by Jennie Adams
Dan pushed the thoughts away. ‘Jess, will you tell me about your family? Where you grew up and what brought you here to Randurra?’ Maybe if he understood Jess better, that would help him to guide Luke as well.
Or simply make it more difficult for you to keep your interest in her on a professional footing.
For a moment she was silent and then she drew a big breath and turned to search his eyes. ‘I grew up in Wollongong, so not too far from Sydney, really. My parents died when I was small. I don’t remember them. An older aunt raised me and she passed away during my last year of high school. I worked in a few casual jobs after high school until I decided to become a certified daycare mum.’
She hesitated before she went on. ‘While I was expecting Ella, I came here to Randurra.’
A fierce expression came over her face. ‘I’m going to make sure my daughter has security and love for as long as she needs it in life. That she’s always got me and doesn’t feel abandoned.’
As Jess had felt alone because of her loss of family?
Dan had been telling himself they had nothing in common but there was this…
Had she chosen to be a daycare mum as a means of trying to fill that lack of family in her life? ‘Your vocation—’
‘Is something that I truly enjoy. I adore children, and I know there are plenty of parents who want to work while their children are small, or need to. That’s a personal choice. It’s just, for myself, I’d prefer to keep Ella close by.’
Jess turned the conversation to Dan. ‘What about you? You came here from Sydney, but what about your life before that? Do you have other family?’
‘There’s my sister and brother-in-law. Dad passed away ten years ago and Mum retired to Queensland. I see her about once a year.’
Jess nodded. ‘And the children’s mother…’
‘Her name was Rebecca.’ Dan drew a breath. It wasn’t as though it was difficult to talk about her. He’d done so with the kids so many times.
Yet his chest still hurt, unexpectedly so when he looked into Jess’s soft, understanding eyes. ‘I loved her from when we were teenagers. We were together for eighteen years. She…got cancer while she was pregnant with Annapolly and the specialist team believed there’d be time to treat it but I lost her a month after the birth. That was four years ago.’
The moment Dan said it, he wondered if he should regret it. He didn’t bare his soul to others, and the loss of Rebecca was something that was in his past now. He’d grieved and got on with his life, so why did it hurt so much to admit what Dan had known from the start? That Rebecca had been his chance at love and he…hadn’t had enough time with her?
Jess didn’t recoil. Instead, understanding and something that wasn’t envy but perhaps longing flashed across her face before she quickly dropped her gaze. When she looked up again, her expression was guarded. ‘I’m sorry for your loss, Dan. Thank you for telling me how she died. I don’t think I mentioned that I took the children back to the hospital. We just dropped off a small gift to the children’s ward. I think that was a good balancing experience for all of them.’
‘Daisy told me about it.’ Dan acknowledged her words with a dip of his chin, and wondered how his exploration into understanding Jess Baker had turned into an exposé of his own thoughts. ‘What I really want to know is if you’re okay, Jess? Sometimes I see worry in your eyes.’
She blinked, and blinked again and something in her face seemed to tighten before she threw back her shoulders and stuck out her chin. ‘I’m okay, Dan. Of course I am.’
But Jess wasn’t, not entirely. So what wasn’t she telling him?
Dan pondered that question again the next day as he dug out the box of family photos and started to put some on the walls. The urn with Rebecca’s ashes was still in its box.
The pictures felt somehow different. It must be the new house. And if Jess said she was fine, then he had to believe her. Didn’t he?
Dan buried himself in his work. Over the following days he was able to scale down the amount of time he was spending in Sydney, but the hours were still long. When he felt tired he ate packets of crisps. He barely even thought about Jess being around all the time, or listened for her voice while he was working, or enjoyed checking in with her when he stepped out of his den to see how the children were getting along.
Right, Dan. That’s exactly how it is.
Well, at least he seemed to have convinced Luke that he was only interested in how Jess cared for his family, and Jess seemed to be making progress whittling down the boy’s defences.
