What If... All the Rumors Were True

by Liz Ruckdeschel

  “If you say so,” Haley agreed.

  “And Shaun is playing Nick Bottom.” Coco made a face. “Against my wishes, but Mr. Lyons insisted. I think the fact that he auditioned wearing an ass’s head sealed the deal.”

  “Shaun was really funny in his tryout, you have to admit,” Haley offered.

  “I admit nothing.”

  “Who’s playing Titania?” Haley asked, wondering who would get the most coveted role in the play.

  “Mia, of course,” Coco said. “Titania has to be a regal beauty. And there aren’t too many of those in this school. Present company excepted, of course.”

  “Of course.” Haley knew she meant that the exception was Coco, not Haley.

  “I would have been a dynamite Titania, but my talents were needed elsewhere,” Coco said. “I’m happy to make the sacrifice.”

  “We’re all thrilled too,” Haley said. Nothing Coco said could bother her now—she was too excited. She’d gotten Helena! And Helena would have her Demetrius, meaning Haley was about to start seeing an awful lot of Devon.

  Awesome news! Haley got the part she wanted, and Devon will be her love interest. But will the romance continue offstage? This is a fascinating development that could change the course of Haley’s love—and social—life for the rest of the year. The play is a big production involving all kinds of kids, from the popular Cocobots to the geeky stage crew and the artsy set designers. As part of the theater crowd, Haley can move in so many different directions.

  If you think she should stay on Assistant Director Coco’s good side and spend more time with the beautiful people, go to "FIRE AND ICE". If you think hanging with Devon, Irene and Shaun will have a better effect on Haley’s acting ability, go to "SET DESIGN".

  The stage is set, the players chosen. Now let the drama begin!

  ACTING COACH

  There’s Method in this madness.

  “CONGRATULATIONTH, my petth!” Xavier Willkommen, tutor extraordinaire, exclaimed as he grandly swept into his cousin Shaun’s living room. As usual, he was ridiculously dressed in a lavender shirt with pearly buttons, a yellow paisley ascot and a black tuxedo jacket. With tails. “My teachingth have been thuthethful beyond even my WILDETHT expectationth. Ath I underthtand it, in thith very room we have three—count, them, THREE—newly minted thtage ACTORTH!”

  “And one cowardly stage designer,” Irene offered, raising her hand.

  “Nonthense, dearetht,” Xavier said. “Thtage design ith an ART in and of itthelf. Tho ith knowing where your true talentth lie. And Devon, you’ll be working both thideth of the thtage, I hear.”

  Devon was both playing Demetrius and helping Irene paint the sets. Haley had gotten the part of Helena, a girl who loves Demetrius but is not loved back (until the happy ending, of course), and Shaun landed his dream role of Nick Bottom, the weaver-victim of a fairy’s spell, which turns his head into an ass’s.

  “Dude, I wore a papier-mâché donkey head to the audition, and it totally paid off,” Shaun told Xavier. “Way to channel the Method, am I right?”

  “Thatth a good beginning, Thhaun,” Xavier said. “Why don’t we thpend part of each tutoring thethion from here on rehearthing your lineth? If you don’t mind, Irene. Even though you won’t be acting in the play, we can all learn thomething about the human THPIRIT from the CLATHIC acting techniques. Letth begin with thome exerthithes developed by the GREAT and POWERFUL Thanford Meithner.”

  Xavier told Shaun and Irene to stand in front of the group, facing each other. Shaun impulsively leaned over and kissed Irene’s nose.

  Irene jumped back, rubbing her wet face. “Ew. Shaun, no PDA during tutoring.”

  “Irene ith correct,” Xavier said. “One of Meithner’th ruleth ith NO TOUCHING. You have to convey everything with your VOITHE. Now. Thith exerthithe ith called repetithion. Thhaun, look around the room and make a one-thententhe obthervathion about thomething you thee. Then, Irene, you repeat what he thayth ath a quethtion. Thhaun, you repeat the obthervathion, emphathithing a different word each time. Ready? Go.”

  Shaun looked around until his eyes fell upon one of his favorite things, a banana, resting on the kitchen counter. “What a beautiful yellow banana,” Shaun said.

  “Look Irene directly in the eye the whole time,” Xavier said.

  Shaun looked Irene in the eye. “What a beautiful yellow banana.”

