Whisper Forever

by C. A. Harms

  When he pushed away a strand of hair that had fallen out of my ponytail and over my eye, I didn’t back away. I only stared at him as he stepped back before turning around and leaving the barn. I then finally took in a deep breath and allowed the tension within me to settle.

  ***

  Over the last week I’d found it hard to focus on much of anything. Paying attention in class and my labs was impossible. And after the long hours at Andy’s Diner, then even more at the farm, I was dragging ass.

  It didn’t help that I wasn’t sleeping at night due to the dreams that flooded my mind each time I closed my eyes. Throw in a needy boyfriend and a best friend who found it fun to tell me Lucas’s every damn move over the last week and I was about to go crazy.

  Now that Luke was working for Jeb and Jeb’s father, Shannon knew what he was doing every day and night and gave me a step-by-step breakdown of both, even though I could have done without it. Last night she called to tell me that she, Jeb, Lucas, and Lisa all went out for burgers and beers after the guys got off work. I tried to hide the flare of jealousy that hit me upon hearing Lisa and Lucas doubled with them, but from the way she giggled I think my feelings were pretty obvious.

  Deacon was pushing for us to spend a night in at my place, but I knew what that meant and I truly had no desire to be alone with him. Our relationship had been rocky before Lucas came back, so I couldn’t blame how I felt completely on that, but his return still had a lot to do with my lack of caring about Deacon now, which I felt horrible about.

  Maybe I should be focusing more on him and less on Lucas.

  My shift was over in an hour, and things had quieted down at the diner when the bell above the door chimed, indicating a new customer.

  A rush of pure excitement hit me when I looked up to see Lucas walking toward a booth in the corner. I hadn’t seen him all week. That smile quickly changed into a frown as Lisa hurried in, followed by another girl I knew from school but had done my best to avoid since. The same girl Lucas kissed in the hallway just after he’d asked her to senior prom.

  Rose Greenwood. The president of the Lucas Rivers fan club.

  I had no right to feel angry. I was, after all, the one who shot him down last weekend when he showed up wanting to mend the distance between us. I guess I sorta pushed him in their direction. But that didn’t stop rage from boiling in my gut.

  So I did what I did best: I buried my feelings, put on the tough-girl suit, and walked to their table. From the look on Lucas’s face, he was surprised to see me, but the girls knew I worked here.

  “Hi, Madelyn.” Rose grinned up at me with a gleam in her eyes. In high school, she was the girl the all guys wanted to date, and the girl all the other girls hated. She’d been a bitch then, and she was still a bitch.

  “Rose,” I said as I forced a smile. “What can I get y’all to drink?” I asked as I scanned over the others at the table for the first time. When I looked at Lisa, she offered a gentle smile. She and I had never really had a problem with one another, so I gave her a genuine smile in return. I almost laughed at the look of confusion on Lucas’s face when my eyes met his.

  “Everything okay?” I asked, wondering why he was still so quiet.

  “You work here?” he asked and I nodded. He shot Rose an irritated look as I kept my gaze locked on him.

  “So what would you like to drink?” I asked again, trying to move this entire situation along.

  “I’ll have a bottled water,” Rose said.

  “Sweet tea for me, please,” Lisa said quickly as I jotted both down on my notepad.

  “And for you?” I asked Lucas, finding he was once again staring back at me as if lost in thought.

  “Just a tea also,” he finally replied, and I moved away without a word.

  Busying myself with my back toward the dining area, I jumped in surprise when Luke spoke from behind me. “I ran into Lisa and Rose just down the road.” I didn’t turn around as I continued to fill the cups. “They were coming out of the hair salon and they insisted I join them for something to eat.”

  When I turned to place the drinks on the tray, I noticed the concerned look on his face. “I know what you’re thinking,” he added.

  “Oh do you now?” I arched a brow, intrigued by what he thought he knew. I did like it a little that he felt the need to get up and leave the girls to clarify this with me. I shouldn’t have let it feel satisfying, but I did.

