. “We’re not a couple.” She heard the shake in her tone that she knew Josh would mistake as hurt from Cam, when it was really just blinding rage that she was internally battling to keep inside.

  Josh moved a little closer to her. “Yeah, Cam told me about you guys' arrangement.” He held up quotation marks with his fingers and smiled playfully. “I thought it was pretty cool.” He reached his hand farther up and pushed her hair gently behind her ear, closing the space between them so that she was backed against the house. His tone grew deeper and seductive and he placed his lips up to her ear. “I wouldn’t mind having a friend like you, Alaina.”