by Jennie Adams
There were a dozen reasons why it would be smarter if Jess didn’t care for this man!
Dan started the trip with some rock music. His children groaned but he ignored them. He had to have an occasional vice.
When he turned the music down twenty minutes later Jess glanced his way and gave a soft laugh. ‘On the bright side, you’re educating them by playing that song list.’
‘How did you know I’ve used that justification?’ He glanced at her, just once.
Her eyes were such a soft grey that it might be just as well he needed to concentrate on the road because the alternative was to get lost in those gentle depths. Those eyes were letting him in perhaps more than she realised right now.
Was he starting to care too much about Jessica Baker? He’d pushed this trip into being for his children, but he’d done it for Jess and Ella, too. He’d wanted them to be part of it, not simply because a second adult would be a good idea. Dan had wanted to do something for Jess that she might enjoy, give her something she might not otherwise have.
He wanted to see the worry disappear from the backs of her eyes, Dan realised. To see her completely relax even if only for a little while, as he managed to relax sometimes.
When was the last time you did that?
Dan could relax with Jess.
Again the thought crept up on him.
It was the last thing that should be in his mind because why on earth would Jess want that? She was young and vibrant—young enough that like his children she probably thought his rock music was a piece of ancient history. It was disloyal to the memory of Rebecca anyway and Dan…still loved her?
Well, how did he answer that question? Of course he’d loved Rebecca. But he had also grieved for her and got over losing her because he had had no choice.
‘Are we there yet?’ Annapolly asked the question.
‘No, Annapolly, we’re not there yet.’ Dan turned his attention to getting his family to their seaside destination.
And turned his thoughts away from the woman seated beside him in the front of the van. Away from noticing the way the air conditioning ruffled wisps of hair against her cheek. From the smell of a light, floral perfume blended with her skin.
Dan was not to be conscious of anything other than his responsibilities as a father and a family man and that was all. He wasn’t avoiding dealing with any issues. He was simply being practical.
‘That was a good kick, Rob. Well done.’ Jess watched Dan’s second eldest run up the beach to retrieve the soccer ball.
It was just after seven in the evening. There was a smattering of people on the beach, and a number of Fraziers all enjoying their visit to the seaside. Jess had to admit she was excited, too, if determined to keep very good watch over her crowd of charges.
The day had been beautiful and now they had a blue sky waning towards dusk, a soft, cooling sea breeze and the sun warm but not so baking hot that it would spoil their fun. There were miles of soft sandy beach with a ridge of shells tossed higher up. That augured well for collecting more of the same tomorrow morning. And the water itself. Oh, those rolling waves of endless blue water.
Jess let her gaze scan the scene again. Ella sat on a very large beach blanket beneath one of the umbrellas. She was quite content playing with a set of buckets that fitted inside each other and a plastic spade, which she banged on the buckets, chuckling gleefully as she did so.
Luke was in the water and his father was out there with him keeping a close eye, though the teen was a strong swimmer and a sensible one so far. Rob had taken his dip and got out to run up and down the beach. Mary and Annapolly had been given turns ‘swimming’ in the shallows with their dad before they came out to build a sandcastle.
Jess hadn’t swum. Of course she’d love to, but she had a job to do. She was relieved that she wouldn’t have to reveal the bumblebee bikini hidden away nicely beneath her sarong.
Dan was a good swimmer, too, though Jess had tried not to look too closely at him once he stripped off his shirt and the cut-offs and revealed a pair of board shorts.
‘It’s your turn to have a swim, Jess. Luke and I are going to take a rest. I’ll watch Ella while you’re in there.’ Dan glanced at Ella in time to see her bang the spade on one of the buckets again and crow in delight at the resulting ‘thwack’ of sound. ‘She seems content enough.’
Droplets of water trickled from Dan’s wet hair, and down the tanned muscles of his chest. His board shorts clung to his physique—
Well, Jess didn’t need to be thinking about Dan’s physique!
