Broken Girl

by Mary E. Twomey

  I finished unbuttoning his vest and shirt, exciting us both by running my palms over the planes of his chiseled chest. “Make love to me, Kerdik.”

  26

  The Bloody Truth

  I wanted more, always more – especially in this land of no consequences. But when I reached down and popped the button on his chocolate-colored trousers, he flung himself backward, taking several steps away from me. “Stop! I lied to you, Rosie. This is all a lie.” He motioned around the meadow, and then ran his hands over his face. “We’re not dead. My blood saved you, but you were convulsing, and then your body started to glow. Then the walls started shaking, and I couldn’t tell if the unstable power was coming from me or from you. I wasn’t sure what would happen, so I grabbed you and vanished us here. I was worried one of us might bring down the house on Urien or something!”

  I stumbled back, the shock washing over me. “You… But you said! And then I…” The blood drained from my face. “How could you let me do that to Bastien?! You just let me walk around here thinking I was dead this entire time? You’re a jerk! That’s low, even for you. Why? Why wouldn’t you tell me that I was alive?”

  Kerdik’s shoulders lowered, but his agonized expression composed itself with an air of professionalism. He slowly buttoned up his pants, shirt and vest as he spoke. “Because I was seduced by the idea that we could be together. When you kissed me and didn’t breathe fire? That was the first time that’s happened to me in decades. So yes, I wanted to take it as far as you’d let it go. I wanted to be with a woman who I didn’t have to worry would turn into a dragon, or who’d have to stop every few minutes to burp fire. I was just a man, and you were simply a woman, and this world was ours. That’s why I didn’t tell you right away.”

  “There aren’t words,” I seethed, feeling the layers of his betrayal cutting deep. “You should’ve set me straight the very second I thought I was dead.” I grabbed my forehead, horrified at my behavior as images of what I’d almost done with Kerdik slammed into my brain. “Oh, I’m working my way toward getting back with Bastien! I’m a terrible person!” I closed my eyes, hugging myself around the middle. “I’m so embarrassed! I thought this was someplace without rules or something. I threw myself at you! Did I ask you to have sex with me while panting like a hooker?”

  “I would never call you a hooker, no.” He rolled his eyes. “Your pesky conscience is so inconvenient. You didn’t cheat on Bastien. You two aren’t even back together. You thought you were dead, and you’d never see him again. Would you have spread your legs for me if you knew you were alive?”

  “No! And don’t say it like that,” I balked, mortified. It was all too much. “Oh, but I did! We haven’t even been on an actual date before, and I begged you to have sex with me. Who does that?”

  He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around me, looking down at my distress with the scolding smile of someone who knew better. “Darling, you’re exactly who I’ve always loved, just uninhibited. And we didn’t do anything we haven’t both thought about a thousand times already. We could have had sex up here for ages until we were both finally sated, and you would’ve thanked me for the lie that set you free.” His fingers feathered the shell of my ear. “Any man would tell you whatever lie it took to get between your thighs. I’m an immortal, sure, but I’m also a man.”

  I gasped, and then did something I didn’t think either of us would forgive me for. I pulled my hand back and let it fly, slapping him clear across the face. “Don’t talk to me like that!”

  Kerdik froze, his hand on his cheek to verify that the sting of my smack was indeed real.

  My eyes widened as I took several steps back. “I’m sorry, Kerdik. I shouldn’t have…” I smoothed my hands down the front of my nightgown over and over, afraid of myself for being such a whorish monster. I looked left and then right, realizing that the Heaven I’d thought we were in was actually a world away from where I wanted to be. Moisture pricked my eyes, and I knew I didn’t want to break down in front of him. “I, um… I’m all messed up right now. Which way gets me out of here?”

  Kerdik didn’t answer me, but stared, still stunned that I was capable of hurting him. When a tear trickled down my cheek, Kerdik stumbled backward, as if I was something to be afraid of.

  I turned around, wanting to ditch more than anything. “This way looks good,” I said as I started off at a brisk pace. More tears gathered, and my vision started to cloud with an odd crimson blur. I was grateful no one saw the cascade of tears that joined that first solitary admission that Avalon, Common, and even fake Heaven were capable of making me forget who I was.

