STOCKINGS AND CELLULITE

by Debbie Viggiano

  ‘I beg your par-?’

  ‘And what was he doing here the other day in my house sitting on my patio drinking out of my glasses eating off my plates with my SODDING FAMILY?’ Stevie bellowed.

  ‘Oh give me a SODDING BREAK,’ I bawled back. ‘For starters Stevie this is my house now and who I invite into it is nothing to do with you.’

  ‘It bloody well is where my children are concerned,’ Stevie jutted his chin out. ‘You know nothing Cass. You’re just a silly little woman with your head up your arse. If you want to cheapen yourself with other men then that’s up to you, but don’t involve my children,’ he took a step forward and thrust his face into mine, ‘DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND?’

  ‘I can’t believe I’m hearing this. What about you?’ my voice cracked. ‘Did you ever stop to think about the impact your love life was having on Livvy and Toby? In the space of a few short months they’ve seen you bed hop from Cynthia Castle to Charlotte and now Simone.’

  ‘They haven’t met Simone. She’s not into children.’

  ‘No I don’t suppose she is. I expect grandchildren are more her scene,’ I replied scathingly.

  ‘Don’t be a bitch Cass, it doesn’t suit you.’

  Frustrated and furious, words failed me. There were so many things I wanted to vocally lob back at Stevie but instead I found myself incapable of verbalising it.

  ‘We’ve been down this path before,’ I eventually said.

  ‘Oh no we haven’t,’ Stevie’s eyes narrowed, ‘not where my children are concerned.’

  ‘They’re my children too you know. And I have a damn sight more regard for their emotional welfare regarding relationships than you will ever have.’

  ‘Oh so it’s a relationship is it?’ Stevie pounced. ‘You and Plod are an item are you?’

  I hesitated. Part of me wanted to scream yes, yes, yes but I wanted to discuss things with Livvy and Toby first, not Stevie.

  ‘It’s early days,’ I said dismissively.

  ‘Well just make sure that whatever happens between you and this bozo, you keep the kids firmly out of the equation. Got it?’

  With that Stevie stalked out of the house slamming the front door so hard the letterbox flap fell off its hinges.

  How dare he speak to me like I was some sort of good time girl when it was as plain as the nose on his face that he was the one who behaved like a promiscuous tart?

  The anger stayed with me until gone bedtime. I finally fell asleep a little before dawn. I awoke exhausted, the tangle of bedclothes bearing testament to the night I’d had.

  ‘Kids?’ I foghorned from my bedroom. ‘Can you come here for a moment please?’

  ‘No, I’m looking for my riding crop,’ Livvy’s muffled voice floated up from the depths of the shoe cupboard.

  ‘I’ll help you find it in a minute,’ I shouted back.

  The pair of them finally appeared, Toby shambling in with odd socks on and Livvy clearly impatient to be off.

  ‘Guys!’ I beamed at them.

  They cast doubtful glances at each other. I rarely called them guys.

  ‘Sit down,’ I patted the bed. ‘I want to have a chat with the two of you about, well, something delicate.’

  ‘Oh Mum if this is to discuss the birds and the bees we already know everything.’

  ‘It’s about Jamie. And me.’

  ‘You want to tell us you’re dating,’ Toby gave me a bored look.

  ‘Well, yes but-’

  ‘And that you’ve fallen in love,’ added Livvy.

  ‘How-?’

  ‘It was obvious to all of us,’ Toby continued.

  ‘Good heavens,’ I stared at them both, utterly pole-axed. ‘And, er, how do you feel about it?’

  Toby shrugged. ‘We like him, don’t we Liv?’

  ‘Yeah. He’s pretty cool, especially being a policeman and everything. Can we go now?’

  ‘No, this is extremely important.’

  I focussed my attention on Toby.

  ‘It’s not that long ago you gave me a lot of grief simply for being friends with Matt.’

  ‘Jamie’s different.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘He just is. He’s a bit like having another Dad I s’pose.’

  ‘But he’s not your Dad Toby.’

  ‘No I know that, and nobody can replace my real Dad. I’m just saying that I don’t mind having Jamie around. Does this mean the two of you will now be having sexual intercourse?’

  My mouth dropped open.

