Charged for His Sins

by Natavia

  Zu could no longer take the heat because him and his date left. We stayed in our seats when the movie was over and waited for everyone else to walk out. I hated walking out of the movies with a crowd because everyone bumped into each other.

  “I liked the movie although I thought I wouldn’t,” I told Kyan. I held his hand as my body snuggled against his, it was freezing cold on our way to his car.

  “Yeah it was alright, but next time we’re going to see a scary movie so you can jump all over me,” Kyan said.

  “Who told you it was going to be a next time,” I joked.

  “You got jokes, huh?” he said with a smirk.

  We pulled up to my apartment building thirty minutes later. He helped me out of the car, “I had fun with you,” Kyan said while staring into my eyes. I didn’t get a chance to respond because his mouth covered my lips.

  The kiss was sensual, but I didn't get those same feelings I had for Zu. I don’t think I’d ever get that feeling again. Kyan watched me walk into the building before he pulled off.

  As soon as I unlocked the door, my phone beeped. I opened the message.

  Tell that nigga to keep his mouth to himself.

  It was Zu who text me. I looked out the living room window to see if I saw Zu’s car outside, but I didn’t. I told Adisa everything that happened, and she thought it was funny.

  8. Adisa

  Late November 2004

  I t’s been five months since I last seen York. As soon as he was booked in jail, he got into a fight and a few other altercations. He wasn’t able to have visitors for a while. I thought the day was going to bring me some excitement because I haven’t seen him since he was sentenced. I guess I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t wait to see York; he already had a visitor. I left school early during my finals. It was a three hour drive to where he was which was Cambridge, Maryland. I wasn’t thinking about my grades or anything else for that matter. All I wanted to do was see, York, because I missed him that much. I knew the girl who was visiting him; she was Emani’s friend.

  I can’t believe this muthafucka’ was screwing Tracy’s hoe ass, I thought.

  “What is this?” I asked. Tracy smirked at me, and I wanted to knock every pimple off her face. She was cute in the face, but she had a serious acne problem. Her attitude wasn’t as bad as Emani’s, but I didn’t mess with anyone from that click.

  “So, she doesn’t know?” Tracy asked York.

  “Know what?” I asked.

  York put his head down and I wanted to slap him. I was always putting him first. I was too young to go through what York was putting me through.

  “Yo, why are you doing this?” York finally said.

  “She has a right to know! I’m the one who was holding you down. I was the one who crib you use to trap out of. I’m tired of playing the damn background, York,” Tracy said.

  “It wasn’t like that!” York yelled.

  “I drove all the way up here from school. One of y’all better tell me something before I end up getting booked,” I said.

  “One day Emani, Tracy and I had a threesome. Emani wanted to spice it up for me because I was ready to cut her off. I have been fucking this bitch since.” York said with his head down.

  “And I’ll be six months pregnant in a couple of more week,” Tracy added. I wanted to burst into tears. My knees felt weak and I couldn’t breathe. It was too much dealing with, York.

  “I just found out, Adisa. I swear I didn’t mean to do it. I was just caught up in the streets, but you know how I feel about you,” York said. Tracy laughed at us, and I wanted to kill her.

  “I came here to say what I had to say. You two have a nice visit,” she said. I sat down across from York after Tracy left, and he stared at me with sad eyes. He had the weight of the world on his shoulders. It was my first time seeing him that way and I wanted to hug him. I instantly forgot about Tracy. It was always about, York. I was weak for him I’ll admit—very weak. The only person who knew how much I loved him was myself. I knew he knew but he didn’t know how deep it was. He grabbed my hand and kissed it.

  “I love you,” he said.

  “I feel more bad news coming on. I know you very well, York. I know you are about to tell me something that’s going to hurt me more. I thought this was going to be a great day for me,” I replied. A tear slipped from my eye and he wiped it away.

  “I’m not a good nigga and you deserve better. Look at us, shorty. You come from a decent background and you are doing something with your life. I, on the other hand, is a criminal. I got drama in my life and you don’t need it. I want you to have the best of everything including a good nigga by your side. I want the same for you as I want for my sister,” he replied.

  “Jail time doesn’t mean anything to me,” I said.

  “I know you will ride it out with me. I just don’t want you to. You shouldn’t have to waste your life on me,” he said.

  “You don’t love me. You keep hurting me!” I cried.

  “And that’s why I have to let you go. It hurts me too, but you are still young. I’m just your first love but you will get over me. I ain’t going to lie, though. I will never get over you. I didn’t show it when I was out on the streets, but I held you close to my heart,” he said.

  “Fuck you!” I yelled and he put his head down.

  “Have a nice one, shorty,” York said. He stood up and walked to a CO who was standing next to a door, so that he could be escorted back to his cell. He left me soaking in tears; we were officially over. I called Samiah when I got inside of my car.

  “What happened? How did it go? Damn, I wish I didn’t have so many classes,” she answered the phone.

