Volume 9 - The Dissociation of Suzumiya Haruhi

by Tanigawa Nagaru

  “But, I never expected to be in the exact same class as Suzumiya five years in a row. Isn’t that the worst? She and I shouldn’t have anything to do with each other.”

  Now that Taniguchi said it, I do feel it’s a bit unbelievable. Things that happen more often than is good for them often have another face; I’ve seen many examples of this.

  Taniguchi and I both shut up at the same time, but what we were thinking about was likely different. Kunikida spoke up,

  “The chance of two people having the same birthday in a group of thirty people is extremely high. So this actually isn’t too surprising, right?”

  Even though that sounds like it makes sense, it’s hard to believe.

  “Should we calculate the odds then?”

  No no, it’s okay. I can barely stand looking at those weird markings and formulas, even in math class. Don’t calculate it mentally either. I don’t want to compare my brain with anyone else’s. Only Haruhi would participate in that kind of contest. The only type of contest I would ever enter is one where I get to guess who is going to sit behind me when we change seats.

  The person sitting behind me is the same one from last year, the one who runs out of the classroom as soon as lunch arrives. I’m pretty sure she’s gone to patrol the first-year classrooms. I wonder if the first-years think her behavior is strange.

  If there is anyone with even the slightest interest in the same things that she likes, she’ll barge right into that class without thinking. As I ate my lunch, I prayed for those new students: don’t run to the school office after being frightened by an upperclassman who suddenly burst in. However, since I didn’t know what god is in control of these types of things, I was unable to offer a sacrifice of money. I think the god heard me anyway, because when the bell rang for fifth period, Haruhi didn’t have those sparkling, bright eyes I know all too well as she ran hurriedly into the classroom. (!)

  “How’d the fishing go?” I asked.

  “Not one bite.”

  The tone of her voice didn’t have too much disappointment in it. In fact, it’s just like her normal, cold, unexcited voice. Her attitude was similar to the time she couldn’t find any Arowana in the neighbor’s pond(!). That’s just how she sounds now. (!)

  After school, I walked with Haruhi to the clubroom as instinctively as breathing.

  Since we’ve advanced to the next grade, our classroom has changed. Meaning the clubroom is much closer than before, though it’s still not very convenient.

  “I think it’s convenient enough.”

  Haruhi said, swinging her bookbag back and forth.

  “The cafeteria and store are both closer than before. That’s good, because it’s really hard to find a place to sit at lunch. I’ve always wondered why they don’t just add some more seats.”

  This kind of complaint should go to the Student Council President. If you start a petition and give him the signatures, he might actually be able to do something about it.

  “I don’t want to owe that person anything.”

  She sped up, all the while shaking her head like a shy kid (!).

  “We will not help or support that evil organization. I hate the type of person who starts asking for something in return once they help you a little. That’s why I prefer to work things out by myself.”

  If you decide to start building an extension for the cafeteria, trouble will follow. Also, the money the literature club gets isn’t enough for something like that.

  “If I was going to do it, I wouldn’t bother telling anyone. Besides, everyone would be happy once it’s finished.”

  I advise you to abandon this idea. If you don’t, you’ll be in the newspapers. Next time I see Tsuruya-san, I’ll have to tell her about this and warn her that even if Haruhi asks for help, she shouldn’t comply. Tsuruya-san (!), and wouldn’t just randomly listen to Haruhi’s orders, but I think I should tell her anyways.

  I worked hard on getting Haruhi’s attention away from the business of the extension.

  “So, Haruhi, still haven’t found a first-year who’s to your liking?”

  “Huh?”

  Although I am glad that she stopped thinking about the cafeteria, Haruhi’s sharp gaze made me feel a bit uncomfortable.

  “I didn’t know you cared about that. Surprising, surprising. I thought you would object when I got some new members, but I guess you want some underclassmen(!) too?”

