I drop down into a chair and rub my hands over my face in frustration when I hear a voice. I’m expecting it to be Jodi, therefore I’m completely caught off guard when I see Amber standing next to me.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
Amber’s face falls. “I overheard your mom say you were here.”
I called my mother when I ran home earlier today. I didn’t go into details, but I told her Lennie was in the hospital. She generally acted concerned, but she also didn’t rush to the hospital to check on Lennie or me.
“And you figured I’d want you to come down here and see me?”
Amber takes a step closer. “I thought you could use a friend.”
My head jerks back. “A friend? Amber, we are not friends. We’re nothing.”
She flinches at my harsh tone. “We used to be. Long before we became a couple, we were friends.”
“We’ve been through this. I don’t want to be friends with someone who could hurt me the way you did.” I jump to my feet and start pacing around. “Amber, you didn’t just break up with me, you cheated on me then dumped me for my brother. You forced me to watch you move on. You forced me to watch you get married and have kids—kids that should have been mine. Do you have any idea how hard that has been?”
Tears pool in her eyes. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“But you did,” I hiss. “And it’s over now. You mean nothing to me and we’re never going to be friends, so get that crazy idea out of your head.”
I can see someone out of the corner of my eye. I look over, not expecting to find Lennie. “Babe, what are you doing up?” Lennie forces a small smile before looking at Amber.
“Amber is here on the misguided notion that I needed a friend.”
“I’ll leave,” Amber quickly adds before racing out of the room.
I pull Lennie into my arms. “What are you doing up?” Lennie glances back the direction Amber left before finally answering me. “The doctor told me to walk around and judge my level of pain before I could be released.”
I run my knuckles down her cheek. “That’s great. I can’t wait to get you back home.”
“Home?” Her forehead scrunches.
“Yes, home,” I repeat.
“I was planning on returning to Jodi’s.”
I sag with relief. “Sounds like a perfect idea.”
I wrap my arm around her waist as we slowly walk back to her room.
I don’t know what the doctor told her earlier, but if he’s willing to release her today, then it can’t be that serious, and as much as I want to know what’s going on, I want to get her back home where my heart might finally relax.
I COULD TELL JODI WANTED to drive me back to the apartment, but she relented to Tyler’s demand that he was taking me.
“I hope you know just because you’re holing up in Jodi’s guest room that doesn’t mean you’re going to avoid me. I actually talked Jodi into giving me a key to her place.” Tyler smugly smiles at me.
“Wow, how the tables have turned.” I start to laugh, but I force myself to stop when I feel a pain in my stomach.
“I learned from the master.” His mouth twitches.
“That you did.” I pull back the covers and climb into the bed. Tyler walks around the other side and lies down on top of the covers.
He studies every inch of my face before he speaks. “Are you going to tell me what the doctor said?”
I gaze at him before giving in. “He said my hormones are out of whack and that I should see a specialist.”
His eyes darken. “That’s it?” I force myself not to react. I knew it wasn’t likely that I’d have kids, and I was okay with that. It was fine because I didn’t look at my life and see any type of future. I lived for the moment, and that never included kids. But now...now I’m with Tyler, and as much as I want a future with him, I’m frightened by what he’ll be giving up by staying with me.
You forced me to watch you get married and have kids—kids that should have been mine.
How can I ask him to give up having his own kids in order to be with me?
“Lennie, what’s going on in that head of yours?”
“I’m processing a lot, that’s all.”
“Did the doctor tell you something else?”
Yes. “No.” Our eyes tangle, and in some weird way, I know he can see straight through me, but he’s not calling me out on my lie. He’s not forcing me to admit my fear due to his own fear that I’ll leave him.
“I think I’m in need of a nap.” I yawn and seconds later, Tyler brushes his lips quickly across mine.
“Go to sleep. I’m going across the hall to check on some things. I’ll be back in a few hours.”
“Okay.”
Tyler climbs off the bed and walks to the door. Before he pulls it open, he glances back at me. “I love you.” He smiles then he’s gone before I have the chance to tell him how much I love him.
I feel like I’ve spent my entire life waiting to die, and now I’m being told the opposite, but the truth is...I’m not sure how to live.
***
“I CAN’T HAVE KIDS.”
Jodi looks up from the book in her hand to stare at me. “I thought you already knew that.”
I shrug. “I knew it was highly unlikely that I couldn’t have kids, but now it’s like a big fat zero.”
Jodi gets up and grabs a beer out of the fridge and hands it to me. I’m shocked that she even has beer in the apartment due to the fact that I’m still taking meds.
“Thanks.”
“Are you grieving the loss of babies you’ll never have or does this have something to do with Tyler?” My eyes dart to Jodi’s. “You should talk to him about this.”
“He wants kids. I know he does, but if I bring this up, he’ll tell me he doesn’t.”
“Lennie, don’t push him away without talking to him. You two can still get married and have kids even if you’re not the one who gives birth to them.”
Jodi’s right, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay with asking Tyler to give up having children of his own. “Do you mind if we talk about something else?”