  “Rosie, wait! Your eyes!”

  I swiped at my tears, but jerked back when something red caught the edges of my vision. I looked down at the back of my hand and saw that it was smeared with a streak of blood where there should’ve been tears. “Oh! I think I’m bleeding.”

  Kerdik ran ahead and cut me off, blocking my path toward, let’s face it, friggin’ nowhere. “Rosie, oh! Stop crying!” he commanded, scrambling to wipe away my tears with his sleeve. He hated getting his shirts dirty, but he sacrificed his borderline OCD for me, caring for me after I’d slapped him. He stood before me and leaned down to dab at my cheeks.

  There’s something poetic and perfectly precious about a friend who wipes your tears away. It’s miraculous that a person can love you through your fractured and vulnerable moments; yet even more incredible is that you can learn to let someone be good to you. I trusted Kerdik with my shame, and he was gentle to me when I needed tenderness – liar though he was.

  Of course, this kindness only made me weep more. “Don’t be nice to me!”

  “Darling, it’s your tears! You have to stop crying. You’re not cut anywhere that I can tell. Do you feel a cut on you?”

  “No,” I sniveled. “I don’t want you to see me crying and gross. You hurt me, K! You took something beautiful and turned it into a filthy lie. I almost… I was going to… And now it’s a joke! I’m a joke, and you did that to us.”

  “That’s neither here nor there right now, my love. Your tears. They’re not coming out like water. This blood is coming from your tear ducts! You’re crying blood!”

  I stumbled like I’d been struck blind, though I could see every daisy and rose petal perfectly. In fact, as my gaze flitted around the meadow, I realized it seemed I could see farther than I’d normally be able to. I hadn’t paid that oddity much notice before, but chalked it up to the weirdness of the afterlife. I touched my eyes, letting out a horror movie-like shriek of terror when my fingers came away coated in blood. “What’s happening to me? Make it stop!”

  “I can’t make you stop crying. Take a breath. We’ll figure this out, alright? Does it hurt?"

  “No, but… but… blood! This is blood! I’m crying blood!”

  Kerdik raised his hands with all the peace of mind of one who could calm a jumper. “Yes, you are. This is just a new development, is all. I’ve never given my blood to anyone before. It was bound to have some unexpected side effects.”

  “Side effects?” My breath started coming out in shallow pants, and I felt the beginnings of a full-blown panic attack. “Bleeding eyeballs isn’t a side effect, it’s a horror movie! I… I’m… I have to get out of here!” I didn’t care where I was going, but I was determined to get there at a run. I whipped past Kerdik, pumping my arms as more blood dripped down my face, freaking me out beyond what simple logic could counteract.

  I ran as fast and as far as I could, not caring that Kerdik was behind me, gaining on my speed with his own frantic pace. “Rosie, stop!” When we finally collided, it was because I couldn’t see where I was going anymore. The blood droplets were thicker than normal tears, and clouded my reddening vision faster than the clear kind could. Kerdik caught me and steadied me in his arms as I batted at the air, trying to see, and also trying to get far, far away. “Darling, you have to calm down so I can help you.”

  “I’m a freak show! Who cries blood?
I can’t even see!” I tried to stumble on my path to nowhere, but Kerdik’s arms wrapped around my middle from behind. He crushed my back to his chest, keeping me close enough that I couldn’t swat at him.

  I struggled with all my confused and unfocused might, until finally Kerdik dropped to his knees, taking me with him. He held me tight while I alternated between sobbing and screaming, his body encompassing mine everywhere he could. “I know it’s frightening now, but we’ll figure this out, okay?”

  The red thickened again at his devotion to me, reigniting the panic I couldn’t divorce myself from. “I can’t see! I can’t see! Help me!”

  Kerdik wiped his hand over my face, washing it with water that actually did clear away enough of the emotion so that I could see. “There we go. Is that better?”

  “It’ll never be better! I don’t belong here! I’m from earth. I used to be normal. I don’t cry blood! I can’t… I can’t do this!” My breath came out in a wheeze, frightening my resolve and breaking me down so that I was a limp puddle of limbs in Kerdik’s scrambling arms.

