Meeting The Unpredictable

by Riann C. Miller

  “She couldn’t go through with it. At least she saved me from marrying someone I didn’t really know, but she waited until two weeks before our wedding to break the news to me. I felt like a fool to my friends and family, especially after I learned a lot of them already knew she was cheating on me. It...it makes you stop and reevaluate who has your back.”

  “You weren’t a fool,” she quickly says.

  I laugh without any humor. “Oh yeah, and how do you know that?”

  Lennie lets go of my arm and turns to look at me. “Because that story speaks more about your ex’s character than anyone else. Only a fool stays engaged to one man while she sneaks off with another.” She gives me a small smile. “The only action or reaction you can control is your own. It took me a lot of years and wasted tears figuring that out. Now I live my life for myself and what makes me happy.” Her eyes are bouncing back and forth between mine. “Do you still love her?”

  My breath catches in my throat. No one in my family questions me about Amber. They definitely don’t ask me if I’m still holding a torch for her. I look away for a moment, trying my hardest to find my voice. “No. I don’t love Amber anymore. I don’t think I was in love with her the day she broke our engagement off, but I didn’t know that at the time. All I saw was how embarrassed I was dealing with the aftermath of her actions and calling off our wedding so close to our big day. A few years later, I started to see the signs I missed at the time.”

  Lennie leans into my arm again. “Your perspective on a situation can definitely change over time. As shitty as it was, that girl did you a favor, but it shouldn’t mean you’re not willing to trust again, especially if it means you don’t trust yourself.”

  Lennie just hit the nail on the head because I often wonder how I didn’t notice what Amber clearly did. Since then, I found it’s easy...safer to just steer clear of relationships altogether.

  Lennie tugs on my hand. “Let’s ride around before our time is up.”

  Without waiting on me, Lennie steps on her hoverboard and starts riding down the path. As I watch her ride away, I start to wonder what it would be like if Lennie were a normal woman, someone I could see a possible future with. I shake off my thoughts about the same time I see Lennie laughing with a couple of teenage girls. Normal or not, Lennie’s carefree attitude is contagious.

  Somewhere in the back of my mind, there’s a voice whispering to me to grab ahold of Lennie Jacobs and take whatever she’s offering for as long as she offers it.

  ***

  “I’M STARVING,” LENNIE GROANS AS we walk into my apartment.

  “Why didn’t you tell me to stop somewhere on the way home?”

  She throws herself down on my couch. “I didn’t realize how hungry I was until now.”

  I open my fridge, but we don’t really have anything to fix. “I can order a pizza.”

  “Oh, I love pizza.”

  I dig out my cell phone. “What do you want?”

  “I don’t care. Surprise me.”

  I dial my go-to place and end up ordering my usual. “Pizza will be here in about thirty minutes.”

  “Thank you.”

  I glance over at Lennie, who’s still on the couch, and spot a tattoo on her lower stomach, one I haven’t noticed before. Including this one, I’ve counted thirteen. “Why do you have so many tattoos?” She turns to her side and studies me. I put my hands up. “I’m not judging. I’m only asking.”

  Her mouth turns up with a small smile. “I like capturing a moment or a feeling and having a way of keeping it with me forever.”

  Her answer sounds exactly like something Lennie would say, but I’m still surprised. Amber got a tattoo after I clearly expressed I didn’t want her to, but I know now she only did it because I told her not to. At the time, I was worried about what my mother would think if she saw it.

  “The flower on your arm? Why do you have it?”

  “That’s my piece of Jill.” Lennie sits up and grins. “Jill owns a flower shop in San Francisco. She gave me a job and a place to live for about six months. That was during a time when I really needed someone and that someone ended up being Jill.” Lennie is lost in her own thoughts.

  “I stayed with Jill longer than anyone else. When I left, we were both hurting.”

  “Then why’d you leave?”