Days went past with Jess feeling way too conscious of Dan. Why did it have to be like this when he had told her how much he’d loved his wife? Surely she had nothing left inside her when it came to trusting a man, and it was clear she could never compete with Dan’s Rebecca, even if she wanted to.
‘I think I’m confused.’ Jess muttered the words at a pile of clothing as she shoved it into the machine in the laundry room.
Maybe she needed to believe that not every man was selfish and uncaring like Peter, Ella’s father. Maybe that was all.
Oh, yes? And that fact alone made her pulse race every time she thought of Dan, or looked at him?
‘Jess, I wanted to ask if you’d like—’
‘Oh. Dan. I didn’t realise you were there.’
He had his glasses on his nose, so he must have been working on the computer in his den. And he was so close. Jess could reach out and trace the grooves beside his mouth with her fingertips, or caress his ruffled dark hair.
And Dan could be totally resistant to all of the above, because she was his employee and not in his age bracket and he had been resistant to being aware of her, right from the start.
‘Oh. Um…’ Think, Jessica. About something other than how delectable he looks. ‘What—what did you want to ask me, Dan?’ Even saying his name sent a thrill through her.
They were in a house full of children. Anything else aside, no thrills were allowed!
Dan’s gaze shifted over her face, the bright pink bandanna tied through her hair, down over the loose cream cheesecloth blouse and darker pink skirt and back up to linger on her lips before it finally came back to meet her eyes.
‘We, ah, I’ve got a two-day gap where there won’t be much happening with the situation in Sydney. I want to take the family to the beach.’
Right. Dan wanted to go away to the beach with the children. Jess would lose two days of being around him.
You’ll lose two days’ work. Remember you still haven’t managed to get Lang Fielder to agree in writing to any extra time to make the repayments.
Jess had managed to see the man. He’d said she should go on making what payments she could out of her wages with that negotiation in mind. It wasn’t enough of a reassurance.
Well, Jess didn’t want Dan to see her fear. She had learned from being scammed and written out of his life by Peter Rosche that she had to stand by herself. For her sake and for Ella’s sake, too. Jess needed to remember that. ‘That sounds like a lot of fun. I’m sure they’ll all enjoy it. When were you planning to go?’
‘Tomorrow.’ Dan said the word in a low, deep tone.
‘Tomorrow.’ Jess repeated the word on a breath before she remembered she needed to comprehend it, not merely say it. ‘Right, well—’
‘Would you be available to come with us? You and Ella? I’ve picked days when you don’t have to mind other children.’ Dan backed out of the room as though he’d belatedly realised they were hovering in there, close, quiet, together.
Just as Jess had realised it.
He went on. ‘You don’t have to, but it’d make it easier for me. Two sets of adult eyes to watch them around the water.’
‘For the children’s sakes.’ That was easy. And Jess could let herself be relieved about the pay as well. ‘It’s always better to have two adults with that many children and water involved.’
Jess had never taken Ella to the beach. But with Dan, she could go.
And spend two days of sun, surf and sand with a gorgeous man.
Oh, for heaven’s sake. She’d just gone over this and they would be surrounded by children. There would be sand in shoes and hair and clothing, but there would certainly not be romance in the air.
‘I’ll be happy to make the trip with you, Dan.’ Jess stuck her chin out. Way out. So far out that even she couldn’t miss the fact that this was a statement about her work for Dan, not about wanting to laze on a beach with him.
Dan pushed his glasses up his nose, seemed to realise they were there, and whipped them off. ‘I’m glad. I’ll feel better about it.’
‘I will too, Dan.’ Maybe the couple of days away would help Jess think her way forward with the situation regarding her home.
If not, then she needed to start knocking on the other half of Randurra’s doors, and hope that a great deal of lucrative work came to light as a result. Work she could do around her current two jobs.
And really, who needed sleep or rest, anyway, provided she could make sure Ella was happy, and keep getting more money to pay off the debt? As Dan preceded her, Jess made her way out of the laundry room. ‘I’d better speak to everyone about packing for the trip.’
