A Long Way Home

by Becky Doughty

  I felt completely off-balance without him holding me up, and I stumbled a little, grabbing for the doorframe close by. I brought a hand up to touch my lips, certain they bore some kind of mark, or evidence of what had just passed between us.

  “You are beautiful, Savah. I want to dance with you again.” His tone told me he was leaving the word dance open to interpretation. “Call me. Any time. For any reason. You and I, we have a connection.” He pressed two fingers to my right temple, and then to his, and then laid one hand over his heart, and the other over mine. “If your heart races anything like mine…” He let the sentence go unfinished.

  I just nodded, having no clue how to respond to his aggressive seduction. Everything about him was so different from everything about Jordan.

  Jordan. I suddenly missed him fiercely.

  “I must go. I have another dance.” Marek slid his hand up to cup my cheek. “Until we see each other again.” And with that, he turned and walked purposefully toward the back of the stage, not turning back to look at me.

  I stood there for a few more moments, completely floored by what had just happened to me. Then I pressed my palms to my burning cheeks and ducked out from behind the curtain, slipping around the audience to join my friends where they waited at the rear of the crowd.

  I didn’t look back at the stage as we left.

  CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

  I made the decision to stop drinking after my encounter with Marek, having determined that he was playing his part as a Gypsy King well, and I was playing my part as a drunken wench a little too well. I bought a Toad-in-the-Hole sandwich, and Jenny showed me where I could fill my tankard with water from a cooler inside the Friends of Faire Members Only Garden.

  I enjoyed myself thoroughly, taking in the various wonders that presumably made up the Renaissance period. The actors and performers were amazing, the singing groups with their wild and irreverent and oft times raunchy lyrics had me hooting and laughing along with the rest of the crowds, and the joust was as glorious as I could have imagined. I actually crossed paths with the queen herself and got to offer a satisfyingly steady curtsy. I might have toppled over had I tried to curtsy earlier in the day.

  I made sure we didn’t pass the Gypsy stage the rest of the afternoon, and no one seemed to notice.

  As the clock pushed five, the crowds started to thin, but we were determined to stay until the bitter end and absorb as much Faire air as humanly possible while we could. Besides, Jenny had agreed to be our designated driver, but I was sure I’d seen her drinking here and there.

  So when Crystal returned from yet another drink run with the news we’d been invited to join her guy, Jeremy, and his friends for dinner, I thought it was probably the best option. I didn’t want to get in a car with Jenny behind the wheel right now, but with some food in her stomach and a couple cups of strong coffee, she might be okay. The others agreed, and Crystal giddily clapped her hands.

  We had to exit the Faire with the rest of the attenders, so we arranged to wait for Jeremy and his friends over by the edge of the lake. Flopping down on the grass, I breathed deeply and closed my eyes, appreciating the early evening breeze that swept in off the water.

  “That was pretty cool,” Brooke murmured, talking to no one in particular from where she sat beside me. She had her skirts hitched up above her knees and was flapping the hems slowly. “Aerating,” she explained when she saw me watching her. “These layers are brutal.”

  It was starting to get dark when, true to his word, Jeremy showed up with a good-sized group. “Ah! Our own dear ladies-in-waiting!” he exclaimed, his British accent endearing. “And now we are off to dinner-in-waiting!”

  To our surprise and delight, instead of heading out to a restaurant to eat, we wound up at the jam-packed campsite where many of the vendors and performers stayed for the duration of the Faire. We sat around a huge bonfire with several different groups of people who brought their contributions to the potluck-style meal. The evening was relaxing and filled with laughter and chatter.

  Marek and his Gypsies were there, but he must have gotten the hint when I didn’t return to his show, because although he greeted me with a warm smile and kissed the back of my hand in a very dashing manner, he didn’t linger around us. I was both relieved and the tiniest bit disappointed. Being so close to him again had me reliving the way it had felt to move with him, against him… like lovers. And as much as I hated to admit it, I liked how I’d felt in his arms. Up until he wouldn’t stop kissing me.