Dan’s gaze came back to her. An edge of intensity appeared in his eyes that suggested he might have noticed her examination of him, or might be making one of his own across Jess’s sun-kissed shoulders and down over her arms.
Dan’s shoulders and upper arms were strong, the muscles defined and beautifully curved.
Looking away now.
And his tummy was really flat. And he was tanned and strong and, oh, she really wanted to touch all that wet, salty skin with her fingertips.
‘I don’t think I’ll swim.’ I’d probably set the sea on fire from all the heat that just rushed into me thanks to those thoughts. Not to mention the bumblebees and all the curves that were more curves than they used to be. ‘I, well, I probably just won’t.’
She didn’t want to strip down to her bikini in front of—the children? Jess glanced down at her bright, multicoloured sarong, and then, despite herself, looked a little longingly at the water, and along the beach to where there were several women wearing bikinis far more revealing than her very ordinary one, even if it was bright and covered in bees.
‘This trip…’ Dan hesitated. ‘I wanted to do something for the children, and for you and Ella. It’s not much of a trip to the beach if you don’t swim. I won’t laugh at the bumblebees, I promise.’
Oh, that serious tone with the glints of mischief dancing in his eyes, all because Mary had asked those questions in the supermarket and Dan had been right there while Jess squirmed her way through the answers.
Luke had moved away, and Jess felt for a moment as though she and Dan were the only people on the beach, despite the children surrounding them.
Dan probably wouldn’t even look at her anyway. He just wanted her to be able to enjoy herself, and she was being ridiculous.
‘I’m a decent swimmer.’ Jess made the decision that she would get in the water. If Dan could stand here dripping in board shorts, Jess could strip down to curvy bumblebees. ‘I’ll make sure I do the right thing out there. You’ll have to watch all the children while I’m gone.’
As though Dan weren’t more than aware of the necessity of keeping charge of his children. And Ella, of course. It went without saying. He’d just offered to do exactly that.
Jess was procrastinating. ‘Right.’ She dumped the sarong in one swift movement. She did not boggle at the thought of the bumblebees on her butt. She certainly didn’t have that very old song about being afraid to get in the water flash through her brain.
If she didn’t meet Dan’s eyes then she wouldn’t even know if he was looking or not.
‘You have a perfect figure.’ He said it in a half whisper. ‘I suppose I knew, really, but I couldn’t have imagined.’ The words ended. Dan’s hot gaze had travelled over her and Jess had seen it. He turned abruptly away and Jess tried to walk very naturally across the sand to the water.
She swam and pushed her thoughts away until there was only swimming and the tug of the waves, and Dan and the children on the beach.
Dan hadn’t really given her that intense look, she assured herself, forgetting that she wasn’t thinking while she was out here.
Sure. Just as you didn’t give Dan an intense look.
Jess forced her arms and legs to work for her, and rode the gentle waves, imagined bobbing like a cork. She kept the shore in her sights, but she let everything blur around the edges and she was successful eventually.
‘Daddy, can I have a s’rong like Jes
s’s? And why don’t me and Daisy and Annapolly have ’kinis?’ The question came from Mary as she sat down beside Dan where he’d come to play with Ella on her blanket.
Jess’s daughter had noticed her mother’s absence, but there were enough Fraziers to keep her distracted.
Dan was distracted. Mightily. The memory of Jess whipping off that sarong and dumping the colourful fabric onto the sand played through his mind over and over.
Not because of the sarong, but because of what it had revealed. Dan had never seen bumblebees look quite like that.
Jess was beautiful, curvy in all the right places, soft enough that he could imagine how nice it would feel to cuddle her—
‘Dad?’ Mary poked him in the ribs with one finger. ‘Did you hear me?’
‘You and your sisters have those bathing suits because they look good on you.’ Dan dragged his gaze away from the sight of Jess out there enjoying her time in the water.