  Of course I don’t want any. But, if there was a brigade member lower in rank than me, I could delegate all the tasks I usually do onto him, I would feel more relaxed. (!). That’s not a bad idea. Koizumi’s the ‘Assistant Chief’, Asahina-san’s the ‘Mascot/Secretary/Assistant Chief’, and Nagato is formally the literature club leader/president, though only in name. That leaves me as the only member without a position.

  “What? So you want an official position? Then I guess I’ll consider it. But this requires some promotion tests. 5 written’s and 2 practicals.

  No thanks, then. The only thing I want is a driver’s license.

  “If that’s what you say, I take it you’ve given up. If you beg me, y’know, I might actually agree.”

  I’ll be fine with ‘Brigade Member No. 1’. Actually, that’s the best position.

  “Mm, so you finally think that?”

  As Haruhi revealed that devilish grin of hers, we arrived at the clubroom.

  Opening the door without even knocking, Haruhi entered the clubroom as if it were her house. Me… well, I can’t do that, because I wouldn’t want to walk in on Asahina-san changing, so I always make sure before opening the door. I don’t think anyone complains about that habit.

  “…………”

  The only person inside is Nagato.

  Sitting at the corner of the desk in her favorite chair, she calmly reads a mathematician’s biography. It seems no matter how fast I get here, she’ll always be earlier than I am. Does she never have ‘cleaning duty’ to do? That’s very possible.

  Haruhi put her bookbag on the table, then sat down in the Brigade Leader chair. I put my bag beside Haruhi’s, and sat down in my regular seat.

  I listened to the clicking sound of the hard disk running as I survey yesterday’s game of Go, which the players hadn’t bothered to clean up afterwards. It was an unfinished ‘Tsumego’. The mosaic of white and black pieces was placed in such a way that someone was obviously going to win. In three moves black was going to have a semi-victory. If even I could see that, the player must be a complete novice.

  “Kyon, tea.”

  We should wait for Asahina-san to show up. With her tea-steeping skills, even if she was reincarnated and started talking to a modern-day Furuta Oribe, she would get along just fine.

  “That’s going overboard. We don’t need to start talking about tea ceremonies. (!) If you became the founder of the Asahina school of steeping tea, the cult-like tea ceremony school would be heralded as genuine.”

  Haruhi’s gaze never left the monitor. She pulled on the keyboard, as if she was about to type out some article. I wondered what type of article as I looked at her suspiciously.

  “Oh, yeah, you were writing something yesterday too. Updating a blog?”

  “It’s private. A secret document. If it’s found by people outside the brigade, there will be big problems. If there’s a leak, you’ll be the primary suspect.”

  Broadly grinning, Haruhi continued pounding at the keyboard quickly. She’s skilled at things like this.

  I shrugged my shoulders, walked towards the fridge and took out a bottle of already-made Oolong tea. I poured myself a cup and then some for Haruhi and Nagato too.

  Even though I put it right in front of Nagato, she didn’t move a muscle. Haruhi, as usual, just chugged the whole thing in one gulp.　I stole a glance at the screen.　The PC monitor showed a new typing document.

  “Making booklets to hand out again?”

  “That’s not it,” was Haruhi’s response, shoving the now-empty cup towards me. “I’m making this i
n case something happens. This is a test paper. Don’t look at me like that. I’m not telling you to make it.”

  Well, who’s the test for?

  “That doesn’t even matter. Don’t look at it. How am I supposed to write it if you’re watching?”

  Haruhi put both hands over the screen so I couldn’t see, so I returned to my seat.

  As I drank my iced Oolong tea while aimlessly putting Go stones onto the board, Koizumi entered the room. While I do usually dislike it, I felt sort of happy he was here. I don’t know why, but today, I felt like that. I thought since he would be very busy today, he wouldn’t come to the clubroom, and if there’s no one to play games with me, it gets very boring.

  “Homeroom was a bit long today.”

  He explained, closing the door. A smile showed up as he saw the board.

  “There’s nowhere I can place a piece, so I surrender.”

  And there’s his smile. Since he’s in front of Haruhi, he has to display that all the time, but I think it seems different. Heading for his seat, he cleared the board, and asked,

  “One game?”

