Black & Ugly

by Styles, Toy

  "Listen, Markee," Silver says as he breathes so heavily in the phone that his feelings closely resemble hate, " you gonna chill the fuck out and don't make no other moves till I fucking tell you to. There's some other shit that's gettin' ready to go down with Sky and her girls and I don't want the heat from their bodies fallin'

  on us, too. So, I'm not asking you, mothafucka, I'm telling you to chill the fuck out. What I got to do, get a stroller and strap you in like you a mothafuckin' kid?" Markee sighs heavily, signifying that he is beyond mad.

  "Just so you know, big bruh, I don't think Eclipse is gonna do shit but fuck them bitches. He be riding around with Parade like she his bitch. If we wait on this mothafucka to do what gotta be done, we won't neva make no money."

  "Like I said, chill out and don't make no more moves. Do I make myself clear?" Silver yells.

  He doesn't respond so Silver yells again, "DO I 176

  T. Styles

  Black and Ugly

  MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?"

  "Yeah, big bruh. You make yourself clear," he answers as he hangs up the phone, completely disre-garding everything his brother just said.

  T. Styles

  177

  Triple Crown Publications presents . . .

  27

  Parade

  "MISS WAYNE, I'M COMING IN a minute. And don't worry, I'll be fine."

  "I know you will," he whispers so as to not wake up Daffany, who just fell asleep on his couch. "But it's dark now and I don't like you walking by yourself."

  "I know, daddy, but I'll be fine," I say, sensing how much he cares about me. "I was just adding the finish-ing touches on Daffany's apartment. She's been so stressed out that I want things to be as nice as possible for her when she comes home tomorrow."

  "Okay," he says and sighs. "And how are you feeling about that other thing that happened?"

  "You mean with Sky?" I ask, already knowing what he's talking about but wanting to avoid it.

  "You know I'm talkin' 'bout that dry pussy bitch so stop playing wit' me."

  "I know you are." I laugh.

  "Well, how are you holding up wit' her coming to the door questioning you about Jay's slutty ass?" 178

  T. Styles

  Black and Ugly

  "I'm fine," I say, even though I'm not.

  Hearing how Sky really feels about me, due to my listening to them in the hallway, hurts a lot. But, at the same time, I am wrong for sleeping with her man. Yet, she talked about me like she's never cared, even before suspecting anything ever happened between Jay and me. But, for some reason, I've always loved Sky.

  "Did his double dippin' ass call you yet?"

  "Yes, he did. I told him that she didn't know anything and I was able to confirm his story because I overheard them. But I also let him know I can't see him anymore 'cuz I hate sneaking around behind Sky's back, anyway."

  "Will he let you go that easy?" he asks, remembering the threats I told him Jay made earlier.

  "I hope so. Maybe since we almost got caught, he'll realize it's not worth it."

  "My baby done turned into a black Barbie doll and now everybody wants her." He laughs.

  "Stop playing. You know that's not true," I say, trying not to blush.

  "Honey, sooner or later you gonna realize that you have always been beautiful. It's just that now you're starting to show it," he explains in a loving voice. "And I think it's for the best that you leave him alone, too.

  After that little stunt Sky pulled by asking to use your cell phone, she's liable to do anything to catch you two.

  And any-who, you have a new man. Speaking of such, when you bringing him by to meet me and Daffany?"

  "Well, he has been wanting to meet you, so I'll be T. Styles

  179

  Triple Crown Publications presents . . .

  bringing him to our end-of-the-month get-together."

  "Oh, really?" Miss Wayne says. "What you do? Tell him how beautiful I was?"

  "No." I laugh. "I told him how much I love you. But I'll tell him how beautiful you are later."

  "Parade, you don't know how good that makes me feel to hear you love me. It's one thing to know someone loves you, but it's a whole 'notha thing to hear them say it."

  "Well, let me get off this phone before you get all teary and shit," I tell him.

  "Yes girl, 'cuz you know I'm getting ready to get juicy-eyed."

  "Bye, boy," I say. "And just so you know, the furniture is beautiful. Do you think the person who beat her stole her things, too?"

