Unrelenting Terror

by P. S. Power

  I moved with him into the now familiar working space, the comfortable chairs rearranged again, this time so that mine would have its back to the main door and his sat near the back wall. I settled into it, feeling oddly exposed, as if something might jump me from behind and start trying to choke me. Again.

  “Good evening.” He spoke in a comfortable voice that sounded a bit bored, or maybe slightly stern.

  I started to say something back, not certain how to tell him about everything when he raised his right hand for silence. He just held it in the air and watched me for a long time, weighting me with his eyes it felt like. Finally he dropped the hand and spoke before I could even open my mouth.

  “Eclipse.”

  The word was there in my mind suddenly, and I felt myself sitting and reading the story on the page around it, I felt the room, a different place than the office I was in. The scent was different too and I could only detect the slightest hint of pipe tobacco, even though Dr. Milford had it hanging around him like a cloud. I could taste it though, a slight bitterness on the back of my tongue, a bit of a sting in my nose. Almost as suddenly as it happened I returned to the real world and looked at Milford in front of me, blinking and not really knowing what had happened.

  “Good. I’m glad to hear that things have been so successful for you.”

  I didn’t understand the words, but got the idea, I’d been speaking for some time, without realizing it. I’d thought I was reading a book on the tablet in my hand, one that told the story of my life as I went through it, but apparently that was only part of the process. It hammered home how little I was really in control anymore. I didn’t care for the feeling at all, but I knew it was really out of my hands now. It had been for some time. I was committed more deeply than I’d ever dreamed I would be when I started. I'd really thought it would be more about meditation and chanting than it had been.

  Dr. Milford stood, but didn’t move otherwise, his head above mine enough I had to tilt my head back to look at him. My throat felt exposed and I felt like someone was standing directly behind me. I wanted to turn and look, but couldn’t make myself, being in way to deep for that, just too focused to do anything but read the story. I felt the presence there, not just watching, but standing directly behind me, a tickle on the back of my neck that grew stronger as I sat waiting, unable to do anything about it.

  “Focus now and listen to my words. Read them in your mind as you have been. You will heed what I say perfectly on all levels of being and remember to do exactly what I tell you at all times. Is that understood?” His tone was stern again, not friendly at all. Commanding and firm.

  He was the doctor, and in control here, so I made myself answer, feeling very far away when I did, almost as if I was just scanning the story and someone else had written it. That wasn’t the case though. This was real. No matter what it felt like, it was the true reality. The rest was make believe. I had to keep that in mind and not let myself get so sucked into reading that I forgot that the words were my real life.

  “Yes. I understand. I’ll do what I’m told.” It would be foolish to do otherwise, wouldn’t it? I had no other resources left. Not that could help me with this kind of thing.

  “Good, because there is a very real chance of you dying soon, if you don’t. You’ve made very good progress, faster than almost anyone I’ve ever heard of, but the fact of the matter is that you need to make more and do it very quickly, or else you’ll be too vulnerable to the other things in the world. As I mentioned before, once you stop ignoring the reality of the world, you can never again go back to a state of ignorance. The path cannot be un-walked. You agreed to take this risk in the beginning and now you have to see it through to the end, in order to not only to see your love again, but also to simply survive.” He stared at me, which I didn’t take as being a threat, more like he was just observing me closely. It was almost comfortable now in a strange way. Relaxing to just let someone else be in charge for a while.

  Normally that kind of thing bothered me a little, letting anyone else have command over me, but now it felt right. Natural. I still had questions though and wondered if I could have any of them answered. For that matter I kind of wondered if they already had been. Did I get answers that I just didn’t remember? I tried to recall, but nothing came.

  There was silence for several minutes as I was watched closely, stared at the whole time with almost no blinking. I looked at his chest, avoiding direct eye contact. When he spoke the words held weight, a gravity that almost pulled me down, as if a dire prediction, rather than someone just speaking to a client.

  “You will find the world of the supernatural intruding on you more and more now. Each time you sleep, you will notice them all around you, touching you, being near you. Doing things, sometimes unwanted things, to you. As you wake you will still continue to see them, the veil stripped away from your eyes. Darting things at first, but then as you accept reality you will see them more clearly for what they truly are. In each moment you will feel the world around you and know that you are watched, observed and followed. You need to be aware of all of it, without question.” He sat, letting out a sigh as he did. The sense was one of overdone drama, but it did keep my attention.

  “This is natural and is honestly what has always been happening to you. The only difference now is that you’ve read the words in the book on your reader, and that reading has bypassed the filters that once hid these things from you. This means that the fear you feel will increase too. It cannot be helped or stopped and the only way through it is to face the terror over and over again. You cannot grow inured to the unknown, not truly, but the protection of ignorance is gone now, so you must adapt and admit to everything you feel, even if it’s unpleasant. Do you understand and agree?”