  Sounds good. But I need to go easy on him. It’s not much fun beating the same person every time. I’m not like Haruhi, who thinks wins and losses matter.

  “That’ll help.”

  Koizumi chose Black, and placed four handicap stones on the board.

  And with that Koizumi and I wordlessly started our board game battle. Nagato, like always, simply continued reading. The only sound I could hear was the clatter of Haruhi continuously typing on her keyboard and the sounds of the sports clubs seeping in through the closed window.

  A silent Spring day. Tranquil and completely normal; nothing has changed.

  After five minutes, there was a quiet knock at the door.

  “Sorry for being late.”

  Asahina-san entered with her usual timidness, and beside her is…

  “やっぼーい！” (!)

  Tsuruya-san raised her hand and waved. Her brimming smile brought life to the room.

  “Hello everyone, I’m here today to give you all an invitation! Wahaha, it’s for ‘flower-viewing’ part two!”

  This time, apparently, it will be at the time of the next Golden Week.

  Tsuruya-san gave us those high-class invitations, the ones that look like ‘GanShinKei - 顔真卿’ personally written out using an ink brush, the ones where the only thing I can understand is the date. If Haruhi didn’t read it out for me, I was already planning to visit a museum to get them to explain it.

  After Asahina-san changed into her maid outfit - Koizumi and I left the room for that - she started to make some hot tea. The SOS-dan’s unexpected visitor, after the initial ‘Fuha~’, said,

  “Last time, we saw the ソメイヨシノ - Somei Yoshino flowers. (!)！ Because, in the olden days, when someone mentioned cherry blossoms, that’s what everyone thought of. My family’s yard does have a lot of wild cherry blossoms. Even though there are currently lots of moths around, it’s still quite pretty.”

  Tsuruya-san took a sip of her tea, then shut her eyes.

  “いにしへの～奈良の都の八重桜～っ” (!)

  “[More lyrics], ne?” (!)

  Haruhi quickly recited the next line, energetically nodding her head.

  “Now, with all sorts of plants able to be raised wherever we want, we should critic (!) some places a bit more. We should wait until after all the other trees have bloomed and wilted, then encourage the ones that are still blooming. Sasuga (!), Tsuruya-san.”

  There’s nothing that describes Tsuruya-san better than ‘Sasuga’. Can it be it possible that Tsuruya-san is actually descended from the nobility of the Asuka period?

  “How should I know about these age-old matters? It doesn’t really matter, anyways! If you really want to know, I could check my family tree, but that takes too much effort!”

  The way she speaks makes Tsuruya-san seem very reliable. I hope she will be able to grow old with Asahina-san. Just like the Queens of Hearts and Diamonds. Because if Tsuruya-san is with Asahina-san, no one will be hitting on her. Haruhi? Ahh. She can be a joker. Because you can’t do without it in ‘Five-card’.

  As I was admiring, as always, Asahina-san in her maid dress, Tsuruya-san and Haruhi,

  [Four lines of poems. Ogura Hyakunin Isshu no. 33 & no. 35 - two lines.]

  Started a reciting contest.

  [Ogura Hyakunin Isshu no.66 - two lines]

  [Ogura Hyakunin Isshu no.67 - two lines]

  [Ogura Hyakunin Isshu no.7 - two lines]

  [Ogura Hyakunin Isshu no.94 - two lines]

  Now it doesn’t even have to do with cherry blossoms during Spring anymore. We’ve gone into Summer already, possibly even Autumn.

  “Fufuu-n? Then, how about this one?”

  Tsuruya-san, with an enthusiastic expression,

  [Some poem]

  “Eh?”

  Someone who used to be able to keep up suddenly faltered.

  “Does that exist? Whose poem is it?”

  Tsuruya-san’s hard question had a very weird answer. I think this is the first time I’ve ever heard that.

  “……[Nagato finishes the poem]”

  Flipping the page, Nagato answered with her head down.

  “源俊頼(! ). 百人秀歌.”