  "Probably so," Miss Wayne responds, "but who truly knows? Miss Sky was the last person to see her place intact with the exception of the bastard who hurt her."

  "You don't think she had anything to do with it, do you?" I ask, wondering if he suspects Sky is a little untrustworthy, too.

  "Let me just say this. I've known Sky all my life, only to realize that I don't know her very much at all.

  Now hurry up home. Dinner is getting cold." I get off the phone and wonder what he means. But after thinking of the things I heard Sky say about me in the hall, I have other issues on my mind.

  BANG, BANG, BANG.

  180

  T. Styles

  Black and Ugly

  Why do black people have to knock on doors so hard? I hope it isn't the same man who hurt Daffany.

  One thing's for sure, I ain't opening up shit unless I feel it's okay.

  I look out the peephole and see it's Cliff from next door. He's always so sweet and his wife is beautiful. He helped the movers bring all Daffany's furniture in earlier. When I first asked him to lend a hand, he looked kinda strange, but when he saw everything Miss Wayne and I had, he agreed.

  I open the door, thinking he left something.

  "Hey, Cliff. You leave something?" I ask.

  "No," he says. "I was coming to see how everything turned out."

  "Well, don't stand out in the hallway, boy. Get in!" I yell as I grab him by the arm and lock the door. "I don't like talking with the door open after what happened to Daffany. This neighborhood has gotten worse over the years."

  "Yeah. It has," he responds coldly, clearly in a different mood than he was in earlier.

  He goes through the kitchen, her bedroom, the bathroom and then comes back in the living room.

  "Everything looks real nice," he says. "So, when she coming home?"

  "Tomorrow," I answer with a smile. "You think she'll like it?"

  "I don't know," Cliff utters as if he's mad. "It looks even better than before." He looks at me with a glassy look in his eyes.

  T. Styles

  181

  Triple Crown Publications presents . . .

  I realize he's drunk. Suddenly I feel stupid for letting him in Daffany's apartment without her permission. Now, if he wants to, he can steal everything in here because he knows where it is.

  "Okay," I say, trying to push him out. "Let me finish up here." I slightly open the door.

  "Did I tell you how good you been looking lately, Parade? You been looking really fuckin' good," he continues as he slams the door shut with one hand and pushes me away with the other. "Damn, that outfit you wearing is making my dick hard." He grabs it. "I wonder what's in it. I wonder if your pussy looks pink and soft when it's pressed up between your thick, pretty legs. You gonna let me get in that pussy, Parade?" Oh my goodness! I'm getting ready to be raped! I coulda never saw this coming. And now, here in Daffany's apartment, I'm getting ready to get raped by someone I trusted - a man I've always looked up to and considered a good husband.

  "Stop playin', Cliff," I state, attempting to make light of his actions. "I have to finish up around here."

  "Who said I'm playin'?" he responds. "Can you suck a dick as good as your friend? 'Cuz I'm gettin'

  ready to find out," he continues, moving toward me.

  "Please, don't do this," I beg him. "Please don't do this to me." Each plea appears to bring him closer.

  "Yeah. Keep begging, bitch. I'm gonna give this shit
to everybody she loves, like she gave it to everyone I love."

  I don't understand what he means, but I do know 182

  T. Styles

  Black and Ugly

  that he's drunk and has all intentions of raping me.

  Suddenly, I put things into perspective. Number one, from what I can see, he doesn't have anything on him. Number two, I decide that the only way he's raping me will be on top of my cold, dead body.

  I continue to back away from him until we end up in Daffany's room.

  "Now where you gonna go, you pretty chocolate bitch? It's been a long time since I tasted chocolate. If I knew you were that sexy, I would've fucked you a long time ago. If you don't fight it, I won't put you in the hospital like I did that bitch!" It was him! He was the one who beat Daffany. What does he want to give to me that she gave to people he loves? Before I can think about it anymore, he runs after me. I quickly open the closet door and grab the metal bat I bought for Daffany to keep in her room. It was supposed to be for protection and although it won't stop a bullet, it was all I could afford.