  But I didn’t let my thoughts linger there.

  I found a boulder to lean against and sat with my back to it, soaking in the afterglow of the day. The night sky spread velvet above me was shot through with sparkling diamonds, and even though it wasn’t very late, I was starting to feel like I’d actually traveled four hundred years and back again. Glancing over to where I’d last seen Crystal, I was only slightly surprised to find her and Jeremy’s seats taken by someone I didn’t recognize. I wondered if Jenny had seen Crystal leave, but when I looked around, I didn’t see her, either. Brooke, I noted, was sound asleep in a lawn chair, and someone had draped a lightweight blanket over her shoulders. There were a few small kids still running around, but things were definitely winding down for the night; I knew they all had an early morning ahead of them.

  “Here. You look like you could use one of these.” A bottle of Mike’s Hard Lemonade appeared in front of me, and I looked up to find Scott, or Sean, or maybe Stan?—one of Jeremy’s friends, smiling down at me. I got the feeling he’d been assigned to me for the night, because even though there weren’t any sparks between us, it seemed he was always close by, making sure I wasn’t wanting for anything.

  “Thanks, but I think I’m done drinking for the day. I had a little too much earlier today, and we have a long drive home.” I tried to hand it back to him after he dropped to the ground beside me, but he pushed it back.

  “Don’t let the ‘hard’ fool you. It’s about the same alcohol content as a light beer. Drink it slowly.” I took a delicate sip, and he laughed. “That’ll last you all night at that rate. Just don’t let it get warm. It loses its novelty then.”

  We sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, watching the fire, the people shuffling and rotating, the crowd thinning until there were only a few of us left. The drink was good, and I drank it faster than I’d intended. The chilled glass bottle felt wonderful pressed to my neck. I’d put on copious amounts of sunblock, but I could tell by the heat of my skin and the sensitivity of my eyelids and nose that I’d gotten too much sun.

  “Do you know where Crystal and Jenny might be?” My words came out slow and heavy, every syllable an effort. I was ready to go home.

  “I saw Crystal leave with Jeremy almost an hour ago, but I have no idea about your other friend.” The guy bumped my knee with his, the sudden nudge making me feel a little off-balance. “If they’re not back soon, I’ll help you hunt them down, okay? They’re here somewhere, I promise.”

  CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

  Present day…

  “I remember staring into the fire and thinking the flames reminded me of that scene in the Narnia movie, the one where Tumnus plays the pipe for Lucy Pevensie and creatures start dancing in the fire.” I lifted my eyes to Jim where he sat across the coffee table watching me, listening intently to me tell my story. “I was so tired, you know. After only a few hours of sleep the night before, followed by a day of too much to drink and too much sun? And then a full stomach? And of course, top it off with a lot of guilt and shame, and I just couldn’t keep my eyes open. Scott or Stan or whatever his name was, offered to find me somewhere I could crash for a few hours. Honestly, that sounded great to me. You know how it is when you’re all done in. You just crash. And I assumed that’s what had happened to Jenny and Crystal.”

  Jim closed his eyes, took a long breath in, and held it. I paused, waiting for him to release it. Finally, he opened his eyes and blew it out with puffed cheeks. I continued wi
th my story.

  “I remember the guy helped me up… no, wait. Maybe it was Marek?” I closed my eyes and wracked my brain to remember the details of a night I’d tried so hard to forget. “No, it was the Hard Lemonade guy. He helped me up and I remember saying how tired I was, how I just wanted to lie down and go to sleep. I could barely stay upright; he had to help me… walk. If I remember right, he took me to a bed or a sofa. I also remember Marek, though. I remember him walking with me, and then… I can remember him… on top of me. I don’t know if he forced me or not, but I was so tired, it was like I was… drugged…” I brought my hand up to cover my mouth as a sudden, unnerving, but very clear thought burst onto my radar. When I snapped my gaze back to Jim’s, I could see it there, too.

