A Long Way Home

by Becky Doughty

  I nodded and gave Mom a watery smile when she lifted her hand to pat my cheek.

  “Excuse me. I’m sorry to interrupt.” A nurse I didn’t recognize pushed open the door, and my ears perked up. “There’s a young man out here who really wants to see his mommy,” she said, smiling gently at me. I could hear Killian’s sobs from where I sat. I jumped up, pushing my chair back, and then froze, my eyes wide as I looked at Dad for help. Mom.

  “I’ll talk to Mom,” he said, standing too and giving me a quick hug. “You take that little man home with you and get some rest. Tomorrow will come soon enough for all of us.”

  I squeezed Mom’s hand. “I love you, Mom.” And then I hurried from the room.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  Killian had been so good all day, and I’d completely forgotten about his teeth coming in; there were two of them pushing through at the back on either side of his bottom gums. Poor Jordan looked at his wit’s end, and I wondered how long he’d tolerated it before he’d finally asked the nurse to get me. The front of his shirt was wet with Killian’s tears and slobber, and my little guy could barely breathe around his stuffed-up nose and the fingers he had shoved in his mouth. He practically fell into my arms and buried his slimy face against my neck.

  “I’m sorry,” I said to Jordan, and to everyone else who stood around, looking on with understanding smiles.

  “Two-year molars, hm?” asked the nurse who’d fetched me. She patted Killian’s back and turned consoling eyes on Jordan. “You’re a good daddy. Very patient. These can be tough years.”

  I felt the blush wash over me and opened my mouth to correct her, but Jordan cut in with a smooth reply. “Tough years, but worth every minute.” He put a hand on my back. “But there’s no one like Mommy, is there?”

  Kathy—I read her name tag—nodded in agreement. “No one like Mommy. That’s right.”

  I pressed my burning cheek to Killian’s. “You ready to go home, baby?” He nodded and whimpered.

  Jordan thanked the nurse for her help and led me down the hall, his hand still on my back, his fingers splayed protectively. “I’m sorry we made you cut your visit short. We waited as long as we could.”

  I shook my head, still not looking up at him. “It was fine. In fact, it was perfect. I didn’t need to stay as long as I thought I did.” We stopped in front of the elevators. I closed my eyes and sighed, Killian’s sob-hiccups bumping against my heartstrings. “Don’t ever feel like you can’t come find me,” I said.

  The words hung in the air between us, and I listened to them reverberate in the silence. The doors of the elevator swished open, and we stepped inside. Killian didn’t even raise his head and he loved riding in elevators. The doors shut behind us, and the elevator jerked into motion.

  “I’ll always come find you.” He said it quietly, almost to himself, but in the closeness of the elevator, his words surrounded me like a warm blanket. Even Killian stopped his little noises for a few moments, as though he, too, were relishing in the sound of Jordan’s promise of protection.

  The ride home was tough. Killian wanted to sit on my lap, and he raged at being strapped into the car seat, so I sat in the back with him, my arm bent at an uncomfortable angle so I could put it around him. Digging around in my purse, I found a tube of mascara that was big enough he wouldn’t choke on it and gave it to him to chew on. It helped a little, but I had no idea what I was going to do once I got home. I seriously doubted Mom had Children’s Tylenol in her medicine cabinet, and I’d forgotten the teething toy in the freezer when we made our mad dash out of camp last night.

  “I’ll call Mom as soon as we pull in,” Jordan said, as if reading my mind. “She’ll know what to do.”

  Sure enough, within minutes, Stella was pushing through the front door with a small plastic bin under one arm and a basket packed with food in the other. “Thought you might be ready for dinner soon, and I doubt anyone here has even thought about cooking.” She glanced around the living room where Killian sat burrowed into my side, still gnawing on my tube of mascara. “I just talked to Tish. She called to tell me she and Sebastian were going to a movie, but wanted to know if you three would like to join them. She assured me it was kid-friendly—one of the Disney remakes. I told her you were probably out of circulation tonight with your little guy, but that I’d extend the invitation anyway.”

