As Hot As It Gets

by Jamie Sobrato

  “Excuse me, but I need to take a walk to the ladies’ room. Claire?”

  “I’m fine, thanks.”

  Lucy disappeared, and Judd tipped his beer to Claire. “She means well,” he said, “but she’s not gonna rest until you and Mason either kill each other or get married.”

  “That’s what I was afraid of.”

  “She thinks of it as her debt to you for introducing us.”

  Claire couldn’t help smiling. She’d never imagined how sending Lucy on that birthday trip to the Fantasy Ranch would transform her best friend’s life so completely. Not only had Lucy managed to fall in love with and marry the guy who was supposed to be her no-strings-attached fling, but she’d found a level of confidence in herself that she’d lacked before.

  “She should consider her debt paid in full.”

  Judd gave her a look that said “not a chance,” and Claire knew he was right. Lucy could be the most hardheaded person on earth when she thought she was right.

  A guy who’d clearly been hitting the free froufrou drinks at the pool at little too hard came wandering in and weaved his way over to the empty bar stool next to Judd. Claire could smell the rum on him from three bar stools away.

  He waved down the bartender and ordered a whiskey sour, then propped himself on the bar and smiled at Judd. “You staying here long?”

  “For about a week,” Judd answered.

  “Shingle guy like you,” he slurred, “there’s a lot of fun to be had, lemme tell you.”

  Judd opened his mouth, probably to protest his single status, but Drunken Guy continued.

  “I know whatcher thinkin’. You’ve already heard the official spiel on the resort.”

  “Yeah,” Judd said, “my brother’s the—”

  “But lemme tell you what you may not know.” He leaned in close and attempted to whisper. “Anything you want, you can buy it here—companionship of whatever kind you like, if you catch my drift.”

  Claire could still hear him, though he clearly thought he and Judd were having a private one-on-one conversation. She focused her eyes on her drink and pretended to be oblivious to them.

  She could almost see Judd’s private-investigator antennae on alert now. “Oh yeah? Like what?”

  Drunken Guy made a sweeping gesture. “Anything. Just last night…” He paused and waggled his eyebrows. “I had two girls come to my room for two hours of working me over like you wouldn’t believe.”

  She didn’t dare look over to see Judd’s expression. After a moment, he asked, “Really? How much did it cost you?”

  “Eh, about a grand. I own a sewage-treatment plant outside of Toledo. Cost don’t matter to me, and lemme tell you, it was worth every damn penny.”

  “So how do I hook up with these ladies?” Judd asked.

  Drunken Guy fumbled in his wallet and pulled out a business card. “Drop me a line if you ever need help with sewage treatment.”

  He flipped the card over and grabbed a pen from nearby on the bar, then started scrawling a number on the card. “What you do is you call this number and just say you’ve got cash to burn.”

  “And they’ll know what I want.”

  “You name it, and they’ll get it for you for the right price. Until a few days ago you just had to talk to a guy at the Cabana Club, but he disappeared, so now it’s a little more complicated.”

  “As in?”

  “You just gotta make the phone call, then somebody calls you back, finds out what you want and tells you where to bring the money.”

  Judd took the card from him. “This person got a name?”

  “Nah. It’s all hush-hush.”

  “Thanks, man. Me and my wife might be into some fun, you know?”

  Drunken Guy noticed Judd’s wedding ring for the first time. “Oh, right. Hey man, whatever floats your boat.”

  He turned his attention to his drink just as Lucy reappeared from the restroom. “Hey sweetheart,” Judd said a little too enthusiastically. “Why don’t we get going now?”

  Claire looked over to see Judd giving Lucy a meaningful look. Lucy stared at him perplexed, but said nothing. After putting some money on the bar to cover their drinks, Judd and Lucy left, and Claire waited a minute before following. She found them outside waiting for her.

  “What was up with that?” she said to Judd.

  Judd frowned. “Looks like Mason’s still got some problems to deal with.”

