Broken Girl

by Mary E. Twomey

  “I need to speak with my charge in private,” Bastien blurted out to the men, his eyes trained on me like a hawk.

  Dad, Draper and Kerdik all watched me for signs of bailing, but I knew I needed to get this over with. I nodded for them to leave, and waited for the room to empty and the doors to shut before I spoke. “Okay. You can give my lueur back now.”

  Bastien gaped at me. “Are you serious? That’s all you want to say to me? Do you have any idea what we’ve been through these past six weeks?”

  I wrapped my arms around my middle, wishing I wasn’t too filthy to sit down on one of the fancy chairs in the room. “Six weeks? My, how time flies. Feels like you ripped my heart out just yesterday.” I was angry, but already I could feel the difference being near him made. Or, more accurately, being around the part of me he took, and finally brought back. My shoulders relaxed and my chest moved without the pressure I’d been breathing through for too long.

  Bastien didn’t bother with small talk or beating around the bush. “I shouldn’t have gone in for that first drink. I don’t stop at one when I’m in a downward spiral like that. I don’t even remember cheating on you, but if you say it happened, I believe you.” He waited for my response, but I kept the acid tucked inside of me. “I got drunk, and the bartender offered to let me sleep it off in one of the beds upstairs, so that’s all I meant to do. I’m sorry. Believe me, of all the things I am, sorry is the biggest one.”

  My gaze cut to him, and for a second my glare didn’t seem worth the cost it took from me to take in the scope of his face. He was too beautiful, so handsome my heart ached. He had bags under his eyes, too, and looked about as desperate and lost as I felt. His face was thinner, his movements not as certain. “The bartender told me himself that you had one of the girls up there. I saw her climb off of you with my own two eyes. Ruby’s been spreading it around town how big your dick is, and how the two of you went at it all night. She’s the envy of all the single women in Province 9. Got herself a night with Bastien the Bold. Apparently, you were her best lay ever. Coming from a prostitute, that’s quite the compliment. Congrats.”

  Bastien’s voice was contrite, and he sounded like a lost boy who’d woken up in a life he didn’t recognize. “I don’t remember a second of it. Are you sure it happened?”

  “When Draper and I fished you out of that place, you came down stinking like overripe vagina and beer.”

  His nose crinkled in distaste at my harsh phrasing. Whatever. I was in no mood to tiptoe around the reality of it all. Bastien held up his hands. “I haven’t looked at another woman since I kissed you the first time, and probably long before that. Honest, Daisy.”

  My fists clenched at my sides. “No! Don’t call me ‘Daisy’, like you’re on my side. Don’t talk about when we kissed. That’s so far forgotten by now.”

  “I’ve been trying to get back to you ever since you sent me away. You shipped me off unconscious, by the way, with no say in any of it.”

  The sound of his voice was both honey and astringent vinegar to my ears, warming and freezing my heart simultaneously. I tried to keep my voice even. “I would’ve given you all the say in the world, but you were too drunk to speak up. I don’t need a Guardien who barfs up a belly full of beer while I’m getting choked out mere inches away from him.”

  I could tell my words cut him, a tortured look of self-flagellation surfacing in his caramel eyes. “That’s on me, yes.”

  “You ducked out long before I sent you away. You should’ve tried to come back that very first time you stayed out all night, drinking yourself sick while I waited at home for you like a chump.” I glared at him, remembering enough pieces of who I was, so I could assemble enough pride to speak my piece. “I’m not the girl who sits at home, waiting for her boyfriend to call. You tried to make me that girl, and I don’t forgive you for it. I thought you were out rebuilding Avalon to make our home a safer place, but you were spending your nights in a whorehouse! I could barely walk after being stabbed three times, and you were buried deep in some other woman!”

  Bastien held up his hands. “You’re totally right on that part. That was completely my fault. I went off the deep end when Roland admitted all he did to you. I’ve seen Mad work before, but knowing that was all happening to the friend I’ve known since childhood? It was too much, Rosie.”

  I pursed my lips before speaking. “No one’s trying to take your grief away from you. Go grieve, by all means. Just don’t pretend to be on the job while you are. You left me wide open for an attack every day you chose to drown your sorrows alone.” I shook my head at him. “I would’ve understood all of it. I would’ve listened to you and held you through the worst parts, but you confided in the bartender, and some other woman’s vagina!”