  Her eyes snap to mine as a sad smile spreads across her face. “Life moves forward, Tyler, even when we don’t want it to.” Her fingers softly run over the flower on her arm. “Some people aren’t meant to stay in your life for long.”

  Her comment causes my heart to start thumping in my chest. “Tell me about another one,” I say, hoping to distract myself.

  She lifts her leg and points to an arrow on her ankle. “I worked at a club called the Broken Arrow. I met a few people there that I’ll always remember.”

  “Do you have a tattoo that reminds you of your family?”

  Her mouth parts as she stares at me. “Yes,” she breathily says, but she makes no attempt to show me. She’s purposely being evasive, and after everything I’ve told her today, I should ask her to show me, but I can’t make myself ask.

  “Do you always get a tattoo when you move?” I’m suddenly wondering about the boss she was sleeping with.

  “No.” My eyes dart to her mouth as she licks her lips. “Every tattoo on my body is important. Each one of them holds a small piece of my heart.”

  Until this exact moment, I’ve always deemed tattoos as trashy. Before Lennie, I didn’t know anyone who has one except Amber, but I know she wanted one for reasons that are very different than Lennie’s.

  My eyes lock with hers again, and we stare at each other longer than we should. Her brown hair is pulled up on her head, exposing her soft neck. Her breasts rise and fall with every breath she takes. Her tongue darts out as she licks her lips again. I want to reach out and touch her, to know if her skin is as soft as it looks. The room feels hot as I slowly stand up, still staring at her with every intention of going to her when I hear a knock at the door.

  “Pizza.” She smiles at me as I take another step closer. When I hear a second knock on the door, I blink out of my thoughts. I’m not sure what I was about to do, but I’m thankful for the interruption.

  “Let’s eat,” I mumble before pulling my wallet out and walking to the door. Whatever lust I’m feeling, I need to shut it down and remember Lennie is just a woman who’s suddenly my friend—a woman who has no intention of sticking around.

  I WAKE UP IN A pool of sweat. My stomach starts turning as I dart to the bathroom. I barely make it to the toilet before everything I ate for dinner comes back up. Once my stomach starts to settle, I rinse my mouth and brush my teeth.

  I barely recognize the woman looking back at me in the mirror. My skin is pale, my eyes are bloodshot, and I’ve lost weight. I feel like shit, and unfortunately, it’s starting to show.

  Soon...I need to get what I came for over with so I can get out of this town.

  ***

  I TURNED TYLER’S DOORKNOB, ONLY to find it locked. Since the day I asked the manager to help me into his apartment, he’s left his door unlocked. I step away, worried that I’ve done something to upset him. The other day he was looking at me like he wanted to rip my clothing off and discover exactly how many tattoos I have, but after the pizza was delivered, it was like a light switch flipped.

  Yesterday I stopped by as Chad was leaving. Tyler was nice but cool, almost like he was making a point not to engage with me any more than necessary. I decided to dismiss his behavior, thinking he was in a mood, but I can’t ignore the fact that he’s locked his door. People lock their doors all the time. It’s normal, especially if you want to keep someone out, but Tyler’s door hasn’t been locked in days, and unless he’s worried about a blue-haired woman trotting around with a gun, then he’s locked his door to keep me out.

  With a deep sigh, I turn and walk to my car. There are a lot of people who wouldn’t mind seeing me, but unlike all the days bef
ore, I don’t drive to the animal shelter. Instead, I drive to the place that destroyed my dreams, hoping that maybe today someone else’s reality will end better than mine.

  ***

  “WHAT’S WRONG?” I BRUSH A tear away seconds before I look up at Jodi.

  “Nothing.”

  She sighs and steps farther into her guest room. “I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be here for you.”

  I sniffle, allowing her comment to sink in. “I volunteered today.”

  “At the animal shelter?”

  “No.”

  Her eyes widen as she understands what I’ve told her. Slowly she walks over to the bed, sits down next to me, and sighs. “Lennie you were a victim of life’s shitty misfortunes, but you can’t allow that to control the life you can still have.”

