Slave Narratives

by William L. Andrews

  On the morning of the 6th of October, (I pray you to attend) or all that day, I thought that I should either see or hear something supernatural. I had a secret impulse on my mind of something that was to take place, which drove me continually for that time to a throne of grace. It pleased God to enable me to wrestle with him, as Jacob did: I prayed that if sudden death were to happen, and I perished, it might be at Christ’s feet.

  In the evening of the same day, as I was reading and meditating on the fourth chapter of the Acts, twelfth verse, under the solemn apprehensions of eternity, and reflecting on my past actions, I began to think I had lived a moral life, and that I had a proper ground to believe I had an interest in the divine favour; but still meditating on the subject, not knowing whether salvation was to be had partly for our own good deeds, or solely as the sovereign gift of God; in this deep consternation the Lord was pleased to break in upon my soul with his bright beams of heavenly light; and in an instant as it were, removing the veil, and letting light into a dark place, I saw clearly with the eye of faith the crucified Saviour bleeding on the cross on mount Calvary: the scriptures became an unsealed book, I saw myself a condemned criminal under the law, which came with its full force to my conscience, and when ‘the commandment came sin revived, and I died,’ I saw the Lord Jesus Christ in his humiliation, loaded and bearing my reproach, sin, and shame. I then clearly perceived that by the deeds of the law no flesh living could be justified. I was then convinced that by the first Adam sin came, and by the second Adam (the Lord Jesus Christ) all that are saved must be made alive. It was given me at that time to know what it was to be born again, John iii. 5. I saw the eighth chapter to the Romans, and the doctrines of God’s decrees, verified agreeable to his eternal, everlasting, and unchangeable purposes. The word of God was sweet to my taste, yea sweeter than honey and the honeycomb. Christ was revealed to my soul as the chiefest among ten thousand. These heavenly moments were really as life to the dead, and what John calls an earnest of the Spirit*. This was indeed unspeakable, and I firmly believe undeniable by many. Now every leading providential circumstance that happened to me, from the day I was taken from my parents to that hour, was then in my view, as if it had but just then occurred. I was sensible of the invisible hand of God, which guided and protected me when in truth I knew it not: still the Lord pursued me although I slighted and disregarded it; this mercy melted me down. When I considered my poor wretched state I wept, seeing what a great debtor I was to sovereign free grace. Now the Ethiopian was willing to be saved by Jesus Christ, the sinner’s only surety, and also to rely on none other person or thing for salvation. Self was obnoxious, and good works he had none, for it is God that worketh in us both to will and to do. The amazing things of that hour can never be told—it was joy in the Holy Ghost! I felt an astonishing change; the burden of sin, the gaping jaws of hell, and the fears of death, that weighed me down before, now lost their horror; indeed I thought death would now be the best earthly friend I ever had. Such were my grief and joy as I believe are seldom experienced. I was bathed in tears, and said, What am I that God should thus look on me the vilest of sinners? I felt a deep concern for my mother and friends, which occasioned me to pray with fresh ardour; and, in the abyss of thought, I viewed the unconverted people of the world in a very awful state, being without God and without hope.