  “Lisa and I are just friends. She works with Shannon, and I’ve hung out with her and Jeb a lot since I’ve been back.” I shrugged and he smiled. Smug bastard. “Rose, well, we all know she’s a whole lot of trouble, and I’m not going there.”

  “You mean again?” I asked, giving him a knowing smirk. Before he could comment, I quickly put back up that wall I’d spent so long building, taking away his chance to respond. “It’s none of my business who you choose to spend your time with. There’s really no need to explain anything to me.” I shrugged as I lifted the tray of drinks and walked past him toward his table.

  Just as I lowered the last drink to the table, he took his seat opposite Lisa and Rose.

  “Have you decided what you’d like to order?” I asked, focusing on the girls and ignoring the quizzical look Luke was giving me.

  After I filled their orders and refreshed their drinks, I disappeared into the back to do my end-of-shift duties. I was grateful when Bernadette, the night shift manager, took over my table. That meant I’d be able to slip out the back door and leave unnoticed.

  I smelled like grease, and I’d long ago started fantasizing about a hot shower. One thing I disliked about my apartment was that it didn’t have a tub, so I had no way to lie in hot water, surrounded by bubbles as I drank a glass of wine or even a bottle of my favorite beer. But I’d gotten used to my showers, so they served the purpose.

  I pressed the button on my key fob to unlock my truck as I walked out the back door of the diner, then came to an abrupt stop. Luke was leaning against my left fender with his arms crossed over his chest and one ankle resting over the other. The bill on his baseball cap was pulled low, darkening his eyes in shadow. The mysterious look that gave him made it impossible for my heart not to react.

  “You thought you’d sneak out unnoticed,” he said with a grin, “but I wasn’t done talking to ya.”

  It was my turn to cross my arms over my chest. I struggled to maintain my cold exterior because to this day he made my heart flutter so fast I felt like it would beat out of my chest. It wasn’t fair; it never had been. He’d always made me feel like a game of tug of war was going on inside me.

  “What is there to talk about, Luke?” I wanted to kick myself when my voice vibrated with uncertainty. “It’s been a long day already,” I added as if that would explain the way I’d sounded.

  “I won’t keep ya. I guess I just hoped you and I could get together sometime.” He pushed off my truck, stepped toward me, then pushed his hands deep into his front pockets as he rocked back on his heels. “Hang out like old times.”

  “It’s not like old times, Luke.”

  “I know.” He ran his palm over his jaw. “But it could be.”

  If only that were true. The way things used to be were fine back then, but not anymore. I wasn’t the same girl, and he was nowhere near the same guy.

  “My life’s full, Luke.” After I said the words, I realized how harsh they sounded. Call me a pushover, but I still wasn’t sure I could manage hurting him. Not intentionally anyway. Because hidden beneath the hurt, I still loved the boy I spent more than half my life dreaming about.

  “It’s just that between school, the farm, and the diner, I don’t have time for much else,” I backtracked.

  “And Deacon,” he said with distaste he tried to hide. He failed miserably.

  Here we stood only a few feet apart, his body planted between me and my truck. The way he watched me, waiting for my response, made all those unsettled feelings swirl inside me. Talking to him about Deacon and me was almost a
s uncomfortable as me thinking of him and Rose together. Or him and anyone together.

  “Deacon and I are lucky to see one another once or twice a week. And usually that’s only because he shows up unannounced at the farm or my place to bitch about us not seeing one another.” Things weren’t serious between him and I, though I knew he wanted them to be, but I’d never given him the same amount of interest in return. If I were honest, I can’t tolerate Deacon for long periods of time. Not without wanting to punch him or worse. He was so selfish and pigheaded. And I liked my privacy. I liked being alone without having anyone in my way.

  “Well then, maybe I’ll randomly show up at your parents’ place, or even your apartment, then.” I knew from the way Luke chuckled that a look of surprise took over my face. Or maybe it was a look of panic. “That bad an idea, huh?”

