Until We Touch

by Susan Mallery

  He started to walk toward it only to find himself circling around the lower cabinets and opening one of them. He pulled out a box and carried it over to the coffee table by the sofa. After sitting down, he raised the lid and looked inside.

  On the top was a threadbare stuffed giraffe. It had once been purple, but had faded through washings to a pale gray. One ear and one leg were missing. Under that were pictures of a little boy holding the giraffe.

  The oldest pictures showed a small, pale boy with a weak smile. Jack would guess he was three or four. The hospital setting made him look even smaller and more helpless. His parents tried to smile at the camera, but there was no way to disguise their worry.

  More pictures showed the boy—Jeffrey—in a hospital bed, celebrating a birthday, then Christmas. Then the scene changed with a big banner behind the bed proclaiming Transplant Day!

  The next photos showed Jeffrey with the telltale scar on his chest. But he looked better, with more color. He was sitting up instead of lying in the bed and his parents, while exhausted, had genuine smiles.

  He reached for the letters, the notes, the cards. Larissa documented all that they did. She’d visited Jeffrey and his family three times. She’d arranged for the rest of the family to be flown in over the holidays, and when Jeffrey was discharged and ready to start acting like the healthy little boy he now was, she’d set up a trip to Disneyland.

  There was a thank-you note from Jeffrey’s mother, addressed to him. She mentioned his generosity, his compassion. She said she knew about his brother and the loss the family had suffered and appreciated how he’d turned that into a blessing for them.

  There were more boxes. Dozens of them, all filled with letters and pictures and mementos, like the ratty giraffe. There was a photo of him at a high-school prom because the girl they were helping was seventeen and she’d been away in hospitals for so long she didn’t have any friends, let alone a boyfriend. So Larissa had talked him into taking her to the dance.

  So many people helped, he thought. In such a short period of time. And these were only the humans. If he added the cats and owl and chiweenies to the mix, they were well into three figures. Hundreds of souls saved because he was a sucker for Larissa and she wanted to save the world.

  He leaned back against the sofa and closed his eyes. He could imagine every part of her. How she sounded, how she moved, how she smelled. He ached for her. Not just in his bed, but in his life. He’d pushed her away because... Because...

  He remembered his high-school football coach lecturing the team and the lesson that had stuck with him through his entire career was a simple one. “You are either the solution or you are the problem.”

  Jack had always been part of the solution. Whether it was how to break a losing streak or save a young PR associate who didn’t have anywhere to live, he was front and center with the fixing. It made him feel good. It helped him belong. It kept him safe.

  Taryn was right, he thought grimly. The reason Lucas had heart disease was he had a heart in the first place. Jack was all flash. He looked good on the poster, but in a crunch, the best you could count on was that he would write a check. Taryn held Score together, Larissa made him a hero by caring. But what did he bring to the table?

  You’re either the solution or you’re the problem. Somewhere along the way, he’d become the problem.

  He didn’t want to risk caring. He got that. He knew why. He could list the reasons and most people would probably agree with them. They would think he was being smart. Careful. Reasonable. But the price for that was everything he had now. The price for that was nothing.

  He opened the first box again and stared at the tattered giraffe. Jeffery had given it to Larissa to thank her for all she’d done. In turn, she’d given it to him because, as she put it, he made it all possible. But she was wrong. He was only along for the ride. She was the one who made everything possible. He was a sucker for Larissa. He knew that. Had always known it. Whatever she wanted, he was all in. She only had to call and he was there. She was the one person he would stop anything for.

  He stood up and swore. He was in love with her. Based on his actions, he’d loved her from the first moment he’d met her. Only he’d been too stupid to realize it. Or too afraid. Larissa’s mother had missed the mark by 50 percent. Larissa wasn’t just in love with him. He was in love with her.

  He started for the door of his office only to stop. What if it was too late? What if he’d screwed up everything to the point where it couldn’t be unscrewed? What if she wouldn’t forgive him?

  “She has to,” he said aloud. There was no other choice. He needed to be with her. He needed to show her that he was exactly who she’d always claimed he could be. She’d seen the best in him when he’d never seen it himself. Now he had to live up to what she’d always believed.

  He showered and dressed, then drove out to the university. It took a little convincing but he finally got in to see President Newham, even though he didn’t have an appointment.

  “How can I help you, Mr. McGarry?” she asked.

  “I’m here about the coaching job,” he told her.

  “You made it very clear you weren’t interested. You said you were the last man we should pick.”

  “I was wrong,” he told her, then wondered how many times he was going to have to say that again today.

  An hour later, he parked in front of Paper Moon. While what he needed was on the bridal side, he happened to know Isabel spent most of her time in the part of the store with the regular clothes, so he started there.

  The tall blonde was just finishing up with a customer when he entered. Her quick, cold glance told him word had spread all through the female community of Fool’s Gold. What he didn’t know was whether she was pissed at him for what he’d said to Taryn, Larissa or both.

  When her customer left, she crossed to him. “What do you want?”

