Shadow of Doubt (An SBG Novel Book 2)

by P. A. DePaul

  Isis wound her arm through the Senator’s and pulled him toward the door. Just as they reached the walk outside, she turned and whispered, “See you in the morning.”

  Cappy pushed the front door shut and locked it.

  Michelle swallowed and took a step backward. He followed. She took another one and so did he. He turned his comm off and undid the strap. Pulling the earpiece out, he dropped the device on the floor.

  “Jer—”

  He held his hand to his lips, pointing to her ear.

  She clamped her lips shut and continued to move deeper into the room. He prowled forward.

  She flattened her back against the wall between the living and dining room and he crowded in front of her.

  Her breaths sawed in and out of her mouth and he had a moment of worry. Was he scaring the shit out of her?

  He gently tugged the earpiece from her ear and undid the strap. Turning the comm off, he tossed it behind him. “Now you can speak,” he whispered, bending to inhale her intoxicating scent.

  He heard her breath catch, then remembered her fear of being trapped. Christ, he was an ass.

  He gripped her biceps and switched their positions, forcing her to lean against his extremely hard body. She melted against him. Damn if that didn’t turn him on and make him harder.

  “I have so many things I need to say to you,” he whispered, his chainsaw voice almost indecipherable with its huskiness.

  “Can it wait?” she answered, running a hand up his pec to curve around the back of his head, jostling the fucking hat.

  He ripped the piece of trash off and tossed it.

  Her Colts hat was skewed to the side, making her look even more adorable . . . but it was in the way. He yanked it off and sent it sailing.

  “It shouldn’t wait.”

  “Meaning, it can.” Her gaze studied his lips.

  Fuck it. He couldn’t hold back any longer. He’d confess everything in a minute.

  He wasn’t sure who acted first, but their mouths crashed together. He wound his fingers through her silky hair and the frenzy with which they went at each other showed just how long overdue this was.

  He delved his tongue into her mouth and tasted sweetness. Holy Christ, she could make him come with those little mewling sounds she uttered in the back of her throat.

  He had to have her. Now. No more waiting. No more excuses. The decision was already made. No need to deny himself any longer.

  He picked her up and captured the squeal in his mouth as he carried her to the master bedroom.

  Chapter 58

  OhmyGod. OhmyGod. OhmyGod.

  Michelle couldn’t catch her breath. Jeremy’s tongue did wicked things to her mouth. She nestled in his arms and wished he could cradle her forever. His embrace always felt so safe and yet so erotic.

  He paused, letting go of her legs and tightening his hold on her back. The move had her body sliding down the length of him, awakening every nerve that came into contact with him. Her mind blitzed.

  She leaned up and resealed her mouth over his.

  He groaned and returned her ardor ten-fold.

  Gripping the bottom of her sweatshirt, he yanked it up, only breaking away long enough to pull it over her head. The material crumpled to the floor.

  Alarm bells rang in her mind. She wasn’t stupid. She knew their passionate kisses would lead to naked bodies but now that the moment was here, she froze.

  His fingers slid underneath her turtleneck and scraped along the small of her back.

  No. She ripped her mouth from his and pivoted toward the window. The shade was still up. She strode forward to put some distance between them and pulled the thing down.

  “Michelle,” Jeremy said gruffly, directly behind her. She stiffened.

  He clasped onto her elbow and turned her to face him.

  “I’m hideous, Jeremy,” she whispered, willing him to understand. “I don’t think I can take seeing the rejection in your eyes.”

  His pupils narrowed. “I’m going to have a reaction, love. I won’t be able to stop it. Just know my emotions aren’t based on what I’m seeing but how you got the scars. Christ.” He swiped a hand over his hair. “I’m still haunted by the image of you splayed out on the bed, bloody and broken. Even before those Technicolor photos.”

  Michelle glanced away. He still continued to see her as a damsel in distress—

  “Look at me,” he ordered, pulling her chin toward him. “You have no idea how much I admire you. How strong I think you are. Not only have you survived that hell but you rebuilt your life and lived.” He inched forward and cupped both of her cheeks, thumbing away the tears crowding her eyes. “While I hate you have to carry every mark those bastards gave you, I love how each one of them represents your courage and iron will.”

  She searched his face, waiting for the “but” or excuse he came up with to make his hasty retreat from the room.

  “Do you hear me? I love who you are both inside and out.” His fingers tightened.

  Here it comes. She steeled herself. The brush-off.

  “In case you still didn’t catch that, I’m telling you I’m in love with you, Michelle.”

  She couldn’t move. The air trapped in her lungs begged to be freed and replenished but she couldn’t friggin’ move.

  Did he just say he loved her?

  The man who she fell for the moment he entered her life and dreamed about every day since, loved her?

  Uncertainty clouded his beautiful, expressive eyes. “Talk to me. Say something. Anything.”

  “Oh. Sorry. I think I’m still in shock. You love me?”

  “Is that so hard to believe?”

  Her heart slammed against her ribcage, but she decided to go for honesty. “Uh, yeah. Just two nights ago you stormed out of here telling me we’d never work and I should move on. And pretty much every second since I opened the door in the OTE you’ve thrown different reasons why we can’t be together in my face.”

