Elvage

by Mary E. Twomey

  Jamie explained the double laplanding and the unforeseen consequences, leaving Foss at a loss for words. Jens finally reached us, and Jamie was the only one with his wits about him enough to warn Jens about the dead bodies directly below us so his canoe did not get stuck on them.

  Foss was somber as he lowered my body down into the canoe. I watched with equal amounts of amusement and horror as Jens wrapped his arms around my body and kissed my lips.

  Jamie squirmed and wormed his way out of Jens’s grip, leaving my poor boyfriend with a stricken expression. I listened to the condensed version of things again and watched Jens go pale. When we were all in the boat, including the hogtied unconscious man, Jens had a hard time looking at us. Every time he glanced at either Jamie or me, he squinted and turned his head back to the paddle, as if we were the sun that was too bright for his eyes.

  Judging by his grim expression, I voiced my biggest fear of the moment. “Is it permanent, then?”

  Jens offered up an unconvincing smile. “No. I’m sure it’s not. We’ll find a way to get you back, babe… Lucy.” He grimaced as we made eye contact and turned away again. Jamie put a small hand on my back, and I could see the doom dawning on him, as well.

  Sixteen.

  Freaky Friday

  Britta tried to kiss me, but she was easy to fend off and rattle off the story to. Her response was different than Jens’s. He responded by avoiding both of us, lest he accidentally kiss either his best friend’s body or his being. Britta sat between us, holding both our hands to offer whatever comfort she could. When it comes to being awesome, women really have a leg up in these kinds of circumstances. You know, the times where you switch bodies with your best girlfriend’s boyfriend.

  Jens and Alrik were deep in planning mode to rectify the situation as quick as possible. Foss had wrestled the possessed man Pesta used to attack us to a chair in the dank hut, tying him securely to the wood. We were inside a small house on a hill that Jens had scouted out for us. The owners could not get to their home because of the surrounding flood, so we squatted to get some rest from the rain.

  Foss changed into dry clothes like the others had done, but Jamie and I sat in our soaking clothing, too respectful of the other person’s body to disrobe. Thank God for Jamie. If it’d been some perv I double laplanded with, I’d be pretty batty right about now.

  Jens gave up on the powwow and sat next to me, leaning against the wall with a grim expression. “We don’t know how to undo it,” he admitted.

  I drew my new knees up to my chest and tried not to break down in girlish tears. I nodded, gulping back any hope that had managed to fight to see the light of day. “Okay.” My giant hands could do serious damage, but they held no comfort for me anymore. Little marks and quirks on my female body tugged at my heart as I began to say goodbye to them. For all the insecure moments where I sucked in my tummy or was disappointed by my reflection, I realized I didn’t hate my body after all. I should have made fewer foolish decisions. I should have been kinder to it. I should have been kinder to myself.

  I jerked my chin to the door. “Looks like you’re off the hook. You can go back to your Den and do what you want now.” I managed a weak smile that broke my heart as I tried to force bravery and the high road upon myself. “No hard feelings. We had a good go of it.”

  Jens softened, wrapping an arm around my hairy back. “Lucy,” he crooned in my ear.

  It was too much. The damn broke and the tears poured out of me. Jens was the one thing that was mine. Now he was the home I would never get to keep. It was better being able to say a decent goodbye, but feeling his arms around my giant body, I knew there would be little light without his constant glow for me.

  Jens gripped my shoulder. “I don’t know where you got it in your head that I just like you for your smokin’ body. Sure, this one’ll take some getting used to, but you’re still you.” He gave my cheek a light slap so I would turn my head and meet his determined gaze. “I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Right. The tattoo. You’re promised to my family.” I balled up my fists and dug them into my cheeks, feeling the short beard there. “Ugh! What a sucky life for you! You’re stuck with me.”

  Jens pulled my hands from my face and nuzzled my nose with his. “Baby, I’m not stuck. I want to be with you.”

  “No, you don’t. Not like you did before. I can see it. You look at me different. Why wouldn’t you?”

  Jens laughed. “Well, for one, you have a beard now. It’s going to take more than a couple hours to get used to. And sure, I don’t know how all the details are going to work out, but it’s not like we were having sex before. We’re still getting to know each other, taking it slow. We’ll keep doing that.”