  “Have you ever heard of date rape drugs, Savannah?” His question only confirmed my worst fears. “The bottle he handed you. Was it already open?”

  I nodded, my tongue having lost the ability to form words.

  “It’s got all the signs and symptoms,” Stella agreed. “What else do you remember?”

  I shook my head, my mind blown. I conjured up as much as I could possibly recall, growing more and more sickened by what I was discovering about that night.

  “Take your time, sweetie,” she said, patting my hand.

  I took a few stomach-settling breaths and began again. “I’m not remembering much else. There might have been—oh.” I shuddered in revulsion as bits and pieces of that night came back to me. “There might have been another guy. I keep remembering this face, but I don’t know who he was.” I swallowed hard, fighting the urge to flee the room. I had to get through this. “When I woke up, it was almost three o’clock in the morning, and my head hurt something fierce. I just figured it was my first hangover, but when I opened my eyes, I realized it was a whole day and night of firsts.” My voice tightened in resentment and shame. “Most of my clothes were still on, but my bodice was unlaced and my underwear was gone.” I stopped caring that Jordan’s dad was hearing all the sordid details of how I lost my virginity. It almost felt good to get it off my chest, to come clean of the whole mess. Let him tell Jordan I wasn’t good enough for him. Between Mr. Ransome and Tish, Jordan should get the message loud and clear. “There was blood on my thighs, on my skirts, and I was sore and shaky. Weak. It was the worst feeling in the world.”

  Stella sniffled. I’d made her cry again.

  “Marek was lying beside me. He was on his stomach, but I knew it was him, even in the dark. He has really unique hair.” Hair that looked nothing like Killian’s. “I snuck out as quietly as I could. After stumbling around a bit through the campsites, I found the fire pit where we’d had the bonfire. Brooke and Crystal were there, both of them scared out of their minds for Jenny and me. Crystal helped me straighten my clothes. She didn’t ask what had happened, and I didn’t ask her where she’d gone, either. We were stranded until we could find Jenny—she had the car keys on her. We finally found her asleep in her car. She freaked out a little when we got in, but none of us said much, and it was a very quiet ride back to Crystal’s house. We all showered and went to bed. I claimed to be sick that next morning and ditched church for the first time ever. Ha. Another first for Savannah Clark.”

  Stella wiped at the tears overflowing the corners of her eyes and picked up where I left off. “So you didn’t think you could tell anyone because no one knew you’d gone in the first place. You didn’t report the crime. You just hoped it would go away—that maybe you’d forget the few memories you did have, right?”

  I shrugged noncommittally. “None of us ever talked about it again, and we weren’t in the same small group over the summer, so we just kind of avoided each other. I don’t even know if Jenny and Crystal ever went back. I haven’t seen them in the years I’ve been performing.”

  She pressed on. “What about when you started dating Jordan? Did you already know you were pregnant? You would have been about six weeks along, right?” She frowned a little, clearly not liking the idea.

  “Actually, the thought didn’t even cross my mind that I might be pregnant. I’d always had irregular periods, so a missed one now and then wasn’t a red flag to me. All I cared about was that Jordan would still be able to see me. I was so sure I’d changed as much on the outside as I had on the inside, but when he came to me—” My voice cracked, but I swallowed hard and started again. “When he came over that first day he was back, the way he looked at me?”

  Jim nodded. “I remember the way he looked at you back then. Scared me spitless.” He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. “He still looks at you that way, Savannah.”

  “I know,” I whispered. “But he doesn’t know me anymore. He doesn’t see the real me. Not what I’ve become.” I pointed to the phone Stella had laid on the coffee table almost an hour ago. “He still sees the seventeen-year-old girl he fell in love with.” Their silence translated into agreement to me.

  “So when did you know you were pregnant?” Stella asked, going back to the story.

  “Remember how sick I was that Fourth of July? A week later, when I wasn’t any better, it finally dawned on me that I’d just missed my second period in a row.” I shook my head as I recalled that day and how everything changed for me. “I waited two more weeks, just in case, before I took a pregnancy test, but I already knew.”