  It was most definitely a look of panic.

  “I just can’t promise that if you do, I’ll let ya in.”

  A smile tugged at the corner of Luke’s lips, and I felt lighter than I had in what felt like years. It was hard to believe that Lucas and I were actually flirting—at least I think we were flirting.

  “You’ll let me in,” he said confidently as he stepped to the side and allowed me to pass. I shook my head at his cockiness as I opened my door and tossed my bag up into the truck.

  “Whatever you say, Luke,” I said over my shoulder just before climbing inside and closing the door behind me.

  He stood in the same spot, staring up at me with the same cocky smile.

  After I started my truck, I rolled down my window and looked down at him. “Goodbye, Lucas.”

  “Bye, Maddy,” he said as he watched me pull away. And when I looked back in my rearview mirror, he was still standing there, watching my taillights disappear down the road.

  Chapter 9

  LUCAS

  I was up before the sun, feeling energized, motivated, and focused.

  Last night Madelyn’s resistance had slipped just a little, and it gave me hope. I wanted more than anything to be a part of her life again. Whether it be a big part or small, I’d take what I could get. I wasn’t the type of guy who sat around and waited for things I wanted to come to me. I went after them. And this time I was going big.

  Being away for the last four years made it easier to accept that she and I had changed over the years and led two separate lives. But being back home and seeing up close that her life had gone on without me being a part of it was a whole lot harder to face.

  I wanted to be the person who made her smile and laugh. Yes, I wanted what we once had, but I wanted more too. I wanted her to let me in completely. If that meant for now I would have to settle for her friendship alone, then I would, but that didn’t mean I won’t try for more. Last night she let her guard down and flirted with me, and damn what a sight that was.

  It lit a fire in me.

  The look of surprise on Gene’s face when I rolled to a stop just outside his barn made me laugh.

  “You lost, boy?” he asked as he lifted his hat and wiped the sweat from his forehead.

  “Nah,” I replied, climbing off the Raptor, already feeling the ache in my leg from the simple ride over the stretch of land that separated our homes. “Just thought I’d help Maddy out so she can get ahead on her to-do list for the day.”

  “She know?” he asked and I shook my head. “Well this oughta be entertaining,” he said with a chuckle as he held out the shovel to me. “We need to clean the stalls, feed the animals, and I also need to repair the fence along the left side of the property.”

  “I’m here to help, sir,” I assured him as I moved past him toward the end stall.

  I knew he understood what I needed to do. He was a man, after all. I was also well aware of the fact that our parents talked often and knew my regrets about how I’d treated Madelyn. I’d shared those regrets with my father and even my mother over the years. If our fathers hadn’t talked about it over a cup of coffee or two, I was sure our mothers carried on about it whenever they got the chance.

  I just wanted to make things right. I wanted her back in my life, and this was me working toward making that happen. At least I hoped it would.

  The day was hot and long. My knee ached, but I didn’t let it stop me from completing every task Gene threw my way.

  Maryann, Madelyn’s mom, served us lunch and drinks, and we talked about the time I’d been away. On occasion, they’d share one of their memories of Maddy from after I’d left. It was nice to get a little insight on what she’d been doing over the last four years.

  She was going to school to become a physical therapist, which I found interesting, considering my injury. I thought it might be an interesting topic to bring up with her. Who knows, maybe I’d be able to convince her to practice on me.

  I won’t lie. The idea of her hands on me made me feel a little excited.

  “Well, Lucas,” Gene said as we finished up the last of the fence he’d needed to reinforce. “Looks like we’re done a bit early.”

  Which was exactly what I was shooting for, because now Maddy had no chance of talking her way out of spending a little time with me.

  Chapter 10

  MADELYN

  I hurried out of class and toward my truck. I was already running late as the lab ran over by twenty minutes, which didn’t usually happen. With my head down, I dug through my bag in search of my keys.

  I let out a surprised squeal as a pair of arms hooked me around the waist and lifted me, and I gripped the strong set of arms attached to them.

