Suicide Mission (Guarded Secrets Series Book 1)

by Sara Schoen

  “Hello, Demon,” I said coolly as he glanced over my person and saw the blood sticking to my clothes and hands.

  “What happened to you?” he asked in shock as his eyes locked onto my blood stained clothing. “Is that your blood or someone else's?”

  “It's both, but mostly someone else's I think, but Demon I had to do it! He was going to—”

  “What happened here? Sara, you were never ordered to kill anyone. This could mean the end for you. Even being thrown out of the agency wouldn't be punishment enough,” he yelled, interrupting me before I could explain that I had to protect myself or I wouldn't be here right now for him to scream at. “I can't believe you! You ran off and sent someone from the cartel straight to us. How could you do that? She said she saved you and in return you saved her by giving her a place to go. You could have been sending her to kill us without even realizing it. You have to be more careful, you can't just go around trusting people you don't know. She could have saved you as a strategy.”

  “She wasn't a risk to us! She was threatened and shot at by her own cartel. She was dead to them and they were going to kill her and frame it on me! We are saving her by taking her back with us. You can't just expect me—”

  “That's not what this is about! I understand what happened, I heard the story from both Raider and Spit Fire, and the problem is you didn't think. You brought her to us without thinking, and because of that she is your problem now! Right now though, I want to hear what happened in that building. I want to know what happened to you when you took off, and why are you covered in blood.”

  “Nothing happened that I couldn't handle,” I answered quickly, praying that my lying had gotten better so that he wouldn't see through the fabrication. “You told me I had to be able to handle myself and that's what you got. We both got what we wanted, you got a thief for your team and I got revenge. Even if it means I can't go back to the agency, I did what I had to do and I would do it again too,” I said as I looked for some sign of an answer in his dark eyes. He glanced at me and then shook his head, giving me an answer I needed. I walked past him with my head up and files tucked safely to my body as went back to the only life I had left. An outcast life, but a safe and normal family that I had saved, even if I wouldn't remember it.

  The Rickers would forgive me for being gone so long. They would understand, because the agency would find a way to explain my being gone and they would accept me with open arms. I just wish I knew how they would do it so I could mentally prepare myself, I thought until I remembered that they would make me forget everything I did with them. I wouldn't know that I got revenge, that I had saved others’ lives and made a difference even a small one to them. I was about to ask if there was some way I could remember and just never speak about it to anyone when I heard Demon let out a drawn out sigh and call to me.

  “Where are you going, Sara?”

  “I'm going back home. The Rickers will be wondering where I am by now,” I said honestly as I turned around to talk to him again. Tears were in my eyes as I realized that if I forgot everything I would lose my friend. He would die in an accident and I would believe it, I would never know what actually happened to him. I would be at his funeral, wailing, while he watched from a safe distance, but I would never know he was still alive.

  “You'd be coming with me if you were actually going home. Unless you want to leave this behind and go back to life at the Ricker home,” Demon said with a smile on his face. I could hear the tingle of laughter in his voice, knowing that he took me by surprise. He had offered to let me stay at the agency even though I broke the rules and didn't follow orders. I had a reason to not believe him.

  “I'm allowed to come back?” I asked suspiciously. “You won't clear my memory and then send me home right after we get back to the agency?” I asked, causing his laugh to boom while he shook his head no. “I can honestly stay?”

  “Of course, at least in my book you can, you did very well on your first mission. You gave us more than we could ever imagine by convincing Tessa to talk to us, we can bring them down now before anyone else gets hurt. Sharp Shooter even sent a group out here to come get you,” he said with a proud smile. I was the person he had chosen for the job, he had taken a risk on me and it worked. Demon was glad to say that he showed me this new life and a new side of myself, one that was strong and independent and one without fear or guilt. “Plus we need someone to watch over your new friend, Tessa. She's your problem now, remember? I’m sure Sharp Shooter has a punishment fit for you.”

  I let out an easy laugh, feeling the nerves slowly exit my body as I took in the moment. I was allowed to stay, I had completed my first mission and was alive and well, although a little banged up. A smile curled onto my lips at the thought of getting to go back and continue to work with my friends while protecting others from an awful experience. As I thought about where my new life would take me, I felt a pang of sadness when the Rickers crossed my mind. They were my family, they took me in when I had no one else, and they treated me like one of their own. But I was going to repay them by leaving and never talking to them again? That didn't seem fair. They meant so much to me, I didn't know what I could do to repay them, and now I was going to leave them. What would they know, if anything about what happened to me?

  “Do you have any other questions or are you okay with knowing you'll be able to keep your memory?” Demon asked, interrupting my thoughts with a chuckle.

  “I have three,” I said hesitantly as I tried to think of a way to ask without sounding ungrateful for the opportunity I was being handed. “Can you make a story that will be as painless as possible for the Rickers? Can you say I just went missing or something? I don't want them to be hurt, and I know having me murdered or found dead would make it so much worse. They mean so much to me for taking me in and I just can't think of hurting them like that. Say I went missing on a camping trip, and then just let me never be found.”