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous Toby,’ Livvy interrupted, ‘Mummy and Jamie are far too old for that sort of thing.’

  Naturally I brought Jamie up to date on my talk with the twins adding that it had been Stevie’s ranting remarks that had prompted the conversation.

  ‘I think it might be a good idea for the two of us to see Stevie together for a frank chat. That way he can address any issues and concerns directly to me. I’m not on duty tomorrow evening so ask him if we can have a bit of a get together.’

  ‘Are you kidding?’

  ‘Why would I be kidding?’

  ‘Er, no reason. Right, I’ll do that.’

  ‘Good.’

  I didn’t summon the courage to ring Stevie until quite late. He was curt to the extreme.

  ‘Would you be available for a chat tomorrow evening only there’s some-’

  ‘Come over at seven,’ Stevie snapped.

  ‘Okay. I’ll be bringing-’

  But the line had gone dead. Terrific.

  The following evening Nell kindly stepped into the breach to mind Liv and Toby for half an hour or so. With mounting apprehension, I nervously walked alongside Jamie to Stevie’s house.

  ‘When you mentioned your ex-husband lived nearby Cassie, I didn’t realise it was the very same road.’

  ‘It’s a bit of a story,’ I muttered.

  Jamie stepped up to the doorbell. He squeezed my hand reassuringly. ‘Ready?’

  ‘No.’

  The door was answered almost immediately by an elegant brunette who I’d have judged to be in her mid forties. Seconds later the penny dropped with a clang. Goodness, this must be Simone. She certainly looked exceptionally well preserved. Perhaps she’d had a bit of nip and tuck?

  ‘Yes?’

  I scrutinised her taut jawline. Hm. Hard to say with that hair curling under her chin.

  A second later Stevie erupted into the hallway, hastily trying to usher the woman away.

  ‘Simone darling,’ he was saying, ‘I’m so sorry but I completely forgot the children’s mother wanted to-’

  The words died on his lips as he took in Jamie’s presence.

  ‘Why don’t you both come in,’ he invited stiffly.

  Simone smiled graciously and led the way into the lounge. An echo of fresh paint hung about the place.

  ‘It’s lovely to meet you,’ Simone dimpled, her husky tones bearing testament to a long relationship with cigarettes. ‘I’ve heard a little about the children and they sound delightful.’

  ‘Ha ha,’ I laughed, nerves making me sound like a braying donkey. ‘Jolly good!’

  Jamie gave me a discreet glance, his expression clearly saying settle down. I collapsed weakly into one of the leather sofas and flung an arm across its length in an attempt to appear relaxed. Unfortunately my timing was off and I inadvertently whacked Simone in the face as she made to sit down beside me.

  ‘Oh God I’m so sorry!’

  ‘Couldn’t matter less,’ she assured pressing a lace handkerchief to a streaming eyeball.

  ‘Would anybody like a drink?’ Stevie glared furiously at me, ‘or will you not be staying long?’ he added pointedly.

  Jamie answered for both of us. ‘A drink would be very nice. Thank you.’

  Looking extremely put out, Stevie opened a trendy chiller cabinet in the corner of the room. A heavy silence ensued. I sat squirming uncomfortably while a reluctant cork slowly squeaked its way out of a bottle. Wearing a pained expression, my ex loaded a tray
with glasses.

  ‘So!’ I chirruped into the insufferably tense atmosphere causing Stevie to nearly drop the tray and Simone to visibly jump. ‘Stevie mentioned you’re a marine biologist Simone. How absolutely fascinating!’

  ‘Yes,’ she smiled delightedly, before taking a glass from the tray Stevie was handing around, ‘and a very keen one at that. Does the subject interest you at all?’

  ‘Oh absolutely,’ I nodded catching sight of Jamie’s incredulous face.

  Simone wriggled happily within the depths of the sofa. ‘How marvellous! So many people haven’t a clue.’

  ‘No!’

  Jamie rolled his eyes.

  ‘Oh but it’s true,’ Simone confided. ‘When I discuss my work with people and tell them how fascinating it is to study the marine environment with all its rich beauty and complexity, so often I’m rewarded with blank faces.’

  I instantly contrived my features to look unblank.

