Miss Alice Lovelady's First Omnibus of her Inexplicable Adventures

by Sadie Swift

  “Nothing is going to happen to us because you’re going to let us go.”

  Stopping by a skeleton he took its arm and waved it at me, “Nice try, but you won’t mesmerise me.”

  Why would he think that?

  To my right I caught a glimpse of movement and turned to see a short, but wide, middle-aged lady walked through the bead curtain. Her black velvet, bustled dress brushed against the sides of the door; her hair was slate grey and looked like it was made of the stone as well. Her face was so pale I doubted it ever saw the sun. A thought came to me – was she another vampire? I listened for my inner warning, but nothing.

  Her sharp blue eyes examined me, “Is this the one you told me about, Micawber?” she asked in a similarly cockney accent.

  “Yes, Ma’am,” he said while limping back to the round table.

  The lady walked up to me, the only way to describe it would be like a duck’s waddle. Even though I was bound to my chair she was barely a head’s height above me. She reached a short arm out and brushed a purple satin glove through my hair.

  “Interesting,” she said musingly.

  I tried again, “Let us go.”

  I caught her smile at Micawber.

  “Yeah, she tried that with me,” he replied.

  “Do you think she has any idea who I am?”

  “I don’t care. Let us go.”

  “Hmm,” she mused to herself. “You don’t look like sisters; although the pink hair does rather confuse the issue.”

  She waddled over to Katherine’s cage, her bustle jerking from side to side, and reached in to grab her hair and pull her head back. I jerked in surprise anger at seeing bruises on Katherine’s face. The purple fire inside of me grew hotter.

  She moved Katherine’s head to and fro to compare it against mine.

  I hissed, “Let us go and I won’t kill the two of you.”

  That caught the old lady’s attention and she glanced at Micawber with a smile on her face. “Feisty,” she said with relish.

  “Yeah, and handy with her boots.”

  If Katherine was sleeping she should have awoken when her hair was grabbed. With her mouth now hanging open I got the feeling she’d been given a dose of laudanum.

  I turned my attention back to the old lady, knowing I’d do my best to destroy her and whatever she was doing.

  She let go of Katherine’s hair and waddled back to the round table and waited for something. Micawber suddenly seemed to realise what she was after and hurriedly pulled a chair out for her to sit on.

  When she’d sat and gotten her black dress comfortable she looked directly at me. It was like being stared at by a pale prune.

  “Let’s see what we shall see, dear.”

  Like a well-trained assistant Micawber leant over, leering at me, and moved the melon-sized crystal ball on its stand so that it was directly in front of her. Unfortunately the optics of it meant that I looked at an upside-down magnified image of her nose. Why there was also a metal birdcage on the table was something I could think about later. It did though match the one Katherine was inside.

  She was going to look into my future? Part the misty veil? Or somesuch rot?

  “Don’t think I can do it, dear?”

  I jerked back in surprise and saw her smile over the ball at me.

  Probably just a good guesser, I snidely thought.

  “Look into the ball.”

  Like hell I would.

  Her eyes flicked up into mine, then back down to the crystal ball. This must be where the fortunetelling tomfoolery began. I’d read Houdini’s reports exposing the charlatans preying on the poor souls who had recently lost a loved one.

  “Is there going to be a tall, dark stranger in my life?” I asked sarcastically. “Or maybe I’ll come into a fortune from some long-forgotten relative? Wait! The spirits are talking to me,” I closed my eyes and moved my head around as if in some trance (my torso being bound by rope), “Woooooh, you’re Mistress Velda!” Opening my eyes I looked directly into hers, “How am I doing?”

  Ignoring me she peered into the crystal ball and waved her hands around it like she was wafting pesky cobwebs away from its smooth surface.

  Apparently she saw nothing as an annoyed look flitted across her face. She looked up and glared at me like it was my fault. I hoped it was.

  “Lights, Micawber.”

