Shh!

by Stacey Nash

  The laugh I forced out was just as strained as the smile, because what I really wanted to say—no, yell—was, what is wrong with you people?

  This had to stem from my public break-up with Christian. The stares in the dining hall had been horrendous this morning, but this ... this was different.

  I spun away, wishing I hadn’t stopped.

  “C’mon, baby.” He grabbed my arm.

  Heat raced to my face and I tugged myself free of his slimy grip. This wasn’t cool, by any stretch of the imagination. Guys didn’t throw themselves at me, ever. Sure there was the odd flirt before I’d started dating Christian, but nothing as brazen as this. I held my chin steady as I walked away. It took every ounce of my strength not to run. There was no way I’d let that idiot see that he’d affected me. Maybe this was some kind of awful joke. Let’s see who can embarrass Olivia the most. It was no secret that I was a little old-fashioned, and put too much stock in what other people thought. Maybe this was a stupid challenge for one of Oxley’s boys’ clubs. Whatever it was, I wasn’t hanging around to find out. The group continued whistling and cat calling, but I tuned them out and kept walking until I was safely inside the glass doors and steadily moving down the stairs to my lecture theatre. Thank gosh, I was the first to arrive.

  I slid into a seat in the third row, and hung my head in my hands. What a nightmare. Stares, whispers ... if there was some sort of sexual rumour going around about me, that could be the end of my hopes of getting a job at Deakin Parry Associates in Law after graduation. Reputation was everything. Well, that and a perfect academic record, and I’d worked hard to maintain both. If there was a rumour my upcoming campaign for student council president may be the only saving grace.

  But rumours spread and they were sure to reach Deakin Parry, since Ella Parry’s father was a senior partner. The Ella who told her mother everything, who in turn told every person who happened to cross her path. Cripes. This would surely be the beginning of the end. The end of my hope of becoming a top-tier lawyer, the end of achieving everything I’d spent my whole life chasing.

  The theatre filled in around me while I tried to figure out what went wrong with Christian. He wasn’t always perfect, we weren’t perfect, but I’d thought we’d had something special. Yeah, things had been declining. It wasn’t the sex; that seemed all right. We’d spent the whole night together more than a few times. But thinking about it, he’d been avoiding sleepovers lately. Making excuses to leave before we fell asleep. Whatever his reasons, the way he’d behaved on Saturday night wasn’t him, and I really didn’t think he’d been that drunk. Not like Dane. I wasn’t all that upset. It was more like a puzzle I needed to solve.

  “Mind if I join you?” A deep voice broke my thoughts and I looked up into the brightest blue eyes. They weren’t a steely blue-grey, nor were they a darker navy. They were like the azure of a tropical ocean pool and they were crinkled at the corners, matching the tiny amused smile curling one side of his full lips.

  I’d been staring too long. Again.

  “Logan Hays,” I said.

  “Olivia ...”

  “Wants to sit alone.”

  “I won’t bite, promise.” Logan tipped his head to the side and made those gorgeous eyes of his round and pleading. Before I could answer, he slumped into the seat beside me.

  This guy was in my class and I’d never noticed him? Boy, my Christian blinkers must have been firmly on. Either way, I wasn’t sure I was happy to have him sitting next to me. Nausea had been curling inside me since Saturday night and I felt kind of like a violin strung too tight.

  “You studying human nature?” he asked.

  “Arts, Law major. And I haven’t seen you in this class before.”

  “I’ve seen you.” A knowing smile stretched across his full lips and the way he held my gaze made those strings tighten and warm. The warmth collected right in the pit of my belly.

  Stop it, Olivia. You’re not going there. I shuffled to the far side of my seat. I needed way more space than the tiny bit between us. Couldn’t he leave a spare spot like normal strangers did? I pulled out my tablet and attached the keyboard, but his gaze remained on me. I could feel it prickling my back as I set the device up on my table.

  “Often.”

