Raw

by Simone Sowood

  “Fucking right I wouldn’t, that’s why I’m telling you this.”

  My phone rings again. My father this time. I pick up the phone and hit call reject. A half dozen more texts have come in while we’ve been talking, including one from Courtney.

  That’s insane. What on earth are you thinking? Why didn’t you tell me?

  Gee, I wonder, Courtney.

  I didn’t tell you because you’d get all judgmental, like you are now.

  Another text comes, this one from Barbara at the coffee shop. How the hell does she even know my number?

  Emily, I just wanted to let you know that some friends and I are having a prayer meeting for your family, Barbara

  How is this happening? It’s not even been an hour, and the entire town of Colmar is talking about it already. The gossips are out in full force tonight.

  “You know what? Right now I want out of this life and this town so badly that I’ll put up with any bullshit the carnival goers want to throw at me.”

  “You sure you want that?”

  “I told you before that I’m being serious. This isn’t a spur-of-the-moment thing that I just came up with. I need to find myself as an adult, to get away from all the crap with my family and learn to be the person I want to be.”

  “It’s a good life. We can go all over the country. See the Everglades, the Mississippi. And the best thing is, we’d be together all the time. But…”

  “But what?”

  “But you don’t have to decide tonight. This is a big decision to up and leave your family, and you don’t want to have any regrets.”

  “You up and left yours.”

  “That was my foster family, not my real one.”

  I look up at his eyes, wondering if he’s finally going to reveal more about himself.

  “And your real ones?” I ask softly, unsure if he’ll answer.

  Steel stands and walks towards the TV, a silence hanging in the air.

  “I never knew my father,” he says with his back to me.

  My heart wrenches in my chest. He opened up. Do I dare push for more? I want to know everything about this damn man, but he never talks about his past.

  Do I go up behind him and hug him? Or is it better to stay here, sitting on the bed. My phone beeps again, but I ignore it. I open my mouth to speak, but Steel interrupts me.

  “You’d better check that.”

  Sighing, I look at my phone. It’s a text from Courtney.

  I’m not getting judgmental, but the guy has a neck tattoo. Don’t you see warning signs?

  While the phone’s in my hand, I flick through some of the ones from my mother. She’s having a conniption fit about my safety.

  I only manage to look at the top one from my father.

  The whole town is talking about my daughter whoring herself to a scumbag

  It fills me with rage, and I slam the phone onto the pillow.

  I don’t care about answering any of them. I only want what’s in this room.

  Steel’s still standing with his back to me. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Hopping up from the bed, I move to him and put my arms around him, pressing my face into his back.

  “No regrets?” I say.

  “Not a single fucking one.”

  “Me neither.”

  He spins in my arms to face me. Our eyes lock and I’m flooded with the warmth he always brings me. Always. That’s all that matters. Not that anyone else cares, but if I’m learning anything, it’s that what anyone else thinks doesn’t matter.

  “If you’re serious, I’ll phone Papa Smurf and find out where he’s at. I’ve worked with him so long, there’s no doubt he’d want me back. But I have to find out if he’d take you,” he says, cupping my cheek.

  On the one hand I’m buzzing with excitement. On the other, I hadn’t considered the idea that I wouldn’t be hired. I feel foolish assuming I could just expect them to hire me.

  My phone starts ringing and beeping like crazy, all the vibrations move it to the edge of the pillow and onto the bed. The calls and texts keep coming.

  Trying not to panic, I move back to the bed and grab it. Courtney is phoning. Do I answer it?

  In the end I ignore it, and look through the most recent texts. My mother’s hysteria has reached new heights.

  I won’t let that man take my baby’s innocence

  I snort with laughter. Too late for that, Mom.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “My mother doesn’t want you to steal my innocence.”

  Steel chuckles, “Too fucking late for that.”

  “Should I tell her?” I say, laughing, ready to type.

  The phone rings again. It’s Courtney. I let it ring until it goes to voicemail. Courtney instantly calls again. Have they put her up to something?

  “Hey, what is it?” I say into the phone.

  “Emily, I don’t know what’s going on with you and that guy, but you need to know your father rounded up a bunch of his friends to go out hunting for your car.”

  Courtney’s words punch me in the chest and knock the wind out of me.

  Hell Bent for Leather

  (Steel)

  I don’t know what the fuck the person on the phone just said to her, but Emily’s face is paler than a kid who’s just gone through the Haunted House.

  “Thanks a bunch, Courtney. I’ll call you later,” Emily says and turns off her phone. She looks at me and says, “We need to get out of here, now.”

  “Huh?”

  “My dad and his buddies are out looking for us.”

  “For real?”

  “My parents have gone insane. Why don’t they think I can make my own decisions? Good decisions. Ones that make me happy.”

  “I don’t get it,” I say, shaking my head.

  “We have to go to the carnival now,” she says, her voice forceful.

  “I don’t even know where they’re at.”

  “Can’t you phone from the car? My parents are freaking, I’m not having them hold me prisoner again. They’ll know we’re not in Colmar, and Woburn is the first place they’ll start looking.”