  “Oh. Well, thank you, but I’d better pass. I’m really tired, too, and bed sounds like a good plan for both of us. You should ask Jordan, though.” I was sure they were just being polite, but Killian had never been to a movie theater. He’d seen movies on the tiny television we had in our trailer, and a few on larger TVs at places we stayed in between seasons, but not on the big screen with surround sound. And I didn’t know if a night showing, regardless of the rating, would be a good thing for him. Especially if he was cranky already.

  “Where is Jordan? I thought he was here with you.”

  “He’s in Sebastian’s room, borrowing a shirt. Killian slimed all over his.” I grinned, remembering the look on his face when he informed me that it wasn’t just slobber. “Jordan said his little nose was running, too. A lot.”

  Stella laughed out loud. “Poor Jordy. Okay.” She set the basket of food on the kitchen counter before joining us on the couch with the bin in her hand. She pressed the back of her hand to Killian’s forehead, and then his neck. “Poor Killian, too,” she murmured. “I have something for you, little man.” She held up a gadget that looked like it was once a pacifier, but where there should have been a nipple, there was a mesh bag with a chunk of frozen fruit in it. “This is a piece of peach, but if you don’t like that, I also brought over one with cantaloupe and one with a strawberry.” She looked up at me, and I nodded. Killian loved just about every kind of fruit I’d ever put in front of him. He took it from her with relish and shoved it in his mouth. His eyes closed in relief at the numbing cold against his angry gums. “I also brought some extra pieces to keep in your freezer for the next day or two, but good news, kiddo.” I wasn’t sure if she was talking to Killian or me now. “It shouldn’t last more than a day or two. Once those teeth are through, it’s blue skies again.”

  She headed into the kitchen, talking over her shoulder as she went. “There’s Tylenol in the basket, too. If he keeps waking up because of the pain, or if he gets a fever, go ahead and dose him. Otherwise, I’m not a huge advocate of medicating a kid if we don’t have to. The frozen treats seem to give just as much relief as the pharmaceuticals do, and they’re more fun, too.” She tucked the bin of fruit into the freezer and unpacked the basket of food. “Meatloaf sandwiches on hoagie rolls and some creamy potato soup. I made it last night, but it’s one of those dishes that’s better the next day. I grated some cheese to sprinkle on top, too.” She stuck something up on the fridge with a magnet and added, “These are all the different ways you can get ahold of anyone in our family, including Marilyn. It’s a list of our cell phone and house phone numbers, just in case, okay?”

  Jordan emerged in a baggy T-shirt, and I covered my grin with my hand. I knew Sebastian was a big guy, but seeing Jordan in one of his shirts made me think of Killian running around in one of mine. He’s so cute. I looked away just in case he could read my thoughts.

  It took some convincing, but I practically pushed Jordan out the door to join his sister and her boyfriend at the movies. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to have this time alone in my old home. With Sebastian gone, I had the freedom to poke my head in all the rooms, all the closets and cupboards—yes, even Sebastian’s closets and cupboards—and breathe in the air of home. I’d probably get a little overwhelmed and sentimental, so knowing I had a good two hours before anyone showed up, I wanted to get started.

  As soon as the Ransomes were gone, we dug into Stella’s delicious fare. Killian ate some of the soup, but he wasn’t very hungry, and he was content to gnaw on the frozen strawberry while I had my fill and then put the leftovers away. Upstairs, I got him ready for be
d and tucked him in between my pale blue sheets, Pinky Panda under his head. He fussed and fidgeted, so I climbed in next to him. Turning onto his side, he scooted back against me, releasing a shaky sigh of contentment as I curled around him.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  I awoke the next morning to a knock on my bedroom door. Killian was still sound asleep beside me. “Savannah?” It was Tish. I rubbed my eyes and peered around the room, and then at the clock on the table beside the bed. 7:30 in the morning, as evidenced by the sunlight filtering through the branches of the sycamore outside my window. I’d fallen asleep and missed the chance to snoop around in my past.

  I sat up carefully, not wanting to disturb Killian, who felt a little feverish to me again. Hurrying to the door, I opened it. “Hey.”