  “Slow down, sweetheart.” Deacon chuckled as he lowered me to the ground. “I just missed my girl and got a little excited.”

  He was in one of his playful moods. I didn’t mind those—in fact, they were what originally attracted me to him. When he was like this, he reminded me of the Lucas I knew when we were younger. I should feel ashamed for trying to find a man who was as much like Luke as possible, but I couldn’t control that need and honestly never tried to.

  When my feet were planted safely on the ground, he still held on to my waist as he smiled brightly. “I know you have to get going, but I just wanted a few minutes with you before you take off.” He offered me that pouty look and I shook my head as I pushed against his chest. “Five minutes,” he whispered and moved in closer, “please.”

  “Three,” I offered, and seemed pleased as he backed away, pulling me toward my truck. There he spun me around and pressed my back against the side as he laid his palm against my cheek.

  “It’s been over a week since I held you,” he whispered before moving in closer and brushing his lips over mine. “I just want a night with you. One night,” he added and kissed me softly.

  I immediately wanted to pull away, but I fought the feeling, allowing the kiss to continue for a moment. I wanted to feel something, anything, even the smallest spark of desire to prove I felt something for him. But there was nothing, not even a twinge of a flutter.

  Guilt filled my stomach as I leaned back, breaking the kiss.

  “I’ve been thinking,” I said as I looked toward his chest, avoiding his eyes. “We do need to talk.”

  “Talking’s good,” he cooed, completely missing my discomfort.

  “Deacon,” I said as I turned my head to the side when he moved in again for a kiss.

  “Tell me how we’re supposed to talk when we never see each other,” he said as he stepped back from me. “You don’t think I’ve picked up on the fact it’s been even harder to get you alone since he came back? The guy who threw you aside like yesterday’s trash strolls back into Alvord and you grow even more distant.”

  “This has nothing to do with him,” I said, but even I didn’t buy my words. “You and I were struggling long before Luke came back.”

  “Yeah, and I’ve tried to fix that.” He stepped in close and took my face in his hands. “Maddy, I know you hold back with me, you always have, but I just want you to let me in. I want a chance with you.”

  I closed m
y eyes, because looking up at him was too hard. I felt like such an asshole. I was well aware that most of our problems were related to my actions and not his. We weren’t right for one another. I just didn’t understand why he couldn’t see that.

  “Before you decide we’re over, give me one more chance to show you that I could be the guy for you if you just let me.” I’d opened my mouth to tell him that no amount of time would convince me of that when he leaned in and kissed me once more. “Please,” he said with his lips against mine. “Please.”

  He stepped back and released me as his eyes widened. “I’m going convince you that I’m that guy for you, Madelyn,” he said confidently. “You just wait and see.”

  He turned and jogged across the parking lot toward his truck as I stared after him, wondering what in the hell had just happened.

  I replayed the brief conversation over and over on the drive to the farm. I still didn’t understand how he could be so oblivious to my lack of eagerness.

  As if the day hadn’t already taken a turn toward crazy, seeing Lucas sitting on the seat of a four-wheeler in my parents’ driveway clinched it. My mother and father stood only a few feet away from him, chatting as if I hadn’t just pulled up. They didn’t even stop when I climbed out of my truck and walked toward them.

  My father leaned against his own beefed-up four-wheeler, twirling the key in his hand. I assumed he and Lucas has just gone for a ride as I stepped up beside my mother and they finally looked at me.

  “You ready to get started with the animals?” I asked as I looked between my father and Luke.

  “Done,” Daddy said with a smile. “This boy’s been here since six a.m.,” he added, pointing toward Lucas. “We did the barn, fed the animals, and took a ride along the fence line to secure the weak points I’ve been wanting to handle for the last week.”

  I arched a brow as I crossed my arms over my chest and looked between the three of them. “So everything is done?” I asked, feeling the familiar flip in my stomach when my eyes locked on Lucas’s.