  “Yes.” I did. It was a hard thing, something I didn’t want to deal with, but I had to. In order to have Alex back. The brief tastes I’d had were enough to let me know I’d do anything to recapture a connection with my love. It was the most important thing I could do with my life.

  “Excellent. Now, you told me that you were nearly sodomized as you slept, but the act wasn’t completed? What do you think would have happened to you if it had been? What would the repercussions be?” He sounded dry again, older than he looked.

  I didn’t understand the question though. My mouth worked anyway, saying words that I only just understood. Words that didn’t reflect how I felt at all.

  “Nothing. It would have been unpleasant and scary, but nothing would have happened to me. I’m not my body, I’m a being of pure energy that has a physical form.”

  It sounded wrong to me, the words not something I believed or had ever thought before, but Dr. Milford smiled and nodded.

  “Exactly. So the next time it’s about to happen, I want you to relax and let it. I think you’ll find that once you accept it as inevitable, the whole universe will become easier to deal with and less frightening. That part, acceptance of what is, understanding that there are things in the world that you cannot control or stop, it is the next major step you need to take. This is not a gentle thing to learn. We’ve all lived in a world that has told us how precious our sovereignty is, how no one has a right to harm us or simply take what they want from us. This is a falsehood and always was. The wealthy and powerful designed the rules so the poor and weak are constantly under their boot. Many of the most powerful people on the planet work closely with beings that most aren’t allowed to do more than have nightmares about. By understanding that there is uneven power in the world, you may be able to learn to influence things to your own ends. When you are the weak being in a relationship you must be clever. There are powers to be had though. To call up the dead on command and even make others bow to your bidding with mere words. But first you have to get rid of the idea that you are more special than anyone else, or even just as good as all of them. You are, in fact, better than most, stronger and more attuned to power. Can you accept that? The more you fight it, your true nature, the
more terrifying it will be for you, and fighting too hard can lead to your certain death.”

  Could I accept it? It was both something that was clearly true and that I hated with a passion. Yes, the world had people and beings that were more powerful than I was. Leaders and evil people that could do whatever they wanted to me and were so strong that I couldn’t stop them, no matter what I did. It made me angry and want to deny it all, but the real answer was that I understood. I had to accept it all, because it was real.

  “Yes. I accept that.” I still didn’t like it.

  Then… I wasn’t being asked to.

  “Before we finish this section of things, do you have anything you’d like to ask? I know that this stage of awakening can be very confusing for people. Part of my task is to help you see what is really going on. Please, ask anything that’s on your mind.” He smiled again, fingers making a triangle in the air held in front of his chest, right leg on left, knee sticking out.

  I did have questions. The first one was the one I feared most, but it had been mentioned and now I had to face it if it was true.

  “Am I… dead? Did I die in the car accident, instead of Alex? Or am I in coma? Is this all about getting me to realize that? I keep feeling like I’m someone else, just reading the story of my life, only this reality is different than the one I know there... Is that a sign?” I sounded so weak I wanted to take the words back, my voice shaking the whole time, if just a little. Death was scary though. Of course if I was dead, that would mean that it wasn’t the end, which made the whole thing a lot more palatable.

  “No. I assure you that you are very much alive. This room is real, the story you are reading is real and the ghosts you feel in both places are real. The darker things too. This is not a dream, or a fantasy. It is as real as anything anyone has ever experienced. Possibly more so. The part of you reading this is also real. That is why there is no division between what you do and learn in the here and now, and what that portion of you does. When I give you an order to follow, that part of you will do it as well. The agreement you made is binding for all of the parts that make up your mind, after all. Just like signing a contract would be on paper.” He didn’t move for awhile, just looking over my shoulder.

  “Is…” I started, not knowing what I was going to say. The words came out anyway, though this time it felt like I was just thinking them, reading them off of the screen in my mind that never really left me anymore.

  “Can I stop these things from doing things to me? Stop the ghosts and… Entities?” It was an important thing to know, since I seemed to be in trouble otherwise. Dr. Milford hadn’t mentioned just doing something to protect myself. Just giving in to the thing if it came for me again, surrendering myself to learn some kind of lesson. It didn’t sound like the most fun way of doing things at all.

  “From minor things, things that had once been human, or that seek only to feed on your fear or other emotions, yes. In the main though you don’t have to worry about those things at all. They don’t really do harm to you, once you accept them as what they are. You cannot ignore them anymore, but they don’t have power over you if you choose to not let them have it. Just letting them be is all the protection you really need. It won’t be easy, since many of them will cause you to fear, that being part of the human condition and how they feed themselves, but it’s something that will work itself out for you in time.” Spreading his hands he smiled and looked at the clock on the wall. It neared seven, but he didn’t say anything about it.

  “As to the more powerful things that you’ve attracted… No. There is no way to protect yourself from them directly. You will need to find an ally to guard you, one that can also aid you in the world. A supernatural being of power that will work with you rather than simply abuse you. Once you do that, you will be a force of nature compared to the humans around you. A true being of power.”