Jodi gives me a small smile. “Sure. Let’s go watch TV.”
I’M WORKING WHILE LENNIE IS passed out on my couch. Today almost feels like old times. I was about to go check on her when she opened my door. I’d be lying if I said watching her walk through my door without knocking didn’t feel great.
I fixed the two of us a PB&J for lunch. And, yes, Lennie was correct. I’ve been missing out on how great peanut butter sandwiches could be with jelly. Then again, I don’t feel like I was really living before I met her.
I’m just about to lie down next to Lennie when I hear a knock at the door. I walk over and open it without looking to see who’s here only to find my brother, Brandon, on the other side.
I groan. “What’s your deal? I’ve barely spoken to you in years and now it’s like I can’t escape you or your wife.”
Brandon nervously clears his throat. “I just need a second.”
I regretfully step out of his way and allow him inside. “Keep your voice down. Lennie is resting.” Brandon follows my stare over to the couch.
“Amber told me she went by the hospital to see you.”
I narrow my eyes with disbelief. “I already told you, I don’t want to be dragged into your mess of a life.”
“I know, I know.” Brandon runs his hands through his hair. “I came to tell you I’m sorry.” He almost sounds sincere. However, I don’t react to his comment.
“Regardless of how Amber and I ended up together, I never should have crossed that line. The second it happened, I knew I fucked up.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I’m your older brother. I should have been protecting you. Instead, I’m the one who crapped all over your future.” Brandon takes a deep breath. “I should have manned up and told you what happened and begged for your forgiveness, but I didn’t. I acted like a co
ward, and I allowed everything to snowball out of control.”
The last time Brandon apologized, it was clear he was doing it because our mother told him to, but this time feels different.
“Thank you.” Brandon’s eyes widen in surprise. “We’ll never have a great relationship, but I respect you a hell of a lot more for coming here and finally doing what you should have done years ago.”
Brandon’s eyes move towards my couch. “You deserve to be happy, and I hope this is the woman who can give you that.”
“She is,” I instantly answer. “And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry it didn’t work out with Amber.”
Brandon gives me a fake laugh. “I’m not, bro. Believe me, I’m not.”
After an awkward pause, Brandon nods his head and walks out my door.
I glance over again at Lennie, who still appears to be sound asleep, and wonder not for the first time what my life would be like if she had never knocked on my door.
***
“YOU’RE DOING WHAT?” CHAD SHOUTS, but that does nothing but make me laugh.
“You heard me. I’m going to ask Lennie to marry me.”
Chad shakes his head. “Man, I know she’s nothing like Amber, but you haven’t known her long enough to ask her to marry you.”
“Really? Because I knew Amber for years before I asked her and look how that turned out.”
Chad groans. “I get it. You love her, but that doesn’t mean you have to rush anything.”
“Chad, I didn’t just fall in love with Lennie, not to mention she’s shown me that life really is short. I’ve wasted far too long doing nothing that I’m not going to waste any more time when I know what I want.”
Chad stares at me without saying a word. “After only one night with Jodi you knew she was worth changing for. It took me weeks to know I wanted Lennie. You of all people should be willing to give me a break.”
This time I get a smile. “Okay, but you’re the one moving out. Until I can get Jodi to agree we’re dating, I’m not going to give up my only real connection I have with her.”
I bust out laughing. “Deal.”
“Shit,” Chad groans before grabbing two beers. “I can’t believe you’re actually getting married.”
“She has to say yes first.” I laugh.
“I’m sure that’s not going to be a problem. You definitely picked the sister that’s willing to communicate.” I take a big sip of beer, wondering if that’s true. I haven’t seen Jodi say a lot in front of me, but I still have the feeling that Lennie is keeping something from me.
“When do you plan to propose?”
“I don’t know. She has several doctor appointments coming up. A part of me thinks I should wait, and the other part of me says I need to do it before.”
Chad’s eyes thin. “If she’s not sick then what does it matter?”
“I don’t know. I guess it doesn’t.”
I don’t want to admit—not even to Chad—that I think Lennie is holding out on me.
“I THINK IT WOULD BE a nice idea to ask mom to go with you tomorrow.”
I set my phone down and look at Jodi. “You’re kidding, right?” Tomorrow is my appointment with Dr. Ross.
“Lennie, she loves you. You drove her batshit crazy as a teenager and she reacted to your behavior. That has nothing to do with you being sick. I think it’s time you cut her some slack.”
I take a deep breath as I think about what Jodi said.
On some level, I know she’s right. My mom flipped out when I brought home a man on a motorcycle that was eight years older than my sixteen-year-old self. She was pissed when I dyed my hair pink and was upset when I told her I had no plans to go to college. Probably a lot of moms would react the way mine did.
“Is Tyler going with you?”
“Yes. He’s insisting. I don’t know what the big deal is. All this appointment is going to do is tell me if I actually made it to the ten-year mark.”
“Lennie, you live every day like it’s going to be your last. Dr. Ross always said the ten-year mark was the milestone where we could start living easy. I think you need to stop and appreciate the life you have in front of you.”