  “I need to rent a dress.”

  “We don’t rent dresses.”

  “Fine. I’ll buy one. A bridesmaid gown.”

  Her gaze narrowed. “Why?”

  “To make a point. Please. Just sell me a dress.”

  “The only one I have is five thousand dollars.”

  He handed her his credit card.

  Her lips pressed together. “You’re an idiot. I don’t have five-thousand-dollar bridesmaids’ dresses.” She walked past him. “Come with me.”

  He followed her through the opening to the shop where Taryn had tried on wedding gowns. He ignored the wide and frilly skirts and waited until Isabel handed him a pink dress with lots of bows and ruffles.

  “Will this do?” she asked.

  He nodded. “It’s great. How much do I owe you?”

  “How long do you need it?”

  “About an hour.”

  “Then take it. If you break it, you buy it.”

  Just like that. “Don’t you hate me?” he asked.

  “I think you’re a jerk, but that’s no reason for me to act like one.”

  Because in their hearts, most people were pretty decent, he thought. Why hadn’t he realized that before?

  He took the dress. His next stop was the halfway house where Percy lived these days. He hadn’t seen the kid in almost a month and had no idea what his reception would be like, but this was one of the fences he needed to mend.

  He gave his name to the woman who answered the door, then waited. A few minutes later, the teen appeared at the top of the stairs. His expression was wary as he approached Jack, but he held his head high and his shoulders square. He faced Jack man-to-man.

  “I’m sorry,” Jack said by way of greeting. “About what I said and how I let you walk away. You weren’t a project. I said it because having a kid scares me. I don’t want to care that much. I don’t want to risk losing anyone close to me. The flaw in my
plan is that I already cared. I was fooling myself, which is okay, but I hurt you and that’s not.”

  Percy stared at him, but didn’t speak. Jack didn’t know what the teen was thinking, but knew he had to keep going.

  “Larissa is special,” he continued. “She sees how things are supposed to be. I admire that in her. I admire how you’ve kept it all together. You didn’t get into trouble, when that would have been the easy path. You stayed strong and I admire that, too.”

  Percy looked away and cleared his throat. “It’s okay, man.”

  “It’s not. I miss having you around. I want to help you with your studies.”

  “Kenny, Sam and Taryn have that covered.”

  “I want you to move back,” he said, looking at the teen. “I don’t want this to be temporary, Percy. You’re too old to be adopted, but I’d still like you to be part of my family. I’d be proud to have you as part of my family.”

  Percy’s expression turned wary. “Why are you saying all this?”

  “Because it’s true. Because I’ve been a jerk and I want to fix it. I want to be better. But mostly because of what I said before. I miss having you around. I want to be the one you talk to about your classes and what four-year college seems like the best fit. I want to be the one you call after your first interview. I want...” Jack hesitated. “I want to matter.”

  “Are you for real?” Percy asked hesitantly.

  “Yeah. Just as long as you know I’m going to screw up. But no matter what, I’ll never stop trying to be better. I don’t want to be the problem anymore, Percy. I want to be the solution.”

  Percy gave Jack a manly hug, more chest bump than embrace. But then Percy stepped back and wiped away tears.

  “I want to come home,” he admitted. “But I’m not going back to work at Score. I have a new job and I like it.”

  “That’s fine.”

  “And we’re getting a dog. You need a dog in that big house of yours.”

  “You’re negotiating your return?”

  Percy grinned. “I am. And I want to learn how to drive.”

  “A man should know how to drive.”

  “You have a nice car.”

  Jack laughed. “No, you can’t borrow the Mercedes.”

  Percy grinned. “Good, because I need boundaries.” His smile faded. “I have a shift in an hour. I’ll move back after that.”

  Jack handed him the house key he’d brought. “I look forward to it.”

  “You gonna get Larissa back? Because without her, you’re just sad.”

  “I know. I’m going to do my best.”

  * * *

  JACK WALKED INTO the offices of Score, not sure what to expect. His pictures were still up, which surprised him. He’d thought they would be ripped down or at the very least, defaced. But nothing looked different.

  He made his way back to Kenny’s office first. His friend saw him and frowned.

  “What?” he demanded.

  “I was wrong. Sorry.”

  Kenny looked startled, then nodded. “Don’t do it again.”

  “I won’t.”

  He went by Sam’s office. The other man was hanging up the phone. “Kenny just told me,” Sam said. “We’re good.”

  That made Jack chuckle. “You don’t want to hug to seal the deal?”

  “Get out of here.”

  Jack moved down the hall. He had a feeling things wouldn’t go so smoothly with his third partner.

  He made it to Taryn’s office without being seen by anyone else. He stepped into the empty conference room across from hers and shrugged out of his jacket.

  For a second Jack hesitated. He’d never done anything like this before, but then he’d never screwed up so bad. If he won Taryn over and things went bad with Larissa, Taryn would be a formidable ally.

  He took the dress off the hanger and unzipped it. Then he stepped into the god-awful ruffled pink dress and stuck his arms through the small sleeves.