  “Sorry to wake you. I just wanted to see what your plans were for the day—see if you needed a ride. Jordan doesn’t teach until a little later—ten, I think—and of course, he can pick you up then, but if you wanted to go earlier, Sebastian is leaving shortly, and I’m heading out in about an hour. The hospital is sort of on the way for any of us.”

  “Oh. Well, can you give me a minute and let me call my dad really quickly?” I ran my fingers through my hair, tugging the messy strands into a loose knot at the nape of my neck.

  I ended up not going to the hospital at all that day. Dad said Mom had another rough night and was exhausted. Although he didn’t tell me not to come, he did make a point to say she needed her rest. I wondered if perhaps she didn’t want to see me—that the shock of learning about Killian was more than she could handle right now. I had to be okay with that. It wasn’t her fault she’d found out this way.

  “What if I stay home and do some things around here to get the place ready for her to come home? I can read up on taking care of people with halo braces if you’ll give me access to your computer in your office. That way, Killian can chill around here for a day and work on getting those molars cut. He’s been working on them for three days now, so we’re probably through the worst of it already.”

  After Tish and Sebastian left, I spent the day doing what I’d wanted to do last night. Dragging Killian along on my adventure, I nosed into everything in the house. In my parents’ closet, Killian tried on Dad’s shiny church shoes and Mom’s peekaboo-toe high heels while I burrowed into their hanging clothes, breathing in the faint notes of Dad’s nondescript aftershave, and the sharper citrus blend of Mom’s Cool Water perfume. Dad and I had carefully selected that particular one out of all the fragrances at Sephora’s for Mother’s Day the year I was six, and she’d loved it, making it her signature scent. I cried at the overwhelming relief I felt from knowing she still wore it.

  We poked our head into Sebastian’s room, but that was all. I might have done more last night, especially without Killian on my heels, but in the light of day, I chickened out. Dad’s office looked almost exactly the same as it did when I left. On his desk, however, was the last picture I remember him taking of me. I was sitting in the opening of my fairy boat, looking like I’d just swallowed a mouthful of sunshine and happy thoughts. It was the day before Jordan came home that summer, and I was bursting with anticipation.

  It was like looking at a stranger.

  After I loaded up another chunk of frozen fruit in one of the mesh pacifier things Stella had brought over last night, we headed out to the front yard. I wanted to introduce Killian to my tree.

  My boy was no stranger to trees and the outdoors, and I had no qualms about boosting him the few feet to the first low branch where he braced his feet on either side like a little monkey. Dad and I had carefully pruned the sycamore so the branches grew close together, but in alternating heights so it was easy to climb. We didn’t go more than a few feet higher than the lowest branch, but I made Killian stop where I could still lift him down if he needed help. I helped him settle his backside into the crotch of a branch and perched next to him, and we sat there eating our fruit; him, his frozen mango and me, a shiny Gala apple I’d found in the fridge. Killian jabbered away around his treat, and I admonished myself for forgetting a washcloth to clean him up.

  “Oh well, wild child. You’re going to just have to be sticky until we climb down.”

  “Hey, you two!” It was Jordan coming up the walk, a bright smile on his face. He ducked beneath the branches and peered up at us. “Feeling better, Killer?”

  Killian thrust the treat out toward Jordan to show him, splattering all three of us with mango juice and drool.

  “Ew! Gross!” I grabbed his wrist to keep him from waving it around anymore, but now he was laughing, having discovered a new game. I looked over to see that Jordan had stepped back and was wiping at his face with both hands. “Killian.” I giggled. “You got yucky stuff all over Jordan.”

  Killian snickered and blew a raspberry with his lips, splattering me again. I laughed out loud; what else could I do? Now we all needed a washcloth.

  Jordan bravely offered to keep a hand on Killian’s back while he scampered down the tree as though he’d been born in it, and I followed behind, relishing in the familiar scaly texture of the bark beneath my grip. I’m home, tree!

