The Grace In Darkness

by Melissa Andrea

  And then I felt guilty for complaining. I’m sure if Craze had the choice between living and changing, rather than dying, he would have picked living. People could change if they really wanted to. We could learn to forgive even if we didn’t forget. There was so much bad in the world, so much hate and sadness, and the majority of it we caused ourselves.

  I stopped walking and repeated my thought over in my head. The majority of it we caused ourselves.

  The door opened and I was thankful for the interruption. It clicked shut and I turned around. I was surprised to see him at first, and then my chest constricted with happiness. His shape was clearer, more defined.

  “How are you holding up?” he finally asked.

  “Pretty well considering I’m a murder suspect.” I joked, hoping to ease some of the stress I knew was etched around his eyes.

  “This is complete bullshit, Hummingbird. I promise I’m going to fix this. I’m going to get you out of here.” He vowed.

  I took a deep breath. “I know, Ryland.”

  I also knew no matter what happened, the three of us would not be walking out of here together, and there was no way I could ask Ryland to choose between me and his brother.

  “How is Sebastian?”

  He seemed hesitant to answer. “I haven’t been able to see him yet, but I’m sure he’s raising hell like he does.”

  I smiled at the thought. In a weird way, it was kind of comforting knowing the detectives didn’t have it completely easy.

  “They’re going to let him go... aren’t they?” He didn’t expect that and he didn’t have a fast enough response. “It’s okay to be relieved for him, Ryland. You don’t have to choose sides.”

  “There’s no choice, Araya. You’re going to get out of here too.”

  I didn’t respond. It was only making him feel worse about the situation.

  “I know tonight’s been hell through and through, Hummingbird, and I’m going to be completely selfish here, but—”

  “Yes,” I whispered, knowing exactly where he was going.

  His arms were around me before I could blink, and he buried his face into the side of my neck. His breath was warm and soothing against my skin. Just having him this close to me calmed my frayed nerves, and I no longer felt like I was fighting to reach the surface. He was my freedom.

  “How are you doing? Did they question you too?”

  “Yes. They know they can’t hold Sebastian much longer so they pulled me in to get me to give them something,” he said angrily.

  “That’s ridiculous!”

  “I got a ticket the night it happened so they say I have an alibi. They tried to get me to turn on you too.”

  He wasn’t going to come right out and say it. He wasn’t sure if I knew, and if I didn’t, he wasn’t going to be the one to tell me. In fact, he’d keep it from me forever if he could.

  “They showed you the pictures.”

  “Shit!” he growled. “I was hoping they wouldn’t tell you about them, but they’re using it as motive and a reason for me to turn against you. I know they were fake, Hummingbird. You both were unconscious.”

  I hugged him harder. “Thank God! I don’t remember what happened, Ryland, but I swear to you I never would have hurt you like that on purpose.” And then I was reminded of the one thing I had yet to tell him. “Ryland, there is something you should know about that night.”

  “I don’t care, Hummingbird. None of it matters.”

  “It matters to me, Ryland. Everything is so fuzzy and I don’t know if I’ll ever remember any of it.” I took a deep breath, feeling frazzled. “I thought you were there that night. They didn’t say anything except your last name and I just assumed it was you, but it wasn’t. Sebastian practically had to hold me and... and I kissed him. But it was nothing and I thought he was you—”

  “It’s okay, Hummingbird. I don’t care. As long as Sebastian wasn’t a better kisser than me, I don’t care.” He joked, kissing the corners of my mouth.

  “I love you.”

  “I didn’t doubt it for a second.”

  I hugged him tighter and his words reminded me that there were still some things I needed to tell him. I leaned away from his embrace, fighting my own body the entire away.

  “I wish that was all, but there’s something else I have to tell you, Ryland.”

  “Okay,” he said with no hint of anxiousness in his voice.

  He backed up so he could sit on the edge of the table. He pulled me with him so I was between his knees.

  “I lied to you about something.” I didn’t look away from his face. “When you asked me if I was on the pill... I lied when I said I was. It wasn’t something I ever had to worry about before you came along. I went to the doctor yesterday because I was worried.” I paused so he could let what I’d just told him sink in.

  “Are you... are you pregnant?”

  I took a step away from him. “No... because I can’t get pregnant, Ryland, ever. The car accident... there was too much damage. I won’t ever be able to give you...” I took a deep breath and forced out the next sentence. “So I’m giving you an out, Ryland. No hard feelings. I know you wanted a big family, but I can’t give you that.”

  His hands were warm against my cheeks as he lifted my face toward him. “Hummingbird... stop.” He kissed me softly and touched my forehead with his. “This is why you were upset at dinner. I could feel you pulling away from me... you are pulling away from me now. Please don’t. I want a family with you. I don’t care how we have one, but I can’t lose you again. In fact, I refuse to. Whatever you’re thinking, stop. I know I can’t say anything that’s going to make any of this better, but I love you so damn much.”

  “It’s not just you” My voice rose. “I wanted to have your children. I’m so tired of having everything taken from me... I complicate everything! For once, I just wanted to give you easy, Ryland! You deserve that and you deserve to be with someone who can give you that.”