  “Shitty misfortunes?” I hiss.

  “Yes. People all around the world are dealt crappy hands at life.”

  My stomach turns. “How very lawyerly of you to say seeing as you’ve never been dealt a crappy misfortune.”

  “Damn it, Lennie, you weren’t the only one who suffered. It affected all of us.”

  “You’re right. You’re absolutely right, but why was I the only one who was punished for the way I handled it?”

  Her eyes soften. “Oh, Lennie.”

  I force a smile. “Life is different now. The air smells sweeter. The sky looks bluer, but life doesn’t look endless and it never will. I live for here and now, and I don’t think I can live any other way.”

  I sniffle again. Jodi has always been a softer version of our parents who can’t seem to accept me as is.

  “There’s nothing wrong with your outlook on life, but you’re unpredictable, Lennie. You don’t stay in the same place for more than a few months at a time. You rarely work the same job twice, and every time you breeze back into town, you seem even further locked up in your head.”

  Anger is coursing through me, but I’m not going to waste my time arguing. Not to mention I haven’t been completely honest with her. I look down at my hands.

  “I’m going out tonight.”

  Jodi groans. “Of course you are.” She hates the way I self-medicate, but more importantly, she hates the fact that I don’t agree with her. “Call me if you need a ride.” Without another word, she gets up and leaves me alone.

  ***

  TWO HOURS LATER, I’M DRESSED in a short skirt and a tight top. I touched up my face with a little makeup, but I left my hair down. After picking out a pair of Jodi’s pumps, I find myself ready for a night where I don’t have to think about my problems. Jodi is in her home office with her door shut so I don’t bother telling her I’m leaving. I grab my bag and keys and slip out the door.

  I’m almost to my car when I spot Tyler getting out of his SUV. Our eyes lock as I wave. Slowly, Tyler makes his way over to me. “Are you going out?”

  “Geez, what gave me away?” I joke, but he doesn’t laugh.

  “You didn’t come over today.” His eyes darken in a way that’s totally Tyler.

  “Your door was locked,” I challenge.

  “I didn’t think something as simple as a locked door would keep you out.”

  I can’t stop myself from breaking out in laughter. “I like you, Tyler. I like you enough to respect what you want.”

  He doesn’t take his eyes off me as he steps closer. “Since I’ve met you, I’ve been a little confused on what exactly I want.” He rubs his hands over his face. “Today seemed quiet—too quiet without your nosy self-interfering.”

  “Would you like to go for a drink with me?”

  Tyler glances at the apartment building then back at me. “Sure, but I’m driving.”

  I lace my arms around his and the two of us walk over to his vehicle. Like last time, Tyler actually walks me to the passenger side and opens the door.

  “You’re quite the gentlemen.”

  “My mother didn’t have many rules but treating a woman like a lady was always one of them. It still is.”

  I grin. “I might have to meet her and personally thank her. Maybe even send a few punk kids I saw today her direction.”

  Tyler shakes his head and smiles. “Where to?”

  Originally, I planned to go to the downtown district and bar hop until I found a place to crash for the night, but with Tyler tagging along, I think going somewhere close by is a better plan. “Where do you normally go to drink?”

  “Chad likes a bar that’s not far from here.”

  Chad. I don’t think Tyler realizes, but Chad is the softer version of me. “Does Chad go out often?”

  He shakes his head. “He used to all the time. However, he’s dialed back his fun in hopes of your sister noticing him.”

  “She’s noticed him all right.” I shrug. “Chad shouldn’t change for her. He shouldn’t change for anyone.” Tyler pulls up to a bar and parks.

  “I agree, but Chad needed to dial down the wildness a little for reasons that had nothing to do with Jodi.”

  “I love Jodi, but she’s uptight and at times judgmental.” I take a deep breath. “She’s actually one of the reasons I needed to get out and be around people tonight.”