  “I didn’t mean to cheat on you!” he shouted.

  “Whatever we had? It wasn’t a relationship, if that’s how you deal when you’re in pain. You’re definitely not a man who should be guarding anyone. Stop me if I’m wrong, really.”

  Bastien lowered his head and turned his chin from side to side, his shoulders slumped. “You’re not wrong. I’m not asking you to brush that off. I behaved…” I could tell he was fishing for the right word. “My captain would have called my behavior disgraceful, and he wouldn’t be wrong. I disgraced you, your throne, and us.”

  My mouth fell open at his debasement. It was like, the fiftieth time that he’d been humble and repentant instead of defensive. Bastien was sorry, though by now, I wasn’t sure how much that mattered to us. For him, however, it was a solid win, personal growth-wise.

  Bastien wasn’t finished voicing all the things I’d been yelling at him in my head. “I’m your Guardien, and I let my personal stuff cloud that out. More important than that, I’m your boyfriend, and I didn’t talk to you about what was going on with me. I just checked out.” He rubbed his forehead. “I’m not used to having a woman around. I’m not good at relationships.”

  My voice was quiet, but firm. “Well, you don’t have to worry about that. You’re not in a relationship anymore. After you give me back my lueur, you can go on with your happy hermit ways.”

  Bastien kept his eyes on the floor, acting like an animal who was submitting to the king of the jungle – or queen, as it were. It was strange and a little off-putting to see a strong man so humbled. “I had a bad week. One week where you couldn’t count on me. One week off the job when my close friend died a horrible death after stabbing me in the back. You can’t cut me a little slack over one lousy week?”

  I shoved my hands in my pockets, hiding the mark on my wrist that threatened my temper. “I almost died in that one week. And I would’ve totally been cool with you taking a week for yourself, had you asked me. You didn’t talk to me at all. You just checked out.” I shook my head. “I don’t want to do this. I’m filthy, so I’m going to go wash up and change. You can leave the lueur with Kerdik or my dad.”

  I turned to leave, but Bastien was at my side in the next breath, his hand on the door to keep it shut. “No.” I’d forgotten the feel of his breath on my skin, but my nerves lit with new life under his simple bull-like exhale. He was so much taller than me, bulkier. His arms had been my safe place, once upon a better time.

  I tried to straighten and reclaim my hold on my independence. “Excuse me? No, you won’t give me back what’s mine? You’d actually keep me not being able to sleep, anxious as all get-out, and broken how I am? You’re a real piece of work, dude.”

  Bastien raised his voice a little when his frustration peaked. “Don’t call me ‘dude’, like I’m some guy you don’t belong with.”

  My teeth ground together. “Give me back my lueur. I’m exhausted, and I want to feel like myself again. I thought it was being away from you that made me feel lost, but it was being away from the part of myself you took with you. Give it back.”

  “You’ll feel like yourself if I’m near. You’ve only been anxious because I couldn’t get to you soon enough. I felt the same thing. Haven
’t been able to keep much food down without you around.”

  “My sympathies. It’s been six weeks that I’ve been in the same boat, while helping rule a province and rebuild a friggin’ wall. Give it back to me, and then go on your merry way. Eat a whole elephant, for all I care.”

  “Rosie, please! For one second, pretend like I’m the guy you fell in love with. Pretend you understand that when a man’s messed up, he doesn’t always think straight.”

  “What a luxury it is to be a man.” I met his eyes, not bothering to hide the hurt that slashed across my heart at the sight of him so close, yet still eons away. “When Mad nearly murdered me, you could’ve saved my life with a single word. You were too far gone, and it could’ve cost me my life. Go on as many benders as you want. I won’t gamble on you anymore. Not when the dude who wants me dead is still out there.”

  Bastien’s chest puffed, his face mutating from wounded puppy to guard dog in a breath. “What are you talking about?”

  “Nothing that concerns you at all.”