  With one quick movement, I swing at his head and he stumbles but remains on his feet. His eyes are now wide open and he looks crazed but more conscious than he was before. Yeah, you ain't drunk no more, mothafucka, are you?

  I can tell he wasn't expecting me to fight back so he goes for the door. Something comes over me and I don't know what it is, but I run and knock him upside his fucking head again.

  "Hold up, what are you doing?" he continues with his hands up.

  T. Styles

  183

  Triple Crown Publications presents . . .

  "I'm whoopin' your ass," I respond, hitting him again.

  "Can you please stop hitting me?" he pleads with his hands up as if they would block my blows. "I was just playing with you!" He screams in pain.

  He tries to grab the bat as if he can take it. Little does he know, I'm a pro with a bat, having used it on more than one occasion to handle bitches trying to jump me.

  I blank out and can't hear a word he's saying. All I can think about is my sister lying up in the hospital bed and how I know he is to blame. Daffany doesn't deserve any of the shit he did to her. I don't care what he's talking about.

  "Parade ... pleeease! Let me leave. I just wanna go home!"

  "Fuck you, mothafucka! You shoulda thought about that before you tried your hand. Since you like to rape girls, I'm gonna keep kicking your fucking ass till I get tired. And the next time you think about hurt-ing Daffany, I want you to remember this beat down!" I knock him in his head again.

  By the time I finish punishing him for what he did to Daffany and was trying to do to me, he's spread out on the kitchen floor, unconscious.

  I hit him one last time to make sure he won't move then pick up Daffany's home phone to make a call.

  "This is Parade Knight, and I'd like to report a breakin, but there's no rush, ma'am. I have everything under control here."

  184

  T. Styles

  Black and Ugly

  28

  Daffany

  WAKING UP THIS MORNING IS nice, until I hear about what happened to Parade last night. They give me the details and I am filled with guilt. I would've taken it really hard if he had succeeded in raping her. For the first time ever, I'm starting to think that it isn't a good idea to conceal everything about my lifestyle. If I woulda told my friends that it was Cliff who beat me, Parade would've never trusted him and opened the door.

  We are sitting on the couch discussing the details and Miss Wayne says, "Daffany, I'm happy you agreed to press charges with Parade after all, honey. Don't even worry about him. They're keeping an eye on his tired ass."

  "I know," I respond with my head hanging low,

  "but I'm so sorry about what almost happened to Parade."

  "Don't worry about it, girl. It ain't your damn fault," Parade insists as she moves closer to me. "He's T. Styles

  185

  Triple Crown Publications presents . . .

  the one who should be sorry. He's gonna be locked up the moment he comes out of ICU. Believe dat."

  "Did you beat him that bad, girl?" Miss Wayne asks, laughing.

  "I beat him silly," she says as she gives Miss Wayne a high five.

  "I bet you did." I manage to smile. "But there's something else you don't know that I have to tell you," I continue and start crying.

  "What? What's wrong?" Miss Wayne asks as he kneels in front of me while I'm sitting on his couch.

  "I have to tell Parade that I know what he meant when he said that he wanted to give her what I gave his loved ones."

  "You ... do?" Parade stutters.

  "Yes," I whisper.

  "What?" Parade responds real slowly. "Because I thought he was on that shit and was talkin' out of his head."

  "Please forgive me," I plead, as it becomes harder to release a secret that I had planned to take to my grave. "I didn't know that this was gonna happen, or I would've told you before."

  Parade and Miss Wayne look at each other sensing that whatever I'm getting ready to tell them is pretty serious. The phone rings before I can release the words to inform them that I'm HIV positive.

  "Go ahead, baby. Whoever that is can wait," Miss Wayne informs me.

  "No, please answer the phone. I'll tell you when 186

  T. Styles

  Black and Ugly

  you're done," I insist, feeling relieved that I have a few more seconds to delay my confession.

  "Can I get you something to drink?" Parade asks as she rubs my back.

  "No. I'm okay," I say, ear hustling to see what Miss Wayne is talking about.

  Miss Wayne's phone conversation gets heated and I can tell that my announcement will have to be put off even longer, which I don't mind.