  I flinched and pulled my bag into my lap to search for some imaginary item I really, really, needed right now. Anything to avoid looking at the sexy-as-hell guy who just owned up to watching me. Often. Oh my gosh, he was totally flirting. Heat rushed to my cheeks.

  Logan chuckled, a deep throaty sound, and then it hit me. He was just doing the same thing as the fresher outside; coming onto me because of a dumb game, a stupid rumour, or whatever. He was a friend of Dane’s after all.

  “You should go sit somewhere else. I’m not interested.”

  Logan pulled a lecture pad out of his bag and slapped it onto his desk.

  “Nope.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I’m not moving.”

  I scooped up my tablet and grabbed my bag. There was no way I’d sit there for his amusement. I stood up and took a step, but was tugged back into my seat by a firm hand on my waist.

  I froze.

  Tingles shot through my entire body like little earthquakes and the place his hand sat? That was the gosh darn epicentre. Or maybe it was centred somewhere south of the pit of my tummy. Our gazes remained locked and his blue eyes softened.

  “If you really want to be alone, I’ll go.” Logan’s voice was dead serious—all traces of teasing gone. I dropped my gaze, ashamed of the right royal bitch inside me.

  “Don’t bother,” I said. “I just ...”

  The lecturer chose that moment to finally arrive, saving me as he bustled down the aisle and took his place at the lectern. I kept my eyes on the front of the room for the entire hour, not once glancing away from the balding man speaking in a boring monotone. Not even when I could practically feel the strange tension in the few centimetres of air that filled the space between me and Logan. Tension because I’d been mean, and now things were weird. Definitely not because he was attractive. No-freaking-way.

  The professor must have wound up, because people began moving, yet I still sat there facing the front, watching the space where he no longer was. I had no idea what the lecture topic had even been. My mind was a blank haze.

  “I usually sit up the back. Last to arrive, first to leave.”

  I jumped at the sound of Logan’s low voice for the second time that day. “So you’re not a stalker then.”

  What the heck, Olivia? I had no idea where that stupid declaration had come from. A hot guy like him wouldn’t stalk me. Stalk anyone. Surely he wasn’t short on attention from girls. Logan seemed to think it was funny though; it scored another one of his delicious chuckles.

  “Not a stalker,” he said.

  “So it appears.” I packed up my tablet and shoved it into my bag which I then slung over my shoulder. I needed to get out of there before I embarrassed myself again. This guy sure brought out the stupid in me. “Bye, Logan.”

  I strode up the aisle. I’d have to move fast to make it across to Business Law. I mapped out the long route in my mind—around the back of arts, through the carparks, all the way around the back of campus to the other carpark, then up through one of the other dorms. A bypass of the science faculty and I’d be there. I didn’t want to risk running into that loser fresher again.

  “Olivia …”

  I spun around. My hand landing on the door steadied me.

  “What’s your last name?” Logan asked.

  Strange question; why did it matter what my surname was? We were barely on a first-name basis.

  “That’s the type of question a stalker would ask.”

  And with that I slipped out of the lecture theatre.

  ****

  At five p.m I was starving. After just the muesli bar for breakfast, I’d skipped lunch to avoid a potential repeat of this morning, which meant my stomach had jumped into full ri
ot mode. Nervous about facing my fellow students, I pulled my big girl panties up and marched myself to the dining hall. It was early, so I wasn’t all that brave, if I were being totally honest with myself. The place should have been near empty.

  There were half a dozen people in the common room, watching some crappy reality television show. I scooted around the back of the seats and up into the dining hall. Dinner smelled delicious—burgers—if my senses served me right.

  Twirling my meal card around my fingers, I strolled right up to the servery and stood in line. The girl in front of me turned and I tossed a confident smile her way. She smiled back. The line wasn’t moving yet as dinner hadn’t officially started, but people began flowing in, increasing the number of voices in the room. I swiped my clammy hands on my jeans. This was the first time in more than a year that I’d come down to dinner alone. Generally I came with Christian and being alone was a little daunting. It was all cool, though. Savvy should turn up soon, then I wouldn’t look like a loner. She never responded to this morning’s text and I hadn’t seen her since Saturday night, but that wasn’t uncommon if she’d hooked up with a guy. Especially with how busy I’d be this year. She knew my Sundays were reserved for study, so she didn’t usually bother me then, and today we’d been at classes. Still, it was a little weird. She could have at least called to chat about Christian, surely she knew like everyone else.