  He hurried over to my left and turned the gas lamp down then walked behind me, not forgetting to brush his hand through my hair, over to the right to repeat the process.

  Jerking away from his unwanted attention I noticed Katherine’s purple glow standing out more. Just what was it?

  Micawber brought an old leather-bound book over and laid it on the table in front of Mistress Velda. Using the silk ribbon attached to its spine she opened it to a specific page. Even though I viewed the book upside down the words were still utterly incomprehensible to me, but apparently not to her. Micawber then brought two black candles over and placed them either side of the book and lit them.

  “What are you going to do now? Summon the spirits? Raise the ectoplasm or something?”

  “Hush,” Micawber said behind me.

  “I’ve had enough of this rubbish!” Pushing the heels of my boots against the floor I titled the chair back. I had a vague hope that it would fall and break against the floor and I’d escape the ropes binding me to it before Micawber could do anything. How I’d additionally be able to rescue Katherine was, at the moment, something I’d not fully planned.

  I cried out in pain as my head was slapped to the side, then my hair was grabbed again and the silvery gleam of an open cut-throat razor appeared in my vision.

  Micawber’s sour breath warmed my cheek, “Give me a reason to use this,” he whispered, moving the razor so the light ran along its blade. I’d seen the horrific results of razor attacks in my youth and had no wish to experience one. I’d be of no use to Katherine injured, or dead, so I ceased moving my chair.

  Micawber sighed in disappointment as he let go of my hair and moved the razor away from my face.

  Mistress Velda started reading from the book. The words made no sense to me. I didn’t even know what language she was speaking.

  Slowly her voice grew louder and louder and I noticed some phrase being repeated, something about parrots dancing in cappuccino?

  The skeletons to the side of the room moved as if a breeze rippled over them. Ropes and pulleys. Most likely.

  Mistress Velda’s chanting continued on with what seemed to be a wish for Mr Darwin to floss his nose. Well, I daresay, like many gentlemen, his standards of personal hygiene could do with improvement.

  Out of the corner of my eye I saw a purplish glow seem to materialise over the collection of shrunken heads. Smoke and mirrors, that’s all this charlatanry was.

  Looking closer I saw the smoke above each head seem to coalesce into that of a young girl. Jolly good effect. Really she should go on the stage with tricks like this.

  My eyes were drawn to the birdcage on the table, where a faint purple glow was slowly brightening inside. Mistress Velda’s eyes flicked to it every now and again, especially when she seemed to mention vanilla and carrot hand-cream. The glow slowly solidified into a human shape.

  A scream of raw terror came from Katherine and I jerked my head round to look at her. Her body was vibrating so much that her hair was waving all around her face. When I caught a glimpse of her eyes they were wide and staring into the distance. Her arms seemed to be dancing like those of a mannequin whose strings had been cut. Whatever was happening to her didn’t look pleasant.

  “Stop it! Stop whatever you’re doing to her!”

  “But I’m not dear. You’re seeing the spirits trying to take over her body to pass their knowledge into this dimension.”

  I’d never heard such rot.

  Strange low growling animal-like noises now came from Katherine’s throat and made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Was Mistress Velda correct? Was Katherine
channelling spirits?

  I desperately wanted to cry out to her, to try and wake her up from whatever trance or drug-induced haze they’d put her in, but knew Micawber would love to put his razor to use on me.

  Watching her, hoping the Katherine I loved was still somewhere within her, I saw the vibrations and strange noises her throat was somehow making begin to merge into a rhythm. The feeling that something was most decidedly wrong came over me when I noticed the purple glow emanating from her body slowly beginning to pulse in accordance with the rhythm, which also matched the pulses of the misty purple light inside the cage on the table.

  I glanced back at Mistress Velda and saw her looking at Katherine with a greedy look on her face. This was something she expected to happen?