  ‘Do tell me about some of your work.’

  ‘Certainly my dear,’ she beamed delightedly. ‘What is it you want to specifically know?’

  ‘What about, um, what about what about what about,’ I gabbled sounding like Jimmy Saville on speed, ‘the watery bit!’

  ‘Absolutely,’ Simone laughed happily. ‘After all it’s the,’ she posted quotation marks in the air, ‘watery bit that covers three quarters of the Earth’s surface,’ she twinkled at me, ‘and yet – shockingly – we are more acquainted with the surface of Mars!’

  ‘Oh yes Mars! I just love the corrugated chocolatey bit,’ I smacked my lips appreciatively.

  ‘Ooh you are funny,’ Simone giggled.

  Hell. She meant the planet Mars. Not the sweet.

  ‘Ha ha, just joking!’ I brayed.

  Jamie appeared to be intently studying his fingernails.

  ‘Well now, in the not so distant past our beautiful oceans were seen as both an inexhaustible resource and a bottomless sink for our wastes. Yet the increasing and combined pressures of overpopulation and pollution have dangerously threatened our natural environment, which means there is an increasing need for scientists who can understand how it all works, monitor how it affects us and, in turn, how we are affecting it. And this monitoring ranges from global warming right through to the tiniest plankton and from small local issues to vast global concerns. We now know that the marine environment is inextricably linked to our lives and indeed to our future survival.’

  ‘Amazing.’ Were we still speaking English?

  ‘It takes a multi-disciplinary approach to explore and understand the marine environment. One needs to know about marine ecosystems, pollution, coastal navigation and oceanography.’

  ‘Ah yes, oceanography,’ I nodded sagely.

  ‘Do you actually know what that is Cass?’ Stevie asked sarcastically.

  Bastard.

  ‘Yes of course,’ I spluttered. ‘Oceanography is…well it’s like geography but…of the ocean.’

  Simone clapped her hands gleefully. ‘But my dear! I’d be more than happy to show you around my harbourside marine laboratory. I’m currently doing project work and I’d love to show you what’s planned for a trip to Belize later this year. I’m going to be heading up a team studying tropical marine environments. Why don’t you join us?’

  ‘I’m afraid that simply isn’t possible Simone darling,’ Stevie smoothly interrupted. ‘Cass is far too busy as a mover and shaker around the high-powered world of sparring solicitors and barristers in court room dramas.’

  Stevie’s mocking tone completely by-passed Simone.

  ‘How terribly interesting,’ she smiled. ‘A bit of a legal beagle are you?’

  ‘She is,’ Jamie interrupted. ‘But first and foremost Cassie is a mother. And an absolutely brilliant one too.’

  ‘Now that’s an area where I totally lack qualification,’ Simone inclined her head graciously towards me in defeat. She seemed completely unaware of the multi-stranded undercurrents running through the gathering.

  ‘And it’s actually the mothering and – indeed – the fathering side of things that both Cassie and I were hoping to discuss with you tonight Stevie.’

  I gulped.

  ‘The fathering side? What exactly are you talking about?’ Stevie glared at Jamie.

  Simone finally registered the sour atmosphere and stood up.

  ‘I think this is a suitable moment to powder my nose,’ she tactfully excused herself.

  Stevie waited until Simone’s tread on the staircase had receded and a distant door firmly closed.

  ‘What exactly is this all about?’ his eyes glittered dangerously.

  ‘I’d have thought it obvious given the conversation you had with Cassie earlier this week,’ Jamie replied mildly. ‘You indicated a wish to be consulted before any man had anything to do with your children. Therefore I’m here to discuss Livvy and Toby.’

  ‘You leave my children out of it,’ warned Stevie. ‘They’re absolutely nothing to do with you.’

  ‘Oh but they are – through circumstance. I have a son and daughter myself so I know and understand where your feelings are coming from, but hope you’ll agree it’s important we try and get along. It would be a shame to let your personal feelings impact upon Livvy and Toby. Especially when they become my stepdaughter and step-son.’

  ‘Your what?’ Stevie’s eyes bulged like a frog’s, his mouth opening and closing like a goldfish.

  I almost called Simone back down to investigate.