His voice dropped about an octave as he went on. ‘Jess has her suit because it looks good on her, too.’
‘She shouldn’t dress like that when she’s supposed to be working for us, looking after everyone.’ Luke’s words came from behind Dan with low anger. ‘She’s just trying to make you interested in her, and all you do is look at her all the time. I hate her and I wish you’d never hired her!’
‘What’s got into you, Luke?’ Dan turned and stared into his son’s set, angry face.
Luke’s glance shifted beyond him. ‘I mean every word of it and don’t tell me to apologise, Dad, because I won’t. On top of everything, you’re treating her like she’s part of the family. She’s not. She’s just the babysitter and not even a good one because she let Annapolly hurt herself.’
‘Apologise, Luke.’ Dan started to his feet.
Luke was faster. He shook his head and stalked away across the beach.
Dan didn’t need to turn to know that Jess was standing there, but he looked anyway, and caught her determined, forced smile as she reached for her sarong and pulled it over the bumblebees. ‘Don’t force him, Dan. He won’t mean it anyway, if you do that.’
Had Dan allowed the sight of her to short-circuit his sensible brain functions?
And Jess’s eyes had clouded over with desire when she’d seen his bare chest… How did he feel about that?
Should he only worry about Luke’s behaviour and ignore the rest of this? Dan was usually controlled and focused. Right now he didn’t know which urge to cater to first. He wanted to chase after Luke and demand an explanation and apology, which would no doubt end in an argument because right now his son wasn’t in the frame of mind to be reasonable and Dan didn’t exactly feel like being tolerant either.
Or should he try to sort this out with Jess? ‘I can’t allow him to speak that way.’
‘No, but you can give him time to cool off a bit just now.’ Jess stuck her chin out. ‘Thanks, anyway, for the swim, and if you think I’ve dressed inappropriately—’
‘I don’t think that.’ Dan frowned. ‘And Luke was having a go at me as much as at you.’ As each word emerged Dan wanted to become angrier, and he battled to push back the feeling. Something told him once he asked himself just why he felt so resentful of Luke’s attitude, he would have to deal with a whole bunch of questions he wasn’t sure he was ready to confront.
‘Well, it was nice to swim. I haven’t had a swim in the sea for years.’ Jess drew a deep breath and seemed to come to a decision. ‘If you feel it would be best to replace me, Dan, with someone Luke can get along better with—’
‘That won’t be necessary.’ Dan appreciated her making the offer, but he wasn’t going to let her go. ‘I don’t want to lose you, Jess.’
To lose her help, he’d meant.
But was that all he’d meant?
Dan glanced her way. Luke’s outburst notwithstanding, Dan was becoming more and more attracted to Jess. Even in the face of the conflict with Luke, Dan wanted to get to the end of the day and all the children in bed. And why did he want that?
So he could find a private nook and kiss Jess stupid? Dan acknowledged he would like to do exactly that. Did he really think it would resolve anything? It would just complicate things even more.
‘I’m glad you enjoyed the water.’ He felt not quite certain of his ground. When Dan worked he was completely certain of his ground. He was good at his job and he did it well, and he powered through it with a great deal of focus while he still managed to watch the children besides. Yet right now Dan felt as though there were other parts of him that hadn’t been living.
He shouldn’t be feeling like this. In the end he’d made the choice to be content, so why did Luke’s attitude bother him so much? Because there was something more to it than Luke needing to mind his manners around Jess, though that was very important.
‘I think we’d better pack up and head back to the beach house.’ Dan got to his feet and started gathering paraphernalia together. Perhaps once there, all of these feelings would settle down.
He felt weird when he lifted the beach umbrella out of the sand. Dan brushed the feeling aside and got on with rounding up the children. They’d go back to the beach house, maybe buy fish and chips on the way from a local shop, eat, and he expected the children would fall asleep quite quickly because it had been a long day. The thought of a nice salty meal of fresh seafood did appeal. It might halfway reward him for the talk he was going to have to have with his son.