  “I don’t want fucking easy, Araya! I want messy! I want chaotic! Damn it, I want you!”

  He pulled me to him and kissed me with everything he had. Convincing me with more than just his earth shattering words.

  “Aren’t I enough, Araya?” he pleaded. “Can’t you be happy with me?”

  His words hit home and hard. He was right. He was more than enough. He was more than I thought I was ever going to have in my life after the accident. When I thought about my future without Ryland, I couldn’t breathe and I realized it didn’t matter whether we grew old together just the two of us or if we adopted a hundred babies. We’d always have each other and that was enough.

  “I’m sorry!” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck. “You’re right. You’re so right. You are enough, Ryland. You’re more than enough, and I never want to make you feel like you aren’t. I was just so worried you wouldn’t want me...”

  “I wouldn’t want you? Don’t you know by now that there is nothing that would make me not want you? Get that out of your head right now.”

  I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Everything that had happened came crashing down on my restraint, and I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

  “Don’t cry, Hummingbird.” His lips swept away my tears.

  I sniffled. “Who would’ve thought being accused of murder would be so overwhelming?”

  He laughed, wiping away the last of my tears with his thumb. “I think you’re allowed to fall apart in a situation like this. So is there anything else you want to tell me?”

  “One more thing,” I whispered against his lips. “There was something else the doctor told me.”

  “Happier news, I hope?”

  “Yes.”

  The door opened before I could say anything, and Ryland turned.

  “Uh... time’s up, Mr. Dare.”

  “Just give me one more minute.”

  The door closed and I felt cold.

  “You better go. I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

  “I’
m going to do whatever I can to get you out of here, do you understand me?”

  “I love you more than anything, Ryland. No matter what happens, take that with you.”

  “Stop it.” He lifted my chin. “You’re going to get out of here.”

  I just nodded and smiled.

  “Never let me go, Hummingbird. Forever, remember?”

  “Forever, Ryland.”

  “What the hell is the matter with you? What are you doing?” J.D. hissed the minute the bathroom door shut.

  “This is the bathroom... What do you think I’m doing?”

  “Don’t start with me, Ryland. I’m not in the mood.”

  “I’m sorry, Dad. Are you having a bad night?”

  “Why the hell did you send Jacobs away? Do you realize what’s going on?”

  “I don’t need Jacobs. I called another lawyer to represent Araya and me. You want to tell him he can’t represent Araya, fine. That’s your right. My right is to find someone else who will.”

  “It is not your job to take care of that girl, Ryland! She did this to herself. She can take care of herself without taking you and your brother down.”

  “She got herself into this mess? She didn’t do anything! She didn’t murder anyone!”

  “So you want your brother to go down for this? Is that what you want? Someone has to take the fall here, Ryland. Are you really going to turn your back on your brother?”

  I stared at him, completely stunned. “What did you do, J.D.?” I accused quietly.

  “What are you talking about?” he said, showing no emotion.

  “You didn’t even pretend to look stunned when I asked you that.”

  “I told you she was trouble. I told you to stay away from trash like her, but you didn’t want to listen. I did what I had to do to ensure I get what I want.”

  “Did you honestly think setting up Araya to take the blame for murder was going to get me on your side?”

  “This has nothing to do with having you on my side anymore, Ryland. I thought you were smarter than that. No, this, my dear boy, is what happens when you refuse to be on my side.”

  “You killed Craze?”

  “Do I look like a killer, Ryland? I don’t get my hands dirty. He got greedy and he thought he was smarter than me. He was a nobody.”

  “You’re a sick bastard.”

  “Call me whatever names you want, Ryland, but take notes. Your brother is in the process of being released as we speak. There is enough evidence on Araya to keep her in jail until she goes to court. You no longer have her, and in the end, I’ve gotten what I wanted.”

  “I could tell them everything right now. What makes you think I won’t?”

  “Please. Go ahead and try. They’ll laugh in your face. I have no connection to him whatsoever. There is no reason for them to think I had any motive to kill anyone.”

  You think you’re so untouchable. You think you can just get away with ruining Araya’s life and I’m going to sit back and just let you? She isn’t going to pay for this. I won’t let her.”

  “What do you think you’re going to do? Take the blame for her? Confess to murder?”

  Looking him the eye, I didn’t skip a beat.

  “Yes.”

  Well, isn’t this quite the family reunion?” I sneered when J.D. stepped through the door.

  “I knew you’d end up here one of these days.” He loomed just inside the room, his body partially covered by the shadow cast by the dim light. The theatrics of it all were enough to make me smirk.

  “You should be proud. It could be worse.” I cut my eyes toward him. “I could be you.”

  “Ahh, yes, and we all know what a big tragedy that is for both my sons. To turn out like the very person who gave them life.” He waved his hands in the air with indifference. “But it is I who has come to your rescue, Sebastian. Remember that.”

  “I never asked for your damn help,” I hissed. “In fact, I don’t want your help. So you and your fancy little lawyer can take your conniving, scheming asses out of here. Ryland and I can take care of ourselves. We have for a long time now.”

