by Lisa Jordan
“Nice interpretation.” He smiled, then lifted his nose. “I thought I smelled paint or something when I walked in.”
“Before I moved in, Dad used this place for his studio. Now he paints in their basement at home. Some people may be bothered by it, but it’s one of my favorite smells. When I can’t sleep, I come down here and lay on the couch, breathing in the scents.”
“That’s comforting, I’m sure.”
“Things with my dad haven’t been so great for a while, but here, I feel his presence, and it soothes me.” She swallowed a lump in her throat and nodded toward the table. “We should eat the ice cream before it melts.”
Sully unpacked the bags, revealing the cartons of ice cream, hot-fudge sauce, caramel sauce, sprinkles, crushed cookies, a jar of cherries and a can of whipped cream. And a box of waffle cones.
The spoons clattered against the bowls as Zoe set everything on the table. “Goodness, Sully, you’re a dentist’s dream.”
“I believe in choices.”
Choices. That was something she hadn’t really had in a while.
She handed him the scoop. “Dig in.”
“Ladies first. What’s your pleasure?”
“Well, since you went to the trouble of toppings, let’s go for the bowl.”
“Good plan.”
They made their sundaes, and Zoe filled two glasses with water. Handing one to him, she nodded toward the porch. “Want to sit outside and listen to the rain while we eat these?”
“Works for me.”
Zoe led the way, holding the door open with her foot so he could pass through.
They settled in rocking chairs and set their waters on the table between them. Zoe stretched out her legs to prop her feet up on the railing again. She took a bite of ice cream and savored the velvety chocolate as it melted on her tongue.
Eating ice cream with him sent her back to her sophomore year when she and Sully had celebrated with ice cream after she’d passed her algebra class, thanks to his tutoring.
For a moment the only sounds were the scraping of spoons against bowls, raindrops on the metal roof and the jangling of wind chimes.
Sully pressed his left foot against the porch railing and used it to propel his chair into a rocking motion. He scraped up the last bite of ice cream, then dropped his spoon into the empty bowl. Closing his eyes, he rested his head against the back of the chair. “I should apologize for not calling first. After the girls left, the house was too quiet. The ticking clock in the living room sounded louder than ever and drove me nuts. Between getting the house set up and chasing after the girls, I haven’t really gotten to know many people in Shelby Lake yet.”
She licked hot fudge off her spoon, then set her empty bowl on the table next to his. “No need for apologies. I’m glad you came. Even Harper was bored with just me for company.”
“Somehow I doubt that.” He turned and grinned, his smile blanketing her with warmth.
“If she could talk, she’d tell you.” She rubbed her bare foot over Harper, who was lying at her feet. “Her sighs were getting deeper and louder.”
The rich timbre of Sully’s laugh flowed over her like melted hot fudge. She snuck a peek at his profile—that straight nose, square jaw, etched lines around his eyes—he had the looks of a Hollywood actor.
He stood and moved to the steps. He ran his hand down one of the support beams. “This is a great place you’ve got.”
“Thanks. It’s been in the family for over a hundred years. When I was kid, we spent most of our summers here, casting a line off the dock, watching the fireworks exploding over the lake, picnics on the beach or just rocking in one of these chairs while listening to the sounds of the forest behind us.”
“I remember you talking about it. How long have you lived here?”
“A few weeks.” Heat scalded her neck. She ran her thumb over her butterfly necklace. “I spent a year at Agape House, a transitional home in town for women released from prison that my parents and brother started before my release last year. When I finished the program, my parents offered to rent me the cabin until I can afford a place of my own.”
Sully leaned against the railing. “It’s quiet out here.”
“Just the way I like it. No gossipy neighbors. No judgment. Just the lake, the trees and the bullfrogs to serenade me to sleep.”
“Do you deal with that often?”
“Bullfrogs? Almost nightly.”
“Yes, of course, bullfrogs.”