‘Mum used to make great sandcastles when we went to the beach.’ Rob’s words were directed to Jess.
Luke had yet again stalked ahead of the family to the van.
‘What sort of castles do you remember, Rob?’ Jess ruffled the boy’s hair before she bent to pick up her daughter from the blanket.
It was the first time Dan had heard any of his children mention Rebecca to their caregiver. But that wasn’t the reason the words sliced right through Dan.
He hadn’t thought once about Rebecca while they were at the beach. For the first day since he lost her, Dan hadn’t had a thought in his head about the mother of his children. All those thoughts had been directed at Jess, to being so conscious of her.
Luke’s anger had been towards Jess, and Dan, but had it really been about this? Had Luke somehow seen that his father was drifting from those memories and Luke felt resentful and lost as a result? Dan felt lost as he asked this question because he didn’t know. He hadn’t wanted to forget. He couldn’t forget.
Rob started to explain the intricate sandcastles he remembered building with his mother. Dan added his few words here and there because the children would have felt it was strange if he didn’t. He got everyone packed into the van. And guilt ate at him because his heart had been given to Rebecca and there was nothing left, so why did he think it was okay to want Jessica Baker?
To think about things with her that had been part of his marriage? Not only physical closeness, but friendship and getting to know a woman and wanting to be part of her life, to understand her better.
Dan set the van in motion.
He had no answers. All he had were questions that he didn’t want to know about and a son he had to deal with when he got him to himself for a moment!
CHAPTER SEVEN
‘THEY’RE ALL DOWN FOR the count finally.’ Jess made the announcement as she joined Dan on the front porch of the compact beach house. It was almost midnight. The younger children had been overtired and excitable.
Dan had taken Luke away in the van straight after dinner and they’d both come back looking like thunderclouds. Actually Luke had seemed on the verge of tears, a fact Jess had noted and made sure she drew the attention of the other children away from him, and kept it away. She didn’t want him to feel the sting of embarrassment. Her heart ached for the boy and she wished she could find some way to help him, or at least help him to know that she meant him no harm.
And yet her feelings towards Dan hadn’t changed. Jess couldn’t shut them down because of Luke. They were there. T
onight Jess needed to comfort Dan, and be comforted by him, as much as she needed to try to reach out to his son. This tangle of feelings wasn’t easy.
‘Thanks, Jess. It was a busy and long enough day.’ Dan was seated on the only piece of furniture out here, which happened to be a swing seat. He bent down and retrieved two glasses of white wine from the floor beside it, and held one out to her.
Jess sat, and took the wine from him with a surprised and grateful sigh. ‘Where did you find this?’
‘It was in the fridge, part of the service for renting this seaside cottage.’ Dan smiled. ‘Tonight I think we’ve both earned a glass.’
‘I won’t argue.’ Jess sipped the wine and closed her eyes and let the fruity tang of it slide across her tongue.
Dan set the swing into gentle motion, and she leaned back and let the sound of the ocean, the sea breeze, the taste of the wine all touch her senses.
And Dan, Jess? Is he touching your senses too?
Oh, she was super aware of him seated beside her. Their thighs were almost brushing. Dan had his wineglass in one hand. His other arm was draped across the back of the seat. If she leaned back a little more she would practically be in his arms.
Jess wanted to be, that was the trouble. She wanted to be in Dan’s embrace more than anything and she couldn’t let herself want that. There were so many reasons. She was Dan’s employee. Her home was under threat. She needed her job with Dan for as long as he wanted to keep her on, to get money to pay off the debt on her cottage. Dan had only just spoken to Luke to try to get him into a better place about Jess’s presence as the caregiver. Jess was younger. Dan was older. He was her employer.
There were other reasons why Jess couldn’t trust—
‘I hope today didn’t exhaust you too much, Jess.’ Dan’s low words came to her through the quiet of the night.