  He held my face, and I had to close my eyes to fend off the love radiating from him. It was too big, too accepting of the freak show I had yet to make peace with. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to double-lapland with your best friend. I understand if you want to call it quits.”

  “Shh.” Jens leaned in and closed the breath of a gap between us, pressing his lips to mine.

  My heart spluttered and parts of me reacted very differently than I was prepared for. The room went silent, save for the thrashing man in the center Foss had tied to a chair. Jens’s lips were still soft as our facial hair bristled and brushed. When my eyes finally opened, I could see his devotion to me – his utter refusal to let us part. No matter what, it seemed we were in this until the end.

  Jamie was horrified to watch a romantic kiss between himself and his best friend. “Ah! I don’t want to see that!”

  Jens raised his arms in the air in triumph. “Yes! I win! That’s it. You’re marrying me. It’s done. It’s decided.”

  He looked so proud of himself, I couldn’t help but laugh. “How’d you work that out?”

  “Because I loved you even when you were a man. What other guy’s gonna say that? It’s over. Anyone else is a distant second. No more of this open relationship garbage. We’re sealed. It’s done.”

  I could not erase my smile. Only Jens would know how to turn this horror into a joke, and somehow get me to laugh along with him. “How do I know this wasn’t your plan all along? Pretty convenient, this flood. You just had to go leave us in your canoe so Jamie and I would of course switch bodies. You’ve had your eye on this prize for years, but Jamie would never go for it.” I rubbed my man chest seductively.

  “I usually get what I want,” Jens replied, holding onto my hand. The levity turned to tenderness with a single look from his beautiful eyes. “We’ll figure it out, Loos. So long as you’re you, I’ll follow you to the ends of Undraland, and then to the Other Side.”

  Foss broke up the sweet moment, as that was his nature. “Could we move on from the most disturbing sight I’ve ever seen?” His fist yanked on the rabid man’s ponytail, jerking his head up so it did not thrash around so violently. “I need to know how Pesta keeps finding us, and this is the first time we might be able to get some answers.”

  The man gnashed his teeth at me. There was no mistaking that either Jamie or I was his intended target.

  Alrik gave me a grave look that made my spine stiffen. “I think you and Britta might prefer the rain to the business we’re going to conduct in a moment, Lucy dear.”

  “What business?” Then I saw Foss cracking his knuckles and Jens standing to sharpen his knife on a stone he’d brought inside, both looking with a cold calculation at the rabid man. “Oh, torture? Yeah, I don’t want to be here for that. Is it really necessary? I mean, he’s a real live person beneath what Pesta did to him. I’m guessing he can’t give you information, even if he wanted to cooperate. She’s controlling him.”

  “That may be, but we’re running out of options.” Alrik placed his hand on Foss’s shoulder. “Wait until Lucy leaves the house. She doesn’t need this to keep her up at night. She’s already seen too much as it is.”

  “I’ll stay,” Britta ruled.

  “Yo
u coddle your niece, Alrik,” Foss argued, glaring at my body. I watched Jamie stand and try to meet Foss’s intimidation with his own, but my petite stature compared to Foss’s let a little air out of the tires. “Sit down, woman,” he sneered at Jamie.

  Jamie did not hold to my pacifist views. His fists clenched as he stepped forward and shoved Foss, clearly having hit his limit with all things frustrating when he lost his penis.

  Foss responded as Foss was trained to. He backhanded my body and sent me flying down to the floor.

  Jens and Charles immediately got in Foss’s face while Alrik helped Jamie up. “You can’t treat her like that!” Jens growled.

  Foss’s nose scrunched as he glanced from me to Jamie. “Well, what are the rules now? This is confusing.”

  “How about no one hits anybody? Novel concept,” I jabbed, wishing I didn’t live in a world where I had to say things like that. I rubbed my sore cheek and glared at Foss, who really should’ve known better by now.

  Jamie sat back down next to Britta, who fretted over him. I could see the irritation building in him at being babied, but he was too well-mannered to rebuke Britta.