  “I will do my best to make it as painless as possible, but you have to know that any story, no matter what it is, will hurt because they are losing a daughter. You're important to them, not because they saved you or felt as if they had to, but because you are their family now. I know this will be hard on both sides, but I will do my best to make it easier for them. Hopefully that hope of finding you one day will help them,” Demon promised. “What's the next question?”

  “I'm curious, you said a group came, but I only see you?”

  “Fire Fox, Sandstorm, and Spit Fire were the distraction while you were trying to get out. Thank you for using that tracker Ms. De Luca gave you. I had an idea of where you were going, but I never would have been able to find you until you activated it.” I felt my eyebrows furrow at his words as I pulled the tracker out of my pocket. There was a red blinking light flashing as I held the small black object in my hand. I must have accidently hit the button while I was in the vent and that allowed them to come and find me. “Small groups work best, and it keeps mishaps to a minimum. We came to get you and Fire Fox wanted to take the time to explain why you have so much to talk about on the flight home,” Demon continued as if he hadn’t noticed my confusion about the tracker.

  I lifted my eyebrow curiously before remembering that Fire Fox had talked to me before leaving saying that we had been old friends. Demon must have read my mind and seen where my train of thought was heading as he spoke again, “Fire Fox is your uncle, your father's youngest brother. He was recruited late, sometime in college, and he had seen you as a tiny child before he had to go. He talked about you all the time when I was recruited because he knew I was your friend. He would ask how you were doing and what was going on in your life, he tried so hard to keep track of you, but before I came along there was just no possible way to do it. So when we became friends and I was recruited, I would tell him everything you told me. He said it gave him a reason to keep fighting because he wanted to keep you safe. You'll love hearing him talk to you, everyone in the agency did because of the adoration he spoke about yo
u with.”

  I felt a tear slip over my eyelashes and streak down my face before I could wipe it away with the palm of my hand. I licked my lips before nodding in understanding, I needed a moment before I asked my last question and Demon wasn't in a rush to push me. When I had recovered from the heartwarming story, I asked the burning question that I had been curious about since hearing about the agency, “What is the name of the agency?”

  “It's called home, just like your home with your family and the Rickers. It's where we live and where our family is. The agency stands for whatever you want it to be, because while it has changed names over the years in order to keep it unknown and hidden. It’s been changed from High Profile Military Operations or Special Operations Task Force and my personal favorite, Housing Organization for Military Employees.” He winked at me, letting me know that that’s where they got the name HOME from. It was an acronym for one of the previous names and it had stuck. “Currently, it is called Combat Intelligence and Reconnaissance Agency, or CIRA for short, but no matter what the name is, it will always be home to us. That’s why we call it home, because no matter how many times they change the name to keep it a secret, we are always welcomed back. We are able to return after hardships, return to the relationships, friendships and family. They welcome us back no matter what, just as you are now. Please come home, Sara. Everyone is worried about you, and your fight is over. It’s time to move on toward a brighter future where you can make a difference in others’ lives, what do you say?”

  Without a moment of hesitation I answered, “You're right. It's time for me to move on and this is the perfect way to do it. I want to make a difference and I'm ready to live for something that matters. I've come to appreciate my life.”

  “Well in that case, celebrating birthdays should no longer be painful for you. Happy birthday Sara, and welcome to the agency.” A smile lit up my face as he placed a supportive hand on my shoulder and started to lead me away. Along the walk through the trees I heard the branches behind us crack under sudden weights until we were met by the rest of the recovery group. Soon I would be welcomed into a new life, with a new chance and a beginning. I placed the files protectively under my arm and promised myself that I would get rid of them first thing when I got back to the agency. That's what these people deserved: a fresh start, just like me. A life where we could make the choice to end it or to change it, and hopefully change it for the better.

  Chapter 35

  Two Months later

  There was a prominent knock on my door that caused me to look up from the paper fragments of the files I had been shredding. As promised I had taken the first cross shredder I found, once I was allowed to leave my room again, and was personally going to shred, then burn the scraps from every file to make sure no one was finding these people ever again. I wasn't going to be responsible for these being the only files left intact for someone to find and take advantage of again. When I didn't answer the knock, “Hello?” a soft voice asked, following another knock, as the shredder finished the file and came to a calm stop.

  “It is open. You can come in,” I obliged with a sigh as I got up from my desk chair, leaving the last file on my desk, and waited for the person to enter. I was under house arrest after my disappearing stunt following my mission, needless to say Sharp Shooter wasn't pleased with me, and up until today I wasn't even allowed to leave my room except for meals and training. He had told me that I got lucky, but I had to remember that I was now part of a team and I had to think about them as well. I hadn't told anyone I was leaving, and made Tessa promise not to tell them until she met up with them and explained what happened. I had been right though, I was gone before she finished the story otherwise Demon would have found me before I could make it to Ash's mansion.