Zoe stood and shoved her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. “I try not to let it get to me. I prefer keeping to myself so I don’t cause any more shame to my family, especially my son.”
“Sounds lonely.” He reached out and twirled a piece of hair that had slipped from her ponytail around his finger.
She covered his hand, meaning to pull it away, but the gentle strength in his fingers and the warmth of his skin had her wanting to entwine their fingers and not let go for a long time. Common sense kicked in, and Zoe dropped her hand, taking a step back from him. “It is. At times.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” She gathered their bowls and spoons.
“How did you handle it? The aftermath of the accident, the trial...prison.”
She stared at the melted vanilla pooled in the bottom of her bowl. Swirls of chocolate muddied the ice cream. “I wanted to die. I hated myself for what I had done. I used to lie on the cot in my cell and think of the different ways I could kill myself.”
Why had she said that?
No one knew. Not her counselor or her parole officer. No one.
Sully’s probing eyes and nonjudgmental tone unlatched the lock she had fastened over the box of secrets stored in the dark corner of her mind.
He moved away from the railing, took the bowls from her and set them back on the table. He tipped her chin up so she’d meet his eyes. “What changed?”
She hadn’t shocked him with her revelation. “A woman named Jo. I attended a Bible study she offered, not expecting much. I didn’t need someone else telling me I was a murderer going to hell. Jo told me how much God loved me. I told her that wasn’t possible after what I had done. She reminded me about David having Bathsheba’s husband killed and Paul killing the Christians. She said God could turn our pain into His gain. I called her a liar and stormed out of the room.”
“What happened after that?”
Zoe rested her head against one of the support beams. “She continued to hold the Bible study, but I refused to go for a couple of weeks.”
“Why not?”
“Why all the questions?” Zoe turned away from him and wrapped her arms around her waist, hoping the pressure would relieve the pain building up inside.
Sully touched her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Zoe. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I’m just not sure what you want to hear.”
“The truth works for me.”
Zoe scoffed and rolled her eyes. “In my experience, people don’t want the truth. They want a sugarcoated tale that won’t offend their sensitive minds.”
“I think I can handle it.” He moved closer and placed both hands on her shoulders. His voice dropped to a whisper. “Why didn’t you go back for a couple of weeks?”
Her chest tightened. She squeezed her eyes shut as the truth climbed up her throat. With her back to Sully she fixed her eyes on the choppy water. “Because I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact God loves me. My own father wouldn’t visit me in prison. I was a huge disappointment to him. So how could my Heavenly Father love me after what I’d done?”
“Earthly fathers are imperfect. But nothing will take away God’s love for you.”
“Yeah, I realize that now. I went back to the Bible study, sat in the back and listened, but this t
ime I couldn’t stop crying. After the other women left, Jo prayed with me. I gave my heart to God that day.” Her chin quivered. Fingering her necklace, she clamped down on her teeth until she could swallow past the thickening in her throat.
“That’s really good, Zoe.” He looped his finger under the chain around her neck. “Pretty butterfly.”
Zoe closed her eyes and allowed a favorite memory to surface. “When I was six, my parents took Ian and me to a butterfly garden. At first, I was afraid because there were so many butterflies, and I didn’t want them touching me. My dad knelt behind me and told me to close my eyes and put out my hands. I refused at first because I was too afraid. Dad put his arms around me and told me to trust him. I leaned against him and did what he said. He put his arms around mine and cupped my hands in his. He told me to open my eyes. I felt something tickle my skin. I opened my eyes to find a blue butterfly sitting on my palm.”
“That’s quite a moment for a little girl.”
“He bought me the necklace as a reminder I could always trust him.”
Serenity flowed through her like rainwater sliding off the roof. “I bet this wasn’t what you had in mind when you dropped by with ice cream.”
“I didn’t really have anything in mind. I just knew I wanted to see you.” His mouth was so close to her ear it sent her stomach into a somersault.
