Goal Keeper_A Pearson Players novel

by Sarah Nego

  I opened my eyes to find Ryan staring at me. His eyes held concern, but also something else. He wanted to dance with me. Hell, of course, he did. He’d gotten dressed up, found a place that taught dance lessons, and driven us an hour outside of town to get there. He wouldn’t have gone through all that trouble if he thought we’d spend the night sitting at our little table watching everyone else dance.

  “I could kill one of us, and chances are high I could wipe out and take us both down.” I swallowed and wiped a sweaty hand on my dress.

  Ryan laughed and pulled me closer to him. He bent down and whispered in my ear. “Trust me. I’ll be holding you so tight there’s no way you could fall.”

  I nodded and let Christina lead us to the middle of the floor. She moved our arms and shoulders until we were positioned how she wanted.

  “The steps are super easy. You can say it with me. One, two, cha cha cha.” She stood next to me, holding her arms up as if she was dancing with an invisible partner. Our instructor rocked forward on her right foot and then brought it back to her left before taking three tiny steps without actually moving anywhere.

  “That doesn’t look too bad,” I said, trying to inject some confidence into my voice.

  Ryan squeezed my hand. “I told you.”

  “Now you repeat the same move backward with your left foot.” She rocked backward, shifting her weight. “One, two, cha cha cha. Now you do it.”

  Ryan gripped my waist and carefully guided us as we duplicated the footwork. We were slow and clunky, but somehow managed to complete something close to what she’d shown us.

  “Good,” she said, dancing next to me with her invisible partner. “Now pick up the pace a bit and put your hips into it. The cha-cha should be sexy.”

  There was absolutely nothing sexy about what I was doing. It felt like I had a five-second delay between my brain and my feet. Ryan’s hand guiding my waist was the only thing keeping me moving in the right direction. He picked up speed, and I struggled to keep up with him. I hated this.

  But Ryan looked like he was in heaven. His head bobbed in time to the music, and his body moved in sensual waves like our instructor. “See, Lucinda. This is easy.”

  “Sure,” I mumbled, still trying to keep the one-two-cha-cha-cha rhythm running through my head.

  “Oh.” Christina switched places with her non-existent partner so she was dancing next to Ryan. “You’re a natural. I can tell you’re feeling the music in your hips.”

  This lady needed to beat it. It was bad enough I was out there looking like a baby giraffe that hadn’t figured out what legs were for. I didn’t need her making me look worse and complimenting Ryan’s hips.

  “Okay, I think we’re good,” I said between a clenched smile. “Thank you.”

  She smiled at me, and I’d swear I could see the judgment in her eyes. You don’t belong here. This is a place for people who know how to have fun. Who live life to the fullest. People like me. Like Ryan. Not you.

  “One last move to finish the dance.” She lifted her hand above her head like someone was holding it there and completed a perfect spin on the cha-cha-cha.

  Dear Lord in heaven. Hadn’t this woman seen that I was barely capable of the one, two. Let alone turning around.

  “Now your turn.”

  “Oh, no. I—”

  Ryan lifted his hand holding mine and guided my waist into the start of a spin. But it took the mandatory five seconds for my legs to get the message from my brain that this was happening. My arms and hips moved one way, and my legs went another. I tried to catch up to his movement, but Ryan had stepped forward, and my feet had nowhere to go.

  I heard the damage before I hit the floor. The heel of my shoe slid across the shiny dance floor, and my ankle took an alternate route. The crack of my ankle hitting the ground sounded like a firing cannon inside my head. My hip touched down next, making a muffled noise like a bowling ball being dropped on to a feather pillow. Soft hands caught my head before it thwacked against the ground, but my brain still rattled around my head, still screaming at my legs to move faster.

  In a single heartbeat, the noise stopped and the pain started. Fiery tendrils radiated up from my foot along the inside of my calf, and my hip throbbed in time to the cha-cha beat still playing through the room.

  My brain stopped screaming at my legs and took stock of the pain coursing through me. I didn’t need a doctor to tell me what had happened. The pain was identical to what I’d felt last spring when an argument had led to an accident, which led to a broken ankle.