  My tummy grumbled like a truck moving at high speed. I glanced at the clock; it read five-thirty p.m. The line started moving, thank the lord. I glanced over my shoulder, and surprisingly the line curled all the way around the edge of the hall. Everyone had to be famished tonight, not just me.

  I kept my eyes to the front and walked through the servery where I built my own burger: meat, egg, tomato, beetroot, no lettuce, and a slathering of tomato sauce—perfect. As I emerged out the other side, my gaze slid over the line, looking for someone who might join me, and the weirdest thing happened. Not a soul met my gaze. It was like they all deliberately looked the other way, or were engrossed in such deep conversation that they didn’t see me.

  I’d never had problems with friends. People just … well … they liked me. It had always been that way. I liked everyone, and they all liked me back.

  My tummy churned for reasons not associated with hunger. What the heck had I done wrong? I walked over to one of the many empty tables and set my tray down, then flicked my phone out of my pocket and pretended to check my texts. Savvy had replied and I’d missed it.

  Sorry I missed breakfast. Catch you at dinner.

  A string of girls who I knew—we’d all been freshers together last year—walked right past me, talking softly as if they thought I couldn’t hear, but when people are talking about you, it’s not hard to tell. And those girls were most definitely doing just that. The glances my way every few seconds were a dead giveaway when everyone else in the room was deliberately avoiding my gaze.

  I ducked my head, and studied my phone again. Whatever was going on, it was weird. I was the captain of Oxley’s hockey team, netball team, in the social committee, and even campaigning for the university’s student council. I had lots of friends.

  Savannah’s giggle sounded like it came from somewhere behind me. Thank gosh. I really needed to talk to her and figure out what was happening. The whispers and stares, the fresher at uni this morning, Dane on Saturday night, sexploits—Oh my gosh. Christian. I glanced over my shoulder, raising my hand to call Savvy over, but my heart dropped into my stomach.

  Savvy was attached to Dane’s hip. Her arm hung around his waist and his rested on her shoulders. Christian walked in step with them and the two guys wore massive grins. I hadn’t seen Christian that happy since … well, since I couldn’t remember. I suppose now that I thought about it, lately he’d been kind of cranky and tired. Always tired.

  I swung back around in my seat, hoping they hadn’t seen me, and there someone had sat in the chair opposite me: the tool from this morning. He stared like I was some porn star he’d just paid to watch. And he smelled like a brewery; not to mention his eyes looked a little glassy.

  Those same eyes locked on my mine and he placed his flattened palm on his chest like he was about to dive headfirst into a heartfelt apology. Which frankly, he owed me. His hand circled over his left pec, going for his heart, but then it moved to the other side and—ohmygod did he just tweak his nipple? My heart pounded a little faster and I glanced away. The entire dining hall looked at us. But he was like a train wreck. I couldn’t stop my gaze sliding back. His hand trailed down his chest and disappeared under the table in the general direction of his groin. He moaned, then his arm started moving slow at first and increasing in speed, all the while his dark eyes held my gaze. Then the crazy guy rolled his eyes back in his head and yelled, “Yes. Aaa—aa—ash. Yes!”

  Someone clapped.

  He arched his back. What in hell’s name was this freak doing? It was like that old nineties movie where the chick faked an orgasm in the middle of a café, except this was some dude in the centre of the Oxley College dining hall and I wasn’t entirely sure he was faking it.

  Spent, he flopped in the seat, his arms hanging beside it, then snapped his head forward again and his face split in a stupid grin as he pushed his chair back, placed an arm across his waist, and freaking bowed.

  Everyone laughed.

  The whole room full of people thought this idiot was funny.

  I couldn’t move. It was as if the air had frozen around me and I was a statue unable to even blink.