  The purple pulses increased in speed until Katherine sat stock still, her head thrown back, her mouth open in a silent scream, her eyes wide open, her hands clenched into fists on her thighs.

  The room was entirely silent, all our attention was on Katherine and what was going on with her.

  Slowly Katherine’s muscles relaxed and her head moved back down to look at us.

  A purple voice deep within me suddenly screamed, ‘Get out!’

  This had only happened once before – when the vampires of the Russian royal family attempted to trap Sir Percival and myself. But this was Katherine! Why would some danger-sense within me need to warn about her?

  In the cage, Katherine’s mouth slowly turned into a smile, the purple light seeming to make her teeth glow. Then I knew why I’d received the warning. This wasn’t Katherine’s normal smile, this was the smile of a predator that knew it had its prey where it wanted them.

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  Nine

  Slowly Katherine stood up, the plain white dress outlining the body I’d loved many times before, but now? What… thing was within her?

  She glanced around the cage as if wondering what puny protection it afforded us from her.

  I turned back to Mistress Velda and hissed, “What is it?”

  Her almost joyful face turned to smile at me. “Isn’t she beautiful?”

  I already knew she was beautiful. Well, at least the Katherine I knew and loved. But this?

  “The ancient Egyptians spoke of them – aether conduits – people who naturally attract aether into this world.”

  “What?”

  “Many things are unknown about where aether comes from. The ancient Egyptians used aether-conduits to aid them in pyramid construction. Apparently some can be very strong.”

  I looked at her like she’d suddenly gone stupid.

  Catching my look she smiled as if she just didn’t care what I thought. “They do get hungry though.”

  What?

  “The ancient texts say the aether spirits much prefer relatives or people known to the container they’re inhabiting.”

  She was saying that Katherine was going to eat me?

  “I’m so glad Micawber managed to spot you at the station and get the bait to you.”

  I looked at her wondering what she was going on about.

  “The note he left,” she clarified. “You’re here because Katherine means something to you, which means that your soul will be so much tastier.”

  Movement from the cage made me look back at Katherine. She reached out with a questioning finger and touched one of the vertical floor to domed-top bars. Seeming to have learnt something from the touch as she smilingly looked over to us, grabbed two adjoining bars and slowly moved them apart.

  A gasp of surprise came from Micawber behind me.

  “Is she able to get out?” I whispered to Mistress Velda.

  The puzzled look on her face didn’t inspire me with confidence.

  “What is she?” I urgently hissed. “How do we get it back where it came from?”

  As if in response Mistress Velda’s face went even paler than normal.

  “The bars should stop her,” she whispered to herself.

  “Do a damned exorcism!” I cried.

  The bars, at this moment, were being slowly pulled apart, the stressed metal squealing its annoyance. An evil smile found its way onto Katherine’s face as the gap widened.

  The purple warning in me made me jerk my heels down against the ground pushing my chair backwards. I felt it hit something and a woof! of surprise came from Micawber. I rebounded off him forwards and knocked against the table, making the birdcage fall over and the crystal ball fall off its pedestal and roll towards mistress Velda.

  I found myself on my feet leaning over the table, the chair like a snail’s shell on my back. Luckily my legs weren’t securely bound like my torso and I shuffled to my right and made for the door, just as Mistress Velda rescued the crystal ball and righted the cage.

  Someone grabbed the chair and I jerked it to the side to break their hold. I overbalanced and fell backwards to the ground. The chair hit the floor at an angle with a loud crack! and I felt at least one wooden leg break, as well as the seat.

  Micawber’s angry face look down at me, the open razor in his right hand. I kicked out at him and connected with his already injured ankle. With a cry he fell to the floor. Fear made me kick again and I connected with his hand, the razor flying into the darkness. With my other foot I stamped at his face, feeling a solid blow as I connected, and he fell backwards.

  Quickly I rolled over onto my front and heard another chair leg splinter. Jerking my torso back and upwards I managed to get my left foot underneath me and used it to lift myself up onto to both feet. Micawber lay senseless on the floor to my left.

