Whisper Forever

by C. A. Harms

  “But I need you.” He skimmed the tip of his finger along my jaw. “I could have my dream job, and one that includes a whole lot of bonuses, from what they’ve told me about this offer. I could step out on the field every day and be part of what I love, even though I’m not playing.” I nodded as he continued. “But none of it means anything if I lose you to gain it.”

  Yet again, my heart felt as if it shattered in my chest. “You don’t have to lose me. We can make it work,” I told him.

  “How?” He lowered his hand from my face and sat up in bed. The sheet lifted and pulled away from us with the movement, leaving us both exposed.

  “We can visit one another and talk on the phone.” I didn’t want this thing between us to end; I just wanted him to have this opportunity.

  He laughed sarcastically. “Visit,” he said in a distracted tone. “It’s three and half hours, Madelyn, one way. I won’t be able to travel during the season, and you work all the damn time.”

  “We’ll figure it out,” I assured him as I placed my hand on his shoulder.

  “I think we both know that me leaving will not only place a few hundred miles between us, but it will just be the beginning of the end.” He turned his head to look back at me, and his eyes had a shimmering, glassy look to them.

  “Don’t say that,” I said, refusing to turn away even though the sight was destroying me.

  “They say the truth hurts,” he whispered, and what resolve I had left cracked.

  I moved closer, practically crawling into his lap. “We won’t let it,” I said as I buried my face against his neck. “We’ll make it.”

  He wrapped me in his arms and held me tight.

  I don’t know how long we remained in that position. I just knew the sun was now shining brightly through the window, lighting my entire apartment. It was time for me to go to class, but I refused to move. I didn’t want to leave his embrace.

  “Do you really want me to go?” he asked, breaking the long silence.

  “I don’t want you to,” I replied without moving. “But I know that you need to.”

  I heard car doors shutting and the sounds of people’s voices right below my apartment. The hardware store was now open, which indicated it was past nine.

  “Why do I feel like if I leave, I’m saying goodbye? Not just for now but forever,” he asked.

  Forever was my word. Whenever Luke whispered it to me, he meant he would always be by my side. This time, though, it meant the opposite, and I felt like I could barely breathe. I lifted my head and took his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me. “Forever is what we have,” I told him and he closed his eyes. “Damn it, Lucas, listen to me.”

  A few seconds passed before he opened his eyes and again met my gaze.

  “You can’t pass this up,” I told him. “You can’t let me hold you back.” He tried to argue, but I used his tactic from the night before and pressed my lips to his. “I love you, which is why I need you to do this.”

  I rested my forehead to his, and we just breathed each other in.

  “Promise me I won’t lose you,” he finally said. “Promise me that if I take this job, you and I will make it. Tell me that we have a chance. No”—he shook his head before continuing—”tell me this doesn’t stop us from having a future together.”

  “It doesn’t stop us,” I whispered back as he hugged me tight.

  Chapter 31

  LUCAS

  I sat on the gate of my truck, my legs dangling as I stared at the apartment I’d moved into less than a month ago; the place I thought I’d be able to convince Maddy to move into with me. But that chance had now passed. Liam and I had spent the last twenty-four hours packing up my shit and loading a U-Haul. We put some of the smaller things in my truck, like clothes and toiletries, so I’d have them right away when I arrived in Austin.

  I was scheduled to start as the assistant coach of the Longhorns first thing Monday, and I should be happy. Hell, I should be ecstatic, but I couldn’t stop thinking of what I was walking away from.

  When I came back to Alvord a few months ago, I never thought I’d fall in love with Madelyn. I hoped we could have a friendship again, but never in my wildest dreams did I think she’d knock me on my ass and own my heart. Now here I was, leaving her again.

  I heard her truck approach and slow to a stop. The loud hum of her tires was hard to miss. I remained seated on the tailgate, staring ahead, wishing she’d walk up and by some miracle tell me she’d changed her mind and was coming with me to Austin. I didn’t want to face the fact that in a few short hours I’d be on the road and she wouldn’t be within my reach. I wouldn’t wake up with her in my arms or be able to surprise her by showing up at the diner for lunch after my shift ended early.