  It pleased God to pour out on me the Spirit of prayer and the grace of supplication, so that in loud acclamations I was enabled to praise and glorify his most holy name. When I got out of the cabin, and told some of the people what the Lord had done for me, alas, who could understand me or believe my report!—None but to whom the arm of the Lord was revealed. I became a barbarian to them in talking of the love of Christ: his name was to me as ointment poured forth; indeed it was sweet to my soul, but to them a rock of offence. I thought my case singular, and every hour a day until I came to London, for I much longed to be with some to whom I could tell of the wonders of God’s love towards me, and join in prayer to him whom my soul loved and thirsted after. I had uncommon commotions within, such as few can tell aught about. Now the bible was my only companion and comfort; I prized it much, with many thanks to God that I could read it for myself, and was not left to be tossed about or led by man’s devices and notions. The worth of a soul cannot be told.— May the Lord give the reader an understanding in this. Whenever I looked in the bible I saw things new, and many texts were immediately applied to me with great comfort, for I knew that to me was the word of salvation sent. Sure I was that the Spirit which indited the word opened my heart to receive the truth of it as it is in Jesus—that the same Spirit enabled me to act faith upon the promises that were so precious to me, and enabled me to believe to the salvation of my soul. By free grace I was persuaded that I had a part in the first resurrection, and was ‘enlightened with the light of the living,’ Job xxxiii. 30. I wished for a man of God with whom I might converse: my soul was like the chariots of Aminidab, Canticles vi. 12. These, among others, were the precious promises that were so powerfully applied to me: ‘All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive,’ Mat. xxi. 22. ‘Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you,’ John xiv. 27. I saw the blessed Redeemer to be the fountain of life, and the well of salvation. I experienced him all in all; he had brought me by a way that I knew not, and he had made crooked paths straight. Then in his name I set up my Ebenezer, saying, Hitherto he hath helped me: and could say to the sinners about me, Behold what a Saviour I have! Thus I was, by the teaching of that all-glorious Deity, the great One in Three, and Three in One, confirmed in the truths of the bible, those oracles of everlasting truth, on which every soul living must stand or fall eternally, agreeable to Acts iv. 12. ‘Neither is there salvation in any other, for there is none other name under heaven given among men whereby we must be saved, but only Christ Jesus.’ May God give the reader a right understanding in these facts! To him that believeth all things are possible, but to them that are unbelieving nothing is pure, Titus i. 15. During this period we remained at Cadiz until our ship got laden. We sailed about the fourth of November; and, having a good passage, we arrived in London the month following, to my comfort, with heartfelt gratitude to God for his rich and unspeakable mercies. On my return I had but one text which puzzled me, or that the devil endeavoured to buffet me with, viz. Rom. xi. 6. and, as I had heard of the Reverend Mr. Romaine, and his great knowledge in the scriptures, I wished much to hear him preach. One day I went to Blackfriars church, and, to my great satisfaction and surprise, he preached from that very text. He very clearly shewed the difference between human works and free election, which is according to God’s sovereign will and pleasure. These glad tidings set me entirely at liberty, and I went out of the church rejoicing, seeing my spots were those of God’s children. I went to Westminster Chapel, and saw some of my old friends, who were glad when they perceived the wonderful change that the Lord had wrought in me, particularly Mr. G— S—, my worthy acquaintance, who was a man of a choice spirit, and had great zeal for the Lord’s service. I enjoyed his correspondence till he died in the year 1784. I was again examined at that same chapel, and was received into church fellowship amongst them: I rejoiced in spirit, making melody in my heart to the God of all my mercies. Now my whole wish was to be dissolved, and to be with Christ—but, alas! I must wait mine appointed time.

  *John xvi. 13, 14. &c.

  MISCELLANEOUS VERSES,

  OR

  Reflections on the State of my mind during my first Convictions; of the Necessity of believing the Truth, and experiencing the inestimable Benefits of Christianity.

  Well may I say my life has been

  One scene of sorrow and of pain;

  From early days I griefs have known,

  And as I grew my griefs have grown:

  Dangers were always in my path;

  And fear of wrath, and sometimes death;

  While pale dejection in me reign’d

  I often wept, by grief constrain�
��d.

  When taken from my native land,

  By an unjust and cruel band,

  How did uncommon dread prevail!

  My sighs no more I could conceal.

  ‘To ease my mind I often strove,

  And tried my trouble to remove:

  I sung, and utter’d sighs between—

  Assay’d to stifle guilt with sin.

  ‘But O! not all that I could do

  Would stop the current of my woe;

  Conviction still my vileness shew’d;

  How great my guilt—how lost from God!

  ‘Prevented, that I could not die,

  Nor might to one kind refuge fly;

  An orphan state I had to mourn,—

  Forsook by all, and left forlorn.’

  Those who beheld my downcast mien

  Could not guess at my woes unseen:

  They by appearance could not know

  The troubles that I waded through.

  ‘Lust, anger, blasphemy, and pride,

  With legions of such ills beside,

  Troubled my thoughts,’ while doubts and fears

  Clouded and darken’d most my years.

  ‘Sighs now no more would be confin’d—

  They breath’d the trouble of my mind:

  I wish’d for death, but check’d the word,

  And often pray’d unto the Lord.’

  Unhappy, more than some on earth,

  I thought the place that gave me birth—

  Strange thoughts oppress’d—while I replied

  “Why not in Ethiopia died?”

  And why thus spared, nigh to hell?—

  God only knew—I could not tell!

  ‘A tott’ring fence, a bowing wall

  thought myself ere since the fall.’

  ‘Oft times I mused, nigh despair,

  While birds melodious fill’d the air:

  Thrice happy songsters, ever free,

  How bless’d were they compar’d to me!’

  Thus all things added to my pain,

  While grief compell’d me to complain;

  When sable clouds began to rise

  My mind grew darker than the skies.

  The English nation call’d to leave,

  How did my breast with sorrows heave!

  I long’d for rest—cried “Help me, Lord!