  I intervened. “Come on, Jamie. Let’s go outside. I need to talk to you.”

  When we got outside, both of us breathed a little easier, even though it was rainy and wet. Jamie let out a grunt of frustration as he leaned against the house in my soaking clothes. “I hate this!” he bellowed. The way he carried my body was different. He was used to a wider gait, and he crossed his arms a lot more. It was mildly entertaining to watch myself be… different.

  “I know. So let’s fix it.”

  “Do you think I want to watch me make out with my best friend?” He snorted at me. “No one can fix laplanding. It’s a law of nature. You can’t undo it. You have no idea the permanence of these things.”

  I turned away from him and looked out at the flood. Miles and miles of water separated us from the place we killed that stupid possessed Sleipnir that got us in this pickle in the first place. “Don’t talk to me like I’m an idiot. When the others do it, I get it, but you’re in my head. You should know how that hurts me.”

  Jamie hung my head and centered himself. “You’re right. That wasn’t fair.”

  “I’m not naïve. But I’m also not a quitter. Have you ever heard of something like this happening?”

  “Never.” Jamie banged the back of my head against the wall in frustration.

  “Then we don’t know it can’t be undone. Let’s think about the problem logically for a second before going off the deep end into the pit of despair. My gosh, you Undra people are so dramatic.” I looked down at my hairy knuckles and smiled. “Not that there aren’t perks to being you. I’m so tall, and people look at me like I can do anything. It’s like this body came with built-in respect. Kinda awesome.”

  “Well, I hate being you. They look at me like I’m five years old. They talk over me, as if I have nothing of value to say. Like I can’t help or do anything for myself. And Foss? He never would have dared strike me before this.”

  I took his harsh assessment of my body in stride. “Sucks, doesn’t it. But you didn’t hear me whining, and Foss has done worse than backhand me, chief. I know who I am, and so should you. Deal or whine. I don’t care which, just do it quietly. I’m trying to think.”

  It was then that the torture started. Bile rose in my throat at the sound, and my mind raced to find a solution to all the problems of the day.

  I focused on my short, filthy fingernails, wishing there was some way to dig out the dirt that looked permanent. I wondered if Charles had a whistle that could control grime.

  I lifted Jamie’s head slowly as pieces of the puzzle moved closer to fitting together if I jammed them in just the right way. Mouth dropped open, I raised my head to the sky and caught the first glimpse of sunlight breaking through the relentless rain clouds. “Jamie, I’ve got it!”

  Seventeen.

  Souls and Bodies

  “Stop! Stop it, Jens! Wait!” I cried as I burst through the door.

  Jens retracted the dagger he had stuck in the man’s arm and hid it, ashamed he was caught in the act of being barbaric. “Lucy, go outside.” Despite his bravado-laced kiss, Jens still had a hard time looking at me. He grimaced when he said my name.

  “Don’t hurt him. I’ve got an idea.”

  “Now’s not the time for your stupid chatter, Lucy.” At least Foss was predictable in his hatred toward me. “Get out. The grownups are talking.”

  “I’d watch myself, if I were you. I’ve got Jamie’s body now, and something tells me he could take you.” I turned to Charles. “I need you to think of a whistle. Invent one if you have to. I need a whistle that can draw Pesta out of this guy. Maybe like something to draw out poison? Or a version of what you use to strip the curse offa Foss?”

  Everyone stopped what they were doing and gave me their full attention. Alrik’s eyebrows wrinkled. “What do you mean, dear?”

  I pointed to the poor newcomer. “Parts of him are still here. His body’s still working. Pesta’s not all of him. Just a part. Is there a way to separate out the foreign matter?”

  “We need information from him,” Foss argued. “Even if that were possible, we’d need more than a halfy to do it. We have to know how Pesta’s finding us.”

  “Oh, yeah? How’s that working for you? Why don’t you chop off this poor guy’s arm and see if that makes him more vocal.” I turned to the guy strapped to the chair with blood dripping down his forehead, cheek, shoulder, arms, fingers and thighs, and pooling around his feet. “You know there’s a person in there, right? One of yours, Foss. He’s not in control of his body! Do you think he can move his mouth to tell you anything? No! Pesta’s pulling his strings.”