  Judd and Lucy had been filled in on the whole dominatrix-for-hire situation, but Mason had been confident that the perpetrators had been dealt with and that anyone else involved would be too afraid of getting caught to continue.

  “I can’t believe this stuff is still going on,” Lucy said as they started walking back toward their hotel rooms.

  “Sounds like it’s not strictly S and M so much as it is a whole prostitution ring,” Claire said, feeling sick for Mason. He’d been working nonstop to keep the resort running smoothly, and now this.

  “We need to gather all the facts before we go to Mason,” Judd said. “He’s busy enough without having to deal with this again, too.”

  There were definitely some perks to having a private investigator for a brother, Claire supposed, not the least of which was having someone who could do the investigating when an illegal prostitution ring popped up on one’s private island.

  “So,” Claire said, remembering their plans for the evening. “Are we still going to that ‘Come As Who You Really Are’ party? It starts in an hour.”

  “This is who I really am,” Lucy said, gesturing to her pink top and khaki shorts. “It’s a pretty boring costume.”

  “I think we can come up with something more interesting than that,” Claire said, remembering the backstage costume area at the theater. She was pretty sure Mason wouldn’t mind if they borrowed a few things again.

  Judd sighed. “Lucy made me pack my cowboy boots and my Stetson, so I guess that’ll be my costume.”

  “And jeans! He’ll definitely be wearing jeans, too.” Lucy smiled, and Claire knew she was remembering the way they’d first met, with Judd in that very same outfit, handcuffed to Lucy’s bed. They’d been complete strangers, and Judd had been Claire’s surprise birthday gift to Lucy.

  Claire grabbed Lucy’s hand. “Then you’re coming with me. I know just the place to find an outfit that expresses the real you.”

  “But—”

  “No arguing. You can’t go to the party dressed like that.” She nodded at a carry-on luggage bag sitting at the foot of the bed. “Is that empty?”

  “Yes, why?”

  “Bring it. We’ll need it to carry the costumes.”

  “We’ll meet you back at our room in a half hour,” Lucy called to Judd as they took off, and ten minutes later, they were sneaking through the theater and into the costume area.

  Thankfully, the janitor was nowhere in sight.

  “How do you know about this place?” Lucy asked when Claire switched on the lights.

  “Um, Mason showed it to me,” she said, trying hard to keep a straight face.

  “Why do I get the feeling there’s a story behind that statement.”

  “Trust me when I say it’s a story that would violate your brother-in-law, sister-in-law bond.”

  “Ooo-kaaaay,” Lucy said, turning her attention to the rack of women’s costumes.

  “I’m thinking Las Vegas showgirls,” Claire said, zeroing in on the costume Mason had liked so well before.

  She smiled as she pictured what his reaction would be. That is, if he even got out of his meeting in time to make the party. They’d arranged to meet there as soon as he could break free, but he couldn’t make any guarantees. Claire, for one, was dying to see the costume Mason considered a reflection of his true self.

  “Claire, I am so not a showgirl.”

  “Then how about this?” Claire pulled out a scarlet dress of the sort worn by prostitutes of the Old West. “It’ll match Judd’s outfit.”

  Lucy’s eyes lit up.
“Perfect! I’m a harlot.”

  They tried on the costumes in their respective sizes, made a few adjustments to Lucy’s with safety pins they found in a drawer, and then decided to just stay in costume until the party. After stuffing their street clothes into the carry-on bag, they left the costume area decked out in their new looks.

  Claire was no stranger to turning heads, but even she felt a little silly at some of the stares they got on their way back. They were passing through a hallway adjoining theirs when a door swung open and the sounds of a party within came pouring out, along with a guy wearing a giant condom as a hat on his head.

  “Hey, aren’t you the girls we hired for the bachelor party? We’ve been waiting for you two.”

  Lucy started to protest, but Claire silenced her with a sharp elbow to the ribs.

  “Um,” Claire said, scrambling to decide how best to handle this. Clearly, this was a chance to find out more about the prostitution ring, and she didn’t want to blow it. “Yep, that’s us. Sorry if we’re a little late.”