  “My impersonation of the one and only Olivia Dean,” he shouted, loud enough for the whole room to hear.

  Couldn’t the ground just open up and swallow me already? My cheeks burned so hot they should have caught fire. Blood rushed past my ears so loud that I couldn’t hear anything; my stomach lurched.

  I was going to throw up.

  I needed to get out of there, right now. Whatever held me in place snapped free. I shot to my feet and high-tailed it out of the dining hall, past a million staring faces. The common room was no more than fuzz at the edge of my periphery, Front Courtyard much the same. I cut across the back of block F and made a beeline for K, then darted up the stairs and into my room.

  Whatever was going down, it looked like I was the centre of a joke I didn’t find funny or nice.

  A soft tap sounded at my door. I ignored it. They could all go to hell. I flung myself on my bed, totally humiliated. Why was this happening? I didn’t sleep around. I wasn’t a tease. I was just me, plain old Olivia Grace Dean. Was this because of Christian? He’d said sexploits, and there must be sexy rumour with my name slapped on it. I needed to pull myself together and talk to him. Talk this out like we should have on Saturday night.

  Yes, that’s what I’d do. Tomorrow. Right now, I couldn’t move at all. My legs felt all wobbly, and my stomach still threatened to bring up all the food I hadn’t eaten today. Good thing I kept a stash of snacks in my top cupboard. Somehow managing to climb to my feet, I threw the cupboard open and my heart sank. It was just about bare. I scavenged some dried fruit from the very back and sat at my desk, busting the packet open.

  I flicked my computer on, and when it booted up, went straight to email. Four new messages. Mum, Student Services, Savannah, and lhays14@une.com. Hmm, not an address I know. Savvy’s message was date stamped yesterday, 16:09.

  I’m so sorry about Christian. The guy’s a jerk and revenge will be sweet. Knocked on your door once or twice today to plan said revenge, but you didn’t answer. I won’t let you get away with solitude for long.

  I clicked to open the other message from an unknown sender.

  Olivia Wants-To-Sit-Alone,

  Your screen was noticeably blank at the end of today’s lecture. Thought you might appreciate a re-cap.

  You’re welcome.

  Stalker Boy

  Ohmygod. I snapped the offending laptop closed and jumped away from it. Lhays14 had to be Logan. How in the heck did he get my email and why
was he being nice?

  He so wanted in because of those damn rumours. Whatever they were.

  CHAPTER THREE

  I wasn’t game to show my face around college until I got to the bottom of this mess. At least not in crowded places like the dining hall, which meant I needed food somewhere else, which meant a trip into town. Luckily, I had no early classes on Tuesdays. My first lecture was at eleven, so I had time to nick in and back out before I needed to head up the hill to campus.

  After a quick shower, and pulling on my jeans and tee, I grabbed my purse and headed out. With nerves churning my tummy yet again, I took the long way around the back of the dorm and to the street, then over to the bus stop. Not walking through college was self-preservation, not cowardice. Maybe. While I waited for it to arrive, I tipped my head back and peered up at the dappled light passing through the massive elm trees.

  Town, then uni, then tonight I’d talk to Christian.

  A lump formed in my throat. We’d had a good thing and it was over. I had no idea why or even if it was my fault. Christian and Dad had gotten on so well when he’d come to visit me over the summer break that my parents would be disappointed. Christian came from a good family that was well connected. I sighed. Who broke up with someone without even discussing the reasons? And publicly? It all seemed really ... high school.

  “Livia!”

  I cringed at the sound of my not-name being hollered from the opposite side of the road, but it was just Savannah, looking like a giant strawberry in a bright trench coat and matching crimson boots. She waved like a lunatic, glanced both ways far too quickly and darted across the road to join me. Her arms swooped around me as she pulled me in tight. I almost melted into her embrace, for the first time in days I felt a little less alone.

  “Where have you been? I’ve called by a dozen times and you never answer, then you’re not at meals either, or answering emails. I’ve been worried about you, and I’m so sorry about Christian.”