The Grace In Darkness

by Melissa Andrea

  “No reason to be sorry, Araya. You can’t help who you love. There’s no use trying.”

  I smiled. “Still friends?”

  “You can’t get rid of me that easily. You better get inside now.” He pulled the collar of my jacket up around my neck. “I’ll never hear the end of it from Violet if you get sick.”

  “Okay.” I reached up and laid my hand against his cheek. It was rough and smooth and it felt icy cold against my palm. Leaning over, I kissed his other cheek. “Thank you for understanding, Pierce. Goodnight,” I whispered.

  Pierce and I were never meant to be and I was confident about that fact more than ever. He was important to me, though, and I was happy our friendship remained intact.

  I didn’t know where Ryland and I stood now, but watching him walk away from me had been harder than walking away from him all those months ago. I just wish I knew where we went from here.

  I was halfway to my door when I saw his shadow leaning against the wall. My steps slowed and my heart kicked against my chest just like it did the day I met him. Seeing him standing there, waiting for me, I knew nothing else mattered.

  “How’d you get in here?” I whispered, searching for my keys in my bag.

  “I got lucky.” He pushed away from the wall when I moved toward the door to unlock it. “A few of the students who were at the benefit tonight were coming home when I got here, and they took pity on my misery.”

  “That was lucky.” I hid my smile as I pushed open the door. I tuned around, my arm twisting behind me as I held on to the doorknob. “I’m assuming you want to come in?”

  “Yes, please. I’ll get on my knees and beg if that’s what it takes, Hummingbird.”

  “That sentiment only works on seeing girls,” I pointed out.

  “I guess that would be a douche bag move.”

  “Kind of.”

  My breath caught as he took a step closer, pushing against me. “I guess that only leaves me with one other option. Touch,” he whispered against my lips.

  I could smell the strong liquor on his breath just like earlier and I liked the way it smelled on him. I remembered the way Carl used to smell when he’d come stumbling in the apartment and I’d have to put him to bed. Ryland erased that memory and gave me a new one.

  “It’s not that easy.”

  “The best things in life are never that easy. I’m prepared to fight my ass off, Hummingbird.”

  Okay, maybe it was that easy, I thought, feeling my insides turn to mush at his words.

  “No fighting necessary, Ryland. I’m already yours. I’ve always been yours.”

  A tiny growl consumed him and his arms were around my waist, lifting me up to meet his lips. The kiss was urgent, but he was soft, gentle. Walking us into the apartment, he closed the door with his foot and locked it.

  “Nice place,” he said around kisses. “Where’s the bed?”

  I laughed and pointed toward the bed while his lips moved down my throat. I dropped my head back and enjoyed the way he owned me. Throwing me down on the mattress, his body covered mine and he showed me what it really meant to be one person.

  Thirty minutes later, we were upside down and tangled in the sheets. Ryland’s head hung over the edge and I drew random shapes over his chest.

  “How are you so good at that? Halfway through, I forgot what my name was.”

  He barked a laugh and his chest rumbled under my hand. “It’s all you, Hummingbird.”

  Leaning up on my elbow, I asked him. “Why were you at the benefit tonight? Where are you working?”

  I could sense his hesitation. “You’re not going to like the answer, Hummingbird.”

  “Tell me anyway.”

  “I’m working at Dare, Inc.”

  I sat up completely and the sheet fell away. “You’re working with J.D.? Why? How?”

  “It’s a long story, Hummingbird, and you just gave me something else to focus my attention on.”

  He shifted on the bed and I felt his breath against my neck. Putting my palm against his chest, I pushed him back down.

  “Well, refocus, Mr. Dare.”

  He groaned. “That’s damn sexy, Hummingbird.”

  I laughed and pulled up the sheet. “Please, Ryland.”

  “You’re killing me!” He sighed. “J.D. wanted me at that benefit because he knew you were going to be there and he wanted to torture me. He thought I’d let you go because I didn’t want to make you choose, and it almost worked. I didn’t want you to choose.”

  “There is no choice, Ryland. There are no words to explain how you make me feel.”

  “Try,” he said, and I felt his lips on my earlobe and he teased it with the edges of his teeth.

  “It’s like touching sunlight. Actually being able to hold it in your hands and feel it. It’s breathtaking. Impossible.”

  “I love you so damn much.” He squeezed me to him.

  “I hate that you’re working for him. Can’t you quit?”

  “Don’t worry, Hummingbird. I plan to.”

  I felt better. I didn’t want him anywhere near that monster. He was poison, a kind of sickness that settled into your system and ate you from the inside out.

  “Why didn’t you tell him about me?”

  We had switched positions, and now he was lying on my chest. I’d been combing my fingers through his hair and I stopped.

  Swallowing hard, I answered him. “Because I didn’t know what there was to tell. We hadn’t spoken—”

  “Per your rules,” he pointed out.

  “I know! But you found me and you were here and you didn’t even try...”

  “You know?”

  “The girl who helped you, that’s Makayla. She’s my best friend. She told me.”

  “You were happy. I wasn’t going to be the one to take that away from you. I still don’t want to take that away from you. I can’t make you choose.”