  “The man who controlled Mad was after controlling Mad, not hurting you. You were just the nearest person.” He was vocalizing the logic he’d no doubt worked out weeks ago. It was the same logic I’d had before the hooded man held me at knifepoint not too long ago. “No. No, Rosie. He wanted to use Mad as a weapon. It’s someone from his past he thought was dead. It’s got nothing to do with you.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “Tell that to the knife he sliced me with just a couple weeks ago.”

  11

  The Boys are Back in Town

  Bastien reached out and gripped my shoulders, squeezing too tight out of genuine fear that was mingled with rage. “Someone stabbed you?!” Then he reached for the door and flung it open, bellowing out into the hallway, “Rosie’s been stabbed! Get Remy! Jean-Luc! Help!”

  I rolled my eyes when the five men came charging in from the kitchen. I held up my hands. “Bastien’s overreacting. I was cut like, a couple weeks ago, not like, while you were standing in the room with me. Jeez.”

  Link had a mouthful of chicken that rolled around for everyone to see when he put words to his shock. “Where were ye stabbed? Show me now!”

  Kerdik’s shoulders fell. “Oh, that’s what the commotion’s about? Jean-Luc had a look at her. She’s all sewn up.”

  Mad stepped toward me with menace in his glinting eyes. “Who attacked my bride?” It wasn’t love, but territory that drove his thick eyebrows to push together and his voice to deepen.

  I guffawed at him. “Um, nobody. You don’t have a bride. I’m not your fiancée. You asked for your ring back, and everybody friggin’ knows it.”

  Link snatched up my hand to display my wrist, but I slapped him away. “Ye wear our mark. No one takes a blade to one of our ladies and lives to brag about it.”

  I glared at the three of them, feeling ganged up on, and like somehow the upper hand had been stolen from me. “First off, I’m no one’s lady anymore, so I’m free to be stabbed by whoever feels like it. Second, what good is your stupid mark if none of you are around to enforce it? You all left me, and you can go right back where you came from – out of my sight.”

  It was as if I hadn’t spoken. Mad glowered at me, like I was the one who’d done the stabbing. “Show me where he stuck ye. Was it the same voice who controlled me?”

  “Same dude, I’m guessing. I didn’t see his face either time. He was wearing that same black cloak. Éireland accent. Sliced me across the back of my hip. It’s healed up fine, and I don’t need a bunch of older brothers who’re going to flake when I need them to stick around. I already have a brother, and he got me out of there well enough without some useless tattoo that means friggin’ nothing.”

  Link and Bastien balked at me, but Mad held my gaze. He didn’t like to be touched, but there were times his eye contact felt almost like a physical jolt. He was tall – easily six and a half feet, but when his temper was stimulated, he seemed impossibly more gigantic, swelling to the size of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, while I shrank to the stature of one of the frightened Munchkins from the Wizard of Oz. “My mark means tha no one touches ye! My mark means ye never have to look over your shoulder again for the rest of your life. Ye could stand right in front of Morgan le Fae, and she wouldn’t be able to touch ye with my mark!”

  I tried to remind myself that I wasn’t a Munchkin, but a woman who knew how to stand on her own well enough. Having the little bit of myself back that I’d given to Bastien made me stand straighter, finding myself when I’d been lost for so long. “Tell it to my sweet little scar.” I pointed in Mad’s face, shooting straight with him so there was no room for arguments. “You bailed on me, and everyone in the kingdom was talking about it. They know you left, and that you’re not coming back for me. I know our engagement was for show, but breaking it off was real to everyone who you were supposed to scare away. Not to mention all the rumors and talk about me being publicly shamed by you.” I scowled at Bastien. “You know how you put me on hold for Reyn’s sister, so Rachelle wouldn’t be shamed? Consider this my apology for if I ever gave you a hard time about it. I’m glad she had her honor intact until the end. Me? Not so much.” Many of the women still couldn’t hold my gaze.

  Mad sneered at me, as if that was an adequate response. He ripped his gold ring off his finger and shoved it at me. “There. Now it’s fixed.”

  I guffawed, not bothering to hold back my tendency toward the obnoxious when I was insulted. “Don’t bother. You’re not staying.” I dropped the ring into Mad’s hand and looked to Link and Bastien. “None of you are. Bastien, give me back my lueur, and you can go back to your cabin in the woods with your boys.”