  “You’re dressed kind of funny for a lesbian sex show,” the guy said, frowning at their mismatched costumes.

  “Oh, well, um, we actually were just told to dress up. I didn’t realize we’d be doing a special show.”

  “Yeah, babe. Hope you came prepared with the dildos or whatever equipment you need.”

  Lucy made a strange noise, and Claire elbowed her again.

  “Sure thing.” She held up the carry-on bag as if it were full of sex equipment. “Just give us a second out here. We’ll need to plan out our act a little bit before we get started.”

  “All right, but you better hurry. The guys are gettin’ impatient in there.” He stepped back inside and closed the door.

  “What are you doing!” Lucy snapped.

  “Don’t you see, those guys hired prostitutes! This is our chance to get information for Judd’s investigation.”

  “We’re not really going in there.”

  Claire sighed. “I don’t expect you to, but I am. I just want to poke around and see if I can get any information, maybe find out who they hired the prostitutes through.”

  “And then what? We have lesbian sex in front of a room full of drunken guys? Have you lost your mind?”

  “No! We just make up some excuse and get out before anything happens.” Then Claire saw the perfect plan laid out before her. “I’ve got it! You go on back to your room, and I’ll go in and tell them my partner backed out at the last second, so no show.”

  “You can’t go in there alone!”

  “It’s perfect. Don’t worry about me. Besides, Judd would kill me if he found out I let you go in there.”

  Lucy crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not letting you go in alone. I’m going, too.”

  Damn it.

  But honestly, she was a little scared to go into a room full of drunken men alone, dressed like a showgirl. Maybe Lucy was right. They needed to find an alternative. “Okay, then here’s the deal. We’ll stall here in the hallway, make up some excuse about needing more equipment before we do the show and try to get some information from them.”

  Lucy frowned. “I like that better.”

  “I’ll do all the talking, and you just try to stay quiet and follow my lead. Got it?”

  “What if we get into trouble?”

  “I’ve got my cell phone. We can call resort security if things get out of hand.”

  “Okay, you’re right. I’m just overreacting, but if I have to feel you up or something, I’ll never forgive you.”

  “You are not going to feel me up. We’ll just make excuses and leave once we have our information.”

  Lucy tugged at her décolletage, making a disgruntled face as she did so.

  “Okay, so tell me what I’m supposed to say again.”

  “You stay quiet, but if anyone asks, your name is Desiree and you only like girls.”

  Claire stopped as she was about to knock on the door. “Are you sure you want to do this, Luc? You can back out now if you want, and I’ll just talk to them real quick myself.”

  “I’m not leaving you alone!” Lucy’s brow scrunched up in her worried-friend look. “You’re not getting scared, are you?”

  Claire rolled her eyes and feigned confidence. “Of course not. I just don’t want you to flub this.”

  She was an awful, horrid person, not even remotely deserving of a friend like Lucy, and she made a mental note to buy her a decadent gift as soon as they got off this stinking island.

  Claire knocked on the door and a few seconds later, the condom-headed guy jerked it open.

  “Let’s get this show started,” he said.

  Behind him, Claire could see the bachelor party in progress. It reminded her of a scene from an eighties party, complete with half-naked women and more guys wearing giant condoms on their heads. That had to be some kind of safety hazard.

  Could all these women be prostitutes? Surely not this many on Mason’s private island. Probably they were just guests who felt comfortable wearing almost nothing in a room full of strangers.

  It occurred to Claire that she was supposed to be taking charge, not gawking.

  “We need payment first,” she said.

  The guy’s expression transformed from ogling to pissed in an instant. “We already paid the money. Didn’t he tell you that?”

  “Which ‘he’ are you talking about?”

  “You know who I mean—the guy on the phone.”

  “How’d you pay him, if you only talked to him on the phone?” Claire asked, going out on a shaky limb and praying it wouldn’t backfire on her.

  “Look, babe. I don’t know what’s going on here, but you’ve already gotten paid, so you better get in here and get the show rolling.”