  “What a beautiful yellow banana?” Irene said.

  “What a BEAUTIFUL yellow banana,” Shaun said.

  “What a BEAUTIFUL yellow banana?” Irene said.

  “Good,” Xavier said. “FEED off each otherth emothionth.”

  “What a beautiful YELLOW banana,” Shaun said.

  “What a beautiful YELLOW banana?” Irene said.

  “WHAT a beautiful yellow banana,” Shaun said.

  “WHAT a stupid-ass boring exercise?” Irene said.

  “No, no, no, NO.” Xavier rose to his feet. “Thtay in the moment, Irene. I know it feelth thilly at firtht, but we’re learning that one change in your inflecthion can COMPLETELY alter the meaning of a line. Thith ith ethpethially important with Thhakespeare, my petth. Devon and Haley, your turn.”

  Haley stood up, looked Devon in the eye and repeated every possible permutation of “You have a hole in the knee of your jeans” until the subject of knee holes was exhausted.

  “Good,” Xavier said. “Okay. You’re thtarting to get the githt of it. Letth move on to Uta Hagenth protheth. Hagen and Meithner are both offthhootth of the Thtanithlavthky Method, developed in New York by Lee Thtrathberg. The idea behind the Method is that you draw on your own emothionth and experientheth to find a way to portray your character convinthingly. Uta Hagen took that farther by thaying that ACTHION ith TRUTH. We are ACTORTH, not FEELERTH. We DO. The thimple ith PROFOUND. Be TRUTHFUL in the THIMPLE.”

  “Dude, WHAT are you talking about?” Shaun said.

  “Your character hath the head of a donkey,” Xavier said. “Now, you may not have any experienthe being a donkey. But if you act like an ath all the time, you will begin to know what it feelth like to BE an ath. You will BECOME the ath. And that will make your character convinthing to the audienthe.”

  Shaun’s face lit up. Irene held her head in her hands. “Oh no,” she groaned. “He gets it.”

  “I totally get it now,” Shaun said. “Hee-haw, hee-haw! I’ve got to live like a donkey all the time! Awesome.”

  “Just until the play is over,” Devon said.

  “Please,” Irene said. “Don’t encourage this. Xavier, you don’t mean he has to literally be an ass? I mean, even more than usual?”

  Xavier frowned thoughtfully. “Well, it doeth kind of mean that. Like when Robert De Niro gained thickthty poundth to play Jake La Motta for Raging Bull. You’ve got to phythically BE the character, and cothtumes alone aren’t enough.”

  “This is going to be a nightmare,” Irene said.

  “Maybe not,” Haley said. “I mean, if you think about it…Shaun pretending to be an ass, Shaun acting normally…what’s the difference, really?”

  “Right on, Haley,” Shaun said.

  “Shaun, she just insulted you,” Irene said. “Not that I blame her.”

  “Oh,” Shaun said. “Well, hee-haw. I’m an ass. I don’t get insulted.”

  “Good, Thhaun,” Xavier said. “You’re really LIVING Nick Bottom.”

  “Damn right I am,” Shaun said.

  “Letth try another exerthithe,” Xavier said. “Haley, your character, Helena, ith pathionately in love, but itth unrequited. I want you to thhow me Helena in love. Dig deep into your own feelingth, your patht experientheth, and find a way to THHOW me that feeling.”

  Haley hesitated. “This is getting pretty personal.”

  “Exactly,” Xavier said. “Thatth what we WANT. Think of thomeone you love and find a way to expreth that feeling tho we’ll all thee it.”

  Haley liked the idea of channeling her character through her own life. It made sense to her, and she kn
ew it was the only way she’d be able to pull off a major role onstage. Without that technique she was afraid she’d be wooden. But there was one problem: she had to think of someone she loved passionately, the way Helena loved Demetrius. Whom, if anyone, did she love that much?

  “You can trutht uth with your deepetht feelingth, Haley,” Xavier said. “We’re your friendth. RELAX into trutht.”

  Haley looked at the faces of Irene, Shaun and Devon. She did trust them. It wasn’t that.

  Had she ever been passionately in love? Was she now?

  If so, with whom? Devon was playing Demetrius. Maybe he was the perfect person to think about.