  She bit her lip. Why wouldn’t her mouth shut up? She barreled on. “You said it’d be a mistake, something about my mental health and how I’m too young. Just feeling a little whiplashed.” Why was she giving him such a hard time? He just made one of her fantasies come true. She should be professing love back and kissing him senseless.

  Cappy grimaced. “I’m sorry. I was fighting my feelings pretty hard and I took it out on you. I think it’s time we had that talk I mentioned earlier.”

  “Am I going to like this?” Warning bells clanged in her head.

  His mask slid in place and she bit her lip again. “I don’t know, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to lie to you another second.”

  Oh wow.

  “If we’re to have any type of future, you need to know who I am now, not just who I used to be.”

  “But, Jeremy.” She placed a hand on his arm to stop him from swiping it through his hair. “I know who you are. You’re a good man who has saved me twice.”

  “And lied to you about it.”

  Dread lumped like a rock in her stomach. “Lied? How?”

  “By withholding the truth.”

  When he didn’t say anything else she almost shook him. “Don’t stop there! What are you talking about?”

  “I am part of an Ops team, as you called it earlier. Commanding Officer of Delta Squad, to be exact.” His jaw hardened and she tried not to think about how gorgeous it made him. “Just for saying that much I could be killed. It’s why I fought my feelings and tried to push you away.”

  “Killed?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “Because we’re Black Ops. Do you know what that means?”

  A shiver lanced down her spine. “Kick-butt men and women who do secret missions the government doesn’t want the public to know about?”

  “Bas
ically, yes.”

  “Does this mean the whole Scooby gang I’ve met are really members of your squad?” She should be having more trouble with this, but it explained so much. “Wait, when I was taken by Nacio—”

  Jeremy growled.

  She rubbed his arm. “I heard you call out strange names. Were they—”

  “Codenames? Yes. I fucked up when I yelled them but I was so terrified I wouldn’t get to you in time I slipped.” He blew out a breath. “Everything I told you so far is classified above Top Secret. Only a few members outside of the company even know about our existence.”

  “But you trust me enough to tell me?”

  “I love you and have chosen you as my future. I refuse to start our new life with lies.”

  Every girly bone in her body melted right there. Just one big pile of goo. What had to be the dopiest smile spread across her face, but she couldn’t stop it. “Before you start from the beginning and tell me everything, I need to say I love you too.”

  Chapter 59

  The vise squeezing Cappy’s chest loosened at her pronouncement. The man in him needed to hear the words, the commander in him needed to know she’d be loyal enough to keep their secret.

  “From the moment you burst into my room six years ago, I started falling and became hopeless when we reunited in the OTE,” Michelle added, further applying a balm to his soul.

  “Same for me,” he admitted, rubbing a thumb over her cheek.

  He could hear she loved him all day and night.

  “So,” she said, with a twinkle in her eye. “How did you go from G.I. Joe to Alex Rider secret spy?”

  “Alex Rider? Good Lord. Isn’t he supposed to be with MI6?” His brows snapped down. “Never mind. I don’t want to think about how I know that. Besides, I’m not some pre-pubescent fictional character.”

  Her eyes darkened. “No, you are definitely all man.”

  He stepped forward. “Keep looking at me that way and I won’t be interested in talking.”

  “Hmm . . .” She held her hands in the air like scales. “Hear the story or ravage your mouth.”

  His dick hardened on the spot.

  “Tough choice, but I think I need to hear the story,” she answered, halting his move toward her. “Abridged, please. There’s only so long I want to wait.”

  Hallelujah for that. He cleared his throat and confessed everything he’d held back during the talk with the team earlier.

  “. . . so,” he continued, trying to keep with the highlights, “I agreed to stay dead and work for SBG, but that meant never seeing my family again.”

  Her eyes lost their sparkle. “Oh man, I’m sorry about that. I can truly relate to what that means having also lived without them for the past six years.”

  Boom. Sledgehammer to the heart. She truly did know. Probably the only one he could talk to about it who would understand how bad the loneliness got or how much he longed to just pick up the phone and say hello. In fact, now that he thought about it, she had it worse. At least he could watch his family grow up on social media. She was completely cut off from hers. He pulled her into his arms.

  “God, I love you,” he whispered against her hair, pressing little kisses because he could.

  “Ditto. Please continue.”

  He grinned. She may be awkward about a lot of things but she didn’t seem shy in expressing her wishes to him. He chuckled. It should make for an interesting future.

  “The day I started training, I was put into a room with four other people and told these men and women would become part of my squad. We would train, eat, sleep, and live together until we were one cohesive unit.”

  “Ooo.” She pulled back. “Let me guess. Talon, Sandra, Raymond, and Sonya. I would’ve said Grady but Sandra admitted on the plane they only met about four months ago.”

  “You’re good.” He kissed her forehead. “Romeo and Magician are hard pressed to figure out why you’ve rejected their FBI covers so hard. Since the moment you met them, you’ve been skeptical.”

  “Romeo and Magician? Are those their codenames?”