  Maybe she’s right. The carnival is the perfect place for her to grow up and get away from their hold on her life.

  I grab her chin and force her eyes into mine. As much as I want to go back to being what I am, I’m not taking her to that life unless she’s certain it’s what she wants.

  “Are you sure the carnival’s the place you want to go?” I ask, my voice gruff.

  “Yes.”

  “Really sure?”

  “Yes.”

  “That doesn’t sound like a carny talking to me.”

  Emily giggles and says, “Fuck yeah, I’m sure.”

  “We’re in for some fun,” I say and kiss her cheek.

  Going around the room, I start gathering my stuff and cram it in my backpack.

  “What about all your stuff?” I ask.

  “It’s gone.”

  “Huh?”

  “There’s no way I’m going home to get a damn thing. I’ll buy whatever I need.” Her words are strong, but her voice trembles. I drop the backpack and hold her tight against me.

  “Don’t be scared, Goldie, I’ll take good care of you.”

  “I know,” she says, sinking her body into mine.

  I kiss the top of her head and stroke her back. We stay still for a minute, while she controls her nerves.

  “We should go,” I say, my voice soothing, “before they find us. A cheap motel is the first place they’ll look. It’s only eight. We can drive for an hour and find another place to stay.”

  Emily nods her head, and I release her from my arms. We move around the room, gathering the rest of my stuff and cramming it in my backpack. I bought some more clothes while I was here, and it’s a struggle to fit them all in.

  “I’ll check out, you wait in the car.”

  I lock up the room and go to the office to check out. When I leave the office again, the Corolla is smack in fr
ont of the office door. Emily’s sitting in the driver’s seat, her fingers gripping the wheel so tight, her knuckles are white.

  Opening the driver door, I say, “Why don’t you let me drive?”

  “You don’t know where we’re going,” she says, looking up at me, her jaw tight.

  “Neither do you.”

  I take her hand and lead her out of the car and around to the passenger side. She opens the door and gets in, and I close it again.

  In the driver’s seat, I pull out of the motel parking lot and turn right.

  “If you go straight, you’ll eventually get to the freeway,” she says.

  That was luck. We keep hitting reds, and I put my foot down each time the light goes green to get us out of here as fast as possible. Emily keeps looking all around, as if she’s being hunted. I put my hand on her thigh, trying to relax her.

  Once we’ve reached the freeway, we drive for an hour to Raleigh. There’s a sign for a gas station, so I pull into it and put the car in park.

  “I’m going to phone Papa Smurf,” I say taking out my phone.

  “Okay,” Emily says, and turns to stare out the back window.

  “Papa,” I say when he answers the phone.

  “Steel. You had enough of chasing that tail and coming back?”

  “Oh, I’m coming back all right, but I’m bringing my woman with me.”

  “Fuck, man, for real? You always had the magic.”

  “As real as day. You going to put her to work?”

  “For you, anything.”

  “Thanks, Papa. Now, where you at?”

  “Near Gulfport.”

  “Where the fuck’s that?”

  “Mississippi, right on the Gulf.”

  “Okay, what’s that? A day’s drive. I’ll be there tomorrow or the day after.” Depending on if I want to stop and show Emily something along the way.

  “Buses here ain’t that fast.”

  “We got our own car.”

  “No shit. In that case, I have your own trailer for the two of yous, if you can tow it. We’re leaving in the morning, you get here first thing, and it’ll be here for you.”

  “Fuck yeah, how you swinging that? Screw it, I’m not asking questions, I want the trailer.”

  My own trailer, there’s no way I’m missing out on that.

  “Then you better get driving, it’ll take you about twelve hours and we’re leaving in ten.”

  “We’re on our way. Text me directions to Gulfport.”

  I hang up the phone and turn to Emily, my face beaming.

  “We got ourselves our very own trailer.” I can’t hide the excitement in my voice.

  “That sounds good,” she says, unsure of her words.

  “Can this little car tow a trailer? Google it.”

  Emily taps into her phone and says, “Up to fifteen-hundred pounds, apparently.”

  “And this thing has a trailer-hitch?”

  “My father made sure this car had everything there was to have. One of the perks of being the dealership boss’ daughter.”

  “Is that a yes?”

  “Yeah.”

  “We need to get ourselves to Gulfport, Mississippi by morning.”

  “How far is that?”

  “Maybe a twelve-hour drive and we have ten hours to do it in. Do you know how to get to Mississippi? Look it up on your phone.”

  Without waiting for her, I put it in gear and pull back onto the highway.

  “I can’t believe I’m really doing this,” Emily says, turning her phone on.

  The phone starts beeping and chiming.

  “Ignore the texts.”

  “I’m looking at Google Maps. It’s easy, follow I-85 past Atlanta, change to I-65 at Montgomery, Alabama.”

  “Easy. Now turn off your phone.”

  “I can’t not look at the texts.”

  “Yes, you can,” I say, reaching over to grab her phone.

  Emily moves it against her window, out of my reach, her eyes fixed to the screen. My eyes flick between her and the road. Her breathing’s getting fast and I grab her nearest arm to try to get her to stop looking at the phone.