  “But how?” Jens asked, turning back to the man covered in sweat and blood.

  “I couldn’t care less how it’s happened. Point is, it’s done. You can’t keep hurting him like this! He won’t be able to tell us anything until Pesta’s out of him. That’s what you should be focusing on.” I moved closer and put my hand on the man’s forehead, tsking him when he snapped his jaws at me. “Now, now. It’s okay. What’s your name?” I knew he would not tell me, but it seemed wrong not to at least ask. Stringy long black hair and brown skin to match Foss’s, but the yellow eyes were from Pesta. I bent down to look at him square on, pressing my hands to my knees so I could examine the fervor as he lunged for me to no avail.

  He screeched so loudly, I knew it had to hurt his poor vocal cords. I placed my hand on his forehead, my heart breaking for him. “I’ll call you Harold until you can tell us your name, okay? Now Harold, I don’t want you to worry. The guys’ll stop hurting your body. We’ll get Pesta out of you.” Then my eyes narrowed, a sinister smile I didn’t often tap into creeping across my Jamie face. “And Pesta, if you can hear me, I’m a little insulted at what a poor job you’re doing at catching me. I mean, I thought you wanted me, needed me. Your Weres just got schooled by a human. A small little girl.” Then I blew a kiss just to taunt her. “I think I’ll just kick back with the rake Hilda the Powerful ganked from you. Maybe I’ll just throw it out, the piece of trash.”

  The poor possessed man snapped and foamed at me, his master clearly having got the message.

  I turned to Mace, who looked up at me with black and silver eyes full of sorrow and regret. “I don’t know what you think I can do, but I can’t move a soul from a body! If I could, I would’ve fixed you and Jamie already. I would’ve helped Henry Mancini!”

  “I know, big brother. But I have faith in you. You’re a Kincaid. Or I’m a Mace. Whichever one. We’re the same.” I motioned between us. “When it hits the fan, we figure things out. I know you’ve got this.”

  Mace shrugged, looking more wiry now that I was thicker and taller. “Okay. Give me a minute. Let me think.”

  I placed my hand on his back to urge him on. “Pesta’s the poison inside Harold. Try to suck it out with a whistle.”

&n
bsp; He shook his head, his hands frustrating his messy hair. “It’s not that simple. I have to put the poison into something else. Even if I could do what you’re saying, where would I put her poison? I don’t think anyone would volunteer for that.”

  Uncle Rick breezed by me and opened the door. “Fetch me an animal, darling.” He shook his head. “Um, Jamie. Sorry, grab whatever you can catch and bring it here, alive.” His eyes twinkled as he turned back to look at me. “We may just be able to kill two birds with one stone, here.” His hand rested on Mace, gripping with assurance that he believed in his boy. “This, you can do. I’m certain of it.”

  Jens looked uncertainly to Alrik. “Do you really think it’ll work? I’ve never heard of anything like this.”

  “I’m always eager to find a new bit of magic that’s yet to be discovered. Pesta’s already bested me once today because she pursued new methods of planning her attack. I will not be limited by what I already know.”

  Foss shook his head at the waste of time, but kept his protest to a mere grumbling as he stepped back. “Have at it, Mace.”

  Jamie called to us, reeking of frustration. “I need some help, here. This body isn’t cooperating.”

  Foss rolled his eyes at me. “You have never been more useless to me than you are now. There’s two of you, and neither of you are doing me any good.” He pushed open the door to help Jamie capture a wild animal.

  Charles gulped, and I could tell he did not have much confidence in himself as he readied for the challenge. “Do you want me to do this?” he asked, dreading my answer.

  “I think it’s our only way. Don’t think about Pesta in all of it. Just focus on the poison inside of Harold. He’s sick, Charles. Can’t you see it?” I placed my hand on Harold’s head that was slick with sweat, ignoring how hard he tried to lash out at me. My touch was maternal, and I hoped that Harold could feel it through all the layers of crap between us. Poor guy. He couldn’t have been more than thirty, and was bleeding because my boyfriend and husband couldn’t think outside the sociopath box. I glanced up at Jens, who was staring at me with admiration. “What?” I asked.