Guilt starts rearing its ugly head. I’ll never understand why me.
“I’ll ask Mom to go with me.”
Jodi smiles, pleased with my answer.
I have absolutely nothing in common with my mom, but maybe it’s time I let go of the past and start over.
***
“GOOD AFTERNOON.” DR. ROSS WALKS into his office with a huge smile on his face. “Lennie, it’s great to see you, even if you are almost a month behind.”
I groan, causing Tyler to chuckle next to me. “I see you brought reinforcements with you today.”
“Yes, you remember my mother, Connie.”
“Of course.” Dr. Ross reaches out and shakes Mom’s hand.
“And this is Tyler Brooker.”
“I’m Lennie’s boyfriend.” I roll my eyes at Tyler’s attempt to place a claim on me.
“Wow, Lennie, a boyfriend? I didn’t think I’d see the day.”
I shake my head and force myself not to smile.
Dr. Ross is around the same age as my father but he acts nothing like him. Dr. Ross can be serious, but with me, he typically makes jokes to lighten the mood. Then again, if I was surrounded day in and day out by people who are about to die, I’d probably do anything I could to lighten the mood as well.
“I read over the reports from Mercy and things are looking good. However, I want to run a full screen myself. Plus, I know you normally skip out of town the second I allow you to walk out of my office, but this time I made you an appointment with an endocrinologist and a gynecologist. Both are the best you’ll find anywhere in the area.”
“Why does she need to see more doctors if she’s fine?” Mom speaks up as Dr. Ross locks his eyes with mine.
“My hormones are messed up. It’s not that big of a deal.”
Dr. Ross gives me a small smile but doesn’t go into any more detail. “Okay, then let’s get you downstairs and into the lab. I’ll see you back here next week. See my receptionist on your way out for a follow up with me and for your other appointments.”
“Thanks,” I mumble as Tyler stands up and shakes his hand.
“No thanks needed. If anything, I should be the one thanking you for all the volunteering you’ve done. I know Maddy would be proud.”
My breath gets caught in my throat at the mention of Maddy’s name.
“You’ve been volunteering here?” Mom softly questions.
“Every year when she comes back for her check-ups. She usually gives us about ten emotionally filled days,” Dr. Ross adds. My mother gasps as Tyler squeezes my hand, but I avoid looking at either of them.
Without another word said, I walk out of his office and down to the receptionist. Tyler places his arm around my waist while my mom stands next to us. The old lady behind the counter practically shouts when my next three appointments are. Skipping out or evading these two will be almost impossible.
“Thank you, Lennie, for allowing me to come today.” My mother beams a huge smile at me, and for the first time in years, I don’t feel like running in the opposite direction.
“You’re welcome. I’m not sure I’ll need anyone to tag along for my other appointments, but I’ll let you know how they go.”
“Sounds perfect, and it was great to see you again, Tyler.” Mom pulls Tyler in for a hug then walks through the parking lot to her car.
“What the hell was that?” I say as Tyler shrugs.
“A mother making up for past mistakes?”
“That went way too well. Maybe she’s smoking crack?” I joke as Tyler pulls me into his chest.
“That day you said you volunteered but you weren’t at the animal shelter, you were here?” I look up into his eyes and nod my head yes. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t really like talking about it.”
His eyes dar
ken. “And when you picked the name Maddy for your dog, it was really a friend’s name?” I start to pull out of his hold but Tyler won’t let me. “You don’t have to tell me anything right now but, Lennie, you need to understand I want it all.”
My eyes widen. “I want every piece that makes up Lennie Jacobs, and when I find them, I’m not letting go.”
LENNIE IS WRAPPED UP TIGHT in my arms, but I can’t help that my mind is stuck on the ring I bought the other day. I want more than anything to roll over and grab it out of my drawer and slip it on her finger, but that sinking feeling that she’ll run is back.
I think it’s possible that Lennie has let me in more than anyone else, but it’s clear I’m nowhere close to cracking her shell. My natural reaction is to push and Lennie’s is to run.
Today she’s seeing one of the specialists Dr. Ross recommended, therefore I naturally cleared my day to go with her.
My phone starts buzzing next to the bed. I turn it over to see my mom’s number on the screen. I slide out from Lennie’s embrace and unlock the phone as I walk out of my room.
“Good morning, Mother.”
“Tyler, it’s great to hear your voice.”
“What can I do for you?” I walk over and switch the coffee maker on. “Brandon told me he saw you the other day and that your conversation went well.”
I know my mother wants nothing more than to fix our fractured family, but one conversation with Brandon isn’t going to magically change how I feel about my brother.
“We did talk. His apology seemed sincere.”
“Oh, good.”
“Mother...” I pause when I hear her breath hitch. “Maybe one day, and I did say one day, Brandon and I will get to a good place, but one decent conversation doesn’t wipe away everything that happened.”
“I know.” Her voice sounds hoarse and that kills me. I’ve spent a lot of time upset with my mother, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve always known this situation was hard on her.
“Mom, take a step back. Stop worrying about Brandon and me and be patient.”
Meeting The Unpredictable Page 22