Why would he want to see her?
She’d been telling herself they needed to keep a professional distance. After all, she wasn’t the kind of woman he needed in his life. Was she setting herself up for heartbreak?
* * *
The smile he expected or even hoped for in response to his comment didn’t happen. Didn’t she want him to stop by to see her?
Caleb removed his arms from Zoe, immediately missing her closeness and the scent of her hair. He picked up the empty bowls and moved toward the door. “I’m, ah, I’m just going to set these bowls in the sink.”
She turned away and moved to the side of the porch. With her arms wrapped around her waist, she stared out into the woods. “Thanks.”
Thanks.
That’s it.
No “I’m glad you stopped by because I wanted to see you, too.”
He entered the cabin, set the bowls in the sink, cleared the table and wiped up sticky syrup. He stowed everything in her fridge, then headed back to the porch.
Zoe stood on the middle step, hands shoved in the back pockets of her jeans, and stared at the lake. Hearing him, she turned and smiled, but the playful light he had seen earlier dimmed. “Rain stopped. Wanna go for a walk around the lake?”
“Sounds good. I can burn off some of the calories I just inhaled.”
Her eyes slid from the top of his head to his feet. “Calories have never been a problem for you, Sully.” She lowered her gaze as a flush colored her cheeks.
Caleb raised an eyebrow and grinned as he followed her down the rutted, muddy path that led to the lake. Even taking slow, measured steps and leading with his left leg, he couldn’t make the short trek without sweat slicking his skin. The heated muscles in his right thigh protested, but he wasn’t about to wimp out now, especially in front of her.
He made it to the beach to find Zoe rolling the cuffs of her jeans up to keep them dry. She drew designs in the wet sand with her bare toe. Caleb stuffed his hands in his pockets and kicked at the sand with the toe of his worn deck shoe. “Did I say something back there to upset you?”
“No, why?”
“Once I mentioned I wanted to see you, you kind of shut down.”
“I guess I was a little surprised by what you said. I’m not that same girl you knew in college, Sully.”
“As you keep saying. I get it. And I’m not that same guy.” He reached out and traced the curve of her jaw with his finger. “I’ve always liked you, Zoe.”
“Things are so different now.”
“Yes, that’s true. For both of us. What happened is in the past. Don’t you believe you have a chance at happiness?”
Stepping away from him, she walked to the edge of the beach and allowed the water to wash over her feet. “Honestly? No, not really.”
The storm had stirred the usually tranquil water, agitating the waves sloshing over Zoe’s feet. Mist rose like steam toward the sky where liquid gold fanned across the scalloped clouds, burnishing the inky lake. A light breeze tangled with Zoe’s hair.
She tugged on her ponytail holder, allowing her hair to spill over her shoulders. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.” He kicked off his shoes and toed off his socks. Seeing the vacant beach, he left them where they lay, planning to pick them up upon their return. They fell in step as they walked along the shoreline, the wet sand clinging to their toes.
“What happened with your marriage?”
He’d been expecting that question, but truth was, he wasn’t quite sure how to answer.
“Once Ava was born, Val started stressing out about the dangers of my job. I totally get that, but I was a cop when she married me, you know? It wasn’t like I had chosen that career on the spur of the moment.” He picked up a branch that had washed ashore and used it as a walking stick. His fingers curled around the wet bark. “We fought about stupid stuff—me forgetting to take out the garbage or buying the wrong kind of bread. She resented my sleeping schedule. She’d partied in college, but after we got married, she stopped, or so I thought. She started drinking again. Things piled up. Then one night she said she wanted out of our marriage. She was tired of being a wife and mother—she had met someone else. Someone who could offer her freedom.”
“I’m sorry, Sully. I can’t even imagine how you must’ve felt. Not to mention you’ve wanted to be a cop for as long as I’ve known you.”