  “Hey, handsome.”

  I looked to my left, and even though I had expected her to be empty-handed, it still hurt to see her without luggage.

  “Mind if I join you?” She pointed at the empty space beside me and I nodded.

  “Just to warn ya, though, I’ve been sitting here for the last thirty minutes thinking of a way I could kidnap you without pissing you off,” I said, forcing a smile. “I even researched safe medications I could give you to make you fall asleep. I figured it would be easier on me that way, since I still need to baby my shoulder a bit.”

  She pushed against my side as she took a seat next to me, offering a smile.

  “You think I’m joking? Check my browser history.” I held my phone out to her and she looked up at me, her smile fading.

  “I’m coming to visit in two weeks,” she said, placing her hand on my forearm. “I already worked it out with the diner and my dad.”

  “For two days,” I said, pulling her in closer, “then we have to go through the goodbyes all over again.” I know I was making this worse for us both, but this was too fucking hard. “I don’t want to keep feeling this ache.” I held my fist to my chest over the space that now felt empty.

  “What else can we do?” she asked.

  “You could go with me, damn it.” The words fell from my lips harshly. Taking a deep breath, I turned to face her. “You love me, I love you. Why they hell are we choosing to live so far apart? It doesn’t make sense, Maddy. You belong with me. This bullshit about not letting me help you with the financial part of things isn’t a good enough reason to be apart.” She opened her mouth to argue, but I kept going. “You dad would find someone else to help with the farm, and you were eventually gonna quit at the diner one day, so why not now?” I tried to slow my breathing, but I felt crazed; like an addict being forced to go without. “I don’t wanna go,” I said as I slid off the tailgate onto my feet.

  “Lucas,” she said, but I stood with my back to her and my head hung low. “Look at me,” she whispered, and I couldn’t deny her.

  I turned around, and just seeing her face made the anger I felt only seconds ago dissipate. I moved toward her and wrapper my arms around her middle as I laid my head in her lap. She placed her hand on my head and gently combed her fingers through my hair.

  “We’re gonna be okay,” she assured me, but all I could focus on was her touch. I didn’t want anything to distract me from the way having her in my arms felt. I knew I would crave her touch on many nights, and I would need to fall back on memories like this.

  “We’ll talk every day,” I finally said as I continued to hold her.

  “Yes, every day,” she assured me.

  “Every chance we get, we’ll see one another, even if it’s just overnight.” Nothing I was telling her was a suggestion; it was just how things would be. I lifted my head and she nodded in agreement. “You’ll also think about coming to Austin more.”

  She looked away from me, but I reached up and took her chin in my hand. “Luke,” she whispered.

  “Tell me you’ll think about it,” I insisted. “Tell me you’re gonna miss me and that each night without me is gonna prove to you that you belong with me.”

  Her eyes filled with tears, an
d I know I should have stopped, but I couldn’t. “Tell me,” I pushed. Her eyes fluttered shut and her lip trembled. “I need you with me, Madelyn. I’ve never needed anything more.”

  I was breaking, and judging by the tears running down her cheeks, she was too. When she didn’t answer I pressed a kiss to her lips and slowly stepped back. “I don’t know how I’m gonna do this,” I confessed, feeling weak and shattered.

  She jumped down off the truck and stepped toward me, wrapping her arms around me and hugging me close. I did the same, kissing the top of her head and breathing in her scent.

  “Forever, Maddy,” I whispered, and she shook against me.

  It was cruel, I know, but I needed her to feel the same ache I did. I needed to know she was as willing to make this work as I was. She’d always be mine.

  “Forever,” she whispered back as her tears soaked into my shirt.

  This was our goodbye.

  Chapter 32

  MADELYN

  The first night without Luke was hell. I couldn’t sleep, so I watched really bad late-night television. When that didn’t work I cleaned my apartment, tried to study, and used up half my data plan on my phone playing dumb games I usually avoid.