  “Yeah. Same as Wraith is Sandra’s.”

  “Your sniper, who loves Grady. Is he a part of Delta now too?”

  “I hope so.”

  He explained Isis’s affiliation with Echo Squad and her temporary role with the investigation as quickly as he could, then took a breather. “I’m stopping there. You can read in the papers about Victor and ask Ted about how he helped us put his uncle in jail to stop his reign of terror. Hell, drink more wine with Wraith and have her tell you her adventures of faking her death and meeting Grady.” Cappy pulled her closer. “I can’t concentrate anymore, thinking about your mouth on mine. I just need to know one thing.”

  “What?”

  “I’ve killed, Michelle. Many men. Both in the Army and with SBG. Can you accept who I am as well as who I was? Are you willing to keep that knowledge a secret?”

  “Absolutely.” She didn’t hesitate to answer. “Your willingness to keep others safe no matter the cost is one of the many reasons why I fell for you so hard.”

  She rose and sealed her mouth to his.

  He just fucking won the lottery. A match within lit and he could only think about consuming her. He tilted his head and ravaged her lips. Their tongues dueled and danced, ramping his hormones into a frenzy. He couldn’t get close enough to her. Christ, his inner caveman demanded all of her. MINE!

  He ground his hips, swiping his length against her stomach.

  She shuddered.

  Grabbing her ass, he kneaded the porn-worthy muscles, unable to keep his hands still. “Holy fuck, are you sexy,” he murmured against her lips.

  He could feel her retreat even though she still kissed him.

  “No. No. No,” he admonished, giving her another kiss and forcing himself to slow down and stop acting like a randy teenager. “No more hiding. You’re going to have to accept my reactions are based on love, not ridicule.”

  He inched his hands until he burrowed beneath her sweater. Flattening his palm against the edge of her spine, he whispered, “It’s time, sweetheart. Let me in.”

  The ridges beneath his hand bit into his skin like little lashes. Every single one felt like a failure to him. His failure, not hers. He could’ve prevented this but since he had failed to protect her, he could only show her how beautiful they made her.

  Tears crowded her eyes, and would normally be a mood killer, but he understood. This was a huge step for her. “I know those assholes in the past rejected you, but, sweetheart, I’m not going to. You are beautiful and I’ll prove it to you.”

  “For a guy who claims to suck at heart-to-hearts,” she said shakily, “you sure know what to say.”

  Stalling. He moved his hands to her sides and slid them up, lifting her turtleneck in the process.

  She sucked in a breath and stiffened.

  Progress. At least she didn’t pull away like last time.

  “You accepted me, now let me show you I accept you,” he murmured to fill the silence, knowing she was freaking out. “I’ve already seen what was done, remember.”

  She bowed her head. “You were in soldier mode then. Now is completely different.”

  “Show me, sweetheart. Let me prove to you that I’ll still love you just as much.”

  He stopped lifting her shirt just shy of her breasts. As bad as he wanted to continue it had to be her decision.

  She closed her eyes.

  Come on, love. Trust me.

  Gripping the sweater near his hands, she yanked it over her head. Before he could comprehend the sight, she reached behind her and unfastened her bra, tossing it on the ground with the shirt.

  Pain lanced through his heart and he had to force himself not to grab his chest. Hard ridges crisscrossed her skin everywhere. Burns, some caused by cigarettes whi
le others . . . Christ—Tasers? Even her nipples were scarred, the ridges puckering as tall as her distended buds.

  “Jesus Mary Joseph.”

  Her arms instantly crossed her chest and the agony piercing her proud eyes slayed him.

  “Oh, sweetheart, no.” He grasped her wrists and pulled them off her body. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve gotten there sooner. I own every one of those marks.”

  She shook her head. “No. Raul and his twisted cohorts do. You saved me from so many more.”

  That she’d absolve him humbled him. “You are so beautiful,” he breathed. “I need to see the rest.”

  “You first.” She pointed to his sweatshirt. “Off. I feel too exposed.”

  “Can’t have that.” He whisked away the green clothing and tossed it on the pile.

  Her eyes drifted over his chest and landed on the three-swirling-dragon-heads pendant.

  “Team symbol,” he supplied. “We all have one. It stands for wisdom, strength, and courage. The core values we live by.”

  Her finger stroked the silver. “You have proven that by helping me.”

  “And you’ve proven that by living your life.” He forced his hands to stay at his sides as he asked, “Can I see your back?”

  Deer in the headlights aptly described her expression. She bit her lip and took in a shaky breath. Just when he opened his mouth to tell her it was okay, he didn’t need to see, she turned.

  Fuckingsonofabitch. The entire surface was covered with marks. He reached out and ran the pad of his finger over one of the diagonal ridges. Her skin flinched and rippled at his touch. Whipped. The goddamn bastards had whipped her. Rage and regret swarmed through him.

  “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, choking on the tears clogging his throat.

  She turned and brushed away the moisture on his cheek. “Like I said, you saved me from so much worse.”

  She was too good for him, but damned if he was going to give her up or allow those Colombian bastards another second in this bedroom. He clasped her hands and kissed the backs.