  “He broke up with me. He told me he didn’t want me to visit him again. Tracy is pregnant by him,” I sniffled into the phone.

  “What Tracy? Emani’s friend Tracy?” Samiah asked.

  “Yeah,” I replied.

  “Oh, hell nawl! What the fuck is wrong with him and Zu? That bitch ain’t fittin’ to eat at my mama’s dinner table. I’m fucking that hoe up if she comes to my mama’s house. I don’t like those bitches. Don’t worry about it, Adisa. I know how you feel though because Zu did me the same way. We really have to lean on each other now because these niggas ain’t shit!” Samiah fussed.

  “I don’t think I can ever get over, York,” I said.

  “I will never get over Zu but we are still young. We are going to be unstoppable when we finish college. Let’s focus on these books and say fuck niggas,” she said. I wiped my eyes as I giggled.

  “I guess so,” I replied.

  “We are having a girls get together in our apartment. I’ll cook and Faraji can fix the drinks,” Samiah said.

  “Thanks a lot,” I replied.

  Samiah had finished cooking dinner by the time I entered our apartment. Thirty minutes later, Faraji made drinks after we ate. We cleaned the kitchen before we got comfortable in our sleeping bags on the living room floor. Emeka sat two liquor bottles on the living room table so we didn’t have to get up to refill our cups. The four of us listened to Mary J. Blige, as we talked about everything that was happening in our lives. After I cleansed myself from the pain York caused me, we passed out.

  *********

  I sat on the bench outside of my professor’s building on the verge of tears. I missed one of my online finals that night I drunk myself stupid trying to forget York. When I realized I had missed a test, I ran straight to my professor’s office to beg him for another chance. He gave me a big fat “no” before he dismissed me from his office.

  “What’s wrong beautiful?” Jaz asked me. He sat next to me on the bench and pulled me close to him.

  “I missed the final for my online psychology class, and my professor said he wouldn’t reopen it for me. I’m going to fail because that final was worth thirty percent of my grade.” I was so loud I think the whole campus practically heard the anguish in my voice.

  “Stay right here I’ll be back in a few seconds,” J
az told me. He went inside of the professor’s building and I wondered what he had up his sleeve. Ten minutes later, Jaz came out of the building.

  “Come on let’s go back to my place,” he said.

  “Boy, you got me fucked up. I’m not givin’ your ass none of this after only one date that happened months ago.” Jaz was tripping big time.

  “I talked your professor into opening the final for you for three hours. So, let’s go to my house and I’ll help you with the test,” he offered.

  “Thank you, thank you,” I repeated as I jumped out of my seat and into his arms. Jaz almost dropped me because he wasn’t prepared for my weight in his arms, but he quickly recovered and held onto me.

  “Let’s go, my house is thirty minutes away and I don’t want you rushing through your test, ” Jaz said. I couldn’t hide the smile on my face. After twenty-four hours, I had something to smile about. Come to find out, Jaz knew my professor because my professor and Jaz father played golf together.

  There was finally someone willing to go above and beyond for me. I did everything in my power to satisfy the ones I cared about but didn't get the same in return. York didn't sacrifice as much for me as I did for him. The sad part of it all was that I still wanted to be with him, although he had a baby on the way with a six year prison sentence.

  “What do you want to eat?” Jaz snapped me out of my thoughts as he opened his car door for me. “You should never take a test on an empty stomach,” he said.

  “Just run through a drive-thru and get me a nugget meal with a lemonade.”

  I pulled out my psychology notes and began going over them. I had to cram in as much as I possibly could before I got to Jaz’s house. Speaking of Jaz’s house, I had no idea where he lived.

  “We’re here,” Jaz announced which caused me to look up. I noticed we were parked in the driveway of a small building. I placed my notes back in my bag and followed Jaz to his condo. I thought he was still living at home with his parents.

  I could tell Jaz had his condo professionally decorated as soon as I stepped in. His condo looked like it came from a page out of a Better Home and Garden magazine. It looked too controlled like my parent’s house. I figured he was a neat freak too because his shoes were lined up by the door.

  “There’s a computer desk in my office we can work at.” I followed behind him up the stairs and into his office. Jaz condo was more like a two-level loft. I absolutely loved it. Having rich parents paid off sometimes.

  My eyes scanned his office as I sat behind his desk and ate my food. I could tell he spent more time in his office than any other place in the condo, perhaps studying and doing homework. There were pictures of him in the office and a painting of a lion with the colors of an African flag behind it. There was a long black leather sectional on the right side of the room. Adjacent to the sofa was a trophy case with awards and trophies inside.

  Ten minutes later, our food was in the trash. Jaz helped me with the hardest questions first, before he dismissed himself to start dinner. I was anxious to see how his food tasted because most guys didn’t cook.