  The pain reached my head, and my thoughts went dark.

  Thirty-Five

  Ryan

  Friday

  I screamed into the ER parking lot and threw the GTO into park before jumping out and racing over to Luci’s door. My head was a mess trying to figure out what to say or do. She hadn’t said a word since we left the dance club, and I’d spent the hour drive back into town kicking myself for dragging her out there. The problem with tiny Texas towns was that they were big on charm and low on emergency facilities. The closest place with the ability to evaluate Luci’s ankle was back in Pearson.

  Luci let me help her out of the car and didn’t say a word when I scooped her up and carried her into the emergency room. The silence was killing me. At least if she yelled, I’d know what she was thinking, and I could start apologizing for being the worst boyfriend ever. But she didn’t yell. She didn’t even cry. Her face was blank as if I she’d completely shut down.

  She continued to sit silently as I signed us in and explained what had happened to the nurse.

  “Ryan?”

  I turned away from the admissions desk to find Joe, the head trainer at Pearson.

  “Joe, thank god.” I grabbed his arm and hauled him over to where Luci was sitting on one of the plastic waiting room chairs. “Luci hurt her ankle.”

  Joe bent down in front of her and ran feather light fingers around her swollen ankle. “Luci, what happened?”

  Luci finally looked up, and the pain in her eyes nearly killed me. “It’s broken.”

  Her voice was quiet, like a scared child, but there wasn’t any doubt in her voice. She was absolutely certain that the worst thing had happened. And it was all my fault.

  “Okay, let’s get you back for an X-ray and see what we’re working with.” He snagged a wheelchair from the corner, and together we got Luci transferred over. “Ryan, you wait here and call Coach Taylor. His number is in here.” He tossed me his phone and rolled Luci farther into the hospital.

  My hands were shaking as I scrolled through Joe’s phone and found a number for Luci’s coach.

  He answered on the first ring. “Hey, Joe, what’s up?”

  I swallowed down the bile threatening to erupt from my gut. “Coach Taylor, this is Ryan VanKamp. I just brought Luci Ryder to the hospital. She hurt her ankle.”

  A beat of silence stretched between us.

  “I’ll be right there.” He hung up before I could say another word.

  Not that I had anything else to say. This was completely my fault. Luci hadn’t wanted to go dancing in the first place, but she agreed to because I promised it would be fun. She was against the heels Erin had lent her, but I’d sided with Erin and told Luci she couldn’t dance in sneakers. She told me she couldn’t dance and would get hurt, and I’d ignored her and practically forced her to let Christina teach us some moves.

  I might as well have taken a crow bar to her ankle. And if it was broken, then that was the end of Luci’s season. I didn’t think Coach would kick her off the team, but if he had to go find another starting goalie for next year, her scholarship money could get reduced or even cut entirely. The school only had so much it was allowed to give out, and Coach Taylor couldn’t waste it on girls who physically couldn’t play.

  And that had been Luci’s concern from day one. How many times had she told me how important her scholarship was? Hell, the girl had a color-coded schedule designed specifically to keep he
r on track and make sure her scholarships weren’t at risk. She did everything she was supposed to do, and agreeing to go out with me could be the one mistake that ruined everything.

  The doors of the ER whooshed open, and Coach Taylor marched in.

  “Ryan, where is she?”

  I stood up and tried to wipe the guilty look off my face.

  “Joe still has her in the back.”

  Coach ran a hand through his thinning hair and cursed under his breath. “What happened?”

  I sank back down into my chair, and Coach sat next to me.

  “It was my fault. I took her dancing over in Sonora, and she twisted her ankle and fell.”

  Coach screwed his mouth up. “Why were you all the way over in Sonora?”

  I pressed my lips together. It wasn’t my business to tell Coach Taylor what was going on with his team, but Luci was my business. Or at least, I hoped she still way if she could forgive me for tonight. “Did you hear about Vanessa’s new rule this year?”

  “What rule?” Coach leaned back, crossed his arms, and narrowed his eyes.