  Some mitigation, Lord, afford!”

  Yet on, dejected, still I went—

  Heart-throbbing woes within were pent;

  Nor land, nor sea, could comfort give,

  Nothing my anxious mind relieve.

  Weary with travail, yet unknown

  To all but God and self alone,

  Numerous months for peace I strove,

  And numerous foes I had to prove.

  Inur’d to dangers, griefs, and woes,

  Train’d up ’midst perils, deaths, and foes,

  I said “Must it thus ever be?—

  No quiet is permitted me.”

  Hard hap, and more than heavy lot!

  I pray’d to God “Forget me not—

  What thou ordain’st willing I’ll bear;

  But O! deliver from despair!”

  Strivings and wrestlings seem’d in vain;

  Nothing I did could ease my pain:

  Then gave I up my works and will,

  Confess’d and own’d my doom was hell!

  Like some poor pris’ner at the bar,

  Conscious of guilt, of sin and fear,

  Arraign’d, and self-condemned, I stood—

  ‘Lost in the world, and in my blood!’

  Yet here, ’midst blackest clouds confin’d,

  A beam from Christ, the day-star, shin’d;

  Surely, thought I, if Jesus please,

  He can at once sign my release.

  I, ignorant of his righteousness,

  Set up my labours in its place;

  ‘Forgot for why his blood was shed,

  And pray’d and fasted in its stead.’

  He dy’d for sinners—I am one!

  Might not his blood for me atone?

  Tho’ I am nothing else but sin,

  Yet surely he can make me clean!

  Thus light came in, and I believ’d;

  Myself forgot, and help receiv’d!

  My Saviour then I know I found,

  For, eas’d from guilt, no more I groan’d.

  O, happy hour, in which I ceas’d

  To mourn, for then I found a rest!

  My soul and Christ were now as one—

  Thy light, O Jesus, in me shone!

  Bless’d be thy name, for now I know

  I and my works can nothing do;

  “The Lord alone can ransom man—

  For this the spotless Lamb was slain!”

  When sacrifices, works, and pray’r,

  Prov’d vain, and ineffectual were,

  “Lo, then I come!” the Saviour cry’d,

  And, bleeding, bow’d his head and dy’d!

  He dy’d for all who ever saw

  No help in them, nor by the law:—

  I this have seen; and gladly own

  “Salvation is by Christ alone*!”

  *Acts iv. 12.

  CHAP. XI.

  The author embarks on board a ship bound for Cadiz—Is near being shipwrecked—Goes to Malaga—Remarkable fine cathedral there—The author disputes with a popish priest—Picking up eleven miserable men at sea in returning to England— Engages again with Doctor Irving to accompany him to Jamaica and the Mosquito Shore—Meets with an Indian prince on board—The author attempts to instruct him in the truths of the Gospel—Frustrated by the bad example of some in the ship—They arrive on the Mosquito Shore with some slaves they purchased at Jamaica, and begin to cultivate a plantation— Some account of the manners and customs of the Mosquito Indians—Successful device of the author’s to quell a riot among them—Curious entertainment given by them to Doctor Irving and the author, who leaves the shore and goes for Jamaica—Is barbarously treated by a man with whom he engaged for his passage—Escapes and goes to the Mosquito admiral, who treats him kindly—He gets another vessel and goes on board—Instances of bad treatment—Meets Doctor Irving—Gets to Jamaica—Is cheated by his captain—Leaves the Doctor and goes for England.

  WHEN our ship was got ready for sea again, I was entreated by the captain to go in her once more; but, as I felt myself now as happy as I could wish to be in this life, I for some time refused; however, the advice of my friends at last prevailed; and, in full resignation to the will of God, I again embarked for Cadiz in March 1775. We had a very good passage, without any material accident, until we arrived off the Bay of Cadiz; when one Sunday, just as we were going into the harbour, the ship struck against a rock and knocked off a garboard plank, which is the next to the keel. In an instant all hands were in the greatest confusion, and began with loud cries to call on God to have mercy on them. Although I could not swim, and saw no way of escaping death, I felt no dread in my then situation, having no desire to live. I even rejoiced in spirit, thinking this death would be sudden glory. But the fulness of time was not yet come. The people near to me were much astonished in seeing me thus calm and resigned; but I told them of the peace of God, which through sovereign grace I enjoyed, and these words were that instant in my mind:

  “Christ is my pilot wise, my compass is his word;

  My soul each storm defies, while I have such a Lord.

  I trust his faithfulness and power,

  To save me in the trying hour.

  Though rocks and quicksands deep through all my