Hidden Wishes

by Lisa Manifold

  I would tell Tibby about him today and ask for her advice and help. I would block Graham on my social media accounts, so I would stop myself from looking at him. It would probably nearly kill me for a couple of days, at the very least. But looking at him and trying to decipher all the whys that I had wasn’t doing a frigging thing for me.

  Feeling better than I had all month, I shut the door, and bounded down the steps.

  Thank God it was a gorgeous day. I wouldn’t have been able to pull this off if it had been rainy.

  When I got to the office, I could see that Tibby was already there. Her lime was in the parking lot—I mean, her car. She had an old Volkswagen Thing that she and her dad had fixed up when she was in high school, and she’d had it painted lime green. Her license plate said ‘COCONUT’ after the song Put the Lime in the Coconut. Seth called it her flying lime, and I thought it was the best descriptor of her car ever.

  While the thought of delving into my emotions didn’t thrill me, this was about an inward change. Tibby was the best place to start.

  “About time,” I heard her say as I came in. We were usually the first ones in, because we liked to get things done before the day officially started, before the rest of the staff showed up.

  “Good to see you, too,” I said in passing as I headed for our kitchen and the coffee pot.

  “Wait! What’s this?” She got up and followed me in. “Is this actually Bryant and not the miserable bastard I’ve been seeing for too long?”

  “Shut up,” I said. “Yeah, it’s me. I think, anyway. What do you have on your schedule this morning?”

  “Why?”

  “Because I want to close the door and talk to you.”

  “This sounds serious,” she frowned.

  I sat down and waited for her to settle.

  “Okay, I’m braced. Spill.”

  “I met Dhameer.”

  “What?” Tibby nearly knocked over her coffee cup. “When? How?”

  “He showed up in my house one day, after Graham left.”

  “What did he say?” She leaned forward in her eagerness. “You will also need to explain why you didn’t tell me at any point during the last month, but that can wait.”

  “That I could get my dearest wish, but that I’d have to make changes.”

  She studied me, and then she leaned back. “Is that why you finally told your family?”

  “Well, that was Graham’s big complaint,” I didn’t try to hide my bitterness from her. We’d been friends for too long. “Not that it seems to have made much of a difference.”

  “Are you still looking at him online?”

  “You’ll be happy to know I blocked him, so that I could stop myself,” I said.

  “That’s good. Online stalking never gets you anywhere.”

  “You never looked? Not after your three wishes, or whatever? You never looked up Seth?”

  She grimaced. “I was afraid to. I didn’t want to see that he’d married someone I could pick apart. So I can’t really give you grief, because the only reason I didn’t look was pure fear.”

  “I don’t know how you did it,” I shook my head.

  “You don’t know how intense things were,” she said. “If I’d looked, and saw that intensity transferred to others—at the time, I knew I couldn’t handle it. Not the reason why I couldn’t handle it, just that I couldn’t.”

  “Well, I’m not seeing anything that gives me any clue as to what the fuck is going on,” I said. “So I might as well stop torturing myself.”

  “Excellent motto. But tell me more about Dhameer.”

  “He actually showed up again. Recently. I told him he was a liar.”

  Tibby laughed. “He didn’t take that well at all, did he?”

  “Actually he was totally calm, which pissed me off even more. He said that maybe Graham wasn’t my dearest wish, and that I needed to look more inward for changes, because I’d been focusing on the outward things.” I felt myself slump, feeling defeated in having to retell this.

  What had all my suffering been for?

  “Stop moping. He wants you to learn shit for yourself.”

  “Shut up. You sound like him. ‘Humans don’t appreciate what they—‘”

  “Don’t earn,” Tibby chorused with me. “Yeah, I’ve heard that once or twice. But he’s right. I would have never found out that Seth was who I was supposed to be with, had I not put in some personal time with me.”

  “I’m tired of me,” I said.

  “Well, then, why would Graham want to be with you?”

  “I hate you sometimes.”