  Claire produced a put-upon sigh. “Okay, we’ve got some kind of mix-up here. You tell me the name of the person you gave the money to, and I’ll talk to them, then come back and do the show. How’s that?”

  “Look,” the condom-head guy said, “this is my best friend’s bachelor party. He’s getting married tomorrow, and if he doesn’t see two lesbians getting it on tonight, I’m gonna be seriously pissed.”

  What a loser, it took all Claire’s willpower not to point out.

  Lucy shot her a stricken look, and Claire raised her eyebrows in a silent plea for her to go along.

  This was not playing out like she’d hoped.

  “You’ll have to take this up with our boss. We always collect the money up front before an act.” Claire started edging away from the door, with Lucy right beside her.

  “This is messed up!”

  Nearby partiers had taken notice of the argument now and were stopping their conversations to watch and listen. Luckily, the blaring David Lee Roth rendition of “Just a Gigolo” made it impossible for people more than a few feet away to hear them.

  “There’s no need to get pissy,” Claire said, careful to keep her voice free of the annoyance she felt. “I’ll just go talk to—”

  “This is some kind of scam, isn’t it? You want me to pay you up front, and then you end up with twice the cash. You probably thought I’d be so drunk I wouldn’t know the difference, huh?”

  Claire took another step back. “Look, I don’t tolerate belligerence. I don’t care if you did pay. I’m not performing here with the way you’re treating us.” She looked at Lucy. “Let’s get out of here.”

  “No way!” He stepped out into the hallway. “You’re not going anywhere until we see some lesbian sex. Got it?”

  Next to him, Lucy’s expression turned to pure panic.

  Claire smiled sweetly, leaned in close, and said, “Go screw yourself,” at the same time that she jammed her heel into the guy’s toe.

  He howled at the pain, doubling over as he reached for his assaulted foot. “You bitch!”

  Claire gave him a shove, and he stumbled backward as Lucy grabbed her wrist and started tugging on her to leave.

  “Hey, what’s going on over
here?” a guy carrying a beer bottle asked as he caught his friend by the arm to keep him from falling.

  Lucy pulled her down the hallway, and they ran out the main entrance of the building with the sound of the party still filtering out from the suite. Right outside the door, they passed by two women clad in black latex who looked like they really were on their way to perform a lesbian sex show.

  Lucy and Claire gave each other knowing looks. Outside, resort guests were milling about, so they did a fast walk through the crowd and headed for the rear of the building.

  “I’ll call security and tell them to check out what’s going on in that room,” Claire said, pulling her cell phone out of her pocket.

  “That was a close call,” Lucy said, still breathless.

  Claire was a little dizzy with adrenaline. She’d never meant to put her pregnant best friend in such a precarious situation. The stunt had been beyond stupid. “Yeah, close call.”

  She dialed the resort security number she’d seen printed on her Escapade information packet, and told them what she suspected was happening in the suite they’d just left, then hung up the phone.

  “I think you could have kicked that guy’s butt,” Lucy said, smiling.

  “He didn’t stand a chance,” she said, trying hard to sound lighthearted. What she’d done had been stupid, stupid, stupid, and she hadn’t even learned anything helpful from it.

  “I was so scared I almost peed on my harlot dress,” Lucy said as they stopped in front of the hotel building entrance.

  An uncontrollable bubble of stress-induced laughter forced itself up. “Me, too,” Claire said between giggles.

  “Are you coming up to our room?” Lucy asked.

  “No, I want to find Mason now, tell him what we saw today.”

  “But—”

  “I may not make it to the party,” Claire said. “I’m feeling a little partied out after that whole scene.”

  “Me, too.” Lucy gave her a funny look. “If I didn’t know better, I might think you were actually smitten with Mason.”

  Smitten? Ridiculous.

  “But you do know better, so don’t even suggest it.”

  Claire could bluff all she wanted, but unfortunately, Lucy was pretty astute at reading her emotions. She made the mistake of looking away too soon, and Lucy was on to her.