  “Then I’m glad I ran into you.” Tyler looks over at me before quickly looking away. I think he wants to say something else, but he doesn’t.

  “Let’s go get you a drink.”

  WE CELEBRATED MY NEPHEW’S BIRTHDAY tonight at my parents’ house. We did the typical cake, ice cream, and gifts, but like normal, when I’m at my parents’ house, I wasn’t really paying attention to anything around me. I wanted to do my duty as an uncle then get the hell out of there.

  When Chad left for work this morning, I followed him to the door and made sure it was locked. The reason was simple: I don’t trust myself. Two days ago, I was imagining what Lennie looked like naked. Last night, I dreamed about her and the things we did were anything but friendly. Therefore, I avoided her, but today my apartment officially felt lonely without Lennie breezing in and out like she has for the last couple of weeks. If someone had told me a few weeks ago I’d be waiting, almost wanting her to barge in and disrupt my day, I would have laughed in their face, but it’s true.

  The fact that she was leaving as I was coming home seemed like fate, or at least it was the kick in the ass I needed to walk over and talk to her. Now, with a beer in my hand, sitting in a bar, I’m not sure what I should say.

  “Why did you lock your door?”

  I can’t keep myself from grinning. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who actually asks exactly what they’re thinking.”

  “I would tell you that I haven’t met anyone who avoids answering questions before, but I’d be lying.”

  “I don’t avoid answering. Shit, I’ve told you more crap than I’ve probably told anyone since I was with Amber.”

  “Then I’ll repeat, why was your door locked?”

  Her finger starts twisting a lock of her hair while she waits for me to answer.

  My heart speeds up as I cave to her demanding stare. “I’m attracted to you. There, are you happy?”

  Her eyes thin. “You’re attracted to me and instead of allowing me in your apartment you locked me out?”

  I groan because of how crazy that sounds. “Yes.”

  Lennie starts tapping her finger on the table. “Tyler, when was the last time you had sex?”

  My mouth drops open. “What kind of question is that?” I sputter.

  “A typical one.”

  “The hell it is. You don’t just walk around and ask someone when they last had sex.”

  She shrugs. “I do. Maybe not every day, but if the question fits in the conversation, then I’ll ask.”

  “But that’s not normal.” My voice rises.

  “You know, Tyler, I don’t like that word.”

  “What word?”

  She sighs. “Normal. Why should anyone decide what’s normal or what’s not?” Something about the way she said
her last comment hits me in a way I wasn’t expecting. She’s not talking about her question, and whether it’s deemed acceptable to ask something personal to someone you don’t really know, she’s talking about something on a level I don’t understand because I’ve never stood out. If anything, I’ve gone out of my way to blend in.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.”

  The corner of her mouth turns up. “How long has it been since you’ve had sex?”

  “Annnd we’re back to that.” I shake my head and down the rest of my beer. I went a little crazy after Amber and I broke up. I slept with five different women in one month, but then I ran into Amber at my parents’ country club. She was with him, and suddenly my meaningless encounters felt dirty compared to what they had together.

  I lost my virginity to Amber. We spent over five years together, and were almost married.

  At the time, I hadn’t come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t in love with her, and seeing them together was harder than when she broke up with me. After that, I went over a year without having sex. Now, when I venture out and every now and then, I’ll find someone to spend the night with, but more times than not, I go home alone.

  “I don’t know,” I finally answer.

  “Yes, you do.”

  “Okay, know it all. When was the last time you had sex?” The second the question is out, I want to take it back. I’m starting to really enjoy these new visions I’m having of Lennie in my head, and I don’t want to ruin it by picturing her with someone else.

  “Thirty-three days ago.”

  I start doing the math in my head. “You didn’t sleep with someone the night your sister couldn’t find you?”

  Lennie rolls her eyes. “No, I didn’t. The last man I was with was Hank, my boss in New Orleans.”