  I glanced back to see what was going on and saw the cage bars wide open and Katherine holding Mistress Velda up in the air by her neck. Her feet dancing beneath her black dress, her mouth was wide open in a silent scream, her eyes open in terror. With a shock of horror I saw her head slowly decrease in size like the monstrous spirit within Katherine was sucking some sort of essence from her. I remembered the many shrunken heads around the room, they were actually the girls that had disappeared?

  To warning screams inside of me to ‘GET OUT!’ my eyes met Katherine’s and she began raising her right hand towards me. I felt a desire to move towards her, to be one with her. But suddenly the muscles in her arm went into spasm and the craving inside me disappeared. She looked at me with a confused expression on her face.

  I heeded my inner warning and quickly turned towards the bead-curtained door. I was still unsteady on my feet from being knocked out, and bashed into a few tables on my way. The last one knocked against something holding the skeletons up and then against the gas light, smashing the glass. A flare of naked flame licked against the wall.

  Shouldering my way through the beads and the door I found myself in an unlit corridor. Thankfully my purple sight helped me and I hurried along to where I saw another door. I made sure to bash my chair against the walls to try and further break it apart.

  Was it my imagination of did I feel raw heat against my back? I didn’t know, all I knew was the constant shout of ‘GET OUT!’ in my head.

  I smacked the chair against the door to open it and felt the ropes binding me to it loosen. Two more bashes and the door splintered open and the chair broke further. Deep, dark night welcomed me with cold, fresh air, I filled my lungs and looked at which direction to take. Gas lights led in a straight line away to my left towards the town of Southend-on-Sea. I ran towards it wriggling the ropes up and over my head, while pieces of chair fell to the boards. When my arms were free and the chair remains and rope behind me I lifted my skirts and sped up, my boots banging against the wooden boards as if horses were galloping along with me.

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  Ten

  I ran as fast as I could, my boots ringing against the wooden boards, my thoughts swirling around as if caught in a whirlwind. Was Katherine still alive? Why hadn’t she killed me? Had my Katherine stopped her somehow? How far had I to go before I was safe?

  My lungs were burning and a stitch in my side made itself known
.

  The gas lights seemed to stretch onwards to a black infinity. I couldn’t tell if I was any closer to the lights of Southend-on-Sea.

  The pain and breathlessness made me slow down to a fast walk. Sweat poured off my face and made my dress cling uncomfortably to my body.

  A waft of smoke met my nose and I glanced round, then stopped in shock. The whole of the end of the pier was alight.

  Yellow and orange flames outlined the many buildings, black smoke rose to disappear into the dark night.

  I’d found Katherine and now she was going to die? Without realising what I was doing I started to run back to the burning buildings to rescue her.

  Before I’d even gone ten yards the stitch in my side made me slow down, and then a massive light made me cry out in surprise. An invisible force threw me backwards and I rolled, tumbling to a stop against a wooden bench. For some reason I couldn’t hear anything. A massive purple fireball rose into the sky above where the end of the pier used to be.

  She couldn’t have survived this! She was dead! I’d killed her!

  Hot tears flowed down my cheeks. I’d killed my love!

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  Eleven

  I lay where I’d fallen against the wooden bench, my mind not able to cope with the shock of knowing I’d killed Katherine. Cold slowly ate its way into my body. My hands and feet felt like solid lumps of ice. But I didn’t care - my love was dead, and I’d killed her.

  Hands pulled me to my feet and a rough blanket was wrapped around me. I was made to sit down on something, and through my never-ending wind-chilled tears I watched fractured gaslights pass by.

  A loud hiss was the only sound in the world.

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  Twelve

  My eyelids seemed glued shut. With an effort I forced them open and saw light shining through gold-coloured curtains. My eyes felt raw, my nose felt sore, my heart… empty.