“I don’t know if you remember me telling you or not, but our family was attacked in the middle of the night when I was a senior in high school. Since then, I knew I wanted to put the bad guys behind bars.”
“I do remember. It must have been awful for all of you.”
“One of the worst times in my life.”
“Mind if I’m nosy one more time?”
“I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
“How’d you end up getting shot?”
Caleb rubbed his thigh. “Val dropped that bomb as I was heading out to work the graveyard shift. My head wasn’t in the game. My partner and I had been investigating a drug ring and got a tip about a buy going down. My team raided the warehouse, expecting three guns, but a fourth guy ambushed us and started shooting. I took a bullet in the leg, but my partner was shot in the head.”
If he closed his eyes, Bruce’s vacant stare would materialize behind Caleb’s eyelids. He worked his jaw and swallowed several times to relieve the burning in his throat. The shouting and the gunfire echoed in the murky corners of his mind. His nerves tightened as he remembered the sting in his leg followed by the fire blowing through his veins.
The other worst night of his life.
Zoe placed her hand on his arm, jerking him out of his thoughts. He jumped and fisted his hand to keep from grabbing her. “Are you okay?”
He pried his fingers open and ran a shaky hand over his face, not surprised to feel beads of sweat above his lip. “I’m fine.” He sucked in a breath, then continued speaking, suddenly needing to get out the rest of the story. “I woke up in the hospital, learning I had almost died, and Bruce was gone. Once I was out of danger, Val left, leaving me with two little girls who had no idea what was going on.”
“Oh, Sully...”
He rounded on her and reached for her hands, squeezing tight. An ache crimped his chest. His eyes darted around her face, soaking in every detail. “So I get it, Zoe...when you said you wanted to die. I know how it feels to be that lonely, to be that forgotten, to think no one is there for you. In on
e night, I lost my wife, my partner and my career.”
She lifted a hand and ran the backs of her fingers on his cheek. “How did you get through it?”
“Wallowing in self-pity and yelling at God. Being a cop is what I knew, who I was. As I lay in that hospital bed with only my thoughts and bitterness for company, I cried out to God—hurt, angry and betrayed. I hit rock bottom and had nowhere to go but up. I couldn’t have handled it without my sister’s help.”
“Apparently God had something else in mind for you.”
Caleb gave himself a mental kick and a shake for turning into such a downer. He forced back the self-pity and eased into a smile. “You know what? I wanted to stop and see you, eat ice cream and maybe have a few laughs for old times’ sake. I didn’t mean to be such a downer.”
“I’m glad you stopped by, Sully. We’ve both changed, yet it sounds like we have a lot in common.” She released a hollow laugh. “I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.”
Caleb’s eyes dropped to Zoe’s mouth. He wanted to draw her close and kiss her until they both gasped for breath.
Instead he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his chest.
She hesitated, then leaned into his embrace.
Zoe ignited a spark in Caleb’s heart. Like lighted tinder in a forest, the feelings he buried years ago for Zoe burst into flames and nearly consumed him. Common sense would tell him it was too soon, but after what they’d both experienced, they couldn’t afford to wait. Now all he had to do was convince her they both deserved to be happy again.
Chapter Seven
Why did Zoe volunteer to cover Leona’s Kids & Canines training class?
Other than working with Griffin and Sully’s daughters, she didn’t have any experience teaching kids. But she understood animals, so how hard could it be? Really?
Besides, Leona had enough on her plate, being awakened early this morning with news her mother had had a stroke.
When Leona called to say she and Travis were headed out of town and asked Zoe to cancel the class, she heard herself volunteering instead.
Housed in the basement of Canine Companions, the large training center gave the dogs plenty of space to run and exercise their muscles. Sunshine poured in through the narrow windows at ground level and reflected off the polished tile floor. Painted paw prints decorated the cement block walls. The agility training equipment had been pushed to one end of the room so the students could focus on their own training instead of messing with the weave poles, jumps and crossbars.