  “It’s a reasonable question.”

  “I asked him to marry me.”

  “He’s a good looking guy. No one has to accept a proposal just because someone asks,” she rolled her eyes at me. “He’s not an asshole, and he was good to you. But,” she stopped, tapping her lip.

  “What?”

  “Maybe Dhameer is right. Maybe Graham isn’t your dearest wish. With his hint about looking inward, maybe he wants you to be more honest about what your true wish really is.”

  “Oh, for God’s sake,” I threw up my hands. “Now it’s time for riddles?”

  “That’s what djinn do. Nothing is easy, or free with them. You can’t ever forget that.”

  I almost said something snarky, and then I stopped. She was right. I couldn’t forget that. Dhameer was a good…. guy, being, but he also was a djinn, and there was always a catch. I could remember Tib telling me that when she told me all about him.

  “I have been forgetting that,” I admitted.

  “So, how do you turn all this inward?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve been spending so much time—”

  “Being a crazy ex,” she said.

  “Yeah, okay, maybe. Whatever. Shut up. The point is, I don’t even know where to start.”

  “Well, how about you go out to dinner with your dad? Have you even seen your family since you told them?”

  “No.”

  “There’s where you start. I can tell you from experience, when you don’t have your family shit sorted, it screws up everything from there.”

  “Tibby, you don’t see your family.”

  “That’s because my parents still drink, and the rest of the family enables it. I’m honest with them, and I write, and even send money at times, because that’s what they need, but I don’t have to invite their baggage into my life. They are okay with me, and I’m okay with them. That’s what’s important, Bry.”

  Tibby told me that she and I were friends in the other life she’d lived, but that she’d screwed it up. I couldn’t remember it—the only Tibby I knew was the one I was friends with now. She’d always been healthy with her family and boundaries. Even if she didn’t see them.

  “I don’t know that I can fix whatever it is with my dad or Melissa,” I began.

  “Fuck Melissa. She’s Casey’s problem. Her only obligation is to be polite at family gatherings. If she can’t be polite, she can stay home.”

  “That will go over well.”

  Tibby shrugged. “Who cares? This isn’t her deal, and you don’t have to deal with whatever is up her ass. Now your dad, while I feel the same about him, he’s worth putting more effort into.”

  “So I can still be a disappointment?”

  “I don’t think you were the disappointment you think you were or are,” she said immediately.

  I started to object, but she kept talking.

  “You forget that I have been around your family, to the point where they thought I was your girlfriend. I see things you don’t. I think your dad is baffled that you’d put in so much more work to build something from scratch. In his mind, he had things all ready for you to just step right into. And you didn’t. I also don’t think you suffer by comparison to your brothers the way you think you do.”

  “Really? How long have you thought this?”

  “For a while. But you didn’t want to hear it, and it’s not my place to g
ive you a wake-up call when you don’t want one.”

  “I don’t know whether to say thanks, or what the hell,” I said.

  “Both are fine. You know I love you more than my car.”

  “Really?”

  “Okay, maybe almost as much as my car. Go call your dad. Have lunch with him and Granddad. Give him a chance.”

  I sighed. “You’re right. Thanks.”

  “No problem. Don’t go anywhere though—what else did Dhameer say? And why didn’t you tell me about this?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. I wanted to try to process it myself. Get it together, be successful.”

  “You have been. Maybe that’s part of it. You don’t see where the success is.”

  “This is not what I want,” I said.

  “Isn’t it?”

  “Shut up,” I got up. “You’re not a djinn. So you don’t get to be a pain in my ass.”

  “You don’t need to be a djinn for that,” she said loudly as I left.

  I hated to admit it, but she was right. There was a lot of her being right lately. It was a disturbing trend. I picked up the phone and dialed my dad’s office.

  Two days later, he and I and Granddad were having lunch in his favorite restaurant, and for once, not talking about anything personal. Given all the time I’d been spending on the personal, it was really nice.