  When I arrived back at the agency everyone had asked what I did while I was gone, thinking of me as a helpless rookie that couldn't do anything yet, but I surprised them all. They were in awe to hear that I found the man responsible for my pain, and the loss of my family. They were shocked when I told them that I killed him, but not without taking a beating myself. I had been lucky that Ash wanted to finish me off personally, at his own hands as he said, otherwise I wouldn't be alive right now. Ash's men would have taken me out before I could have touched Ash. He underestimated me, just like my team did, and now no one would do it again.

  The door slowly opened to reveal a tall, tanned figure and a familiar white perfect-teeth smile. I lifted my eyebrow curiously as I looked at my newest friend. I almost failed to recognize her, but the smile was a dead giveaway. I had never seen such white teeth before her, they almost shone so brightly that they blinded me. Tessa stepped into my room, completely different than how I had met her. Her long blonde hair was cut short and now a deep brown, her eyes were changed with the help of colored contacts to a hazel coloring and her white skin was now a perfectly dark tan that almost made her look as if her heritage was a mix between Hispanic and African American.

  I said as much and got, “Did you know my mother was mixed Hispanic and Black?” as a response.

  “And your dad?”

  “White; that's so boring,” she said, shutting the door behind her and coming into my room fully.

  She had successfully completed her makeover so that her old cartel wouldn't find her again, even underwent a small facial surgery from cheek bone to cheek bone to prevent facial recognition. She had tried to avoid it, but realized it was best to prevent being noticed by anyone from her old life. It was sad to think that she would always be undercover, so that no one would recognize her, and could never be her old self again, but she was safer here than she would have been in the cartel. She had even gotten her tattoo already, leopard spots from her hip to her ankle. She showed it off proudly with her choice of clothes, short black shorts with a pink crop top and bare feet. Due to the revealing clothing, I could see exactly where her spots started and ended.

  “What's your name, rookie?” I asked with a joking smile, hoping that she would understand the humor. She was slow at times, and I was sure a makeover can't change your personality, but it could do wonders to keep you hidden from those around you.

  “You can call me Camouflage, or Camo for short, Night Stripe,” she said with a smile as she sat on the edge of my bed lightly.

  A smile curved onto my lips as she called me my new name. It was my makeover, I was reborn with Night Stripe. I was given a reason to live and to fight, and the lightning bolt on my arm would be a constant reminder of that reason and the choice I made. I had been given a new life that had more meaning to it other than just surviving through to the next day. Something awoke in me at the opportunity stretched out before me. I could make a difference in this world; I could prevent what happened to me from happening to others, and that's what I kept fighting for. “Nice to meet you, Camo. What brings you to CIRA?”

  “I had nothing left to live for outside of the agency anymore, so I thought why not? There's nothing here for me except a bleak future,” she said, repeating what I had told her when I first met her and adding in a few words of her own.

  “I know how that feels, but you're in for the time of your life. I can guarantee it, you won't want to remember a day outside of the agency as a civilian. Trust me, I know,” I replied with a smile as I touched the scars on my arms. They were partially concealed by my tattoo, a lightning bolt that traveled from my shoulder to the top of my bicep, and an arrow to cover the scar from my suicide attempt, but they were still there as they would always be. I had made a difference in my life and in others' around me by staying alive. It made me proud that I was still alive, even with the bleak reminder of my past, because now I could save others from having to make that choice and give them hope that there was something worth living for.

  “I guess I will just have to trust you,” she said with a shrug as she got up from my bed and went to my desk. “I liked your photo by the way, it's good to know your foster family picked a nice looking photo.” She held the missing po
ster that Demon had found on his way back from school a month ago. I had officially gone missing, with fake witnesses that saw me on the Shenandoah Trail and a full case going while police dogs went through the woods looking for me. I would have to avoid the Shenandoah Trail for a while, but that wasn't going to be too difficult since I wasn't allowed to leave the home until my training was up, or until my house arrest was lifted, whichever came first. By then the case would go cold and everyone would have stopped looking. I felt bad, I was hurting them, but there was nothing I could do about it. This life held a better chance for me than going back to my life with them. I loved them, I truly did, but it was for the best.

  “They did,” I said curtly. I wished to change the topic, to almost anything else, but had no idea what was safe to talk about. She hadn't told me John was her brother so clearly she didn't want to talk about that. All I could do was wait for her to take the hint. Camo must have gotten the idea that I didn't want to talk about it because she didn't mention it again and attempted to move on.

  She picked up Jackson's file from the desk, and smiled lightly. “He's cute, you should keep his information. You know, just in case,” she added with a wink, effectively changing the topic.

  “In case of what?” I asked as I took the file out of her hands and looked at the young man with blonde and brown mixed hair, brown eyes, and a strong jaw. He was attractive, but I wouldn't be keeping the file 'just in case'. I had made a promise to him and the others to get rid of their files, even if they hadn't heard me make them that guarantee. Kayta's was one of the first shredded, along with the others I had retrieved from Ash's office, and soon Jackson's would join their scraps of paper in the bottom of the shredder.