  Shit. He was pissed before I even said a word. “She told the team they couldn’t hang out with or date anyone from the guys’ soccer team. I took Luci to Sonora so Vanessa wouldn’t know that we’re seeing each other.”

  Coach Taylor cursed under his breath again. “Katee Gray. She told me her class schedule was too busy to play this year. That’s not why she quit, is it?”

  I shook my head. “Katee is dating John Avery. I heard Vanessa punished her with hill squats for so long she puked.”

  “Son of a bitch,” Coach said, drawing glances from a few of the other people sitting in the waiting room.

  Joe came out of the back room and saved me from having to go into any more detail about Vanessa.

  Coach Taylor was up in a heartbeat, walking over to Joe and shaking his hand. “What am I looking at?”

  Joe shook his head. “I got the X-rays back. She’s got a small lateral malleolus fracture. It’s still aligned, so we should be able to avoid surgery if she stays off it. But she’s definitely out for the rest of the season.”

  “Dammit,” Coach muttered. “What are we looking at for long-term damage?”

  “She looks good. As long as she keeps all weight off that leg and eases back in to activity once it’s healed, I don’t see any reason why she can’t play next season.”

  “Well, that’s the best news I’ve heard all night.” Coach gave me a look that said volumes about the conversation we’d had.

  “Can I see her?” I asked, already walking toward the door.

  Joe grabbed my arm and held me back. “She’s out. Between the late hour and the pain meds we’ve got her on, I’m guessing she’ll sleep the rest of the night. We’ll keep her here and get a cast on first thing in the morning. You should head home. I’m sure Luci will call you when she wakes up.”

  That wasn’t really good enough. Joe said she would be okay, but I needed to see her. To tell her how sorry I was about everything. I needed to take care of her and make sure she got the rest she needed to heal so this wasn’t the end of everything.

  I glanced at the door again, and Coach Taylor put an arm around my shoulder. “Come on, Ryan. Let’s get out of here and let the doctors take care of her.”

  He steered me to the exit, and all I could do was look over my shoulder at the door that stood between me and Luci. I had a sinking feeling in my gut that I was walking away from more than a ruined evening.

  Thirty-Six

  Luci

  Tuesday

  Spanish

  European History

  Sunday and Monday had been awful. Between the pain in my ankle, getting the cast that sealed the end of my first season of soccer, and learning to navigate the campus and my dorm on crutches, my week was a complete shit show. But Tuesday morning was the moment I’d been dreading the most. After a full forty-eight hours of ignoring Ryan’s texts and phone calls, I was forced to see him in Spanish class.

  I waited until the last possible second to hobble into the classroom. He was there already, staring at the door. I ignored him and grabbed a seat in the front row seconds before Professor Ramirez walked in. My phone buzzed in my pocket. I didn’t have to look at the screen to know it would be Ryan texting me. I pulled out my books and dropped my phone into the bottom of my bag. There was no way I could talk to him yet. Who knew when or if I could?

  Professor Ramirez launched into his lecture, but I couldn’t keep up with him. Not when I could feel Ryan’s stare on the back of my head.

  I’d have to talk to him eventually, and if I was being honest with myself, I wanted to talk to him. I missed him. The problem was I didn’t know what to say. My ankle wasn’t his fault. I was big enough to admit that. But I couldn’t ignore the fact that if I hadn’t been with him, I wouldn’t have a cast strapped to my leg for the next four weeks. He didn’t cause the accident, but staying away from him could have prevented it.

  That had been the plan. Stay away from guys and focus on school. I’d even been a little relieved when Vanessa had first announced her no-dating rule.

  Vanessa was the one bright spot in this disaster of a week. Coach found out about her rule and how she’d treated me and Katee. With only a few games left, he kicked her off the team. Leanne took over, and practice the previous day had been like a fresh start. Everyone had played better than ever. Except me. Because I was stuck watching from the bench instead of on the field where I belonged.