  “I was happy to be dancing again. I was happy that I was doing things on my own. That was the whole reason I had left, but if I’d known you’d been there that day...”

  “I’m here now and I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I knew he wasn’t your boyfriend. I knew it, but I was angry, and when I saw the way he was holding you... I lost it and I’m sorry. Damn it, Hummingbird, I’m sorry for the entire night. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own misery since you left and I haven’t been a very nice or sane person.”

  “To Cara?”

  He sighed. “To anyone.”

  “You still haven’t forgiven her?” He didn’t say anything. “I know you’re angry with her, Ryland, but if Cara hadn’t done what she did, we never would have been together.”

  “Yes, we would have,” he said firmly. “I was infatuated by you the moment I met you, Hummingbird. I told myself I was done with you when you didn’t show up that day in the park, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You had consumed my every thought, and even as I told myself I was going to stay away from you, I knew it was a lie. That day you showed up at my house, I was going to find you, and had you never shown up, I would have found you anyway, Hummingbird.”

  “You never told me that.”

  “I should have and I shouldn’t have attacked you the way I did earlier, but when I saw you... I couldn’t control myself. I had to have you.”

  “I felt the exact same. I love that you wanted me that much.”

  He moved, pushing my legs apart. “I always want you that much, Hummingbird.”

  Hours later, we fell asleep completely exhausted and satisfied. In Ryland’s arms was where I wanted to be every night. When morning came, I tried not to pout too much when he told me he had to leave because he planned on quitting today.

  “Will you come back right after?”

  “Yes,” he said, wrapping his lips around my exposed nipple. I purred and my back arched off the bed as he sucked it farther between his lips. “Stay exactly like this until I get back. Naked and wet.”

  His words caused my skin to burn hotter tha
n ever before. It excited me and mortified me at the same time.

  He laughed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

  “You didn’t.” I lied. I didn’t want Ryland to think I was a prude.

  “Such a sweet hummingbird.” He kissed me. “I’ll be back soon.”

  “I’ll be here.”

  It didn’t take me long to fall back to sleep when I heard Ryland leave. Being with him one night had managed to erase all the sadness and emptiness I’d felt the last couple of months. I was complete.

  The phone was on its seventh ring and I knew it wasn’t going to be ignored any longer. Groaning, I rolled over in bed and searched for the cordless receiver on my nightstand.

  “Hello?” I said, hoping I sounded as grumpy as I felt.

  “Miss Noelle? This is Martha from the front desk. You have a visitor to see you. Shall I send them up?”

  My heart pounded against my ribcage at the thought of Ryland being back already. I clutched the phone with both hands, feeling like I was going to crush it to bits.

  “Yes, ma’am, please send them up.”

  My palms were sweaty and I rubbed them against the sheet wrapped around my still naked body, trying to control the tiny dancing birds in my stomach. When I realized he would be here any minute, I jumped out of bed and rushed to the bathroom, hitting my knee in my haste. In record time, I was able to brush my teeth, wash my face, and run a brush through my hair.

  There was no time to put any makeup on my face, so I settled for lip gloss and dabbed some of the perfume Makayla had given me on my wrist and neck.

  I was in the process of pulling the sheet tighter around me when I heard the first knock on the door. My head snapped up and I brushed the hair from my face. Taking a deep breath, I straightened and walked toward the door.

  By time I reached it, he was on his third knock, and I knew I had to open the door sooner or later. I couldn’t fathom why I was so nervous when I’d spent the entire night with him. My hand hovered over the doorknob and I took another deep breath before turning it and pulling the door toward me.

  I felt confused, like there was something off, but I slowly slipped a smile into place anyway.

  “Hello, Araya.”

  My smile froze, and my heart sank just a little.

  Pulling into my company spot, I turned off the car and leaned into the steering wheel. I knew J.D. was going to be pissed, and part of me wished I’d just sent him a sing-a-gram to break the news, but I was here now and I wanted to get this over with and get back to Araya. Going back to her apartment had been the best idea I had since she left.

  I leaned over and opened the glove compartment to pull out my emergency aspirin. Last night’s shots binge had been an epic mistake, and even though Araya had managed to distract me most of the night, I’d awakened nursing a pretty bad hangover. Every move made my head pound uncontrollably. I probably should have waited to do this when my head didn’t feel like it was going to explode. I took two and drank the entire water I’d brought from the house. I tossed the bottle into the passenger seat and grabbed a mint before finally opening the door.

  I pushed it open a little too hard and the edge slammed into the car parked next to me. As I stood, I examined the small dent in the passenger side of the brand new 2014 Mercedes Benz J.D. had gotten last week.

  Whoops.

  This car was one of the few things J.D. was really proud of. He liked having things few people could possess. It made him feel powerful and self-righteous. It was one of the many things I hated about him. That greedy need to control anyone and everything around him infuriated me and caused me to lash out in ways that most people would think was crazy.

  My hands clenched into fists that turned my knuckles white and made the metal of my keys dig into my palm. Disgusted, I walked past the car, enjoying the sordid sound of metal scratching against steel. I threw my hand in the air as I rounded the end of his car, wishing I could be there to see the look on his face when he discovered the damage.