  Bastien’s eyes glinted at me, his humility vanishing as anger pushed it out of the way. “You know what? No. I took this job, and yeah, I had a sucky week where I dropped the ball after my friend of twenty years died. But I swore I’d protect you and your household, and that still stands. You’re not getting rid of me just to prove a point.”

  I spluttered my anger, unable to come up with a coherent response. I turned to my dad, who was standing in the hallway with Kerdik and Draper. He surveyed the scene as a wise king would – gathering the facts before he intervened. “I’ve no problem with a Guardien living up to his duty.” Then he turned to Bastien. “I’ve a problem with a Guardien who drinks while he’s supposed to be protecting my daughter. I trust you’ve tasted your last sip of alcohol?”

  Bastien held the king’s stare, his chest broadening as his chin lifted like the regal lumberjack he was. “On my honor, your majesty. If I drink again, I’ll give Rosie back her lueur without a fight.”

  Urien nodded once, as if the whole thing was decided. “Very well. Am I to understand that with one of you comes the other two?”

  Link and Mad nodded, but Bastien answered for them. “Untouchables go where they like. Only I’m bound to Rosie, not them. If they help, it’s because they want to, and it’ll be appreciated as such.”

  Bastien was polishing up his speech because my dad was around. Otherwise, there’s no way he’d be throwing around proper phrases like “as such.” I wanted to shove him hard and storm out of the room for somehow getting my dad to go along with him on this. I stayed in place, though, acting like the princess I’d been marketed as.

  Urien reached out and shook Bastien’s hand. “Very good. I’ll have Aimee show you to your rooms, so you can get settled in. Feel free to make yourselves at home, but we’re not bringing outside people into the castle anymore. My daughter’s been attacked. I’ll be holding court on the front steps at night to make sure my daughter can sleep without worry she’ll be gutted whenever she lets her guard down.”

  I shut my eyes. “Great. Now that visual’s in my head.”

  Link gave me a snotty sibling look that Judah had on occasion doled out when he was being a brat. “Grand. I think I’ll set up in Rosie’s room. For the wee kitten’s protection, of course.” He pecked my cheek when I gasped indi
gnantly, and then walked on out of the room so he could pretend my wrath was imaginary.

  “Ho no, you don’t!” I called after him down the hall, furious at his haughty laughter that echoed off the stone walls. “Get your stuff out of my space! I’m serious, Link. I’ll throw your pack out the window if it lands even in the air surrounding my bedroom.”

  Mad reached out unexpectedly and snatched at my face, clutching my jaw. His firm grip was on the borderline of bruising. His imposed authority made me want to kick him, but after a few seconds of his penetrating stare, I stilled. “I shouldn’t have left ye. I’ll make good on it all.” Then he exited with no further explanation.

  Kerdik had watched the entire scene unfold without intervening, but when Bastien made to leave with his pack and go upstairs to settle in, he pressed his hand to Bastien’s chest. “I healed you and gave you abilities you haven’t even begun to understand yet.”

  Bastien nodded respectfully. “Thank you.”

  “I didn’t do it for you; I did it so that Rosie would be safe. Do not disappoint me again with your foolishness. Urien is far more rational and forgiving than I am.”

  Bastien’s gaze hardened, but he didn’t argue. “Yes, sir.” Then Bastien snuck me a wounded look before he left me with my father, my brother, my green friend, and my fury.

  12

  An Unkindness of Ravens

  With the return of the Untouchables came order like the palace had never known. Though the guys hadn’t seemed overly concerned before, the reappearance of our hooded villain brought out the military man in all three of them. Commands were given, men were solicited, and pretty soon, we had a makeshift army that Mad had taken it upon himself to break in. Though it seemed Avalon was predisposed to fighting, Mad gave their fists and swords purpose and accuracy. The whole thing was actually kind of impressive, but I wasn’t about to break the stalemate and tell him. We were content to ignore each other, so I kept my distance from him as much as I could. I had my lueur back in the vicinity, so my moods weren’t so acerbic, and I started to feel marginally more myself. Myself these days, though, was quieter after all I’d been through.