  "What did you tell them, Miss Rick?!" he yells into the phone. "But why would you use the card again, after I told you not to? Well, that doesn't make any sense." He paces the floor and Parade runs to his side.

  "If you think I'm gonna get your black ass out of jail after I told you not to use that card, you got anotha thing comin'... Well, fuck you too!" he screams as he hangs up the phone.

  Miss Wayne stands in the kitchen for a minute, looking at the phone and fanning himself with his hand. I can tell that whatever just happened isn't good.

  He walks over to the couch, sits down and tries to regain his composure. Parade follows him.

  "What happened?" Parade asks. "Is everything okay with Miss Rick?"

  "Hell no!" he yells. "Girl, I told his ass not to use the card again after he got the last things. He goes and uses it behind my back, and of course it was reported stolen. I shoulda took it away from his simple ass!"

  "Damn. I thought you told me he brought the stuff he wanted the last time he had the card," Parade quesT. Styles

  187

  Triple Crown Publications presents . . .

  tions.

  "He did, girl. But she's a greedy bitch. So, now they have his ass up in jail lookin' like a fuckin' idiot. I'm so mad, y'all, I don't know what to do." He pauses as he puts his face in his hands. "Then on top of everything, he has the nerve to ask me to bail his dumb ass out. Do I look like a fuckin' fool?" he continues while switch-ing his hands from the air to his hips.

  "Damn. You think he gonna say something?" I ask.

  "I don't know, chile. Hopefully he'll chill out and not open his mouth. Who knows?" he responds. He puts his hand on my leg, acknowledging that he hasn't forgotten about me.

  "Well, we'll have to keep our fingers crossed because you know Miss Rick runs his mouth like a bitch," Parade adds.

  "That ain't the only thing he running," Miss Wayne retorts as his voice gets lower. "I almost forgot until he called, but he's been sleeping with Cliff for the longest and the worst part is this - he's HIV positive." I'm in the room, but it's spinning around. I feel like a superhero is rotating the couch on his fingertip and won't stop. I can't believe that the man terrorizing me
got HIV from someone else - another man at that.

  "Are you kidding me?" Parade yells as she jumps up. "That mothafucka probably got AIDS and was gettin' ready to give it to me!" she continues as she paces the room.

  "I know, girl, but Miss Rick definitely has HIV," Miss Wayne says. "I told him the moment he found out 188

  T. Styles

  Black and Ugly

  to start using protection with that man. I wouldn't be surprised if he does have it." At this point, they must realize if Miss Rick has it and possibly gave it to Cliff, that I may have it, too, since I admitted to sleeping with him. But I ain't ready to talk about it. I feel violated in the worst way possible. I always thought, before he beat me up, that Cliff was a good man who just needed something from me that he couldn't get from his wife. In a way, I thought I was doing their marriage a favor by being with him because of the things we talked about. But now, I'm finding out that nothing he has ever said to me was true. How could it be? If he cheated on his wife, why wouldn't he lie to me? My head is thumping so hard that I can barely move it.

  The phone rings and Miss Wayne runs to answer it again. I'm relieved because I no longer want to discuss what's up with me. I'm still taking in that I may have found out who gave this shit to me.

  "She did what? What in the world is going on around here?" he yells, apparently receiving more bad news. "I'll tell her, Ma. She's here anyway. Talk to you later," he continues as he ends the call and sits back down on the couch.

  "Daffany, that was my mother," he says, looking at me real concerned. "She said that Aunt Diana tried to sell a few of your things to people around the way, including your TV. I'm so sorry, baby." He places one hand on my leg.

  Parade covers her mouth as if she can't believe it. I T. Styles

  189

  Triple Crown Publications presents . . .

  sit here for a few seconds then decide I have to get out.

  I have to take a walk, otherwise I'm gonna jump out that window. It's like my world is not only crumbling down around me but also trying to crush me within it.

  I realize my mother is on drugs, but I can't believe she stole everything I owned. All my possessions. I was so sure that Cliff stole my things that I didn't stop to consider anyone else. But out of all the things she took from me, I don't understand why she would take the papers confirming my HIV status.