  It barely fit. There was no way he could have zipped it, but that wasn’t the point. This wasn’t a fashion show, this was a statement of intent. He opened the conference door, walked across the hall and entered Taryn’s office without knocking.

  She was standing by the window, looking out. Her suit was fitted and she was barefoot. He saw her ridiculously high heels by her chair.

  “Taryn?”

  She didn’t turn, but he saw her stiffen.

  “Go away.”

  “No. I won’t do that. Not now and not ever. I’m sorry about what I said before. I’m sorry about what happened. Resigning wasn’t wrong, but there were a lot better ways to handle it.” He paused to draw in a breath. “I hurt you. I apologize for that. I want to promise it will never happen again, but it might. What I can promise is that I’m in this for the long haul. That you can depend on me. And if Angel ever acts this stupid, I’ll hire a platoon to take him out.”

  Her shoulders shook, but he didn’t know if she was laughing or crying.

  “I brought you something.”

  She turned. He saw tears on her cheeks. Her gaze settled on the dress. Something brightened her eyes and her mouth twitched. “You look ridiculous.”

  “That’s okay.”

  “You’d be a hideous cross-dresser. The dress doesn’t suit you at all.”

  “I’m okay with not being the prettiest bridesmaid. As long as I can be in your wedding. If you’ll still have me.”

  She moved with more speed than he would have thought her capable of. One second she was by the window, the next she was throwing herself at him. He wrapped his arms around her and hung on tight.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Please, please forgive me.”

  “You were a total jackass.”

  “I know.

  She sighed. “Where did you get that dress?”

  “I borrowed it from Isabel. By the way, if you destroy it, I have to pay for it.”

  “You can afford it.” She looked up at him. “What happened?”

  “The world closed in. I had Larissa and Percy, the job offer. Everywhere I turned, I was being forced to give more than I thought I was capable of. I’m only used to caring about you.”

  “So you lashed out?”

  “With style.”

  She stepped back and sniffed. “You really shouldn’t be here. At Score, I mean. The coaching job is a better fit. You need that, Jack.”

  He smiled. “Already done. I start on Monday.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah. Which means my letter of resignation still stands, but without the drama.”

  She touched the front of the dress. “I wonder if they make this in a size you could wear.”

  “Pink isn’t my color.”

  “Or mine,” she told him. “I’d prefer you wear a tux.”

  He stared into her eyes. “When I attend your wedding?” he asked cautiously.

  “Oh, no. You’re still my man of honor. You’re going to help me adjust my veil and hold my flowers and glower at Angel. You’ll be busy.”

  He kissed her cheek. “I can’t wait.”

  * * *

  LARISSA CLIMBED THE stairs to her apartment. Her first day at her new job had gone great. She’d been booked solid with massages. The good news was after dealing with athletes all these years, taking care of regular people with ordinary muscles was a breeze.

  She opened her front door only to stop when she saw Jack sitting on the sofa, Dyna draped across his lap.

  He looked good, she thought wistfully. Handsome and strong. What was it about a good-looking guy with a fluffy cat on his lap? He didn’t seem to mind the cat hair flying everywhere and attaching itself to his pants.

  When he saw her, he picked up Dyna and moved her
to the side, then stood.

  “You’re home,” he said.

  She nodded.

  She hadn’t seen him in twenty-three days. She’d felt the pain of every passing hour, had missed him, ached for him, cried for him and had tried to make peace with what was happening. What she hadn’t done was fall out of love with him. Now as she looked at him, she felt her heart reaching toward him, straining to be closer. Nearer. Next to.

  He crossed to her, then took both her hands in his. His dark eyes locked with hers.

  “I’m sorry,” he told her. “Sorry for what I said and how I acted. Sorry for being selfish, immature and stupid. I hurt you. I lashed out and there’s no excuse for my behavior, so I won’t make one. What I will say instead is I was wrong. Completely and totally wrong. I hurt everyone I care about. Worst of all, I hurt you.”

  He brought her hands to his chest and placed her palms flat on his shirt.

  “My heart beats only because of you,” he said quietly. “I breathe for you. I exist because I love you, Larissa. You are who matters and I want to spend the rest of my life proving that to you.”

  He seemed to melt away. It took her a second to realize she was crying. But happy tears, she thought, trying to take it all in. Joyful tears.

  “I love you,” he repeated, then he pulled a small box out of his pants pocket. “I know it’s a lot to ask right now, but will you marry me? I want it all, but only with you. I want Percy down the hall and cats and chiweenies running around. Move in a couple of owls and snakes. Whatever makes you happy.”

  “I wants kids,” she said, not sure where the words had come from.

  “Yeah?” He grinned. “Good. Like twenty?”

  She shook her head. “Three. Maybe four.”

  “I can do that. I can do whatever you want. Larissa, it was always you. I’m sorry I didn’t see that for so long. I’m sorry I had to hurt you before I understood how lucky I am to have you in my life.”