  Kerdik turned me and wrapped my arms around his neck. Then he rocked back to sit on his butt and folded my floppy legs around his waist. I sobbed uncontrollably into his shoulder, my arms clinging tight to him, refusing to let go. He didn’t say anything about me ruining his shirt, and I couldn’t decide if that was an indicator that he was truly freaked out, or if it was because he loved me. “This is a small price to pay for your life,” he reminded me. “So I spend my time making sure you have a blissful existence with no reason to ever shed a tear. Is that the worst thing in the world?”

  I let out a laugh that was mixed with a sob into his shirt, unable to find the words to answer him.

  Kerdik chuckled, though I’m not sure how he found the strength to seek out sunshine when my world felt so undeniably black. “I’ll take that as you accepting my apology for letting you think you were dead.”

  I scoffed through my tears that just kept on coming. My emotion soaked his shirt, making him look like he’d been shot in the shoulder.

  He kissed my cheek. “And I’ll take that scoff as you telling me how very much you love me, and that if things were different, we could be together.”

  I tried to see the daisies and roses he’d summoned just to make my day, but the lovely world was tainted with a thick film of crimson again. I writhed against him, clawing at his shirt as the panic seized me again, consequently making the tears fall afresh. “I can’t see! I can’t see! Make it stop!”

  Kerdik had the presence of mind to speak softly to me while I freaked out. “I can’t very well make it stop if you’re committed to crying.” He washed my face until all traces of the red were gone. The front of both our white garments were soaked with red and pink streaks, looking like we’d both been recently murdered. His arms coiled around me, holding me closer so that my breasts were pressed to him, and he could whisper into my ear. “You’re going to have to stop crying. I know you’re upset that we have to leave this place. I know you’re devastated that I didn’t peel this little tease of a dress off you and lick every inch of your body.” He caught my earlobe between his teeth and gave it a little tug. “Tell me how badly you wanted me to take you. I need to hear it.”

  My breath caught in my throat as I gulped at the lure his words had on me. Goosebumps broke out all over my skin. “We can’t talk like that.”

  His lips tickled the shell of my ear, and though there was no one to hear us, he still kept his seduction to a whisper. “You shouldn’t be sad that we’ll go back to being friends who want to indulge in ways we shouldn’t.” He sucked on my other earlobe, and my breath started coming out in husky rasps. “You shouldn’t want me, Rosie.” His lips moved to my neck and sucked the skin there harder than I could resist. My eyes rolled back as my chest heaved. His fingers traced down my throat and slid the strap from my shoulder, exposing more of my cleavage and my vulnerability than either of us could handle. “Tell me to stop, Rosie,” he murmured as the other strap fell. His hands moved beneath me to grab the swell he couldn’t resist, squeezing my backside with the same desire I could feel pulsing through my veins.

  The only sound I made was an unintelligible, guttural groan that only fueled us to make worse decisions. It wasn’t a misunderstanding this time. I knew I was alive, and that a life with Bastien was still in the cards for me, only I was choosing to indulge in things I had no business doing, and with a person who wasn’t known for being gentle.

  When we kissed, the guilt worked like an aphrodisiac, urging me over the edge as my trembling fingers ripped Kerdik’s vest and shirt open, not bothering with the troublesome buttons. I wanted to feel everything, to make him tremble as he coaxed me to melt. Our tongues battled, as they always did, but it wasn’t until a low growl built in Kerdik’s throat as he tipped me back to lie in the grass beneath him that I finally came to my senses. “No! This isn’t… We can’t be… I can’t want this, and neither can you!”

  Kerdik deflated slowly atop me, slowing our passion to mere cheek kisses that were silent apologies for what we almost did, and had no business doing. “I’m not sorry.” He finally pulled his head back enough so that he could look at me. Seeing my tears, he rested on one elbow so he could wash my face once more. The kiss that found my lips was a simple pledge that we wouldn’t be so reckless with something so precious again. We needed our friendship, and took a moment to pay reparation to what we’d almost lost in the heat of the moment. “I’ll behave myself from now on.” He kissed me lightly again. “I love you, and we’ll figure everything out.”

