Boy Toy

by R. R. Banks

  I opened my eyes and gasped when I saw a man standing in the bathroom with me. I sat up sharply, gathering the bubbles around me and wrapping my arms around myself. I hadn’t heard him come in and his sudden presence in the bathroom was unnerving. He didn’t seem flustered or uncomfortable, however. Instead, he simply looked at me. I looked back and realized that he was incredibly attractive. Thick, silky light brown hair hung to his collar and honey-colored eyes nearly took my attention away from his full lips.

  “Hello,” I said, unsure of what else to say.

  “Hello. I brought your dinner. It’s waiting for you in the bedroom.”

  “Thank you.”

  I noticed his eyes trailing along my face and down to the bath as if he could see through the bubbles, and I brought my arms closer around me. Without another word, he headed out of the room and a few seconds later I heard the door to the bedroom close. I dropped my head back against the side of the tub and let out a sigh. I could definitely get used to that kind of scenery.

  I finished bathing, rinsed off, and dressed in the plush robe I found hanging in the bathroom before walking back out into my bedroom. An ornate metal stand had been placed in front of a davenport to one side of the bed and I could see a tray laden with a delectable-looking meal sitting on it. Two glasses stood on the tray, one with sparkling water and the other with a rich red wine. I settled onto the cushion and immediately reached for the wine. My first sip filled my mouth and seemed to waken my taste buds, making me realize how hungry I was. As I ate the array of delicious food I tried not to think about the man who had come into the bathroom without any announcement. As hard as I tried, though, I couldn’t get my mind off of the way that he looked at me, or the impulse that I’d had to ask if he was going to stay for dinner.

  It was still early when I finished eating, but the combination of the filling meal and the long hot soak had relaxed me to the point that I felt like I could barely keep my eyes open. I changed into my nightgown and pulled back the corner of the bedding, appreciating how crisp and fresh the sheets looked. They exactly matched the color of the tiny flowers and something about that relaxed me even further. I slipped into the bed and reached beside me to turn off the lamp on the nightstand. I rested my head on the thick pillows and drifted away into sleep, the last thought that I had before disappearing into oblivion was about Fawn and what she meant by planning my experience the next day.

  Chapter Eight

  Snow

  I woke up before dawn just like I did every morning. It was something that I had taught myself to do when I first left home and no longer had my mother to wake me up for school. I hated the sound of my alarm and lost sleep dreading being startled awake by it. I tried everything from an old-fashioned alarm clock that rattled bells to every option on my phone. No matter what I tried, whether it was singing crickets, barking dogs, or whimsical music, it had the same jarring effect, and eventually I trained myself to wake up ten minutes before it was supposed to go off just so that I didn’t have to hear it. The challenge then was learning not to just let myself roll over and go back to sleep, but several missed classes and a particularly regretful speech done in my slippers because I ran out of time getting ready taught me to climb out of bed even before I turned off the alarm. That was still the way that I started each day, but that morning as I was starting to get out of bed I remembered that I didn’t have an alarm set and there was nowhere that I needed to be. Smiling at the simple indulgence of it, I tucked myself back into the soft bed and let myself fall back to sleep.

  I didn’t wake up again until I heard the click of my door and sat up, pulling the blankets up to my chest in the same way that I had the bubbles. I looked around, but the room was empty. The dinner tray from the night before had been removed from the stand in front of the davenport and replaced with one containing an abundant breakfast. I at once wondered if the man who had brought me dinner the night before had been the one to bring me breakfast, and hoped that it wasn’t him so that he hadn’t seen me sprawled in the bed, no makeup and likely snoring considering the incredible depth of sleep I had reached. It was an unexpected thought and I didn’t understand why I cared if he had seen me that way. He was gorgeous, there was no doubt about that, but that shouldn’t really have had any impact on me other than the brief but explosive dream I’d had about him before waking up to what I now assumed was the sound of him leaving the room.

  I lingered over the breakfast of eggs, bacon, pancakes, fruit, and then stood staring through the back window at the woods as I slowly drank the succulent coffee. I always drank my coffee black, but there was something special about this coffee that made it taste almost as though it had been swirled with dark, rich chocolate. I didn’t even miss my doughnuts.

  Once I finished my coffee, I took my time getting dressed and putting on my makeup. It felt foreign to have nothing but time on my hands, but with every minute that I was able to relax and do exactly as I wanted, I was feeling more liberated. I took a few extra seconds to add another coat of mascara, and then a few more to wipe away the smears beneath my eyes. I pondered over what clothes to wear, even though the wardrobe that I brought was quite limited. I even took the time to stare into the mirror and sweep my hair into a complex braided style rather than simply wearing it down because it was easier. Though it took me five times as long to get ready as it usually does, I felt calm and put together when I walked out of my room and started down the hallway toward the front room of the cottage.