  We cleaned up inside and chatted for a few minutes before Jordan left. “I have to go change my shirt again because of you, buddy.” He ruffled Killian’s hair. Turning back to me, he added, “I’m working until six this evening. Tish and Sebastian usually get home around that time on Mondays, too, and they said they’d pick up dinner if you’re okay with us converging on you here tonight. Hope you like Chinese food.”

  “That sounds good,” I agreed. “I’ll make some sun tea, too. I found Mom’s tea bag stash today. Right where it’s always been.”

  “Perfect. We’ll see you this evening.” He started to leave, and then turned back around. “Hey, Savannah? If you need anything, my dad is working at home today so you just call him, okay? I saw Mom left you our list of numbers, so don’t be afraid to use it. Or you can call me and I’ll come running…”

  “Please don’t sing again.” I laughed, but I promised him I’d call if I needed anything at all.

  While Killian napped, I let Pete in to keep me company, and I got online to research everything I could find—and stomach—on halo care. I watched a halo being put on a woman while she was awake and almost lost my lunch, and I cried as I watched a pretty young teenager have hers taken off after wearing it for three months. Three months! I read up on how to keep the screw sites clean—they referred to them as pins, but I’d seen them screw those puppies in—how to clean under the sheepskin-lined vest without taking it off, how to wash and dry a person’s hair, and even how to change clothes around one. Strapless bras, dresses, and tube tops were the apparel of the hour with halo wearers, and for those more modest, topped off with a big, button-up shirt. Mom was going to freak out.

  Pete followed me around the house while I picked up all the throw rugs so she wouldn’t trip, moved her favorite chair so that she could sit with the television straight in front of her—she couldn’t turn her head at all—and pulled all the extra pillows from the linen closet and piled them on her side of the bed. I’d wait until she got home to arrange them, but according to every YouTube video I watched, pillows were the key to comfort, whether sitting or lying down. It almost seemed like Pete was checking my work, and I found myself discussing everything I did with him. He had the best eyes I’d ever seen on a dog.

  The more I researched, the more I realized that my parents needed me here. At least for the first several weeks, Mom would need someone to help her do everything, and I meant everything. As much as Dad loved her, and as much as she trusted him to keep loving her, if I knew her at all, I was sure she’d rather have me in the bathroom until she figured things out, rather than him. “There’s something sexy about a woman who keeps her bathroom activities a mystery to her husband,” she used to say to me. I couldn’t count the times I wished for more privacy at camp.

  What was I going to tell Marek? How could I convince him to let
me stay for several weeks? Surely if I just explained about Mom, about everything I’d learned today, he’d understand. He may not like it, but he’d have to agree it was what I should do.

  I listened intently for any sounds of Killian stirring upstairs. When I was certain all was quiet, I called Marek again, carefully blocking the Caller ID. My hands were shaking as I held the handset to my ear. I was fairly certain Marek didn’t have anything planned for today—at least, he hadn’t informed me of anything on the schedule—so when he didn’t pick up, I opted not to leave a message. Taking a deep breath, I dialed my phone, the one Marek had now, remembering to block the house number.

  The words Marek roared into the phone were so vile that I jerked the handset away from my ear and stared at it. Even from an arm’s length away, I could hear the foul things he was yelling—he assumed I was Jordan responding to one of his calls. I pushed the “End Call” button and slid down the wall to sit on the floor. Staring at the silent phone, I waited for it to spontaneously combust in my hand after the flare of obscenities that had scorched my ears.

  Marek was not going to understand anything.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  I locked everything down after my phone call to Marek, his rage so potent it had me unsettled and jumpy the rest of the afternoon. Thankfully, Killian had awakened in a good mood and was content to play indoors with the dog and me. I’d uncovered my Fisher Price dollhouse in the back of my closet, complete with what furniture had survived my childhood, and two shoeboxes full of Loving Family dolls of all shapes, sizes, and colors. I thought it was perfect for Killian, who’d grown up with the Faire folk as his own family. They were surely as varied and oddly coiffed as my old toys. He loved it. Even though I didn’t understand half of what he said, I caught the name Pella, Sasha, and Jack, among others I knew from camp.