  I nodded, rolling onto my side so I could bury my face in his bare chest, savoring the warmth of a man whom everyone else assumed was so very cold. Kerdik was always warm to me. “I love you, too.” I tapped my chest to indicate the hole I felt that could no longer be ignored. “I can’t want this.”

  He wound a damp curl behind my ear and ran his hand down my spine to soothe me. His eyes said so many things his mouth wouldn’t admit to. “Do you want me to take you home now?”

  I shook my head, burrowing into him and clinging to the shirt I’d ripped open. His naked chest was warm and comforting, and served to center me while my emotions tumbled around in my heart without a helmet. “Not yet. Could you just hold me for a while until it all goes away?”

  “Darling,” Kerdik cooed, tipping my chin up so he could brush his lips to mine once more. “I could hold you forever. Always their princess; always my queen.”

  27

  Kerdik’s Princess, Bastien’s Charge

  When the interior of the palace materialized before my eyes, I wasn’t expecting the screams that greeted me. Aimee looked like she wanted to throw her arms around me, but restrained herself to a mere shriek, stumbling backwards when she factored in that I was standing in Kerdik’s arms. “The princess! The Avalon Rose is alive and returned to us!” She bolted to the front door, her skirt flying out behind her. “Montel, go send out riders to bring everyone home. The princess is back!”

  We were in the foyer of Lane’s palace, but Kerdik didn’t like me so exposed, so he led me further inside. The servants flooded into the house like ants running from a fire, stopping short with mirrored noises of shock when I confirmed that I was alive and well.

  “But you’re covered in blood! Where are you cut? We thought you dead, Princess!” Mercy exclaimed, her hand on her heart.

  Her sister, Faith, gaped at me, “So much blood! Get the princess the healer!” They both took in the scope of Kerdik’s stunning chest and looked away with expressions of dread.

  “I promise, I’m all healed. This is old blood.” I didn’t move from Kerdik’s embrace – the shrieks and pointing put me on edge. I clung to his torn shirt and burrowed into his chest while the servants started shouting out questions and thanking the stars that I’d been brought back safely to the kingdom. “Jeez, how long was I gone?”

  Hope clutched her ample bosom. “Two days, your grace. Two days without a lady to
lead the nation! Two days we thought you dead!”

  They pointed at my skin, marveling at the color that indeed, still seemed to glow. Not like, glow in the dark, but it had a sort of ethereal luminescence to it that made you look twice (and point, apparently). Couple that with my damp and blood-streaked nightgown, and everyone was freaking out. I shrank into Kerdik’s side, wishing that I wasn’t being gawked at in my nightgown.

  Kerdik’s hand moved slowly up and down my spine, posturing as he protected my body with his embrace. “Is there not a healer in the household for my princess? Someone fetch me Jean-Luc.” I didn’t much care for his dictatorial tone, but I was too turned around to correct him. He lowered his voice, his tone softening only for me. “It’s alright, darling. They’re just surprised to see you alive. You were far more on the edge of death the last time they saw you.” He was soaked in my blood, too, but no one dared to question his appearance. No one even seemed to care about his wellbeing. My fingers tightened on his shirt to let him know that I cared, even though I knew the blood he wore proudly was all mine.

  I managed a wan smile at the people who whispered and pointed at my skin, marveling at the color and the fact that I was healed and whole.

  Kerdik turned sharp again. “Have you all forgotten who it is you’re whispering about? Since when did it become customary to point and gossip about the princess? Do I need to remind you all how to behave? I promise, you won’t like it if I’m angered. She might not order your beheading, but I have no problem making an example of you if you forget how my princess is to be treated.”

  At once the entire staff fell to their knees, heads bowed so low, their foreheads touched the floor. “Oh, jeez. Kerdik, it’s alright. Thank you for being sweet to me, but this isn’t how we run the household. You’re all fine. I’m just a little out of sorts, I guess.” They picked up their heads tentatively, but didn’t rise. “Someone want to tell me what I missed in the last two days?”