  Plus, Dad and Granddad were both really good at what they did, and so it was nice to hear how they were working through some of their concerns. You know, without violating client confidences, of course.

  A group of men walked by, and Dad looked up. He smiled at one of the men, who looked to be of the same age as Dad.

  “Martin,” he said.

  “Gene,” the other man said. “How are you?” His eyes took in Granddad and I. “Mr. Higgs, Bryant,” he added, and the way he said my name got my hackles up.

  I glanced at Granddad to see if he’d noticed anything, and he had. His eyes had narrowed.

  But we waited.

  “So I hear you’re going to be a grandfather again,” Martin said. “Congratulations. It balances out the… disappointment. A little anyway,” his eyes took in me once more.

  Are you kidding me? Is he saying what I think he’s saying?

  Dad heard it too. One of his eyebrows cocked. “Thank you. We’re very excited to have another one. As for disappointment? What would that be, Martin? It’s been a great year for me, both with the firm, and with my family. I couldn’t be more pleased.” The eyebrow stayed raised.

  Almost like he was daring Martin. The question was, would Martin have the balls? Or the stupids to keep going?

  “Well, it’s a good thing you will have grandchildren from the older two, at least,” Martin sniffed.

  Oh, he had the stupids.

  “Are you insinuating that my son Bryant, who is sitting here, will not have any children? I’m not sure, so pardon me if I am being a bit obtuse in asking.” My dad’s voice was icy.

  “Well, now, in spite of the fact everything is all legal and nice, it’s not like he or…” Martin’s mouth pinched up in what looked a lot like distaste, “whoever can have children, now can they?”

  My dad stood up, drawing himself into a tower of disapproval. “I believe,” he said, and it was loud enough for the entire restaurant to hear, if they wanted to.

  Which they did, given the number of people who turned around to look. There were a lot of other attorneys here. I knew a fair number of them. Oh, hell. I avoided the gaze of everyone and focused on my dad.

  “You are making a fairly direct slur towards my son,” Dad said. “I might be incorrect, but I don’t think so. If that is the case, Martin, feel free to consult with any other firm who might be willing to work with you, in spite of your outdated and narrow-minded attitude. Good day,” As he sat back down, he deliberately moved his chair, putting his back to Martin.

  The other men who were with Martin had been edging away as Martin spoke, digging his hole with my dad. Now they glanced at me, and Granddad, and I could see shame written all over them. They were all younger than Martin, I noted. Whether it was shame at being called out, or shame over Martin’s words—I didn’t know.

  Didn’t care either.

  Martin swelled up like an angry chicken, but one of the other men with him put a hand on his chest, and another one on his shoulder and steered him away. There wasn’t a lot you could say without looking like a bigger ass when someone gave you the direct cut like my dad just did.

  The whole dining room seemed to hold its breath, and when Martin and his party disappeared into the foyer, the room exhaled, and exploded into conversation.

  I looked at my dad. Granddad was smiling a huge cat-that-ate-the-canary smile.

  “Thanks, Dad,” I said.

  “For what?” He wiped at his mouth carefully with the linen napkin. “Martin? Sometimes you have to stop assholes from giving you too much shit.”

  He focused on his plate, taking another bite, ignoring me and Granddad.

  “I still appreciate it,” I said.

  “Well, I love you. You’re my son, and no stupid jack-off is going to insult you right in front of me. You’re ten times the man he ever will be.”

  I looked down then. If he said another word, I’d start to cry like a baby. My dad had never said anything like that to me that I could remember. Not ever.

  “Well, it’s about time you admit it, Gene,” Granddad said, clapping him on the back. “Thought you might die before you decided to drop the stubborn ass bit. See, Bryant? You thought this would all go south, but look! You just helped your old man get a step or two closer to a human! You should’a come out years ago!” Granddad laughed at himself.

  I couldn’t help it. Granddad’s pleasure, along with the look on my dad’s face as he glared at his father—I started to laugh, too.