  But maybe not. PASSIONATELY in love? That wasn’t the right word for her feelings for Devon. Not yet, anyway.

  “I’m still having trouble,” Haley said.

  “Think of thomeone who, if he died, you’d be CRUTHHED,” Xavier said. “Who ith that perthon in your life?”

  Suddenly a face appeared in Haley’s mind. Just thinking about that face, thinking of him dying, nearly brought her to tears. Her eyes actually got misty when she thought about him.

  That was it. He was the one. The key to Haley’s deepest emotions.

  “I’m thtarting to thee it,” Xavier said. “Everyone, do you thee the tenderneth in her eyeth? Thay thomething, Haley. Tell uth how you feel.”

  “Oh Freckles!” Haley cried. “I love you so much!”

  Devon and Irene laughed. “Freckles?” Irene said. “Your dog?”

  “It ith not for uth to JUDGE, people,” Xavier said. “Thethe choitheth are HIGHLY perthonal.” But Haley thought she saw him stifling a laugh too.

  “I don’t think it’s funny,” Shaun said. “I mean, I’m an ass. An animal, like Freckles. I can only hope the beautiful Queen Titania will feel about me the way Haley feels about Freckles.” Shaun began to tear up.

  “Amen, Thhaun,” Xavier said. “My loveth, today we’ve theen the birth of an actor.”

  Haley is starting to get the hang of this acting business, even if some of Xavier’s methods seem silly at first. It’s all pretty intense, though. If you think Haley could use a break from the theater crowd and would find an afternoon with Sasha refreshing, go to "BUYER’S REMORSE". If you’d like Haley to stick with her fellow artistes, go to "SET DESIGN".

  For serious theater people, acting is a calling, not a hobby. The question is, is it calling out to Haley?

  GUEST APPEARANCE

  Resolved: if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with. Discuss.

  “Mitchell, get the door!” Haley called downstairs. Her parents were out, and Mitchell was in the basement, most likely destroying something. Haley was up in her room doing practice SAT math problems. At least, she was supposed to be doing math problems. Her mind was actually more focused on romantic problems—like Reese Highland’s recent disappearing act.

  “You get it,” Mitchell called back. “I’m busy disassembling the remote.”

  Right again, Haley thought. She put down her pencil and walked downstairs as the doorbell rang a second time. “Coming!” she called. “Mitchell, you’d better be able to put that remote back together before Mom and Dad get home.” Perry could get pretty cranky if he couldn’t pause, slow-mo or resee scenes in his favorite films.

  “Don’t worry,” Mitchell said. “I have complete faith in myself.”

  That’s for sure, Haley thought. And it was true that so far Mitchell had been able to reassemble everything he’d meticulously broken down, including her camera, which had stopped sticking between frames and now worked better than it did before.

  Haley peeked through the window next to the heavy front door and gasped at the sight of Alex Martin. He stood patiently on her front porch in his belted khakis and a polo shirt, his short chestnut hair neatly combed.

  What was he doing here? What could he possibly want?

  Haley racked her brain for any memory of invitations to her house—study groups, debate team meetings she might have volunteered to host—but came up blank.

  There’s only one way to find out, a little voice in Haley’s head said. Open the door, stupid.

  “Hi, Alex,” she said, leaning against the doorframe.

  “Hello, Haley. I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop by.”

  In the neighborhood? Please.

  “Um, great,” Haley said. She stood there waiting to hear what he wanted, but he seemed to be ceding the floor to her. Talk about awkward.

  “I was wondering if you’d like to go out for some frozen yogurt,” Alex said at last.

  Haley stepped out onto the porch. Alex’s car, a shiny, expensive-looking black sedan, was parked in the driveway, ready to whisk her off for fro-yo. Meanwhile, the Highlands’ house next door, Haley couldn’t help noticing, looked completely empty. “Sorry, I can’t,” Haley said. “I’m watching my little brother.”

  “Oh,” Alex said. She thought he’d leave then, but he didn’t. He just seemed to be staring at the polish on his tassled brown loafers.

  How arrogant of him to think he can just show up like this, Haley thought. Arrogant but flattering.

  “But—well, if you want to sit on the porch and hang for a little while, that would be cool,” Haley said. “We don’t have any frozen yogurt, or even ice cream. My parents are pretty severely antisugar. But we could have some iced tea.”