  “My mother is throwing all kinds of mud at you. There’s no word from my father. I guess he’s too busy looking for me. Should I tell her we’ve gone?”

  “No way, then he’ll follow us. Better to let him drive in circles around town.”

  “Your carnival isn’t on the internet. I know, I looked hard for it.”

  “That’s because we’re small. Papa Smurf don’t care about that shit. We go different places every year, what’s the point?”

  “So they’ll never find us.”

  “Not likely.”

  “So who cares if I tell them?”

  “Why don’t you say we’re going to Georgia?”

  “Same highway,” she says, sighing.

  “So don’t tell them nothing.”

  She starts tapping away at her phone.

  “What are you typing?”

  “A text to my mom,” she says and sets the phone on her lap. I assume she’s hit send. “I said they’ve given us no choice but to leave the area because they were so rude to us. And also that I quit my job.”

  Her words surge through me and make my dick twitch. She’s all mine now.

  Drop Dead Legs

  (Emily)

  Steel’s speeding down the highway. We’re going way faster than I would drive, but I feel safe sitting here beside him.

  I can’t believe I’m leaving home and everything I’ve ever known behind. But after the way things have turned out, I have no regrets.

  A month of being with Steel every day has taught me one thing, I don’t want those days to end. I’m completely under his spell. Being with him means more to me than anything else. And I’m doing the unthinkable in order to make it happen — becoming a carny.

  “I’ve never been to Mississippi,” I say.

  “It’s nice. Good to see the river. I went to Elvis’ birthplace there before, but I don’t know if we’re going near there this year or not.”

  “Wow, it all sounds so exciting. I didn’t realize carnies were into sightseeing.”

  “Sure we are, why not? See all that different shit all over the place? It’s great.”

  “So where else have you been?”

  “Lots of places. I’ve told you, I’ve been to forty-one states.”

  “Which one are you from?”

  “That don’t matter, I joined the carnival so long ago I barely even remember.”

  “That’s crap.”

  “It ain’t. I don’t care, why do you?”

  “Fine. So, what states haven’t you been to?” I’m trying a new tactic. He’s always so guarded about himself. I suspect he’s ashamed, since he knows how privileged my life’s been.

  “Alaska. Hawaii.”

  “California?”

  “Yep, been there but nowhere else on the west coast. Razor and me went there one year during the winter break. Saw the Santa Monica Pier and the Hollywood sign.”

  “That’s so cool.”

  “It was, but I prefer the east coast.”

  Does he prefer because he’s an east coast boy, or is he a west coast boy who wants to leave it behind?

  “What about Oregon and Washington?”

  “Nope, never been.”

  I try to visualize a map before realizing how futile that is. Time for Google Maps again.

  “What about Montana?”

  “No.”

  “North Dakota?”

  “The towns are too spread apart in those places.”

  “Idaho?”

  “What is this, twenty questions?”

  “No, I’m just trying to eliminate the places you haven’t been so I can narrow down where you’re from.”

  “I keep telling you, it don’t matter.”

  “But where’s your home? Why won’t you tell me?”

  “I told you before my home was wherever my bunkhouse is, but…” />
  “But what?”

  “I suppose now my home is wherever you are.”

  My body bubbles over from his words. There’s no doubt in my mind that what I’m doing is the right decision. A lump forms in my throat, and I can’t say anything more.

  It’s after midnight. The darkness of the road and the movement of the car are lulling. My eyelids are heavy, and I’m struggling to stay awake.

  I wish I was wearing something more comfortable than this dress. And had some panties on. I didn’t wear any as a surprise for our one-month dinner and a movie celebration. Sitting in a car for ten hours wasn’t a consideration, or I would’ve worn sweat pants.

  Trying to get more comfortable, I hitch the dress up to the top of my thighs. It’s not much, but at least it lets me move my legs to a more comfortable position.

  “Tired?” Steel asks.

  “Very.”

  “You should sleep. You’re going to have a busy day tomorrow.”

  “Am I going to have to work right away?”

  “Probably. Papa don’t do freeloaders, though he might make an exception for me. But when we get there, we’re hitching up the trailer and moving on to the next town, probably another hour drive.”

  Tired and nervous, emotions threaten to overwhelm me. I recline my seat and close my eyes, trying to calm myself.

  I’ve managed not to check my phone since I sent my mother the last text, and I’m determined not to look until morning.

  “Good night,” I say, already half asleep. This is the first night we’ve spent together since the night at the carnival. It’s not exactly how I pictured things when I got up this morning, but then, no moment with Steel has ever been how I expected.

  In seconds, I’m asleep and dreaming about Steel holding me.

  In a haze, I’m aware of the car stopping. Steel’s hand moves high up on my exposed thigh. I open my eyes, and he’s staring at me.

  “Are we here?” I ask, my voice groggy.

  “No.”

  “Where are we? Why did we stop?”

  “Because I’ve been driving the past three hours, listening to you breathe and unable to focus on the road as I’ve looking at your long legs.”

  I’m still more asleep than not, and I don’t know what he’s talking about, but his words wrap around me like a hug. I let out a soft noise of approval.