  Dad glared at us both, and then rolled his eyes, and gave up.

  The entire room went quiet again as the three of us laughed so hard we couldn’t speak.

  It was the best lunch I’d had in years.

  I couldn’t keep the smile off my face as I drove back to the office. I felt like I could take on the world. I couldn’t wait to tell Tibby.

  I got back and parked in the lot next to our building. The parking lot alone was one of the reasons we’d bought it. Most places around this part of DC didn’t have any parking, other than what you could scavenge on the street.

  The cloud of all good things was so strong around me that I didn’t even notice when I nearly ran over the guy who had stopped to fix something on his bike.

  9

  Hey, guy!” A man’s voice shouted. It sounded like he was—oh, shit.

  I looked up, taking in for the first time the scene in front of me. A man, a bike over on its side, and the aforementioned man looked pissed.

  “I am so sorry,” I stammered. “I wasn’t—”

  The man waved his hand dismissively. “Yeah, you weren’t paying attention. Same old story. You need to start paying attention, buddy. You do realize we’re right out in front of…” he stopped and looked around. “Well, how convenient. A lawyer’s office? I could just walk in there and you’d be getting my doctor’s bills!” He glared at me, and then, in a movement so small I almost missed it, he looked up at our sign again. “How in the hell did I get all the way over here?”

  This was not a good situation, but it was hard not to laugh at this guy threatening me with my own practice. Not to mention his odd question. However, you can’t ride two horses with only one ass, as Granddad was fond of reminding me. I decided to concentrate on being threatened with myself.

  “This guy? He’s a real jerk,” I said, keeping my grin low-key.

  “Then he would be good at suing the hell out of—shit,” he said, dropping his head, hands on his hips. He sighed, then looked up.

  “I’m sorry for yelling like a crazy person. You’re the second person to crash into me today, and my patience is not what it normally is. I’m also
apparently out of sorts and totally lost,” he added.

  That wasn’t what I’d been expecting. Then the man smiled and wow. He was gorgeous. Light brown hair, and tall. Fit, as evidenced by his bike apparel. Slightly tan, which told me he probably biked a lot. A wide smile. The most amazing ice blue eyes I’d ever seen. Wow.

  “I’m really sorry. Are you all right? It’s fine if you want to talk to a lawyer,” I said.

  “I’m good. No worries. Just not in the greatest mood.”

  “Are you sure?” Now I was worried this might be some kind of scam.

  “Yeah, like I said, no worries.”

  “Listen, if anything does come up, here, take my card, and give me a call,” I said, fishing a card out of my pocket. If this did go south, I wanted to make sure that I had the ability to say I was trying to do the right thing.

  He took my card and looked at it. “Bryant Higgs… attorney?” He looked up, a faint smile at the corner of his lips. “I’m sure I was real intimidating, huh?”

  I cleared my throat. “Even more so in front of my office.” I gestured at the building. “I’ll give you some advice for free. Don’t ever admit you’re out of sorts to someone who you think you might sue.”

  He looked at the building, and then the card, and then me, and exploded with laughter. It was infectious, and I found that I couldn’t hold in my amusement.

  He sobered up after a minute, leaning on his bike. Then he held out a hand. “Declan O’Mara. Good to meet you although I’d have preferred it to be less of a collision.”

  “Bryant, just like the card says. Seriously, will you let me know that everything’s good?” I could hear my dad’s voice in my head telling us to be careful because as lawyers, people loved to sue us. Like some sort of cosmic justice or something.

  “Yeah, but I don’t think it’s a big deal. But sure, I’ll give you a call.”

  “Thanks. Sorry I—”

  “No problem. I’ll check in with you, ease your lawyer brain,” he laughed a little as he got back on his bike. With a wave, he cycled off.

  I stood, staring. I had to be more careful. I shook my head to clear it and went up the stairs into the office.

  “How was lunch?” Tibby asked from her desk.