  “And Marek? How did you get in touch with him?”

  “I had Marek’s number. He agreed to take me in if I would agree to… well, to be his partner. I was already pregnant with his baby, so it seemed silly not to let him… not to sleep with him. Especially if he would take care of the baby and me if I did.”

  “And now it appears that Killian is quite likely not his child.” Jim’s voice came out deep and somber, a little startling after listening to my softer, higher voice for so long. “Which means, he has nothing to hold over your head.”

  “But you said it’s only hearsay,” I began.

  “Listen to me, Savannah.” Jim sat forward again, and I cringed. Did the guy have an extra-grippy backside that kept him from sliding right off onto the floor? “We have no documentation, no evidence of any of the long list of crimes this guy has committed against you. Almost every one of them, he could turn against you in some way or another. Even the confrontation my wife overheard has its limits, but at least it’s evidence he’s kind of out of control.

  “However, the fact that Killian has no records anywhere, the fact that you and he were in Marek’s care during and after his birth, we’ve got a strong place to begin.”

  “How do you know all this?” I asked. The question had been hovering at the back of my mind since we started talking.

  “I don’t know it all. But I have a good friend at church that does family law and he gave me a quick crash course on what kind of stuff we can unravel in court. Once there are children involved, it gets a lot more cut and dried, and I honestly think you’ve got a really strong case against this guy, one that may put him behind bars for a very long time.”

  I frowned, suddenly unsure of the direction this was going. “Wait. If Marek goes to jail, what happens to Marek and the Gypsies? They all depend on him to keep them working. He’s the one who arranges everything.”

  “Including date rape and imprisonment of under-aged girls?” Mama Bear Stella was unsheathing her claws. “Perhaps they’ll have to find a new Gypsy King, Savannah. You don’t think he’ll just let you go without finding someone else to take your place, do you? The way he did with you after he dumped that poor girl up North?”

  “I told him I was eighteen, Stella, that I was legal. He didn’t know I was underage.”

  “He didn’t know the girl up North was underage either, honey,” Jim contributed. “She said the same thing—that she told him she was nineteen.”

  “So that makes it okay, then?” Stella wasn’t calming down. “Because he thought they were adults? Don’t be silly, Jim.”

  “I’m not. But because Savannah didn’t report the rape, the underage s
ex is simply hearsay unless we can prove Killian is his son. Ideally, if we could do a DNA test, it would prove he was a) Killian’s father and a rapist, or b) not Killian’s father and has no claim on the boy or Savannah. But because he’d lose either way, it’s not likely he’d agree to hand over any kind of tissue sample.”

  I bit my lip hard, using pain to motivate me. I had to be brave for Killian, even if it meant turning myself inside out in front of these people who would never look at me the same way again. “I have… I have—” I clenched my fist and dipped my head toward my purse where it sat on the floor near the end of the sofa. “I don’t know why I kept them. But…” I took another deep breath and let the words come out with the air. “In a bag in my purse. My underwear. It has…”

  Stella pulled me close again. “Shhh. That’s enough, honey. That’s enough. You’re so brave. So brave. We’re so proud of you.”

  CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

  I ended up eating dinner with just Killian in one of the unused boys’ bedrooms in the Ransome home. I couldn’t bear sitting around that table acting as if everything were all right. It wasn’t all right. I wasn’t all right.

  But now that Jim and Stella had stepped in, things might be all right someday. Even sequestered away in this room, I no longer felt alone. A tiny seed of hope had taken root inside of me. I studied my son, searching his features for any trace of Marek. I found none.

  We were sitting on the floor on a towel in the middle of the room, eating pizza and tater tots. It was apparently the go-to meal when Tish had to cook. I could hear muffled conversation through the bedroom door in between Killian’s long-winded discussion of the days’ events. I was so glad he didn’t expect much more than a nod and an exclamation every now and then. I was probably missing out on some vital bonding time, but I was completely wrung out and unable to pretend with him, either.