  There was a rustling around the classroom, and I looked up to find everyone putting their books away. I glanced down at my notebook and groaned silently. I hadn’t taken a single note in class and had no idea what had been covered. Good thing I had an open spot usually reserved for cardio training because I had some extra studying to do that night.

  Professor Ramirez handed a stack of papers to a girl in the front row. “Good work on your group assignments. Everyone should spend this week brushing up on chapters three through eight for our next exam. See you Thursday.”

  The stack of papers got to Ryan first, and he thumbed through them, grabbing ours and handing them to the guy behind him. I packed up my empty notebook and got my backpack on so I could manage my crutches. By the time I was ready to go, Ryan was standing by my desk.

  “Can you please talk to me?” he asked, his brown eyes filled with the hurt I was putting there.

  “What did we get on our assignment?”

  He pulled his hands behind his back. “I’ll show you, but you have to talk to me first.”

  “Never mind. I’ll just look online when I get back to my room.”

  “Luci.”

  I paused. There was so much emotion packed into my name. Hurt, regret, fear, desperation. It was all packed into two little syllables. I let out a sigh. “Fine. There are some benches outside the building.”

  Ryan tried to help me, but I waved him off and hobbled out of the room and down the hallway to the main entrance. I couldn’t let him touch me. If I felt those large but gentle hands on my skin, I’d lose the ability to hold him back. And I had to keep my distance. My heart was dying, but my brain knew what was best.

  I got to the benches and sat down, setting my backpack on the bench so Ryan had to sit on the other side. A safe distance between us. As if anything between us had ever been safe.

  Ryan perched on the other end of the bench, and we sat in silence for a minute.

  “I heard Coach booted Vanessa.”

  I nodded. News would have spread fast that the teams could finally hang out again. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone wasn’t already planning a massive party to celebrate.

  “Luci, I’m so sorry about your ankle.”

  I held up my hand and stopped him from going on. “You don’t need to apologize. It’s not your fault that I tripped. It could have happened anywhere.”

  “But it didn’t.” Ryan reached over but stopped himself from grabbing my hand. “It happened when you were on a date wi
th me, doing something you didn’t want to do.”

  A lump formed in my throat. He wasn’t wrong, and that was the problem. How could I resolve this need to hold him close and tell him it was okay while at the same time my gut told me staying with him was only asking for more trouble?

  “I’m not sure how to make this better,” he said, staring out at the students walking around having normal days that weren’t ripping them apart from the inside out.

  “I…” My throat closed up. Logic told me I needed to end things with Ryan. It was the smart choice. The safe choice. The one that would make my dreams a little easier to reach. But I didn’t want to quit him. “What did we get on our assignment?”

  Ryan pulled the rolled up paper out of his bag and handed it to me. A red B was written across the top, and my chest felt like it collapsed in on itself.

  I could tell myself all day that my ankle was an accident, and it wasn’t anyone’s fault. But I couldn’t say the same thing about our Spanish grade. It wasn’t Ryan’s fault. It was mine. I let myself get distracted by him. I stayed up late texting him instead of studying and getting enough sleep. And I called our project good enough so I could dedicate more minutes to kissing him.

  There wasn’t any way to lie to myself and pretend that staying with Ryan would work out. Not with the evidence mounting up that being with him would slowly chip away at my dreams. I might as well have stayed with my ex and gone to State. The end result would have been the same.

  “I don’t think we can make this better.”

  Ryan grabbed my hand and squeezed. “It’s one grade, Luci. One grade isn’t going to make or break your GPA.”

  I pulled my hand away and thrust our paper back at him. “It isn’t just one grade.” I pulled my backpack on and grabbed my crutches. “I can’t see you anymore.”

  “No, that’s dumb. You can’t give up on us over one little grade.”

  I spun toward him, anger replacing the sadness in seconds. “One little grade. Maybe that’s all this is to you. Why would you care when you’re only here to get a degree in a major you never wanted anyway? So why not just do whatever and hope for the best? But that’s not what I’m doing here. This isn’t some fun experiment to party with my friends and spin out four years so I can graduate and get some job I loathe because I didn’t have the guts to admit what I actually wanted to do with my life.”