CHAPTER SIX
‘EVERYONE READY FOR this trip to the beach?’ Jess had supervised visits to the bathroom for the younger ones, and waited while various Fraziers ran around needing this item and that item that they simply couldn’t leave behind for their trip.
She’d packed for herself and packed for Ella and checked what had been packed for the children.
Rob had wanted to bring half the house for playing with on the beach. He’d settled on two soccer balls, and a whole tube of tennis balls.
The girls wanted to collect seashells, so buckets for them.
And Jess had packed the spades because once they got there she assumed at least one of them would want to make a sandcastle.
Just as well it was a big van. Jess strapped Ella into her travel seat and waited while Fraziers piled in all around her daughter. Watched bouncy bodies and an abundance of energy until she saw for herself that everyone had seat belts fastened. Luke was the only sober one, and that didn’t surprise Jess. She was doing what she could to befriend the boy, but he still treated her with suspicion and distrust half the time.
Then Luke dug Rob in the ribs with his elbow and challenged him to a race along the beach once they got there, Rob laughed and agreed and both boys smiled, and Jess really relaxed for the first time in ages.
Ella was kicking her legs and wiggling. Jess climbed in the front beside Dan, glanced at him and a big, silly grin spread across her face. She pushed her floppy hat off her head and let it dangle by its strings down her back. ‘We’re going to the beach.’
‘Right after we stop in town for the things I know they’ll all start asking for ten minutes up the road.’ Dan’s gaze took in the floppy hat, her face. He watched her strap herself in and his eyes came back up to briefly catch hers again.
How did he do that? Simply look at her and make her world shift? He probably meant absolutely nothing by it.
Jess took the hat completely off. ‘Stopping is good. For what the children might want.’
Jess needed to stop fixating over Dan, and how good he looked in a navy polo shirt that set off the tan of his arms and khaki knee-length cut-offs that accentuated his thigh muscles.
‘We’ll have to be careful with sun block and staying off the beach during the worst hours of the day.’ The words were primmer even than Mary Poppins could have been.
Jess didn’t have a beach umbrella, but Dan had three tossed into the back of the van.
The younger children started chattering, asking their father questions and firing a few at Jess as well. Jess answered, and she drew a deep breath, which didn’t help because Dan was wearing a really nice aftershave lotion.
‘Jess?’
From the tone of Dan’s voice, Jess suspected he might have asked her something already—and she’d been too busy daydreaming about sniffing his neck to hear it.
‘I’m sorry, Dan. What did you say?’ Jess glanced through the windshield and realised they’d come to a stop outside the town’s supermarket. ‘Oh. Shall I go in for the things? Do you have a list? Or did you want me to mind the children, or is everyone going?’
‘We’re all going,’ Rob chimed in and then there were Frazier children bailing out of the van at the speed of light. ‘We do this every trip. It’s fun.’
Dan got Ella out of her seat and held her and they all trooped into the supermarket. The children proceeded to select one family-sized bag of crisps or sweets each, but first fell into discussion over what things they weren’t having because didn’t Mary remember getting sick eating those last year? And it wasn’t a good idea for Rob to eat ones with yellow food dye because he got even more hyper than usual.
And then Luke seemed to realise that he was acting like a child, and took his bag of crisps, went to the checkout by himself, bought them and left the store.
Jess chewed her lip. ‘Should I go after him, Dan?’
‘Let him go.’ Dan watched his son leave the store. ‘He needs his space sometimes.’
Jess realised she had grown accustomed in this short time to the sense of family she received while caring for Dan’s children. She didn’t know how she’d been given the gift of becoming part of this, even if it was only for a few weeks or so.
She didn’t want to lose her cottage and maybe have to leave Randurra to find different work, and not see Dan or his family again. There. She’d admitted both fears and what good had it done her? Jess was doing what she could about the cottage. And she didn’t want these confused reactions and thoughts about Dan and her sense of family. Jess didn’t have a sense of family except Ella, and that was everything to her.