  By 1:00 a.m. I was a mess and did what any desperate girl would do. I called Luke and made him stay on the phone with me until I fell asleep, and in the morning I woke to the sound of him saying my name. No, it was nothing close to waking up in his arms, but it got me through the night.

  Now here I was a week later and I still hadn’t learned to cope with his absence. Everything reminded me of him. It was even worse than when he left for college, because even though I loved him then, I wasn’t in love with him. I hadn’t experienced what it felt like to be Luke’s, and now I truly knew what I was missing.

  Shannon and Lisa were concerned and so was my momma, but I just kept saying I was alright. But I was nowhere near alright; I wasn’t even okay. I was miserable and lonely and sad. I missed him so much it literally hurt.

  I tried to sound happy and excited when Lucas would call, because he didn’t need to know that I was anything but. He loved his job and the people he worked with, and he loved the players. He spent so many nights rambling on about them, and about the highlights from when he used to play. To them he was a great addition to the team, and I had to agree. Luke was where he belonged.

  I won’t lie, though. It was hard to hear how well his life was going when mine felt as if it was crumbling around me.

  It had only been a little over a week since Luke left and I was walking out of Lowe’s Market with my eyes focused on my truck just up ahead. I was in a hurry due to the fact that Luke would be calling soon. I didn’t want to get stuck talking to someone and miss his call.

  The last thing I ever expected was to run into Deacon with Rose Greenwood on his arm. I thought maybe I could slip away unnoticed, and I’d almost made it to my truck when Rose called out to me.

  “Madelyn, is that you?” I’d always hated her nasal tone. It sounded like someone was pinching her nostrils together.

  “Yep,” I said, waving at her quickly as I continued toward my truck.

  “Wait up,” she hollered, and I had half a mind to ignore her, but the bitch walked up right behind my truck. I’ll admit the thought of running her over crossed my mind. “I just wanna make sure there’s no hard feelings.”

  I turned around just as Deacon stepped up behind her and curled his hand around her waist, pulling her back against him. She giggled, and he moaned as he whispered something in her ear, but his eyes were locked on mine the entire time.

  “This wasn’t planned,” Rose added as she pushed herself back against him. My stomach rolled a bit, but not because she had anything I wanted. I just didn’t want to witness whatever it was they were attempting to do to one another. It was nasty; they were nasty.

  “Deacon and I were just hanging out one night and one thing led to another,” she added, reaching behind her, and again he moaned.

  “Yeah, great.” I opened my truck door and placed my bag in the seat. “No hard feelings whatsoever here. You two look great together,” I said sarcastically.

  I climbed up into my truck and moved the bag to the passenger seat. Just before I closed the door, Deacon finally spoke. “Looks like lover boy left you once again.”

  Rose giggled and I wanted so badly to snap at him that what Luke and I have is worth more than they deserved to know. But I wouldn’t let them get to me.

  “No, he didn’t leave,” I offered with a smile. “He’s just in Austin getting things ready so there’s less to do when I get there too.”

  The surprised look on Rose’s face was great, but the irritation in Deacon’s features was the greatest.

  “Y’all have a nice night now. I gotta get home before Luke calls to tell me all about our place and the things he has planned for us.”

  That was catty and immature of me, but it felt so damn good.

  ***

  “Show me,” Luke said as he leaned in closer to the camera. “I wanna see what you’re wearing.”

  Heat rose in my cheeks as I stood up tall and did a complete circle in front of the computer, showing him my backside too. He let out a loud whistle as I turned to face the screen again. “Those are nice,” he said as I sat back down. “Does your bra match?” he asked before he licked his lower lip.

  “Maybe,” I teased as I lifted my shirt just enough to show him my stomach. His eyes followed my movements, looking hopeful.

  “A little higher,” he said with a smirk, and I smiled in return.

  “What are you gonna show me?” I teased.