  When I walked into the factory, it was like a place of torture between the florescent lights from hell and the loud roar of machinery. I just wanted to get this over with and be done with this part of my life. It was time to take back what had been taken from me and move on.

  After I left her with that guy, at the expense of my liver, I’d tried to drink away everything that hadn’t involved that tiny bit of freedom in that dark closet with Araya. Maybe it had been good because after the fifth shot, I realized what an idiot I was being and I took off to Araya’s place. I was done playing J.D.’s games. I never should have gone along with them this long. At the time, my reasons seemed legit, but now they just seemed foolish. If I didn’t leave now, he would ruin my life and I would have no one to blame but myself.

  I walked through the line fast, hoping to avoid everyone. I was coming up to Careless’s office, and if I had the option to run past it, I would have, except I ran into her instead.

  In her arms, she held a box filled with the few things she’d brought to make the tiny space more... hers. She seemed surprised to see me as she stood there not saying anything. I eyed the box in her hands and then frowned at her.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Home.”

  “For the day?”

  “For good. I quit.”

  “What? Why now? What happened?”

  “After all your hard work to get me out of here, Ryland, don’t act like you care now.”

  “I don’t care, but I am curious. Why?”

  “Because I never should have been here to begin with. I was trying to fix something that was... is unfixable. You’re getting what you want. I’m sorry I hurt you, Ryland. Sorrier than you will ever know. You did nothing my whole like but try to protect me from that man, and I turned against you too. I don’t expect you to ever forgive me. I don’t forgive myself, but I love you with all my heart and I hope one day you’ll remember you love me too. Even if it doesn’t seem like it right now.”

  She shifted the box to one arm and reached up to kiss me on the cheek.

  “I know you don’t owe me anything, Ryland, but please read these files, okay? Maybe they’ll help you free yourself from J.D. for good.” She handed me a folder. “Good-bye, big brother,” she whispered and walked past me.

  My throat felt uncomfortably constricted as I stood there listening to Careless walk away. Her good-bye felt more final than I liked, but I couldn’t focus on that now as I made my way toward J.D.’s suite. Losing two kids in one day, I couldn’t have asked for it to go any other way.

  I didn’t bother to knock when I got to J.D.’s office and he didn’t bother to look up when I came in. He was standing over his desk, looking through one of the fifty files stacked there and running his finger down the page.

  “Your sister quit.”

  “She should’ve never started working here to begin with.”

  “After the stunt she pulled this summer, I thought she had it in her. Obviously, she doesn’t.”

  “She pulled that stunt because you backed her into a corner. You twist people’s arms until they have no other choice but to strike back at you.”

  “Skip the lecture, Ryland. I can’t help the actions of those weaker than I am.”

  “You’re fucking unbelievable, you know that?”

  He finally looked up at me. “Watch the way you talk to me, Ryland.”

  “I’m done, do you hear me? Done.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me. I quit.”

  He spoke calmly despite the vein twitching in his forehead. “Your year isn’t up.”

  “That’s too damn bad. I want you, this company, and everything else that revolves around you out of my life, for good.”

  “Have you forgotten our deal, Ryland?”

  “I don’t care if you tell me where she is or not. You saw her at the party the other night. She’s moved on. She has someone else now and it’s time for me to do the same. I’m getting as far away
from this hellhole as I can.”

  I needed him to think Araya was out of the picture and out of my life for good. I didn’t want him to know I was lying through my teeth right now.

  “You’d leave Cara and Sebastian behind?

  “Yes.”

  “Just like that? Not a second thought?”

  “Just like that. Not a second thought,” I said firmly without skipping a beat. He had to believe I meant it.

  He stared at me for a long minute and then his lips twisted into a sinister sneer. He placed his hands on the desk, leaning into it.

  “Do you think I’m stupid, Ryland?”

  I debated on how to answer that question. “Why do you ask questions you probably don’t want to hear the answers to?”

  “Everything is a joke to you.”

  “That’s because my life here is a joke!”

  “You expect me to believe you’re done with that girl?”

  “I don’t care what you believe!” I yelled back.

  “Well, that makes you a damn fool, Ryland. Did you think I wouldn’t be covering all my bases? Did you think I wouldn’t be checking up on you?”

  I froze. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “You should know me better by now, Ryland. I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist looking for her. It was only a matter of time before you got the itch. I’ll admit, had I not had someone following you, I probably would have never known… but I’m better at this game than you are.”

  “You’ve been having me followed? You’re fucking insane!”

  “No, I’m efficient! I do what I do to get what I want.”

  “I’m not a fucking toy! You can’t just wind me up and point me in the direction you want me to go! How do you not comprehend that? You can’t play with people’s lives like they’re not human!”

  “Watch me.” He threatened.

  “I don’t know why I wasted my breath on you. I just came here to tell you I’m done with you. If I never have to see you again, I’ll be just fine with that.”

  “You walk out that door and you won’t ever see that girl again. I’ll make sure of it, goddamn it!”

  I was calling his bluff now. I was done letting him think he had the upper hand in this entire situation.