  In the circumstances I thought Jamie handled Stevie brilliantly, but inadvertently the twins’ father now knew ahead of the children that Jamie and I planned to marry one day.

  Stevie telephoned the following morning demanding to speak with the twins on the matter. Thankfully both children were at the stables.

  ‘I’m warning you now Cass, if you do anything to change my kids’s family structure, you will bitterly live to regret it.’

  ‘Don’t you threaten me Stevie,’ I warned. ‘It’s a pity you didn’t think more about family structure when you were chasing other women and bonking for Britain.’

  But he’d hung up.

  ‘I think,’ said Jamie during our usual late night telephone conversation, ‘that it’s now imperative we talk to all the children. The sooner the better.’

  ‘Okay,’ I anxiously twiddled a strand of hair.

  ‘How about all of us having this weekend together – preferably at my place. I don’t fancy Stevie bashing the door down and creating a scene if he sees my car on your drive overnight.’

  ‘Can you fit us all in?’ I asked tucking the cordless phone into my shoulder and letting my other hand have a twiddle too.

  ‘No problem. Petra and Jonas both have pull-outs under their beds, so the girls can gossip all night and the boys can play computer games. You and I, of course, will be in my double bed.’

  ‘Together,’ I added, fingers twiddling fretfully.

  ‘Together.’

  ‘In front of the kids,’ I pointed out, twiddling faster.

  ‘In front of the kids. Don’t worry so Cassie. Goodnight my love.’

  ‘Goodnight.’

  It took me several minutes to free my hair from the handset.

  Chapter Sixteen

  In due course my collection of Liv and Toby from the stables was timed to coincide with Jamie retrieving Petra and Jonas.

  As the car bumped along the dirt track to the stables I caught sight of Jamie parked up ahead and getting out of his car. I tooted my horn and drew up alongside.

  ‘Let’s leave the kids for another ten minutes,’ Jamie suggested as I locked up the car. ‘Matt’s asked us to join him for a quick drink.’

  ‘Okay, that’s nice.’

  ‘You’re even nicer,’ he lowered his head and kissed my lips.

  Naturally Morag was at the house. I left Matt and Jamie chatting on the terrace and sought her out.

  ‘Have you moved in?’ I grinned as she poured cold shandies for everybody.

&
nbsp; ‘I’m still to’ing and fro’ing – but not for much longer. Can you keep a secret?’ she glanced furtively about.

  ‘Go on.’

  She hastened over to the kitchen door and quietly closed it.

  ‘I’m not meant to say anything yet Cass, but I can’t help it. Guess what? Go on guess!’

  ‘Gosh I don’t know. You’re up the duff?’

  ‘Not yet but that’s on the cards. Go on. One more guess!’ she hugged herself in excited anticipation.

  ‘I give up.’

  ‘Matt’s asked me to marry him,’ she squeaked happily, ‘and I’ve said yes!’

  ‘Oh Morag, that’s wonderful news!’ I hugged her warmly, no easy task with two barrage balloons in the way. ‘I just know you’re both going to be deliriously happy together because you’re so right for one another. But why all the secrecy?’

  ‘Well it’s only for a few more days, just until Matt has told all the children. He wants them to be the first to know.’

  Ah yes. I could certainly identify with that. I held back from confiding my own news on the marital subject. I didn’t want to eclipse her moment.

  Livvy and Toby were most surprised when, later, we followed Jamie’s car to his house rather than going home.

  ‘What’s occurring?’ asked Livvy.

  ‘Oh nothing much. Just a sleepover,’ I announced airily. ‘Jamie and I thought it would be rather fun.’

  ‘But we haven’t packed our stuff,’ said Livvy.

  ‘I popped a few things in an overnight bag earlier on. It’s all in the boot.’

  ‘Cool,’ said Toby. ‘So what time will you pick us up tomorrow?’

  ‘Er, well actually I thought I’d join in. Grown ups like a bit of fun too you know,’ I smiled.

  ‘You’re having a sleepover too?’ Livvy frowned.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘What – with Jamie?’

  ‘With Jamie,’ I nodded.

  ‘But where will you sleep?’ asked Toby.

  Oh for goodness sake.

  ‘W-e-ll, we’ll sort that out when we get there.’