  “Well done, as I expected of the all-knowing studious Yuki.”

  Tsuruya-san cackled and complimented her, but Nagato’s expression didn’t change one bit.

  Tsuruya-san cackled and complimented her, but Nagato’s expression didn’t change one bit. And I don’t know why they think this game is so interesting. I’ll ask them later.

  Tsuruya-san then said three different poems, and when Nagato answered them, she said, as if satisfied,

  “Well then! See you later. Thanks, Mikuru. The tea was very tasty, you know! I’ll depend on you this year too!”

  After saying that, she left the clubroom. I think the way she comes and goes resembles the wind. It will leave as soon as you find it…

  But Tsuruya-san really is a genius at lightening up the mood. What sort of things would she be bad at? She would be the hardest person in the world for me to imagine how her crying face would look like, she sure is something.

  Haruhi continued to sip her tea noisily.

  “That takes care of the schedule for the golden week then. Yep, let us all go flower viewing and write some short poems. Make sure you write something that will be recorded in a poetry book and remembered by the future generations.”

  Maybe she got tired of typing, Haruhi is now holding the invitation left by Tsuruya-san in both hands and staring at it like some sort of historical artifact. Can’t we write Senryu(comedic poems) instead? Before I could voice my proposal, Haruhi seemed to have remembered something and said:

  “Let’s leave it at that for now. I have to announce the schedules for tomorrow first.”

  Haruhi jumped onto the top of the desk and made an iron horse stance while shouting with a bright smile on her face:

  “Now then! Let the SOS brigade’s first meeting of the new year begin!”

  There is no record of the total number of meetings the SOS brigade has had, and Haruhi and I don’t seem to remember either. Which means we can just reset it back to one, since it is the first meeting of the year and all. And the contents of this meeting are as follows:

  “This Saturday, which is tomorrow! Everybody gather in front of the station at 9am! Don’t you guys think it’s about time for those mysterious events to make their appearance? We’ve been looking for them for soo long now, don’t you think they are thinking of meeting with us for a change? It’s even Spring to boot! Let’s get them when they’re napping under the warm sunlight!”

  We are not talking about Shamisen the wild cat retiree, and that plan of yours isn’t going to work even if you were after some wild cats.

  “Listen here, Kyon. It’s almost a year since the brigade’s been established! We don’t have much time l
eft, what do we have to show if we have zero results?”

  Show who?

  “Ourselves! You can be lax to others all you want, but you must be strict to yourself or you’ll never be anything! It’s like that saying….. was it small profits and big turnovers… no…. self satisfaction… no… trails and hardships… that’s not it either… Mikuru-chan, do you know how it goes?”

  “Eh?”

  Being asked a random question out of the blue, Asahina-san put her index finger on her jaw and said:

  “Is it…… self insured?”

  “Was it proper accordance?”

  Koizumi said that without moving his eyes off the black go stone. Just when I thought of coming up with one too-

  “The words that correspond to that meaning do not exist in the dictionary.”

  Thanks to what Nagato said, I gladly give up my turn to come up with something. Maybe you should make one yourself, Haruhi. Something along the lines of respect and properness?

  Haruhi ignored me and turned to Nagato.

  “Really? I think there’s something like that…”

  But the brigade leader that never listened to any of our opinions seemed to agree with Nagato in the end.

  “That’s it for the meeting. It’s free time till the end of school!”

  Haruhi sat back down into the chair and started typing again.

  Just when the last bell that seems to be shooing out all those who don’t want to leave yet out of the school started to ring, Nagato closed her book. Just like someone who can tell the time by listening to the cries of cicadas, we took it as an accurate sign and prepared to go home.

  We waited for Asahina-san to get changed and left the club room. The sun is setting already, the wind is a little chilly.

  It’s natural for a significant gap to form between guys and girls when we are going down the slope. Haruhi and Asahina-san walked right at the front with Nagato trailing behind them silently.

  Me and Koizumi walked together a couple meters behind the three girls. Since this is a rare chance, I’ll ask him about that now.