  “Great,” Alex said. “That would be just great.”

  Alex sat on the front porch while Haley went into the kitchen to fetch some glasses. She poured the unsweetened hibiscus tea over ice and brought the glasses outside with a plate of cheese and crackers.

  “So—no sugar in the house,” Alex said, taking a cracker. “Makes sense, given your other political views. Let me guess, your parents are old hippies. Fits with your geographical roots.”

  “My geographical roots?” Haley wasn’t sure what he was talking about.

  “Annie told me you moved here from Northern California. That explains the progressive stance, the granola nutrition, the obsession with the environment…it all fits.”

  “You’ve got me all figured out, don’t you?” Haley said sarcastically. “Reduced to a Marin County stereotype.”

  Alex looked at her. “I’m sorry—you’re right. People are a lot more complicated than we think. Especially people like you.”

  “People like me?” Haley said. “Don’t you mean hippie spawn from San Francisco?”

  “No. I mean smart people. People who think for themselves, even in the suffocatingly conformist environment of high school.”

  Her annoyance at being so neatly summed up now faded. Maybe Alex wasn’t as obtuse as she’d thought. “What about you?” she asked. “What are your geographical roots?”

  “Connecticut born. New Jersey bred,” Alex said. “My father moved his company here when I was three. Cheaper overhead. But I’ve managed to get out and see a little of the world. I spent last summer building houses for the poor in Costa Rica.”

  “You?” Somehow the idea of helping people in Central America didn’t fit with Haley’s image of Alex as staunch conservative capitalist pig. A cute capitalist pig, but then she’d always thought piglets were adorable. “I wouldn’t have expected that.”

  “People are a lot more complicated than we think,” Alex reminded her.

  Haley began to relax, and they fell into a long conversation, oblivious to the time passing by. Haley soon realized it was getting dark out. She and Alex must have talked for over an hour. He was smart, intimidatingly so. Most of the kids Haley knew couldn’t see past their little Hillsdale High bubble. She’d be shocked if they thought of anything outside the borders of Bergen County. Even the rich kids like Coco and Whitney shuttled from Hillsdale to the city to the Hamptons, with maybe a stop in Paris or London during breaks. But, even so, all they cared about was Hillsdale. This was their power base.

  “I should probably get going,” Alex said, standing up. Haley walked him to his car and saw that the Highlands�
� wagon was now parked in the driveway. She’d been so wrapped up in conversation with Alex she hadn’t noticed anyone pull up. Had Reese come home? Haley wondered. And if he had, had he seen her on the porch with Alex?

  What would Reese do if he had seen them? Would he come over to say hello? Be jealous that she was talking to another boy? Or not think much of it and leave them alone?

  Haley wasn’t sure.

  “Thanks again for the iced tea,” Alex said. “See you at school.”

  “Yeah. See you.” Haley waved absently as he drove off, relieved that her mother wasn’t around to see his gas-guzzling luxury car.

  Later that evening, while working on the third draft of her college application essay, Haley got an Instant Message from Reese.

  R: What’s up, Red? Feels like it’s been ages. Wanna meet me in the library tomorrow?

  Without thinking, Haley typed back:

  H: Sure. CU then.

  She logged off and went back to her essay, but something about Reese’s message bothered her. He’d been so busy studying lately, he hardly seemed to notice she was alive. Now all of a sudden he wanted to study with her?

  Maybe he did see me with Alex, she thought. Maybe he sensed that other boys are buzzing around, and he wants to remind me that I’m his.

  But if he wanted to stake his claim, this was a lame way of doing it. Going to the library? What kind of date was that?

  A sucky date, that’s what.

  Haley has a lot of options right now. Both Alex and Reese are nice guys—smart, well mannered and let’s not forget hot. How to choose between Mr. Best All-around and Mr. Brainiac? Should Haley pick the one who seems more into her? That would have to be Alex—for the moment. But who knows—maybe once she agrees to go out with him he’ll start ignoring her too, just like Reese. Boys are mysterious creatures.

  If you think Haley should meet Reese at the library as planned, go to "SOLVING FOR EX". If you think she should bust out of her rut, put a little distance between herself and Reese Highland and live a little, go to "FREEDOM ROCK". If you think Haley should stop thinking about boys so much and focus on the college race, go to "SCATTERBRAINED".