  I didn’t know exactly what I was supposed to do that day. Fawn had said that we would meet to discuss my retreat, but she hadn’t told me when or where. I figured that I could probably have stayed in my room and she would have come for me when she wanted to talk, but I didn’t want to just sit around. I had time and I wanted to use it.

  I looked around as I walked through the cottage, trying to find indications of other guests that might also be staying at the retreat. I didn’t notice any, however, and soon found myself lured outside to explore the lush surroundings again. The air was chillier than the day before and I wrapped my arms tightly around myself to ward off the cold. Layers of crisp, spicy, and earthy smells surrounded me with the essence of fall and I suddenly felt the urge to do all of those fall nesting activities that you see in magazines or TV movies. I wanted to wrap up in a wool blanket with a mug of hot cider and watch leaves fall. I wanted to pick a pumpkin and put it on the porch. I wanted to start thinking about Thanksgiving even though it was still months away. The impact of the woods was strange, but I welcomed it, telling myself that getting out of my routine and doing something new was exactly what I had intended when I made plans to come here. This felt like just the beginning and I needed to be open to whatever it was going to bring me.

  The driveway in front of the cottage that the limo had brought me up the day before was still empty and I stepped off of it onto a narrow walkway that appeared to be made of large flat river rocks. The walkway led me around the side of the cottage and to the back into the woods that I had seen from the windows in my room. The leaves in the trees had started to change colors and the variety of hues throughout the woods gave them more depth so that they seemed to go on forever into the distance. Tucked close to the house was a small garden containing the last lingering vestiges of the late summer harvest and a coiling pumpkin vine with ripening fruits nestled among the deep green leaves.

  “It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

  The same voice that had startled me in the front room the day before showed up behind me again and I whipped around to see Fawn. It seemed that she only knew how to approach me by sneaking up behind me.

  “What’s amazing?” I asked.

  “That something so beautiful can just grow out of nothing. I didn’t even plant those pumpkins. I just tossed one of my pumpkins from last year out into the garden to nourish the soil for the vegetable garden this season, then early this summer I noticed that there were sprouts and now look. I’ll have enough pumpkins to decorate and cook
with later this fall.”

  I nodded at her.

  “That is amazing,” I said. I looked at the pumpkins for a few more seconds before turning back to Fawn. “I noticed that there aren’t any other rooms in the cottage,” I said. “Where do the other guests sleep?”

  “No other guests,” she said.

  “None?” I asked.

  Fawn shook her head.

  “No. We only welcome one guest at a time. Like I told you, this is all about you. No one else. Everything is intended to allow you to focus on your own experience and making the most of it. Speaking of which, are you ready to plan?”

  I nodded, unsure of what to think about being the only guest at the retreat. How did Robin get the brochure for this place? I hadn’t even bothered to ask him. And how did I manage to get in so fast? It felt like there was something else in play, but I didn’t know what it could possibly be. Fawn started back up the path toward the front door of the house and I followed her. When we got inside, she led me into what looked like a parlor off of the main front room. A table had been set up between two overstuffed chairs and it held a tray with a steaming teapot, two tea cups, and a plate of cookies. Fawn settled into one of the chairs and reached for the teapot. I watched as she poured the tea into both cups, breathing in the warm smell of apple and cinnamon that filled the steam that rose up from them. When she sat the pot back on the table, I picked up the cup closest to me and took a sip. The tea had all of the flavors that I had been thinking about when walking outside and I felt myself relax even further.

  “Have you given any thought to the type of men you would like?”

  Until then.

  I nearly spit out my tea. I struggled to swallow it and sat the cup back on the table, hearing it shudder slightly as my hand shook.

  “Excuse me?” I asked.

  Fawn didn’t look at all thrown off by my reaction. She took another casual sip of her tea and reached for one of the delicate cookies on the plate.

  “The men,” she said. “Did you have time to think about the type of men who you would like to encounter during your retreat?”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, shaking my head as I tried to process what she meant. “I don’t think that I’m following you. I thought that this retreat was meant as a place to relax.”

  “It is,” Fawn said. “But I told you that its main purpose is to help you find what you have been looking for. Look into yourself, Snow. What have you been missing in life? What do you want to find?”

  I drew in a breath.

  “I don’t understand what men have to do with that.”

  Fawn laughed slightly.

  “I think you do,” she said. “There’s nothing wrong with it, Snow. There’s nothing wrong with you wanting to break out of what has always been expected of you and find what is really inside of you. Have you ever thought about your fantasies? Like really thought about them?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Yes, you do, Snow. You don’t have to pretend with me. I’m here to help you find what you enjoy and what that means for you both when you are with men and in your life outside of those relationships. Whether you are with the man for one night or the rest of your life, what really matters is that you know yourself and stay true to that. That’s why I’m here. I’m going to help you find yourself.”

  “How?”

  “You tell me what you like. Tell me your fantasies. I’ll find men that fit those fantasies and you will get to experience them. They will come to you and bring you on the date of your dreams. What you do on that date is up to you, but I suggest you live it to the fullest. When you’re finished with your experience, you will know far more about yourself and what you want out of your life.”