  I didn’t know what to say for a long time, and just sat, the words impressing themselves on my mind.

  “Isn't that like… possession?” I didn’t want to call the man out on what he’d said, but that’s what it sounded like he meant to me.

  “Yes. It’s very much like possession. Indeed, exactly like that.”

  Chapter seven

  In a trance state or not, I knew that didn’t sound right. The words that came out next were slow and ponderous, but important. Vitally so. I must have misheard. If that was the case, then the book in my head was wrong too, and so far it hadn’t been at all. Everything I'd read had been accurate.

  “What do you mean? I... don’t really want to be possessed.” It seemed kind of reasonable to me. After all, what was the point of developing powers or abilities if I wasn’t going to really be the one using them? I couldn’t get all of that out yet, so I waited instead, anticipating correction. I had to be wrong in what I was thinking.

  It would no doubt be cleared up in a few moments.

  The Doctor nodded, giving me a very dark look that seemed almost angry. He moved toward me, closer than he normally did, easily within reach. Bending over he whispered to me from less than two feet away. I could feel his warm breath on my face.

  “How did you think we’d be getting you the power you need? You can already sense spirits and other things, but you can’t protect yourself from them. Not at all. The idea that any human can is ludicrous. those that think they have such power are either deluding themselves or being mislead by spirits trying to abuse them. No, in order to survive now, you have to enter into a partnership with something far beyond what you are right now. If you don’t, something will probably just take you anyway. The harder you struggle the easier it is to shunt you aside and steal your life away, and the more it will damage you in the process. No, you need to become one with something that will protect you. You don’t have the power you need, but if you listen to me and do exactly what I say, you will. There is no other way at this point, I’m afraid. What did you think I meant when I told you that once you started on this course you couldn’t go back? Just learning to sense ghosts and spirits would have been enough to force this into being eventually. It’s a mistake that too many make when they first learn to do such things. There is no half way, or just dabbling a little for amusement.” He paced a bit then, side to side in front of me, walking slowly, his body tense, nearly rigid with anger, or possibly frustration.

  He sounded relaxed though, calm and collected.

  “You’re actually much closer to the time of partnership than I thought. Even the interior form of yourself, what you’ve been describing as you reading what was on the screen in your mind… Even that part of you is fully committed to this course now. Even if you were willing to die instead of making a partnership as I suggest, that probably wouldn’t be enough to save you. There are things that are far more powerful than you imagine in this world. Beings to whom even death does not free you if they do not wish it. That they don’t bother with humans for the most part just shows how little they think of us. It is in no way a sign that they can’t do it. Such things happen all the time. Most serial killers have been taken over by dark entities for instance. Most people in positions of power or great influence as well.”

  I didn’t know what to say. The words I wanted didn’t come this time, sticking in my throat. My breathing wasn’t fast at least, slow and even really. I just sat, feeling the weight in my hands that meant the tablet was still active for me. I saw the words, but didn’t pay too much attention to them, everything focused on Dr. Milford instead. After a minute he sat with a slight thump and shook his head.

  “I need to know that you’re with me on this. You committed to it, but if you wish to back out now, to throw your life away, I’ll understand. If you would have only told me that before we started... If you’re taken by force now, well, most things that can do that aren’t gentle about it. I believe you met one such in bed last night? Trust me, unwanted sex isn’t even the tiniest portion of what something like that can, and will, do to you. If you’d just lived a normal life,
you would have met back up with Alex after you passed. This way though… Well, you probably won’t exist at all when whatever comes for you is finished. So at least you won’t know about it. The loss to Alex will be vast though. I feel responsible for you not making it. Are you sure you wouldn’t rather be with Alex again?” He looked away, sounding genuinely sad about my impending death and destruction.

  It was blatant manipulation. That was clear to me, even as deep as I was at the moment. The argument was also a good one. I didn’t want to die forever or be separated from Alex anymore. I couldn’t just die now, especially if I wanted to have any kind of afterlife at all. At least if what the Doctor said was correct. I didn’t want it to be, but it had a real ring of truth to it.

  “What do I need to do?” I felt a stab of fear run through my middle then. It was intense, an almost ticklish thing that tried to crawl up into my mouth, fluttering as it made its journey. I didn’t let it show, which was mainly old habit.

  After all, being possessed and not having a choice in the matter was a terrifying idea. I had no coping skills for the situation at all, and it showed. I started to sweat and my heart sped up as my breathing got faster. I wasn’t hyperventilating, not yet, but it was coming and the fear screamed at me to run. To get out before they stole my body.

  If I did that though, I’d lose my only love. Forever. Possibly ending up possessed anyway, instead of just being something’s willing partner.

  Milford gave a single nod of his head and pulled out a tobacco pipe from a small case he kept in his jacket pocket. He loaded it carefully as I watched, the wood of its handle smooth and almost black, but the cup that held the richly scented product was a dark brown that seemed to be made of a different kind of wood. He didn’t light it, just holding it in both hands, thinking.