  “I’ll show you anything you want, babe,” he said as he whipped his shirt over his head so fast that for a moment, I thought his laptop had fallen off the desk. “Now yours,” he said, waving his hand in an upward motion, making me laugh.

  It felt good to laugh. Lately I hadn’t been doing much of it.

  Slowly, tauntingly, I lifted my shirt up and over my head, then tossed it to the floor beside me.

  “Fuck me,” he whispered. I wasn’t sure he meant for me to hear that, but I did, loud and clear. His hand disappeared beneath the view the camera gave me, and a groan fell from his lips, giving me all the reassurance I needed to know what he was doing. “Do you remember when I went to Austin?”

  “Yeah,” I said as I adjusted my breasts on purpose.

  “Remember when I said we’d have to just experience phone sex?”

  I looked up to see his gaze focused on my hands as I pushed my boobs upward. “Yes,” I whispered.

  “I think we should do it this way, on the camera.” He lifted his gaze and met mine once more. “I wanna watch you touch yourself.”

  The idea of it sent a rush of desire through me. I’d never thought of doing that, but with Lucas I could see myself trying.

  “Should I move my laptop to the bed?” I asked, loving that lustful look in his eyes.

  “Yeah,” he insisted, “move to the bed and place the computer far enough away that I can see all of you.”

  I stood and did what he asked, my heart racing with the idea of what I was about to do. This was so out of the box for me, because I never once thought something like this would be appealing. But with Luke it was exciting.

  I sat the computer on the bed and ditched my bra and panties. Slowly crawling onto the mattress, I positioned my body before the camera and hid my smile when he let out a few choice words.

  “You’re killing me, Mad,” he stated. “I wanna touch you so damn bad. I wanna feel how your body is trembling, because I know it is.”

  I nodded in agreement as I slid my palm over my stomach.

  “I wanna be the one sliding my hand over your body, feeling you move your hips against my fingers as I slip my hands between your legs, feeling how wet you are.”

  Oh, he was good at this.

  “Touch yourself, sweet girl,” he coached me, and I followed his direction. “Part your legs, Maddy. I wanna see you.�
��

  “Oh my God,” I moaned as I slid my finger over myself.

  “That’s my girl,” he cooed. “Keep going, baby. Imagine it’s my hand touching you. Show me how you want me to touch you.”

  I was lost in his words, lost in the way he made me feel simply with the tone of his voice. Each time he moaned as he directed me, I grew closer to release.

  “Unbelievable,” he groaned as my legs shook. “Keep going, sweetheart. Don’t stop.”

  I wanted to look at the screen, because I knew from the raspy tone of his voice that he had to be touching himself, but I was so lost. My heart raced, my hips bucked, and my back arched as the orgasm hit me hard. I faintly heard him groan out his own release, but my body was too weak to respond.

  When I finally looked at the screen, I found him slouched back in his chair, grinning.

  “That was so hot,” he said before taking a deep breath.

  I pulled the sheet over me and covered my face with it. “I can’t believe I just did that,” I said, suddenly embarrassed.

  “It’s because you love me,” he added, and I lowered the sheet, looking at him once more.

  “Yeah, I do,” I replied, only making his smile grow bigger.

  “We falling asleep together tonight?” he asked.

  “Yes.” I nodded as I repositioned my elbow beneath my head and turned sideways. “Take me to bed with you, please.” I yawned, moving my computer in closer.

  “Okay, baby,” he said. “Just let me clean up and I’ll be right back.”

  I hid my smile at the words clean up. I’d needed what we’d done tonight. I felt like he and I were so far away from one another, and not just in miles. I needed the intimacy only he could give me, and what we’d just shared may not have been the exact thing I craved, but it was as close as I could get for now.

  Chapter 33

  LUCAS

  I’d been counting down the days until Madelyn arrived in Austin. I know it was only for the weekend, but it couldn’t come soon enough. I missed her so much, even more than I thought possible. My days were filled with meetings and then practices, but at night it was the worst.