  He withdrew from the shadows and leaned into the table to hover in front of me.

  “The irony of that statement is even more than I can handle, seeing as how I’m the one who got you freed from this place.”

  I frowned. “What are you talking about?”

  “Which part would you like me to repeat? That part where you and your brother are incompetent morons or the part where I said they’re letting you go?”

  My eyes narrowed. “Just like that? You snap your fingers and suddenly I’m no longer accused of murdering another human being?”

  “You’d be amazed at what the snap of my fingers can do, son.”

  “Don’t call me that!” I exploded and slammed my fists down on the table. When I spoke again, my voice was tight with hatred. “Don’t ever call me that again.”

  “Gladly. You’ve never been worthy of the title anyway.”

  “What about Araya?”

  “What about her?” he asked dismissively.

  “She didn’t kill Craze.”

  “Maybe she didn’t. Maybe she did. That is not for me to decide. Nor do I care.”

  “You can’t just leave her in here!”

  “Watch me. She isn’t my concern, and I think it is absolutely repulsive that you and Ryland find yourself in love with that blind twit in the first place. And I find it even more hilarious that you think she’d actually pick you over Ryland. Believe me, I’d stop at nothing to send you and her far, far away, but this couldn’t work out any better than planned.”

  “I’m not even surprised that you’re behind this. What did you do to Araya?”

  “Not surprisingly, I didn’t have to do anything to her. She dug her own grave. All I did was make sure the focus stayed off Ryland.”

  “And more on me?”

  He simply shrugged. “You were a means to an end, Sebastian. Don’t take it personally.”

  “Don’t take it personal?” I spat. “Go fuck yourself. I’m the one sitting on this side of the table. Did you kill Craze too? Did you squeeze the life out of him with your bare hands like you do everyone around you?”

  “You know better than that. I don’t like to get my hands dirty.”

  “Is that a joke? You wash your hands in the blood of everyone you destroy. You reek of the demons you’ve created, and I’m a firm believer in karma.”

  His lips tilted. “Then I guess you’d be happy to know what your brother is about to do.”

  “What?”

  “Ryland seems to think he needs to play the role of hero in this somewhat comical situation and take the blame for sweet, innocent Araya. He’s waiting to confess as we speak.”

  “What?” I roared and jumped up, sending my chair into the wall. “And you’re just letting him?”

  My hip caught the corner of the table as I swung around it and pounded against the glass.

  “HELLO! I need Detective Marks, NOW!” My fists wouldn’t stop as I battered against the fragile surface. “Can you fucking hear me? I did it! Is that what you wanted to hear? I fucking did it!”

  My fists slammed into the glass one more time, and it splintered out like a bull’s-eye. Pieces fell onto the floor, shattering apart at my feet.

  I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t face the look of satisfaction in his eyes. “This was what you wanted all along. You knew I wouldn’t let him do it. You knew I’d take the blame.”

  “Of course I did, dear son. I have no intention of letting Ryland rot in prison when I have you to take his place. I knew you’d try to save the day and offer your useless existence as a sacrifice.”

  Before I could respond, the door flew open and a herd of police officers rushed in, throwing out commands in my direction to put my hands on my head and slowly turn around. I was breathing hard, not moving a muscle.

  “Do it, Dare!” one of them yelled behind me.

  “I want to speak
to Detective Marks now. I did it. I killed Craze.”

  “Put your hands on your head.”

  “Did you hear what I said?”

  I needed them to listen to me and I didn’t know how much time I had before Ryland destroyed his life. I turned to the side, and I wasn’t entirely all that comforted by the amount of metal pointed in my direction.

  “Nothing is going to happen until you put your hands on your head!”

  I gritted my teeth and slowly raised my hands toward my head. I could feel the pain scratching along the sides of my hands as the blood slowly trickled down my arm.

  “My hands are on my head. Now get me Detective Marks.”

  “Turn around. Slowly.”

  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” I dropped my head back in frustration and turned around.

  There had to be at least eight cops collected in the small room, all waiting for me to make the wrong move. J.D. stood in the corner, almost completely emotionless except for the dark smirk he wore.

  When I was fully turned, two officers put away their guns and rushed toward me, grabbing my arms, pulling them behind my back, and hauling me toward the door. I panicked and strained against them, resisting their effort to take me away.

  “What are you doing? I need Detective Marks.”

  “Just calm down, Dare. Let’s go.”

  “No!” I roared, pulling my arms free and pushing away one of the cops before turning my fist on the other.

  I couldn’t match them all and they covered me, fighting me to the ground until they could handcuff me.

  “What the hell is going on?”

  I looked up to see Detective Marks in the doorway.

  “I did it.”

  He narrowed his eyes at me. “You did what?”

  “I killed Craze,” I said firmly. “Now let Araya and my brother go.”

  “Take him to the back,” Detective Marks ordered, and the two police officers tugged me to my feet.

  “Have a nice life, Sebastian.” J.D. taunted as they moved me past him.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll save you a seat in hell, Dad!” I said and then spit in his face.

  Productive or not, it sure as shit made me feel better.