  “These men,” I said, trying to understand the details. “Who are they?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” Fawn said.

  “Yes, it does.”

  “Does it? I told you. This is about you. All about you. The men are just instruments. They’re there to show you what’s possible. What you do with it from there is up to you. You won’t know the men’s real names. They all have aliases. You won’t talk about your real life and they won’t tell you about themselves unless it has something to do with the date.”

  “I don’t really know how to feel about all this. I thought that I was just going to come here and spend a few days relaxing. Maybe meditating a little. Just getting away from everything.”

  “What are you trying to get away from?”

  I thought about Lucille and everything that had happened, then what she and Robin had said to me. Each of them had their own perception of me, but in the end, it was the same. I had let my life pass me by thinking about everyone else and doing what I thought would make them happy. It had been so engrained in me, so much of a routine, that I didn’t even think about it. Once it occurred to me, however, I realized that I was really sick of it and didn’t want to let it happen anymore.

  “You asked me about my fantasies,” I said, skirting the question.

  “Yes,” Fawn said. “Tell me about them. Don’t be shy. The more that you tell me, the better I’m going to be at finding the men who are going to make this the best experience for you.”

  “That’s the thing,” I said. “I don’t really know.”

  “Oh?” Fawn said, setting her cup down as if she wanted to give me her full attention. “You’ve never thought about your fantasies?”

  “No,” I admitted, deciding that this was the time to be as honest as possible. “I’ve only slept with one person in my life, and our sex life was always…less than satisfying.”

  “He wasn’t a good lover?”

  “That’s the thing. I don’t even know. I don’t have anything to compare it to, but I can tell you that it was never something that I was terribly enthusiastic about.”

  “If you don’t know if he was a good lover or not, I can tell you that he wasn’t. That makes your experience even more important. You deserve to know what it’s like to completely lose yourself in sex. To enjoy it with every bit of your mind and your body. The men I find for you can help you with that, but first, you have some discovering to do.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Beyond the vegetable garden behind the cottage is another path. Follow it. We’ll have dinner together tonight. We’ll talk then.”

  “What’s at the end of the path?” I asked.

  Fawn stood and gestured to the door to the parlor. I could only assume she was indicating that it was time for me to go to the path.

  “You’ll find out,” she said. “Enjoy.”

  I got the distinct impression that the conversation was over and that she wasn’t going to give me any more insight into what was awaiting me down the path. I stepped out of the cottage and followed the path to the back, then found the second path that led away from the vegetable garden. This path was smaller and not as well maintained as the first. Not that it looked abandoned or neglected. It simply looked like it was not used anywhere near as often as the path that led to the back of the cottage. I felt strangely special as soon as I stepped onto the path, as though I was getting a privilege that few others were given. That feeling fueled me on and I followed the path curiously. It wove through the small lush yard and into the thick woods just beyond. All of the wonderful fall smells were intensified here and I filled my lungs with them, getting the same intoxicating feeling as I had before, somehow nostalgic for something that I hadn’t even really experienced before.

  The path led further and deeper into the woods than I would have anticipated that it would and I was starting to get nervous when I finally saw another small cottage appear several yards ahead of me. I climbed the few steps that led to the front door and hesitated. I didn’t know if I should knock or just enter. Finally, I decided to just go in and pressed the ornate metal handle, pushing the door into the building. I had expected this cottage to be much the same as the first, but what greeted me was completely different.

  I stepped
immediately into a large room that appeared to take up the majority of the building. There was a single door to either side of the room, nearly hidden against the rich purple brocade wall covering. The wall in front of me, however, was completely mirrored. A few pieces of furniture were scattered through the room, with a single large chair the same shade as the walls, positioned so that it faced the mirrored wall. I looked around, unsure of why I was there or what I was supposed to be doing. I noticed a table a few steps away and saw that there was a piece of paper on it. Walking toward it, I realized that it had writing on it.

  I picked up the paper, surprised to see that it was addressed to me. I didn’t know if that meant that it had been waiting for me all along, or if Fawn had somehow arranged for it to be put into place while I was still on my way down the path.

  “Snow,” I read, “on your journey to find yourself you must start by discovering yourself. Be open. Be unafraid. Allow yourself to explore and remember, this is about you.”

  Feeling even more confused than before I had started reading, I put the paper back down and turned to leave, intending to go back to Fawn and tell her that I wasn’t sure that this was right for me. Before I could get to the door, however, one of the doors to the side of the room opened and a figure stepped into the room with me. He was shirtless, low-slung black pants revealing his chiseled body. I was so focused on his muscles that it took me a few moments to register his face. It was the same beautiful man that had brought me my dinner the night before and, I assumed, my breakfast that morning. His eyes locked on me as he stepped up closer.

  “Should I help you undress?” he asked, his voice as rich and creamy as his eyes.

  My mouth fell open slightly in shocked response to the question.