  I sat with my eyes closed, and fingers crossed after I submitted the test. I explored the rest of his home after I cleaned my books and papers off his desk.

  The closet in the first bedroom could be described as a replica of Carlton’s. There wasn’t a speck of dust in his room or on the hardwood floor. The dresser drawers were empty except for two which was filled with socks and boxers.

  I quickly left out that room; it was too boring. I went to the last door down the hall after searching his bathroom. The last room I entered was a completely different room than the rest of the house. The room looked like it belonged to York instead of Jaz.

  The large king-size bed wasn’t made up, and dirty clothes hung slightly out of the hamper. A large television sat on his dresser with an x-box 360 and PlayStation 2 in front of it. It was a regular bachelor’s pad in this room. I found some Jerseys, Rocawear, Coogi, and Polo clothes in his closet. I came across a few porn tapes with big booty girls on the cover. I forgot to mention how dusty his room was. That room was the real Jaz. I guess his other room was for when his parent’s came over if they were anything like my parents.

  “Are you finished snooping?” Jaz asked when I walked into the kitchen. He placed a pot in the oven and I tried to peek over his shoulder.

  “Yep, what’s up with the room at the end of the hall?” I questioned.

  “That’s my real room, and the other room my parents see when they come over. I like my clothes to reflect who I am and not who my parents want me to be. I want to be a lawyer and work in one of the top law firms in this city by the time I turn twenty-seven. So, I am going to be stuck in suits the rest of my life after graduation. I might as well enjoy the freedom. I also like to play the x-box and PlayStation which my parents didn’t let me play when I was at home. I was stuck reading boring books, and playing golf with my father and his friends. I’m not into that type of shit, but I respected their wishes until I moved out. We are kinda’ alike,” Jaz said. I felt the same way too, did rich people have to act rich? Why couldn’t our parent’s let us live how we wanted? The shit was so nerve wrecking, and people wondered why a lot of rich kids had mental, or drug problems.

  “Let’s watch a movie until dinner is ready,” Jaz said. I followed him into the living room. I got comfortable on his leather couch while he picked out a movie. We watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I tried to watch Harry Potter with York, but he fell asleep the first two minutes of the movie.

  By the end of the movie, the food was completely done. Jaz made a pot roast with filet mignon. I actually thought it was funny. Jaz must’ve learned that from his bourgeois mama. The food was actually pretty good.

  I had to admit, I prejudged Jaz based on the way he dressed and thought he wouldn’t be able to understand me. That night I didn't go home, I cuddled up next to Jaz and fell asleep.

  I still had York on my mind, but I had to move on or be stuck in a cycle of putting him first. The shit was getting old—too old.

  **********

  For the next few weeks, Jaz and I became inseparable. Everyone was wrapped up in school and dating. Samiah was always with Kyan. Faraji spent a lot of time with Cayman. Emeka was involved with Zadik, so it left me with Jaz. I wasn’t complaining because it took my mind off, York—a lot. Whenever he called when I was around Samiah, I walked out of the room. Hearing his voice come through her phone almost caused me to relapse every time.

  “Wait, wait. You mean to tell me you liked Biggie over Tupac?” I asked Jaz while we sat inside of a coffee shop.

  “Yes,” he laughed.

  “You seriously have issues,” I replied. Not only were we dating, but we were study partners also.

  “You can’t knock my taste in music,” he said.

  “Okay how about Lil Kim and Foxxy Brown. Who would you rather listen to?” I asked.

  “Lil Kim,” Jaz replied. I held my hand up for a high-five, but he leaned in and kissed me instead.

  “What was that?” I asked after he pulled away. Yes, we dated but it wasn’t physical. I didn’t mean to offend him, but it caught me off guard.

  “Ummmm, I’m sorry but I couldn’t help it. I have been wanting to do that for a long time,” he said. I crossed my arms and grilled him.

  “Okay, okay. I promise I won’t do it anymore. Just don’t revoke my study buddy privileges,” he said.

  “I think it’s kinda’ of cute, but the next time I’m slapping the hell out of you,” I joked.

  “I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he replied.

  “Give me another one,” I said. He leaned forward, and I grabbed his face to pull closer to mine. I licked his sexy lips before I slipped my tongue into his mouth. Jaz surprised me when he sucked on my tongue. He was actually a great kisser. Maybe I was still insecure because I began to wonder if he was fucking other females on campus.

  Is he kissing other bitches like this too? I thou
ght.

  While I was in the middle of making out with, Jaz my mother called me. I thought about sending her ass straight to voicemail, but I answered it.

  “Yessss mother,” I answered when I pulled away from Jaz.

  “Helloooo, darling. I was wondering how everything was? I heard you and Jaz are becoming quite a couple on campus. Your father and I are having a dinner this Saturday. Ballroom attire of course, and we were wondering if you could bring Jaz. It’s going to be a few attorneys here and maybe they can talk to Jaz about his future after he finishes law school,” she said.