‘What would you like, Jess?’ Dan gestured to the shelves. ‘It’s a family tradition to buy junk food for our road trips. Maybe not the best or healthiest tradition, but it’s a treat, so choose something for you, and for Ella if there’s something she can have.’
For a change from his usual savoury fare, Dan had a big tin of chewy-centred fruit-flavoured candies in his hand. Jess got mini ice-cream cones filled with marshmallow and topped with sprinkles for her baby daughter. ‘Ella can go for an hour making a mess with one of those. Can I share your tin of candies, Dan?’
‘Of course we can share.’ He still had Ella in his arms, and his voice was deep. He looked tired and ruffled and as though he still hadn’t had enough sleep.
Dan looked that way too often. Jess had been working hard to help him, but he was an automaton about getting through his work and everything going on with that firm in Sydney, about his children and stuff around the home as well. Jess suspected he’d been nothing but an automaton for a while now.
‘I’ll help you with them a lot, Dan. I’ll make sure you get as much chance to rest over the next two days as is humanly possible.’
‘You’re generous, Jess. I—’
‘Come on, Dad.’ Rob bounced up and down on the balls of his feet. ‘We’re ready.’
‘Jess, what sort of bathers do you have?’ Mary came out of her shell to ask this, and to volunteer, ‘Mine have pink, yellow and blue spots on them and they’re really pretty. Annapolly has my old pair that I grew out of but she doesn’t mind.’
‘Um, well, I have a bikini.’ Jess glanced at the several interested heads that had turned their way as this question was asked. Local women, doing their grocery shopping in the store, and already looking at Jess and Dan.
Jess didn’t want to look at Dan, or to remember buying the bikini as her treat to herself after she got her figure back from having Ella. At the time, when she saw it on the sale rack and in her post-baby induced state, it had seemed like a good idea.
And then Jess had worn it carefully at home, in the secluded part of the backyard when she had Ella in the baby wader pool she’d also bought very cheaply. She had never let anyone
else see her in it.
Well, it wasn’t her fault if her curvy bits were a bit curvier these days than they had been. She coughed. ‘I, um, I don’t go swimming much.’
‘What’s it look like? What colour is it?’ Mary asked the questions so innocently and she waited very earnestly for Jess to explain.
‘Well, it’s bright yellow with, um, with bumblebees on it. There are two parts to it and I usually wear a sarong over it. Do you know what a sarong is?’ Jess wasn’t about to miss the chance to interact with Dan’s shyest child, but she would far rather describe a sarong than her bathers in any more detail.
She told herself Dan wasn’t there with his ears on fire, and her bathers weren’t that exciting.
She didn’t mean that kind of exciting in any case.
Oh, Jess didn’t know what the heck she meant and she’d been fine until it seemed as though the entire supermarket waited with bated breath for her answers about her swimming attire. Jess quickly explained about the sarong.
‘Let’s get these things bought so we can get back in the van.’ She herded everyone to the checkout area. ‘The sooner we get moving, the sooner we’ll arrive at the beach.’
‘Mary didn’t mean any harm with her questions.’ Dan spoke the words quietly into her ear as his children surged ahead to swarm into the van with their now purchased, and therefore consumable, goodies. A grin teased up one side of his mouth. ‘And I’m sure you’ll look lovely in yellow and bumblebees.’
He was in holiday mode. Dan’s teasing was nothing but that, Jess assured herself. She tried very hard to believe it because she shouldn’t hope for anything else.
She didn’t hope for anything else. Did she?
‘I know Mary was only curious.’ Despite herself, Jess wondered if Dan had just flirted with her? Or simply teased her? Jess’s gaze made its way inexorably to his face and discovered…he had done both! Well, that wasn’t supposed to make Jess’s heart feel all warm and mushy right along with a kick into overdrive of her pulse rate, but Dan was really attracted to her? Truly?
And why would that make you happy, Jess? It’s bad enough that you’ve been noticing him. Do you really want to start thinking along those lines when you know how much your trust got shattered the last time you let yourself care for a man?
